Repulsed by Overweight People

[Chantellabella]

I tried to stay away from this thread, but as you can see I have no will power or self control.

When I first read this thread, I saw that KC1895 felt bad and was asking herself why did she feel that way and think those thoughts about her friend. She saw that it was something inside her and she was upset that she even had these thoughts. I felt like hugging her for her honesty and bravery to even make a post about something she didn't like about herself.

I also see the other side of it. I struggled with an eating disorder my whole life (see Coffee's thread). After my divorce I gained weight because probably subconsciously I didn't want anyone to ever look at me, talk to me or use me again. I was teased in school for being too skinny, nagged by my mother and husband for what she considered "too fat," and I reached a weight after my divorce that was way over the limit for my height. Because of my age, it's hard to lose it now and I have struggled for 5 years to get it down and freak when the scale goes up rather than down..........even a lb. I'm embarrassed to eat in front of people because I think they are thinking, "Wow that's a lot of food she's eating. Why can't she control her eating?"

No matter what weight I have been in my life, the common denominator was shame.

I was ashamed of who I was because I could not be perfect or the person others wanted/accepted.

I can see why WineKitty was upset. This is such a hard subject for those who feel the shame of their appearance.........no matter what it is. Especially when they try every day to lose weight. Medicine or conditions can affect the weight loss so for some, it's a constant reminder each day when they look in the mirror that they somehow failed. I can see why it could be taken strongly, especially with the word "repulsed" in the title.

Shame is put upon us by others. We are not born with that ability. A baby or child is not ashamed until he/she is taught that they don't live up to some standard. And I hope that KC1895 doesn't feel shame for making this thread. I think she was very brave for admitting something she didn't like about herself. Often we are shamed for even admitting we are not perfect, in any situation.

I just wanted to share my thoughts.

And I wish I would have enough self control to not post because I'm sure my thoughts will be read wrong by someone. If I offended anyone I'm sorry.

[Tinkerbell]

^Well said, Chantellabella, better than mine. I agree with your points. Also it is very hard to bring up a sensitive subject and not inadvertently upset someone.

[compulsive]

As I will say again:

I was eating lunch with a friend who is larger than me and a lot of negative feelings I've never had towards her began to pop into my head. I've always considered myself to be tolerant of people's body sizes and realize that many people cannot control their weight, but as I sat and watched her eat in large portions, I began to question whether or not I was really a tolerant person. I felt really shallow to be concerned about another person's image especially weight, which I thought I never had an issue with. Is it wrong to feel this way? I don't understand why I'm suddenly repulsed by it.

(no, we were not at KFC's)

Its OCD.

I have had thoughts of saying really bad things to others before, that I don't feel

The thoughts were exactly mimicking other people I didn't like. And I felt myself saying it in my head with the same facial expressions. I did think that I had suddenly become a bad person.

[Otherside]

As I will say again:



Its OCD.

I have had thoughts of saying really bad things to others before, that I don't feel

The thoughts were exactly mimicking other people I didn't like. And I felt myself saying it in my head with the same facial expressions. I did think that I had suddenly become a bad person.

I don't have OCD or know much about it but I still don't see why some people are getting hyped up about this. I find it hard to believe that they haven't negativley judged someone before and not felt bad about it. KC didn't say or do anything to the friend, and I doubt she's somewhat treating the friend any differently. She doesn't like those thoughts.

Chantellabella pretty much said it all though. KC was pretty brave to make a thread like this. I've never had a eating disorder and hopefully I never well. I just seem to be unable to gain weight, no matter what I do, and a lot of people in high school were convinced I was an anorexic. My parents at one point, even.

And if a thread does appear on here that SA people are so sensitive and nice...well, we're on a forum. As anyone here spoken to other mentally ill people? Probably, you've met them. The words "sensitive and nice" don't come to mind around all of them. We're human. We get frustrated. We lash out. We regret it. And heck, looking at the other place, do I think "Sensitive and nice"...not really. Particularly when people mock the problems that "normal" people have. Oh, "he's moaning about his debt, well he doesn't have anxiety" or "why should I care about my friend who's upset over her boyfriend when I have SA and depression?" Christ, I cant help but think of the unsensitive nature of a lot of people over there.

I'd rather someone over there stopped putting us into one group, and said "Anxious people are human".

Wow, that turned into a vent and a half. I apologize.

[Misssy]

I've had fat women be mean to me just for the spite of it. In the past I had an overweight co-worker who said to me "you are so skinny it makes me want to throw up" ........it was pretty weird, considering I never said anything to her at all about her life style.

[Rawr]

I've had fat women be mean to me just for the spite of it. In the past I had an overweight co-worker who said to me "you are so skinny it makes me want to throw up" ........it was pretty weird, considering I never said anything to her at all about her life style.

Dern. I really hate the weight bashing thing. I've been underweight before & now I'm overweight so I've been on both sides of the fences. I use to get called chicken legs & anorexic. Now I'm called a fat cow & such. I've always noticed that people whom point out these things are honestly trying to feel better about their weight even though they feel like crap about it.

[Misssy]

Also I lived with a bulimic young lady who had a very very hard time making friends. She said that she tried to make friends at the church in our neighborhood but none of the girls really wanted to hang out with her.

[WintersTale]

As long as you treat me with respect, I'll treat you with respect. It's your body, not mine.

My view is, as long as you're not doing anything criminal, you can do whatever you want to do with your own body. God gave you that choice. It's free will.

[sanspants]

I've had fat women be mean to me just for the spite of it. In the past I had an overweight co-worker who said to me "you are so skinny it makes me want to throw up" ........it was pretty weird, considering I never said anything to her at all about her life style.

What sort of area do you live in? That's a very common behavior in my area, which is mostly rural. We have a 60-something-percent obesity rate, so thin people are a rarity. Guys stampede them (a thin girl? No wai!) and girls bully them. One of the nurses I work with in the ER just quit because she was getting bullied for being too skinny.

[Ironman]

When I see overweight people exercise, I am like "they are REALLY going to lose that weight!" --- they don't have to deal with Paxil fat like I do.

[whiteman]

When I see overweight people exercise, I am like "they are REALLY going to lose that weight!" --- they don't have to deal with Paxil fat like I do.

Are you also known as milleniumman on another site?

[WineKitty]

For the record, I have been on both sides of the fence. Currently I need to lose weight but am battling a very out of control thyroid issue and am under the care of an endocrinologist and taking medication to try and get my TSH under control.

I am not upset with anyone or trying to cause anyone any shame.

I just was pointing out that there is a common denominator between people who tell you to just "get over" your anxiety issues and people who think a person can just "get over" their weight issues.

Extra weight can be from medications, emotional eating, glandular aka thyroid, pituitary or adrenal issues etc.

I am sure at some point I have been judgmental about someone, somewhere, somehow, some way. But if I am like that, I would hope that there would be a person at some point to call me on it.

[Chantellabella]

For the record, I have been on both sides of the fence. Currently I need to lose weight but am battling a very out of control thyroid issue and am under the care of an endocrinologist and taking medication to try and get my TSH under control.

I am not upset with anyone or trying to cause anyone any shame.

I just was pointing out that there is a common denominator between people who tell you to just "get over" your anxiety issues and people who think a person can just "get over" their weight issues.

Extra weight can be from medications, emotional eating, glandular aka thyroid, pituitary or adrenal issues etc.

I am sure at some point I have been judgmental about someone, somewhere, somehow, some way. But if I am like that, I would hope that there would be a person at some point to call me on it.

I didn't see you as anything but hurt, my friend and it's ok to voice that. I think it was brave of you to tell us about that.

The reason I brought up shame was that was the common factor of my weight struggles. And I can relate. After going through the whole anorexia/bulimia thing and then gaining weight with my divorce after my body was shot, I remember I went to a new young doctor. I was 49 at the time and told her my body seemed to have stopped burning fat because I could eat air and exercise for 5 hours and not lose a pound. Her answer? "Eat less and exercise more." I looked at her dumbfounded. I hadn't eaten in 3 days, just drank water and exercised for at least 4 hours that day. She obviously didn't want to be bothered by true weight problems and after anorexia/bulimia issues. Hormones, age, and all the things WineKitty mentioned can be a factor, especially when you get into the 30's, 40's and 50's. I used to say with each decade that I'd gained 10 lbs of wisdom. Even though I weighed 85-90 lbs years ago, I can't realistically believe I can or should weigh that now at my age.

It is hard the older we get.

And judgment? Well, I think that's an area where everyone can get in trouble. I always tell people I don't want to judge others because I don't want to be judged. I try very hard to be open-minded, but it can creep in. I get mad at myself when I see I have been judgmental.

Sorry.........just rambling this morning.

[TheDarkness]

.

[Otherside]

For the record, I have been on both sides of the fence. Currently I need to lose weight but am battling a very out of control thyroid issue and am under the care of an endocrinologist and taking medication to try and get my TSH under control.

I am not upset with anyone or trying to cause anyone any shame.

I just was pointing out that there is a common denominator between people who tell you to just "get over" your anxiety issues and people who think a person can just "get over" their weight issues.

Extra weight can be from medications, emotional eating, glandular aka thyroid, pituitary or adrenal issues etc.

I am sure at some point I have been judgmental about someone, somewhere, somehow, some way. But if I am like that, I would hope that there would be a person at some point to call me on it.

Anyone who says "just get over your weight, go to the gym, eat less" is just being inconsiderate. Even if it is because there overeating and sitting around all day watching TV as seems to be the stereotype, as Caleb said below, that there business. I can see this point. I have friend who's overweight, but she's probably one of the nicest people I know. I also have a friend who has anorexia and has been admitted to hospital for the second time now...and really, she can't just "get over it and start eating again" as a lot of people seems to think. Well, not at the momment anyway, her whole attitude seems to be "I don't care, they can't make me do anything." But that's a whole different story. But if someone can be like that about not eating, and not caring about how much weight they loose, surely someone can be the same about overeating.

All that I will say.. is that I can`t relate. One of my closest childhood friends was overweight, and it never really bothered me. Yeah we talked about it once or twice, he asked me what I thought, but I simply told him flat out: "i`m not your girlfriend and i`m not your mother. What you like doing to your body, is none of my business". And thats all there was to it. Why have I told him this? its simple... it wasn't because I was afraid of hurting his feelings. But rather, because to me it was irrelevant. For if I felt disgusted by being next to him, if I didn't think about him as an equal, then I wouldn't consider myself as being his friend. And therefore, I wouldn't talk to him anymore. Simply as that. Mock senserity isn't my thing.

As you say. I couldn't give a toss if someone had a tail and a pair of antlers sticking out of there ears.