I'm not sure if this belongs here or in Rants, so feel free to move it around.
For the last month or so I've fallen into a deep, deep depression and for the first time three years I can't see a way out. I had my trust betrayed by the one person I have trusted in three years, my cat is dying, the world is completely messed up beyond repair (seriously, our society is screwed) and I feel like I am unworthy and unloveable.
I've been losing mass amounts of weight without even meaning to. I emailed my ex-therapist and told her what was going on and she freaked the hell out and wanted to see me, but I don't have time. I spend 90% of my time with uni work, and the remaining 10% is what I need to keep me relatively sane. But that doesn't seem to be working anymore.
I'm on the verge of just giving up. I'm starting to not care anymore, and I know from experience of my past that this is not a good sign and it will lead me to self-destruction in the form of alcohol and drug abuse and self harm.
I can't stop thinking about how I finally made myself vulnerable and all I got in return was overwhelming amounts of pain and heartbreak, because everything was going so well before. It's like this person saw inside my core and decided they didn't like me anymore. I feel like there is something inherently wrong with me, like I am just broken. There's something wrong with me as a person. I'm not talking about a superficial label or something that can be fixed with meds - this is something that is reaalllyyy wrong. I thought I was in repair. Obviously I was wrong, like I am about everything.
I feel like it's just not worth the fight anymore. I'm running out of steam and I don't know where to turn, but at the same time I don't know what anyone can do to help. So I'm not quite sure what I'm hoping to get out of posting here because it feels like I'm a lost cause and I've just wasted your time if you've read this. Sorry.
tl;dr - everything is falling apart and I'm too tired to pick up the pieces, so please give me some lovin'.