I've been on here before, but the past two weeks have been hell. I got hit by an anxiety attack so bad it lasted for four consecutive days and felt like a heart attack. After that I burned out.. I have absolutely zero mental energy left. I wake up exhausted and cry every morning.. and for the first time ever I've felt a temptation for self-destructive behavior. The only thing keeping me from doing it is that I have an additional "level" of consciousness, I'm able to analyze my situation even when in the middle of some debilitating attack. This is where I tell myself no, and to think of the people around me. It frightens me tho, I don't know where this state of mind is coming from and sometimes lately it's hit me out of left field. For the first time I'm genuinely scared about the future.
Went to the doctor today, he prescribed Lexapro.. but I don't dare try them. The side effects include a lot of things that are bothering me even before touching any meds.. like emotional flatness, decreased libido..
I am in a similar situation. I recently had jury duty for one day which resulted in several panic attacks followed by 3 days of zero energy and nervous stomach pain (typical pattern). I've fought meds for years but it may be time for me to give them a try. It's becoming obvious to me that I have some sort of chemical imbalance and I've tried a lot of alternatives and they haven't worked. You sound like you are a very strong person to be able to summon an "additional level of consciousness." I've begun trying meditation. Have you tried it? I hope you feel better.