Our daughter, twin to our youngest son, died in utero. The remainder of my pregnancy was one medical emergency after another, and even after he was born, he had a heart problem that consumed us for months. I think one of my coping mechanisms is to forget things - I have absolutely no recollection of his first year at all. I've looked at photos over the years to construct my own versions of memories.
It upsets me because he's my youngest, and I remember every moment of my two older children's baby days. But not his - I lost that entire year.
Does anybody else here get flashbacks from events that you wouldn't ordinarily consider traumatic? I get flashbacks from a bad breakup that happened over the phone, for example, and can't drive on that road at that time or I'll end up reliving it--despite being long over the woman who broke up with me. There is some "real" trauma in my past too, but for some reason it's the lesser-seeming ones that I flash back to, and that really get in the way of my functioning.
I aim to take this up with my therapist next week.
I know what you mean, but what I mean is having actual flashbacks for events that shouldn't matter so much. Regarding that ex-- When I drive down the highway, past the spot where I was cruising when she ended the engagement over the phone, I'm right back in that moment, reliving it, going through the disbelief and the grief all over again.
I mostly have these flashbacks for relationships that ended in some sort of anticlimax, making them unfinished business. Anytime someone just dismissed me from their lives after we were very close, I seem to be somehow traumatized worse than when I was stabbed, etc. I'm guessing that on an emotional level, having the proverbial rug pulled out from under me is more damaging than the violating feeling of being physically assaulted. Perhaps that's because I've had absolutely no control in those emotional situations, whereas when attacked physically I could at least retaliate.
Does any of that make any sense?
Ok, so last Monday, I was standing in my yard when a neighbor started shooting through the fence, through both walls of my heavy resin shed, and the bullets were hitting my house. I had just stepped away from that spot about a minute before he started shooting. I tried screaming at him to stop. Not sure why I didn't run for cover like my cats did.
I pulled a chair to the fence and looked over it. The guy(s) were far into their house and were shooting blindly out of their back door. They were so far back, they couldn't hear me screaming for them to stop. I dragged the chair to another spot and screamed again for them to stop. All the while they were shooting more of something.
I've been shot at by real guns and have been caught in gang fight drive bys. I knew it wasn't a gun, but it was something so powerful it was hitting my house. I didn't know at the time I looked over the fence that it was going through the fence and my shed before hitting my house. In other words whatever it was, was high powered.
When I looked over the fence again, and screamed, the guy finally heard me and came out. He said he was shooting at a target. I told him he was hitting my house and told him to stop.
After he stopped, I saw that he shot up my shed right at the very spot I poked up my head. In other words, it was sheer luck I didn't get shot in the head or lose an eye. Needless to say I called the police and filed a petition for the guy to be charged.
Since then, I have suffered PTSD symptoms all over again. Jumping at everything, not sleeping, scared to go outside.
After several days of the symptoms and after several days of working with idiots, I finally said, "I'm not going to let that asshole scare me from my own backyard." So I've been in my yard a lot the past few days just daring that [BEEP] head to fire a shot. He did on Monday and I called the cops again.
I know it will all work out. I just have to not let this trigger past trauma. I don't want to give a stupid asshole that much power over me.
The Hokey Pokey IS what it's all about
W O W. What an idiot your neighbor is!!! I hope he gets arrested or at least a big fat fine. That is such a reckless thing to do! And it must have been so scary, especially with your past (Getting caught in a drive-by??!!!!).
You are so great at standing up for yourself, Cindy. I can't even imagine!
I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. -- Maya Angelou
I wouldn't call it standing up for myself so much as doing a pretty stupid thing. I'm not sure why I went after him rather than run. I guess it's fight or flight and I chose fight.
I joked at work that they don't have to worry if a shooter walks into our business. It seems that they will have plenty of time to run while I'm up in his face going, "Stop shooting!"
The Hokey Pokey IS what it's all about
I salute you . And I would have called the cops too. As useless as they often are, even the local blockheads would recognize that it's not alright for someone to endanger your life while randomly blowing holes in stuff! I had a gun in my face on my 30th birthday, and my only thought was that the convenience store parking lot would be a really ridiculous place to die. Nonetheless, I found myself yelling at the guy, "Look at the toughguy who needs a gun because he can't fight."
Had I experienced a drive-by like you did, I'm not sure I'd have had the guts to say a word lol. Has the un-neighborly situation calmed down over the last 24 hours?
Nope. Just the opposite. That happened Monday before last and this past Monday he was shooting again in his backyard. Probably at the woodpeckers on the pole because I didn't hear the shots hit anything. Not until he gets consequences will he get the message. Unfortunately consequences haven't seemed to happen yet............if at all. Depends on whether some guy decides if it's "worthy" to charge him for reckless damage. This is why I finally quit being a counselor in the Juvenile Justice system. I truly believe the only people who get justice are the rich and loudmouthed. I'm sure this guy's parents are lawyers. He's a student at the college. Due to a ton of circumstances which is the part I can't talk about, it's just really iffy if I even get anything for the holes shot in my shed.
As for what you said to that guy at the convenience store, now that's brave! I could just see us both in somebody's face going, "Oh no, you did not just do that." I'm sure I would be cocking my head and shoulders back while I was doing it also. I can be pretty scary when I get the New Orleans street badass on.
The Hokey Pokey IS what it's all about
Oh, yeah, I see what you mean. Rich people can get away with whatever they want, it seems. Especially if their parents are somehow part of the city council, chamber of commerce, or whatever. But I'll save you from my "police corruption" tangent : P
Whenever I see locals buying bigger and bigger guns, I think to myself: I'm sorry about your penis.