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  1. #1
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    Help me - I have a date :(

    I mean, I'm excited and this isnt my frist date. But it's the first one where I just met the guy, or he doesn't know me really well. I have talked to him quite a bit at uni - but we're all new to university anyway so it's weird. And he's a bit odler than me. And It's my first non-highschool date. Which I am TERRIFIED about. I actually have to leave soon. Im going to get an anxiety rash as well I've talked to him aswell about how I go red whenever i'm nervous/anxious, but now that means he'll KNOW i'm nervous!!! Gah. It's to watch a movie - which I personally think is PERFECT because of the minimal talking haha... IM SCARED. Anyway, just venting before I go... Wish me luck!

  2. #2
    Coffee's Avatar
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    Good luck!!

  3. #3
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    you go girl!! tell us how it went.

  4. #4
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    awww thanks you everyone! I can't believe I'm saying this but it actually went well!! I mean, I think. I don't feel so nervous around him which is a first and he got me talking and stuff which was great because so far all my dates have been 'silent competitions' ... He actually said that he's usually a quiet person but he's trying to get me to talk. idk. Is it weird to call a date relaxing? Because it kinda was... Though one thing I do know: I REALLY need to learn how to drive. I'm kinda happy but I feel like I may have come off as a bit too friendly rather than date-y? idk. Anyway, it's over, which is good as well haha

  5. #5
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    I'm kinda having a really hard time with all this tbh. I'm scared to trust him not for any particular reason but just all the 'what ifs' and it's always so hard for me to differentiate between my anixety and my emotions. I never know how to name or define my emotions so I have no idea how I even feel... I might reschedule our next meeting just becasue I might not be ready. It was supposed to be in a few days from now. I'm just scared this might ruin everything at university and with our friends and studies... Idk. It's too weird for me to date someone I haven't already known for a while. It so strange to come into a relationship. I hate feeling vulnerable - yet with my other relationships I wasn't open/vulnerable enough which I think greatly contributed to allowing time to make thigns fall apart. I need to try to trust that not everyone in the world is going to hurt me or betray me but that's hard. I have such a huge wall that I often think I can let down but then I start to overthink and realise that I cant... And I don't want to be taken advantage of but I don't know if that's just my anxiety that's making me think this or whether I honestly think he would do something. Idk, I dont think he would? But I dont want to be wrong.. I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life despite the fact that I occasionally get asked out :L

  6. #6
    L's Avatar
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    You don't have to be too open with him right now. What had you guys planned for your next meeting? I have been going out with my boyfriend almost 10months and there is so much he doesn't know yet because I keep thinking what if I open myself up to him and things don't last. Relationships are not easy, they take a lot of time and energy. If you feel that you are not ready could you explain this to him? Maybe be friends, hang out with your other friends and invite him - get to know him and let your feeling develop.
    life---> <---me

  7. #7
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    Quote lasair View Post
    You don't have to be too open with him right now. What had you guys planned for your next meeting? I have been going out with my boyfriend almost 10months and there is so much he doesn't know yet because I keep thinking what if I open myself up to him and things don't last. Relationships are not easy, they take a lot of time and energy. If you feel that you are not ready could you explain this to him? Maybe be friends, hang out with your other friends and invite him - get to know him and let your feeling develop.
    Thanks for responding. Yeah, I think I might tell him I'm not ready. I'm just worried that I do really like him and I just don't realise? What if I'm just scared of all the feelings I have? And now I would have missed a chance? I think that when I feel anything too strongly I go into defense mechanism mode... I don't want it to be like I rejected him either... And then for things to be awkward at uni. I do only have one 'small' class with him and one big lecture but that's when I might sit with my 'uni' friends who also happen to be his friends. Idk. Thing is also because on our first date I didn't feel as ANXIOUS as I thought I would. I think maybe in the past when dates have just been anxious and silent I may have thought - wow I must really like them if I feel this anxious. That's what I'm used to anyway. But this time that didn't happen so now I'm doubting everything even though 'relaxed' should be a good thing right? idk. Because I feel like on paper everything went well and that's what I'm scared of as well? Idk. Too many thoughts to really be coherent now. or ever.

  8. #8
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    Maybe I just shouldn't be dating at all considering I probably still have a few things to work on... :/

  9. #9
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    Quote minted View Post
    Thanks for responding. Yeah, I think I might tell him I'm not ready. I'm just worried that I do really like him and I just don't realise? What if I'm just scared of all the feelings I have? And now I would have missed a chance? I think that when I feel anything too strongly I go into defense mechanism mode... I don't want it to be like I rejected him either... And then for things to be awkward at uni. I do only have one 'small' class with him and one big lecture but that's when I might sit with my 'uni' friends who also happen to be his friends. Idk. Thing is also because on our first date I didn't feel as ANXIOUS as I thought I would. I think maybe in the past when dates have just been anxious and silent I may have thought - wow I must really like them if I feel this anxious. That's what I'm used to anyway. But this time that didn't happen so now I'm doubting everything even though 'relaxed' should be a good thing right? idk. Because I feel like on paper everything went well and that's what I'm scared of as well? Idk. Too many thoughts to really be coherent now. or ever.
    Give yourself some time to settle sweety. Even tell him you want to take things real slow, even if you make something up like your stressed with uni. What do you believe his feelings are towards you are?
    life---> <---me

  10. #10
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    Quote lasair View Post
    Give yourself some time to settle sweety. Even tell him you want to take things real slow, even if you make something up like your stressed with uni. What do you believe his feelings are towards you are?
    Haha maybe you're right. Just reading my posts make me confused! I think he likes me a lot. Though he hasn't done anything so far but I have the feeling he wants to make a move and I don't know if I'm ready for anything. He's a few years older than me and I'm relatively inexperienced so that's another factor that plays in to all this - in my head anyway. I sometimes wonder how people would react if I told them, up front, that I've had depression/anxiety in the recent past and that I'm possibly still working through it. The optimist in me would like to think that they'd understand or just not think much of it and still be content being my friend... but idk. I'm still relatively unsure what I'll do but I appreciate that you've responded. Helps a lot :) I think I will see how I am feeling tomorrow and I'll cancel/talk to him if I feel I have to :S

  11. #11
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    I ended up asking if we could reschedule our second date. he said it was fine and that I should let him know when I could/wanted to go out. I feel kinda bad for not talking to him this week. I see him every monday just because we have a couple of classes together and I feel extremely awkward around him. I don't know what to say or talk about and I can barely look at him without my insides flailing about. And I can never get him alone because we're always in a group after our class finishes. I kinda want to tell him I'm not really ready to date anyone right now or something along those lines. I just don't know how to get him alone. And I don't know if I can talk about this to anyone at uni - someone who actually KNOWS him, because right now they're just 'uni friends' and I never trust anyone unless I've known them for a longg time.

  12. #12
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    Yeah, it is weird to call a date relaxing, sounds like it went VERY VERY WELL.

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