Recently, I have been dealing with a lot of loss. There are also a lot of big changes happening in my life now and in the near future that are causing my depression/constant nervousness. Within the last 5 months my dog was killed suddenly, I accidentally saw my grandpa die, my dad decided to just stop talking to me and seeing me--he sold all of my things at his house and gave away me and my sister's room/bed/furniture/some clothes to his new step-daughter--and my mom is moving away and getting married in Texas, leaving me and my teenaged sister here in California (it isn't as bad as it seems because we still have our apartment and that at least will be paid for, but Jesus, she and I are going to be all alone here). I am unprepared for this.
I didn't graduate high school last year and I am afraid of messing up my first year of college. I just got out of a painfully manipulative 5 year friendship and it had given me many insecurities and a lot of bitterness. I constantly worry about dying and I haven't been able to work up the courage to learn how to drive. Every night I cry or at least tear up because I worry about someone I love dying the next day, and "realizing" how helpless I'd be and how alone I'd be. I worry about people thinking I'm stupid and not wanting to be my friend. I worry about being poor; I am embarrassed to be poor because a lot of my friends are well educated and are upper middle class and eat healthy dinners every night and go to expensive art schools and UCs. I harbor constant anger/pain/emptiness/confusion towards my father. For the past few months I've thought about him everyday wondering why he never calls or wants to see me.
Every morning for a few years now I automatically pop awake between 6:30 or 7:30 in the morning due to stress (even if I'm not worried about any one thing in particular. It just comes.) and it's driving me insane. It's physically painful. Because of my stress/anxiety I have developed gastric issues with my colon/intestines--blockage and sharp, painful pressures every other week.
I KNOW something is wrong. I feel it and it's very obvious to me. But both my parents are those that believe I can "pick myself up from my boot straps" and be strong and move on from this part in my life. When I argue that it's insulting to me that they seem to not believe that I try and have tried for many years now to control my anxiety and anger and that I *may* very well have something chemically wrong with me, they seem to scoff, roll their eyes or get very angry and frustrated with me because they find that suggestion ridiculous, or something. They call me a hypochondriac. They say it's all completely in my imagination. That I defeat myself without trying. Nothing I do or say (despite the fact that I have done lots of reading about these types of issues) convinces either of them, especially my mother, that I need help.
I am in a time now of extreme hurt. I am also afraid, worried and in physical pain. I am wary of medication because I have an addictive personality and have had addiction scares (alcohol) in the past, so it's not that I'm asking them to put me on something or anything. I just want them to understand me and support me when I tell them I need to at least seek therapy. I have no idea where square one even is when it comes to coping/getting out of this depression and the fact that my own parents shrug this off makes me feel so alone, like I'm drowning. I feel crazy sometimes, too, like I'm talking to myself. Or like I'm in a nightmare where someone is trying to chase you or kill you and every time you try to call your parents or friends to come help they say, "Sorry honey, I'm at work, talk to you later, kiddo" or "Oh, it's nothing". It is a nightmare.
I am very thankful for my extremely supportive boyfriend, but we both realize there is only so much he can do for me. There is only so much I can do for me on my own without professional help, I've concluded.
tl;dr My parents deny the existence of my possible Anxiety Disorder, I don't know what to do and I feel so alone without their support.