I have been thinking way too much lately and this gets me in trouble. I have been really angry for the past two weeks and have been really frustrated. My mom who is turning 80 in May, use to live near my home. My wife and I were providing her with care and helping her. Last year her primary doctor suggested that she move into an assisted living facility. There is a assisted living facility near my home which is the best in the area. In fact, I know some of the staff and residents. I spoke with my sisters ( who do not live here) about going to this facility. My one sister agreed that she needed more help. My other sister was against this move. However, we began the process of getting into the facility. However, my mom would not go. So, we continued providing her help at home. Last July she fell and broke her hand. She used the emergency life line I got for her. She was brought to the hospital and had to wear a cast. We approached the subject of going to the assisted living facility that could provider her with the level of care she needed. She told me yes, but would not go. To make a long story short, about three weeks ago, my two sisters and my nephew moved my mom into an assisted living facility over three hours away from me, down near New York City. They DID NOT tell me they were doing this. We accidentally found out about this when my wife dropped by her house to check on her. She found my nephew boxing up her things and said she was moving downstate to this assisted living facility. My mother agreed to this? Now, I don't have any access to her and don't know whats going on. I know that she fell at the facility and broke her pelvis. Again, my sisters never let me know. They have not called me and are probably not speaking to me because they feel I wasn't taking good enough care of my mom. We were doing a lot for her. We were taking her to all her medical appointments and doing her grocery shopping an a lot of other things. My nephew, "who is in charge" called and told us about my mom's fractured pelvis. I have spoken with my mom by phone, but I think because of the pain, she did not want to talk and ended the call. I feel like the worst son in the world. I truly hate my sisters and my nephew. I never really knew the meaning of hate until now. Im having panic attacks daily and my anxiety has been really high every day. I have a very stressful job and a son with autism. My cat who is 12, probably has cancer. I honestly don't know how much I can take? I worry daily about my mom and I have difficulty going to sleep at night. My depression became worse and I went to my Primary Doc. He is a great person!! He gave me medication which has been helping. I have an appointment with a psychiatrist this Thurs. However, I feel like a total failure and cant help but think that if my dad was alive, he would be very disappointed in me for not being able to take better care of my mom. At this point, I feel totally helpless and frustrate and hateful. I don't know if there is anything else I can do to cope with this?
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