Is this acceptable?

[Rawr]

Is it acceptable for a step-father to make remarks about his 18 year old step-daughter's breasts, bottom & body overall even if its just joking around? My mother pretty much told me to accept it or get the [BEEP] out of their home but it makes me very insecure & uncomfortable. I've kindly asked him to stop but he just gets mad & starts a brawl. I can't go anywhere cause I can't drive & don't work anywhere cause of my bad anxiety so I just have to take it. I just get sick of my mother telling me it's acceptable & with my figure guys are gonna do that so get use to it. I don't want to have to take it in my own home though. I just don't think it's right at all. Sorry if this isn't the right place but I'm just upset.

[Inscrutable Banana]

Repeatedly crossing personal boundaries like that isn't acceptable, and that goes double since you explicitly asked him to stop. Continuing to do so shows a clear lack of respect on his part and I find it disheartening that your mother is so dismissive of the fact that it bothers you. It's unfortunate that you're in a position where you feel you have to tolerate it, it sucks to feel trapped.

[Rawr]

Repeatedly crossing personal boundaries like that isn't acceptable, and that goes double since you explicitly asked him to stop. Continuing to do so shows a clear lack of respect on his part and I find it disheartening that your mother is so dismissive of the fact that it bothers you. It's unfortunate that you're in a position where you feel you have to tolerate it, it sucks to feel trapped.

Thank you for seeing it the way I do! She just said growing up her father did it to her but I told her that you adapt from history, not repeat it. :/

[Member11]

I'm sorry you are suck in that situation. It is unacceptable.

Repeatedly crossing personal boundaries like that isn't acceptable, and that goes double since you explicitly asked him to stop. Continuing to do so shows a clear lack of respect on his part and I find it disheartening that your mother is so dismissive of the fact that it bothers you.

I agree^

[Chloe]

You shouldn't let him do it at all try having a sit down with your mum and remind her of how uncomfortable she must have felt maybe she'll wake up and sympathise, you could also mention about it putting more pressure and stress on you which won't be helping you anxiety. He should be interested in your mum like that if he's your step dad not you, maybe try wearing baggy hoodies and less figure revealing clothes to try and get him out of the habit. Hope he stops soon can only imagine how frustrating and awkward it must be

[Rawr]

You shouldn't let him do it at all try having a sit down with your mum and remind her of how uncomfortable she must have felt maybe she'll wake up and sympathise, you could also mention about it putting more pressure and stress on you which won't be helping you anxiety. He should be interested in your mum like that if he's your step dad not you, maybe try wearing baggy hoodies and less figure revealing clothes to try and get him out of the habit. Hope he stops soon can only imagine how frustrating and awkward it must be

Thanks. I have to catch my mom in just the right mood for her to listen for I believe she is Bipolar like me. I'm hot natured so I don't wear hoodies. I usually wear t-shirts & PJ bottoms to keep cool indoors. Kinda hard to hide my figure since I'm rather busty but luckily I'll soon be having a breast reduction for medical purposes. Maybe then he'll back off.

[Chloe]

That could be why he's commenting because of the reduction just as hard as it is and as much as you shouldn't do it try to avoid him or even just walk off when he does comment regardless of the situation. He's just going to be looking for some kind of reaction just like all little silly boys are when they make comments about that kind of thing

[Rawr]

That could be why he's commenting because of the reduction just as hard as it is and as much as you shouldn't do it try to avoid him or even just walk off when he does comment regardless of the situation. He's just going to be looking for some kind of reaction just like all little silly boys are when they make comments about that kind of thing

Thanks! lol usually I grunt & move away to avoid starting something cause it isn't gonna end anytime soon. He's never tried anything on me. Just likes to joke too much & like I mentioned before, almost being raped at 7 years old I'm kinda sensitive.

I was able to kick them in the face & run off to tell someone luckily.

[Chloe]

really sorry to hear about that thank god you got away !! maybe you could tell him and say thats why your so uncomfortable about it then hed stop (if he was any kind of decent guy that is although if hes commenting on you like that my opinion of him wouldnt be that high anyway)

[meeps]

What a total creep.. It really sucks that your mom is enabling sexual harassment and making you feel violated in your own home...Maybe tell him that it reminds you of the time you were almost raped?(if he has even a shred of decency in him he might stop) or start making comments about his body to give him a taste of his own medicine? like if he "complements" your boobs, complement his.

[Chantellabella]

I agree with everyone above and am angry. ..... not only about what your step dad is doing, but also at your mother who is allowing this abuse. And yes, it is classified as abuse if he is commenting about your body and this is making you uncomfortable. If he said any of that in the workplace, he would be in big trouble. The very fact that you asked him to stop and he hasn't tells me that not only is he over stepping boundaries, but he's WAY too interested in your body. Your mother should be slamming him over the head with a bat because not only is he disrespecting you, but he's also disrespecting her.

Your mother thinking this is ok for him to do, tells me that she must have some very low self esteem.....thinking he'll leave her or something if she takes up for you. She probably thinks it's ok because she had to endure this abuse as a kid. But sweetie, it's not ok to put up with this. You are not a slave or victim of your family.

You have a right to be respected. Come up with a different solution if your parents refuse to protect you. Look for someone else to live with or go to a city shelter and ask for help. I know this sounds drastic, but believe me, he is way out of line. If you allow others to verbally bully you in a sexualized way, you're going to find the same kind of person like your mother did. Start taking up for your rights to be respected now that you're young.

I know this for a fact because I was just like you and guess what? I taught my daughter to take abuse because I didn't leave her father who was hurting me for 30 years. So she married someone who disrespects her. If you want to break the cycle of disrespect and abuse, you're going to have to roar like a lion and say, "hey, I said no because it makes me feel uncomfortable." But if you take this stance, you're going to have to be strong. You're going to have to be brave and no longer say, "I can't."

You can choose to be a victim with all the accepted abuse or you can choose to stand up for your rights, which may also mean that you can't depend on others taking care of you. The way others treat you is within your power to change.

[IllusionOfHappiness]

Agreeing with everyone who has commented already.

I just get sick of my mother telling me it's acceptable & with my figure guys are gonna do that so get use to it.

^ This really doesn't sit well with me. It is in no way acceptable. You don't have to "get used" to anything. You shouldn't be having to deal with this, especially after already asking him to stop. I assume your mother knows about your past experience, so the fact that she's ignoring that and allowing this man in her home is disgusting and neglectful.

[Rawr]

Someone at her workplace ended up getting some sense into her about it so she spoke with him yet again & of course he's mad but whatever. I prefer the silent treatment over those inappropriate jokes. & of course I'm having to watch what I wear now. I don't speak of what happened in the past hardly but I did mention it last night & my mother accused me of over-wording it. All I remember is that the fella was trying to unbutton my pants while holding me against him & I kicked to get away.

I caught her in a decent mood when we recently spoke so I guess were okay for now. It's just a never-ending story when your whole family is Bipolar. I swear lol.

[James]

Good to hear that she talked to him. I agree with everyone else. What he's doing is beyond creepy, and he knows it is. It's abuse. What you described...that's going way, way over the line, stepping all over personal boundaries, and you shouldn't put up with it like your mother suggested. Guys like that really make me sick.

[Chantellabella]

Someone at her workplace ended up getting some sense into her about it so she spoke with him yet again & of course he's mad but whatever. I prefer the silent treatment over those inappropriate jokes. & of course I'm having to watch what I wear now. I don't speak of what happened in the past hardly but I did mention it last night & my mother accused me of over-wording it. All I remember is that the fella was trying to unbutton my pants while holding me against him & I kicked to get away.

I caught her in a decent mood when we recently spoke so I guess were okay for now. It's just a never-ending story when your whole family is Bipolar. I swear lol.

I'm glad your mother took the advice of someone and listened to you. And I'm very proud of you for confronting your mom. That's brave and strong! It's so much harder to take that route over victimhood, and it's so much healthier and life changing!

What does you mom mean by "over wording it?"