I always feel guilty over everything I say and do, even good things. I feel guilty over things I do and things I do not do, and it's gotten to the point where I just feel so stuck and feeling just as much fear.
This someone I'm really close to.. I didn't get the chance to give him his birthday card in July, and I kind of forgot about the card (since it was hidden away underneath some textbooks). I came across it today and I wanted to still at least give this to him, but a bit more improvised since it's quite past his birthday. I just simply want to give him something that will make him smile, attach the card to some cinnamon PopTarts (his favorite food!). But... I keep having second thoughts about this. I feel like this is too much, that it will push him away... even though he had told me so many times I can do whatever I want to show him I care. We were together for about 3 yrs and I never really did anything for him to make him smile because I constantly feared it would make me seem clingy, so this ruined our relationship.
Now, I'm still feeling this way, even though I know I cannot afford to keep being this way. I really, really want to give him this little gift, I really do. But I keep feeling scared that it's "stupid" or "cheesy" even though he has said he'd really like these kinds of things.
I hate it I feel guilty over everything. I get this way with other people as well. I feel like everything I do is bad. I constantly feel I'm a bad person *sigh* it's so frustrating and draining. I don't even know what to do anymore.