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Thread: Help. Please.

  1. #1
    Otherside's Avatar
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    Help. Please.

    I'd like to think I don't make threads like this with "my life is so shit, and this is why, etc etc." If I'm wrong, then fine, my apology. But yeah, I kinda need help, and I didn't know what else to call this.

    My mood has flicked from up to down super fast. Now I'm down. I don't know what to do. I've debated calling the pdocs and getting help. I've messaged a friend on Facebook and asked for help. I've ended up taking the battery and sim card out of my phone. I don't want to put it back in. I just don't. I'm getting screamed at, several messages sent to me that aren't so nice. Said person knows I'm bipolar, said person has been at the receiving end of my not so nice bipolar back last year. I've tried to explain that I don't remember it. I've tried. But I'm being told that I do by her. Thing is, I don't. There's bit that I remember, bits I don't, and I've got a lot of blanks in my memory throughout last year. I've managed to piss a lot of people off, I've tried to kill myself twice, overdosed more times than I can count. I can't recieve more than enough meds to get me through to the next doctors appointment-usually seven or so-at a time because they don't trust me with anymore than that. I've tried saying sorry to people but it's never good enough. I genuinely am sorry. I hate my illness and I hate what I do when I'm hypomanic. I hate that I can't hold a stable opinion about anyone because one minute I hate them and the next I love them to bits and they're my best friend. I hate that I say things on impulse and because my mood swings. I hate that everyone is expecting me to somehow be able to control it when it gets pretty bad, as it was last year, and when I was unmedicated. I hate that people seem to think they know what this is like and that its best for me.

    Said person who's been texting me...well, I don't know what to say anymore. I've tried, but I never seem to do the right thing at all. I just don't seem to be able to. Anxiety prevents me from talking sometimes. Depression means I don't feel like talking. Hypomania means I act like an irritable bitch. Paranoia means I scream at them and start arguments over things that make no sense. I've been told by my psychiatrist that unmedicated, what I did was not my fault. They did nothing to help until my illness reached crisis point, despite the fact I'd been asking for help from them for several months. They just weren't listening. And so my moods continued to flip, each time the flipping getting worse. Up until the point at which I tried to kill myself, failed. made an attempt to run away from home, and was dragged over to see a doctor by my parents that day.

    And last text I received? "I'm not in class like you guys at the mo, so..."

    I'm not either, properly. I'm not even intending to pass exams this year. I don't know if I'm even going to bother doing them. I put the timetable somewhere, but I can't remember where, so I don't know when and what I have. It could be first thing tomorrow for all I know and I'm not even aware of it. I'm going to college still because my pdoc has recommended structure in my day, as opposed to sitting around doing nothing, and college has been sent a letter from my pdoc telling them this and telling them to back off when I miss deadlines or classes because I'm not well, I'm barely stable, and I'm struggling mentally. She knows that. Why did she say that to me? Why did it upset me so much? I don't know, it just did.

    Anxiety Space...if you read this...I just don't know what to do, and I need help. My moods going lower again, as low as it was back when things were bad. I'm just scared, and I don't know what to do. I'm unstable again, it seems, and the mood swings seem to be shorter than usual, but the same intensity as they were before. Hypomania barely lasted a day before I returned back to depression. I might regret posting this later but still...Somebody please...help.
    I'M GONNA FIGHT 'EM ALL
    A SEVEN NATION ARMY COULDN'T HOLD ME BACK.......


  2. #2
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    imho please call the pdocs and get help or ask someone in RL to call them for you= hopefully they may be able to stabilise your moods :/ if you need someone yo chat to, im a non- judgmental listener

  3. #3
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    Get professional help. Call the people you need to call to sort the professional help out.

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    Quote Otherside View Post
    I'd like to think I don't make threads like this with "my life is so shit, and this is why, etc etc." If I'm wrong, then fine, my apology. But yeah, I kinda need help, and I didn't know what else to call this.

    My mood has flicked from up to down super fast. Now I'm down. I don't know what to do. I've debated calling the pdocs and getting help. I've messaged a friend on Facebook and asked for help. I've ended up taking the battery and sim card out of my phone. I don't want to put it back in. I just don't. I'm getting screamed at, several messages sent to me that aren't so nice. Said person knows I'm bipolar, said person has been at the receiving end of my not so nice bipolar back last year. I've tried to explain that I don't remember it. I've tried. But I'm being told that I do by her. Thing is, I don't. There's bit that I remember, bits I don't, and I've got a lot of blanks in my memory throughout last year. I've managed to piss a lot of people off, I've tried to kill myself twice, overdosed more times than I can count. I can't recieve more than enough meds to get me through to the next doctors appointment-usually seven or so-at a time because they don't trust me with anymore than that. I've tried saying sorry to people but it's never good enough. I genuinely am sorry. I hate my illness and I hate what I do when I'm hypomanic. I hate that I can't hold a stable opinion about anyone because one minute I hate them and the next I love them to bits and they're my best friend. I hate that I say things on impulse and because my mood swings. I hate that everyone is expecting me to somehow be able to control it when it gets pretty bad, as it was last year, and when I was unmedicated. I hate that people seem to think they know what this is like and that its best for me.

    Said person who's been texting me...well, I don't know what to say anymore. I've tried, but I never seem to do the right thing at all. I just don't seem to be able to. Anxiety prevents me from talking sometimes. Depression means I don't feel like talking. Hypomania means I act like an irritable bitch. Paranoia means I scream at them and start arguments over things that make no sense. I've been told by my psychiatrist that unmedicated, what I did was not my fault. They did nothing to help until my illness reached crisis point, despite the fact I'd been asking for help from them for several months. They just weren't listening. And so my moods continued to flip, each time the flipping getting worse. Up until the point at which I tried to kill myself, failed. made an attempt to run away from home, and was dragged over to see a doctor by my parents that day.

    And last text I received? "I'm not in class like you guys at the mo, so..."

    I'm not either, properly. I'm not even intending to pass exams this year. I don't know if I'm even going to bother doing them. I put the timetable somewhere, but I can't remember where, so I don't know when and what I have. It could be first thing tomorrow for all I know and I'm not even aware of it. I'm going to college still because my pdoc has recommended structure in my day, as opposed to sitting around doing nothing, and college has been sent a letter from my pdoc telling them this and telling them to back off when I miss deadlines or classes because I'm not well, I'm barely stable, and I'm struggling mentally. She knows that. Why did she say that to me? Why did it upset me so much? I don't know, it just did.

    Anxiety Space...if you read this...I just don't know what to do, and I need help. My moods going lower again, as low as it was back when things were bad. I'm just scared, and I don't know what to do. I'm unstable again, it seems, and the mood swings seem to be shorter than usual, but the same intensity as they were before. Hypomania barely lasted a day before I returned back to depression. I might regret posting this later but still...Somebody please...help.
    I cant offer advise because I dont have bipolar and I cant even understand my own mood swings. I tried to look up bipolar but there is even less information on treatment than there is on depression.

    I cant offer friendship because being honest I cant maintain friendships because of depression/derealisation , anxiety blah blah blah (why does it always say im spelling this wrong? )

    However If you want to send me your feelings/ rant whenever you feel like , you can. If its angry or offensive that doesn't really matter to me. Id say there's a set criteria for me to be offended. If I know its not on purpose I pretty much wont be offended. Bipolar comes under that category.

    I'd suggest setting up contingency plans when you feel a bit better. Plans for what to do when: for each situation you know will happen. Perhaps eventually the planned action will become an automatic response.

  5. #5
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    This keeps coming up. I'm not sure why I posted this the other day. Guess I was just having a bad momment. Thanks for your support though. I'm okay at the moment though. I'm seeing the people from psychiatry later, I'll hopefully be able to get some sort of medication change. Damn, this bipolar thing sucks. Seems anything can flip my moods at times. =/
    I'M GONNA FIGHT 'EM ALL
    A SEVEN NATION ARMY COULDN'T HOLD ME BACK.......


  6. #6
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    That great!

    I hope you find more suitable meds that work

  7. #7
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    Thank you
    I'M GONNA FIGHT 'EM ALL
    A SEVEN NATION ARMY COULDN'T HOLD ME BACK.......


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