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  1. #1
    no bird
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    Realizing you're going to be alone for your entire life and wishing it weren't true.

    I'm 32 and never been in a relationship, and I know it's because of my terrible attitude, not my other problems.

    I was diagnosed with double depression and dysthymia after years of suicidal ideation and lingering angst, then an attempt. The social anxiety has also been with me my whole life, along with minor obsessive-compulsion and something about me negating every good thing that happens in my life (viewing the glass as half empty, or pessimism). My self-esteem is nonexistent and I've gained weight over the last years due to all the meds I've been on.

    Therefore I have little in ways of friendship, with one married friend who's local, and another friend on the other coast currently. I have one brother who's married with a baby, and both my parents are alive and active in our lives.

    So what the [BEEP] is wrong with me? When I was younger (handsomer and skinnier) women would show interest in me, but my attitude of aloofness and lack of speaking would have to be explained by people (friends, I guess, at the time) who knew me. I've grown up thinking my shyness makes me less of a person due to verbal abuse, emotional instability, and frankness of my mother growing up, always saying there was something wrong with me.

    I thought I could look online (like my brother and a few other people I know) for dating purposes, but that has come up null and void. I've tried free sites and pay sites, and no one who "matched" me ever contacted me and rarely returned my messages, I think mainly due to my current ugliness. (I miss my teens, although filled with depression, I was unique, eccentric, and skinnier).

    I have nothing to give and am emotionally damaged.

    Anyway, this post could go on and on, but what the heck is the point. If you read this and actually respond, thank you. Otherwise, thank you for reading at least.

  2. #2
    Ironman's Avatar
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    I am in the single-like situation, too, but it's all in the attitude like you said.

    We should not assume we are going to be alone for the rest of our lives. We should just learn to work with what we have....for now. Things can change.

  3. #3
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    I'm also perpetually single and I don't like thinking I'll forever be this way. Like you OP, I often think a lot of it is due to my looks. However, I never put myself out there, since I'm petrified of meeting people and I've stayed away from online dating sites because of horror stories from others. I know I'm not going to find someone sitting in my room all day. And there's so much for me to work on..in other areas of my life, and just conversing with people in general. But like Ironman said, we have to work with what we have. I've known people who started dating in their mid thirties and did find spouses, so things can absolutely change. It's just hard to conceive when life has battered you around for so long. There are many of us in similar situations.

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