Anything bothering you right now?

[Chantellabella]

That's awful, chant.

I found out that the kitty (Abby) belonged to a neighbor who just moved in a few months ago. Abby was very old and sickly. There was a cat door where she could go in and out as she pleased. She ate at her house, but must have liked the extra meal with me. She would look in my window every day and meow like "where's the food?" So Abby was loved. It's terrible that she had to die that way. I've lost 4 cats to a coyote, one to an owl, one to a hawk and two to being hit. I now keep my cats inside with an outdoor screened patio. They do get to go out for about an hour a day with me. I herd them outside and they sit right there with me in the front or back yard and I watch for predators while they much on grass, chase bugs and roll in the mud. I'm having to watch the sky for hawks, and worry that the coyotes are so hungry that they will hunt during the day time. I put out an eagle head again, so hopefully that keeps the hawks away. It worked when I had bunnies. A wildlife guy told me to do that. I know these wild animals are hungry. It's just so horrible to think about it. It's so sad.

[compulsive]

It used to be way easier to get a job. And having to deal with the current situation on top of my own problems...fucking sucks. People don't even look at you if you don't have years of experience.

[Otherside]

I stupidly posted on Facebook that I suffered from a mental illness. Some say it's brave. I just feel really stupid. I deleted it as soon as I saw it the next morning.

I'm telling myself this. it's a fresh start. What happened last year with ending up in hospital and overdoses and the Crisis Team and having no choice but to drop out of college for the year does not have to happen this year. I'm seeing a new psychologist on Wednesday. Whether that will help or not I don't know. The events of Friday are still running through my head, how tempting it was to simply walk from the waiting room and towards the bypass, how my Mother decided I should walk home instead of drive because "the sun will do you good" whilst not really getting that thats the last thing I want to do on a day when the panic is right there, centre of the chest, building up.

Thank god I was seeing Ellie Friday. She didn't know what to do though.

[Inscrutable Banana]

I really need to stop obsessing over things I've said or written. So much brainpower wasted and so much anxiety generated by thinking about whether or not I should have said something differently or not at all. It happens with everybody to some extent, but the more I value my interaction with a particular person the more severe it gets. My brain usually doesn't calm down until the person in question comes into contact with me again and I can make a judgement as to whether or not the thing I was driving myself nuts about mattered even in the slightest (hint: it rarely, if ever does).

[GunnyHighway]

I thought that a person I knew had finally changed, that she had finally started to have a little bit of truthfulness to the people in her life. Holy [BEEP] was I ever wrong. I can't talk to her anymore after what I've seen tonight...

[Koalafan]

Well back to square fucking zero when it comes to getting a job!

[compulsive]

Why can't I enjoy one day?

[kc1895]

Unemployed peeps don't let the man keep you down.

[compulsive]

Unemployed peeps don't let the man keep you down.

[Air Caterpillar]

Every time I drink I get very depressed after. It feels so good during, but the sadness is hitting me now. Also I broke a cup last night and cried... It was an important cup It's very upsetting.

[Koalafan]

Unemployed peeps don't let the man keep you down.

[compulsive]

I feel so incapable compared to others

[Inscrutable Banana]

I'm a bit tired of over-thinking everything. I wish I could turn my brain off for a while.

[Member11]

My headphones broke.

[Kirsebaer]

I'm stuck in a downward spiral of self-loathing and don't know how to get out of it...