I've wondered this a lot lately. When I really think about it, I've had anxiety most of my life. Pretty much for as long back as I can remember, perphaps. I'm still young. I've heard people say I have my whole life ahead of me or that there is "still time". I'm not posting this in the anxiety bit because perphaps Iwill one day be able to have some sort of confidence. I don't have an illness that is the result of me being a teenager, and by all accounts, I'm going to be on medication for the rest of my life, and I hate it. I hate my meds. And I hate the fact that I have to be reliant on some sort of medication in order to keep control of my mood swings, which doesn't really do much.
Fighting it? Well...where the heck did that land me? In hospital. They said a routine would help me. So I did. I tried to get one. I ended up stressed as fuck, the mood swings getting worse, and overdosing on my meds. So now I'm scared as [BEEP] to get any sort of "routine". I DON'T want to end up in hospital again. And I'm sick of it. I'm sick of people telling me that that is simply what I have to do to stay in control. And I'm almost sick of fighting. Because honestly? Sometimes it just feels so good to just give in to the mood swings. And just easier to not do anything, really.