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  1. #1
    Otherside's Avatar
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    Spent most of yesterday in hospital

    I spent most of yesterday in hospital. Some of you may know that I've been struggling with bipolar/manic depression and lately, I've been becomming increasingly unstable. Little things become big things to me, and currently, my moods are really out of control. I will probaby regret putting this up, but things have hit total rock bottom [BEEP] right now here, and I don't know what to do.

    I'm depressed right now. My meds haven't been completley working the way they should, even though they seemed to be for about a month or so. MY mood just seems to have been flipping up and down even faster. I've been having problems with a friend, and I wasn't sure if I wanted to meet. I told I didn't know, she said she fine with that. I got a text from her yesterday and she wanted to meet. I agreed. I knew it would be a bad idea. As it was, I ended up having a panic attack yesterday and now I can't get rid of this feeling that I've been somewhat frozen in panic.

    She wasn't particularly nice. Basically I was told that I didn't care about people, I didn't understand things, that I refused to take responsibility...it ended up with me walking off. With my mood spiralling downwards, I tried to get help. I called the people at CMHT and spoke to a pdoc there, but he didn't realize how down I was. Neither did I. Until I ended up taking what Propranolol I had on me, along with a load of penicillin.


    I panicked. Taking overdoses like that is never easy, contary to what a lot of people seem to think. I ended up telling the councillor at college what I'd done, and was driven over to ER. I'm fine, they just couldn't get a pdoc to see me. They discharged me late last night on the condition that I see someone today, and get help.

    So there. That's the story. I guess I just wanted to get it out.
    I'M GONNA FIGHT 'EM ALL
    A SEVEN NATION ARMY COULDN'T HOLD ME BACK.......


  2. #2
    peace's Avatar
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    ^ Sorry to hear that your moods are spiraling downwards I hope you feel better for getting it off your chest. If you want to talk you can pm if you like.

  3. #3
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    I'm sorry you have been struggling so much. I'm glad you called someone and they checked it out and I'm glad you are talking to someone today. As long as you keep talking and reaching out, you'll stay safe.
    The Hokey Pokey IS what it's all about

  4. #4
    James's Avatar
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    I'm sorry, Otherside. Having bipolar disorder is a *****.

    I get "frozen in panic" sometimes. All it takes is something to set me off, and then, even when there are no triggers around anymore, hours later, I'm still panicking. I'm fairly new on my meds, but I can already tell that there are some days when they seem to work, and somedays I'm kind of on my own. I think you've mentioned before that you were mostly depressive, hardly ever manic. That's how I am. When I get into a depressive state, a really, really low place, I will take almost anything to alter my state of mind. Taking all the pennicilin and Propranolol sounds totally like something I would do.

    You did good by asking for help. I would try to follow up with them and see someone. (it can't hurt)
    Bereavement is a darkness impenetrable to the imagination of the unbereaved. ~Iris Murdoch

    Your girlfriend's silence might be her loudest scream.

    If you still have more dreams than regrets, congratulations. You haven't gotten old yet.

    Spend every moment like it's your last. Hug her, kiss her, hold her, like it's the last time that you ever will. Because it might be.

  5. #5
    sunrise's Avatar
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    I hope you're feeling better today.

  6. #6
    Chieve's Avatar
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    I'm really sorry about your struggle :/ it sucks your friend couldn't be more understanding. I hope things get better, hopefully the the help you get helps you out. I hope you feel better!

  7. #7
    Muffin's Avatar
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    Are you doing okay NOW??? I'm glad you got help.

  8. #8
    terrified
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    That's awful. I can empathize (tentative bipolar case here); hospital visits are never fun, especially to the ER. :/

    I know you're likely doing this already, but try to keep yourself safe and do your best not to act on impulses. I don't know. Walk it off, sleep it off, talk it out, whatever it takes. Remember that there was a time before your condition got worse, and with bipolar disorder, sometimes moods can change instantaneously, without notice. So have hope. Anyway, I hope you're alright, and that "real life" can wait while you're sorting yourself out.
    “Avoiding people. I avoid people that I actually like. I suppose that’s a phobia, but it’s also a habit."
    -Morrissey, 1984 (when asked what his worst habit was)

  9. #9
    James's Avatar
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    Been thinking of you, because I struggle with the same thing myself.

    Hope you're feeling better.

    Bereavement is a darkness impenetrable to the imagination of the unbereaved. ~Iris Murdoch

    Your girlfriend's silence might be her loudest scream.

    If you still have more dreams than regrets, congratulations. You haven't gotten old yet.

    Spend every moment like it's your last. Hug her, kiss her, hold her, like it's the last time that you ever will. Because it might be.

  10. #10
    Otherside's Avatar
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    Hi guys, thanks. My medications have changed, I'm not in college at the moment, and I'm having to see the professionals more regularly. Things are still up and down with my mood, but I've just gotta remember what someone said on here-don't act on impuslse. That is a problem right now.

    I'm not in hospital. I was expressing enough regret to convince them that I wouldn't do it again, and my parents are pretty much keeping an eye on me.
    I'M GONNA FIGHT 'EM ALL
    A SEVEN NATION ARMY COULDN'T HOLD ME BACK.......


  11. #11
    Monotony's Avatar Undisputed Supreme Ruler of the Universe
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