The Lasagna Singularity

The point at which the leftover lasagna is too much to eat in a single serving but too small to divide.

Pizza-Beer Thermodynamic Heat Transference

The as yet undetermined force that causes pizza to go cold but beer to become warm even though they occupy the same room.

Schroedinger's Catsup

The phenomenon experienced when you grab what appears to be a half-full bottle of catsup only to learn it is exhausted.

The Law of Microwave Energy Conservation

Any microwaveable meal will take more time to cool before eating than actual time spent cooking.

Instructional Pleasure Inversion

If the instructions on the meal tell you to "Enjoy!" -- you won't