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  1. #1
    Otherside's Avatar
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    So why does it annoy me when people suggest treatment?

    Like, when you talk to someone about your issues and they give you advise on what you should, and what you should try.

    Because see, its a bit hypocritical of me. I give advise to people.

    It's just when people who don't know me tell me what I should try. "Oh my second cousin had this condition and they gave him those awlful meds! You should try Vitamin pills" or "Go vegan! That's the solution" or best of all "Accept Jesus into your life and you shall be cured". Which I find fucking ironic because I pretty much had "accepted Jesus into my life" when my mental health issues began, and only really did not accept him after I got unwell. And got told by something "People have been through worse and not done that" or "God does not make things magically better."

    Or when something spends half an hour informing me about the twelve step programme or whatever, and giving me a diet plan which will magically solve all my mental health issues. And yes, this happened. Over coffee. And I felt too SA at the time to tell them that they knew absolutely nothing, or to get up and leave. I ended up listening to the whole thing in annoyance, and promising that I'd give it a shot. Since it involved me fasting for several days and only drinking water, I decided that the chances of starving myself being the miracle cure to all my problems were pretty low.

    Or even being told to try weed. I want to facepalm everytime someone tells me that. For the record, you don't get medical marijuana in the UK, and I'm not really cool with having problems getting hold of visa to go on holiday half the time due to the fact I have a drug record. Although I did try it once when I was 14, and it gave me a headache. I presume that isn't the reason why people decide it's some miracle drug. But then again, maybe it was. People seem to be odd like that, especially teenager. Perphaps having a headache gave them some kind of buzz. I don't know. Never really been buzzed from a headache though.

    I'm not comfortable talking about treatment or medication with people. I don't discuss with my friends. I don't put a list of what medications I'm on online complete with dosages and the times I take them, or what therapy I'm taking part in. Sure, I ask for advise on things at times. I just don't get it why some people feel that me asking for advise is an open invitation to start poking and prodding and talk about something they really haven't got a clue about. Or to start giving me advise that is quite frankly, a load of bullshit, and makes me want to throw something.

    And just finishing, I would just like to add that I am not pissed off with anyone on AnxS or anyone who has spoken to me on here. More, it's people from another site, and people in real life, or people I've encountered in time. Overtime, it really has begun to piss me off.

    Perphaps I'm just being oversensitive about this. But heck, it almost feels like...

    You don't know me. You're not a doctor. Please stop giving me advise about what I need to do to miraculously cure myself, which for some reason, requires me to stop getting help from elsewhere.
    I'M GONNA FIGHT 'EM ALL
    A SEVEN NATION ARMY COULDN'T HOLD ME BACK.......


  2. #2
    compulsive's Avatar
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    There is no quick fix or easy to find solution for an anxiety disorder that is not caused by physical symptoms. If there is one, it is not anything that has been commonly suggested. If the anxiety disorder is not caused by physical problems it cant be cured by diet, caffeine reduction and any other of the stereotypical "cures". Good diet doesn't cure anxiety, it fixes the problems that a bad diet caused.


    I'd say it annoys you because it suggests that your anxiety problems are no big deal since it can be cured in 5 seconds.

  3. #3
    L's Avatar
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    Maybe the next time you talk to someone start by letting them know you are talking and just need someone to listen. Giving advise is something everyone tries to do, people sometimes feel that they need to sort what is happening in your life, let them know this is not what you need or want.
    life---> <---me

  4. #4
    Otherside's Avatar
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    Quote compulsive View Post
    There is no quick fix or easy to find solution for an anxiety disorder that is not caused by physical symptoms. If there is one, it is not anything that has been commonly suggested. If the anxiety disorder is not caused by physical problems it cant be cured by diet, caffeine reduction and any other of the stereotypical "cures". Good diet doesn't cure anxiety, it fixes the problems that a bad diet caused.

    I'd say it annoys you because it suggests that your anxiety problems are no big deal since it can be cured in 5 seconds.
    The thing about the caffeine one is although not drinking it doesn't cure my anxiety problems, its worse if I do. I generally don't have a bad diet. The majority of the food I eat is not processed. Heck, I even eat soya yoghurts instead of the normal ones...although that is only because I prefer the taste of them and for no other reason, but yeah. Not really the point. I don't eat a lot of fast food. Exercise has been another one that has been suggested. So I'm not exercising as much as I should perphaps, but really, who wants to go jogging when it's 36C out? Last I'd heard, we were being warned against doing just that.

    Religion is just the one that really pisses me off. That one was told to me soon after I told someone I knew quite well my diagnosis, bipolar. By that point, I saw no point in hiding it. And what was her response?

    "Well, if you pray and accept Jesus into your life, He'll take it all away. I'm sure it'll all get better."

    Okay, so they were part of a pretty fringe group of christians. We don't get many of them here. That had some quite extreme ideas about things. Most of the time, they'd stand on the street and hand out pamplets, declaring that all gay people were the spawn of the devil, and described in gruesome detail how they were to be killed. They were also totally against medical treatment, of any kind, due to the fact that illness was a punishment for god for a sin. Mental illness's especially, were a punishment. I did end up slapping her. She deserved it.

    Quote lasair View Post
    Maybe the next time you talk to someone start by letting them know you are talking and just need someone to listen. Giving advise is something everyone tries to do, people sometimes feel that they need to sort what is happening in your life, let them know this is not what you need or want.
    It makes sense, and I understand that to. When someone talks to me, I sometimes feel...compelled to give advise. Sometimes I can't work out if they want it or not. Which is why this thread makes me feel very hypocritical right now.
    I'M GONNA FIGHT 'EM ALL
    A SEVEN NATION ARMY COULDN'T HOLD ME BACK.......


  5. #5
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    I think it's annoying when people suggest treatment because it usually comes from people who just simply don't know what else to say, typically people who are not experts and really have no idea what treatment entails, and because they don't give a sheet one way or the other...that is why it annoys me personally.

  6. #6
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    Quote compulsive View Post
    There is no quick fix or easy to find solution for an anxiety disorder that is not caused by physical symptoms. If there is one, it is not anything that has been commonly suggested. If the anxiety disorder is not caused by physical problems it cant be cured by diet, caffeine reduction and any other of the stereotypical "cures". Good diet doesn't cure anxiety, it fixes the problems that a bad diet caused.

    I'd say it annoys you because it suggests that your anxiety problems are no big deal since it can be cured in 5 seconds.
    Very well said. I can't speak for the OP. But this certainly underlines a major reason why such suggestions bother me. Unfortunately it seems as if the extent of suffering due to mental health issues isn't as clearly understood or at least sympathized with by the general public when compared to physical disorders such as heart disease or type 1 diabetes. So we end up getting hit with a bunch of lifestyle tips by people who've went through milder normal stress reactions an have mistakenly assumed their own experiences to be on par with chronic mental illness.

  7. #7
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    Speaking for myself, I get annoyed by this as well because it makes me feel I am psycho or something. Like wowwww, you need to get help! You're crazy!. Someone close to me had suggested I go to counseling a few years ago and even though it was something I was already considering on doing anyway, I still felt hurt by their words. It's not like they said it in such a rude manner or anything, they were very supportive and still are to this day... but I don't know, it was just something I didn't like being told. The same person told me just yesterday that I should keep cutting junk/fatty foods out in order for weight loss to work; I have no reason to be upset because I know I need to cut out junk food, and I have been trying to do that.. and when I give in to junk food, I'd tell myself the same thing: "You need to seriously cut out the junk food, Jen. Stop it!"

    *shrug*

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    I get annoyed with people who have no clue, yet have the answers all the same.

    I have a general rule for people who start with "You should........"

    My rule is to watch their lips move and when their lips stop moving, I go, "Thanks." Then I change the subject.
    The Hokey Pokey IS what it's all about

  9. #9
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    I hate to say that I am guilty of being one of those people who say, "You should try..." But I only do that to people who ask for advice.

    I'd say if you ask for advice and that's what people give you, then just don't take it seriously and say "thanks anyway" or something. If they just overcrowd you with, "You shoulds" and you didn't even ask for their advice/opinion, then I'd say something politely, like, "Thank you, but I don't think that's the thing for me." Or just say thanks and change the subject. I know that a lot of people get pissed off with people who give them the "You should". I've had so many people who ask for advice that get so mad at me when I suggest they see a psychiatrist or a therapist or even go to the hospital.

  10. #10
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    Its call avoidance. It is part of the brains way of dealing with a situation. Avoid at all costs or you will feel pain, remorse, depression, sad, angry etc. Look inward and if your not liking what you are seeing seek help to find who you are. 1st you need to know what you and or who you have become.

  11. #11
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    Probably it is annoying because many times it is a knee jerk response that people give and it's obvious that they haven't given it a whole lot of thought.

    I have had relatives to tell me to get "mental treatment" and medication for depression. It is annoying to me because my relatives have always treated me like dirt and they don't give a crap.

  12. #12
    VickieKitties's Avatar Living irl
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    My irl friend keeps trying to talk me into seeing his therapist, for some reason it makes me pretty uncomfortable.

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    Yah your IRL friend shouldn't try to push you into treatment, maybe it's coming from a well meaning place but coming out wrong.

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    It depends from whom the advice is coming from. . .for me if it is a male. . .I may read it and thank the individual for sharing. . .if it is from a female. . .I tend to pay attention more to the advice because I really like a female point-of-view. . .always have always will. . .it gives me a different perspective. . .just like for me there is a major difference between a male and a female counselor. . .I was bored out-of-my-mind with a male counselor and didn't learn anything. . .with my current female counselor. . .we don't get along that well at times and she is 30 years younger than me and last year I could not stand her. . .but her point-of-view makes me think. . .

  15. #15
    nothing's Avatar Habitual Failure
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    Yeap, when I feel horrible and hopeless (like right now) and people tell me it's better to go to the hospital than to medicate myself I get filled with rage. They realize that I'll just be filled with SSRIs there or not treated at all, right.

    [BEEP] people and their shitty advice, what works for one most likely won't work for another, everyone has to find their own way. Unfortunately, not all will.

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