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  1. #1
    kc1895's Avatar KFC Hipster
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    Repulsed by Overweight People

    I was eating lunch with a friend who is larger than me and a lot of negative feelings I've never had towards her begain to pop into my head. I've always considered myself to be tolerant of people's body sizes and realize that many people cannot control their weight, but as I sat and watched her eat in large portions, I began to question whether or not I was really a tolerant person. I felt really shallow to be concerned about another person's image especially weight, which I thought I never had an issue with. Is it wrong to feel this way? I don't understand why I'm suddenly repulsed by it.

    (no, we were not at KFC's)

  2. #2
    Antidote's Avatar Rude & Shouty
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    I think a lot of people are repulsed by overweight people hence why there is so much fat shaming going on. Probably being directly confronted with it, somehow put you off. Personally I believe people are overweight due to having a bad combination of genes and lifestyle habits, which are for the most part beyond their control. Yes they can lose weight if they make some changes, but their bodies are compelled on a biological level to put weight on and defend it, and it's very, very hard to resist and battle your natural physiological dispositions everyday for the rest of your life. You said your friend was overeating... many overweight people (though by all means, not all) do overeat because their appetite and cravings for food are dysregulated and intensified compared to most people. I have mostly empathy for them because I don't think anyone would choose to be overweight, and I can understand that it's a huge struggle for most of them to lose the weight and keep it off. Having said that, maybe if I spent more time around overweight people who ate a lot, constantly, no matter how level headed I tried to be, I might get frustrated and grossed out eventually (I get grossed out even when normal weight people are gluttonous). And I can think of at least one time I have been repulsed by an overweight person. There was a man who used to get on my bus who was morbidly obese and I think he probably had trouble washing himself because he smelled quite unpleasant.

  3. #3
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    Well, speaking as someone who has a mother who is overweight, and has been for pretty much my whole life, I don't hate overweight people. I am a bit overweight myself, have a beer belly but am skinny everywhere else.

    I have a really difficult time being sexually attracted to overweight women, but I don't hate them. I realize that I need to lose weight myself, and would give such a relationship a try.

    And I have friends who are, and I don't judge them. I have anxiety, they don't, so who am I to judge?

  4. #4
    L's Avatar
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    To me it is about self respect. I am not a thin person and I often feel embarrassed eating large portions (which I usually can't manage) or eating bad foods, I will not eat in fast food places or eat convenient foods a lot (unless I am lazy or busy (studying a lot at the moment)). I don't try to lose weight, I could but I don't think I am obese either.

    I will find myself judging people sometimes when I find that they don't show self respect ie the way they dress, where they are eating or what they are eating in relation to their weight. I do try to call myself on it as I have no idea what is going on in that person's life, they could be on medication, it could be their way to cope, they may have an eating disorder, have bad eating habits from childhood, not have the skill to cook or the money to afford healthier foods. I know nothing about the person. I just let people live their lives and as a health professional in my professional role I am there to educate people and advise them for what they want to achieve and what will help to maintain a positive mental health.
    life---> <---me

  5. #5
    sanspants's Avatar
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    I can relate. If I'm near a group of them and they're visibly overeating, I get a little uncomfortable because it's hard to watch unhealthy people actively worsening their lives.

    I also get a little embarrassed around overweight people at the gym, though I give them the utmost credit for even being there. They're often working the hardest, which is impressive...since their bodies are going to be feeling the most pain from the workouts.

    I know I can't be physically attracted to an overweight woman. I'm a very visual/tactile person and obesity hits all the wrong buttons for me, all at once, in an overloading "NOOOOOO" sort of reaction.

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    whiteman's Avatar
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    For the most part I don't care. I'm overweight because I have a back injury and degenerative arthritus, so I can't run, so I'm fat, so what. The only time I've ever been judgemental about someones weight was in college when I was working with a woman who was always complaining about her weight, but she would eat a pint of ice cream every night?
    I don't get a signature.

  7. #7
    VickieKitties's Avatar Living irl
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    If someone were to judge me for my public eating habits, I'd be mortified. It is kind of weird when people abuse their bodies with overeating though.

  8. #8
    Rawr's Avatar
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    This is actually why I don't like eating in public & if I do, I take it easy around others. At home I gorge as much as I want to. I'm overweight & eat a lot of times to make myself happy. You never know what goes on inside a person's head that makes them who they are but it is normal to be repulsed by them. To be honest... I'm really uncomfortable seeing overweight children cause I feel really bad for them. I once cried over one I saw online that was morbidly obese that everyone was making fun of.

  9. #9
    WineKitty's Avatar
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    Nice. Nice posts people.

    Please do not post anything about how unfair it is that you are judged for your anxiety if you actually feel this way. After all, maybe if you just sucked it up a bit and got over it you would be fine. (SARCASM/EYE ROLL). It's kind of repulsive to see people just not say anything, not trying to help themselves with their anxiety....right???

    Surely there will be, like at the other place, a "People with SA are just so sensitive and nice" thread. I will laugh and post a link to this one.

    Everyone has their Achilles heel. For some it's SA. For some it's GAD. For some it's booze. For some it's drugs. For some it's food. For some it's cutting. But there is a basic common thread there, isn't there?

    So instead of judging others so harshly for eating too much, perhaps you should look in the mirror and correct your own issues before you decide how easy it is for others to fix theirs.

    For people that claim they are unfairly victimized, you are doing a great job of victimizing others.

    I am about done with the other place due to intolerance, trolling, and hypocrisy and if that is seeping into this site then maybe I am just done with the anxiety boards altogether. It's pure hypocrisy be it about overweight people, people of faith (where at the other place I was told we should be rounded up and killed), or any other differences.

    I am tired, have a headache, and little patience tonight for such vulgar displays of intolerance and judgment.....esp by a group of people who constantly cry foul over being judged. Not seeing much tolerance or kindness.
    "You can never really know a person and if you think you can, you're living in a fucking dream world!" David Fisher, Six Feet Under

  10. #10
    whiteman's Avatar
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    I'm a fan of women with curves. I'm a fan of all shapes. It's just this women I was working and going to school with would complain about her weight, but she would eat an entire pint of ice cream every night, like Ben and Jerry's. I'm fat, and I realize I'm fat because I eat too much, but I still complain about my weight mostly because I have a physical disability and I'm limited in what I can do physically, but I understand why people complain about their weight even though they eat too much.
    I don't get a signature.

  11. #11
    compulsive's Avatar
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    From profile : "I also have OCD"

    / thread

  12. #12
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    It's fine that is just the way you feel.

    As long as you don't verbally abuse fat people or treat them badly I guess it's fine.

    VERY Overweight people really do have a sick relationship with food. In the same way that bulimic people also have a problem.

    I mean for a long time I tried to be as thin as I could be and didn't eat very much and exercised too much maybe...that also isn't healthy. Now that I am older I am just not in the same shape I used to be in.

    I'm not sure what to say about this, I lived with a VERY overweight woman who belched a lot and she had health problems and honestly I also found it to be disgusting. PART of the problem is you can look at the person and just think whoa this is unhealthy.

    Lots of times I See overweight women hanging out with other over weight women

    Or very beautiful women hanging out with other beautiful women

    "Birds of a feather flock together"

    When I see people complain about being overweight but also buying lots of junk to eat I don't feel bad for them. Like own up to it you know.

    Then again I think about my nephews who are kids and they are chubby in part because they have not been taught good habits and are not encouraged to do a lot of physical activities, some of it is their dispositions. One is chubby the other is more sporty.
    I think it is not a child's fault for being chubby.

  13. #13
    Antidote's Avatar Rude & Shouty
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    Quote WineKitty View Post
    For people that claim they are unfairly victimized, you are doing a great job of victimizing others.

    I am about done with the other place due to intolerance, trolling, and hypocrisy and if that is seeping into this site then maybe I am just done with the anxiety boards altogether. It's pure hypocrisy be it about overweight people, people of faith (where at the other place I was told we should be rounded up and killed), or any other differences.
    Intellectually the op has conveyed she recognises it's unreasonable and strives to be tolerant. But on a more primitive level disgust is triggered by innumerable things and most people don't have any conscious control over it. May as well acknowledge it in a respectful way and allow open discussion on it than pretend it's not there. I think this is a useful thread because it touches on the origins of fat shaming, i.e. that it has an irrational basis. Acknowledging that is actually helpful rather than harmful.

  14. #14
    Otherside's Avatar
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    I dont think weight is anyones fault. If anything, its societies fault that we make the ideal as being starved thin. Theres too many reasons for weight gain and we dont know why a certain person is that weight. Some people gain weight, some gain more than others, some have a genetic makeup that means they'll have more weight than another. Medication, a woman having children, overeating because of depression...all reasons why someone could gain weight.

    There is a point that it does get unhealthy. But on the other end, there's a point when not having enough weight is unhealthy. It's sickening that for some people, being unhealthily thin to the point of hospitalization is seen as attractive and even encouraged in some places.

    But yes, the OP did feel bad about being repulsed by it, it's pretty primitive, one of those bad thoughts we've all had and wished we didn't have and regretted. We've all had them. Cut KC some slack, she wishes she didn't think like this. In the end, it's how she acts around this person and not the stray thoughts she regrets having that make up who she is.
    I'M GONNA FIGHT 'EM ALL
    A SEVEN NATION ARMY COULDN'T HOLD ME BACK.......


  15. #15
    Tinkerbell's Avatar
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    We are all human and have our own biases, I was once overweight, 220 lbs on a 5'3" frame. It took me a long time to drop that weight and I'm healthier and have more energy. So I can empathize with being overweight, but I do have to admit that I am irritated by people when they act like they are also entitled to my space, such as at a concert or any place where seating can be cramped. I can fully understand their situation and I would be more understanding if they at least made an attempt to realize that and minimize the impact. I don't expect anyone to be profusely apologetic but just subtle things that make you understand they are cognizant of the situation. Does it make me proud to feel this way, not really, but I have to admit to those feelings. And the people never know because I don't display anything outwardly, by comment or movement.
    Never be bullied into silence.
    Never allow yourself to be made a victim.
    Accept no one's definition of your life;
    Define Yourself
    -Robert Frost-

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