I'm giving up

[nothing]

I thought that quitting the drugs I was using to numb my misery and going to 'therapy' would help; it didn't. I feel 1000x worse now and I've decided to spend whatever money I have on substances to completely destroy myself.

I've never had any type of loving relationship (or any relationship) and I never will. All that's left for me is self-destruction and hopefully death soon. This is 100% hopeless and I'd honestly be better off dead; there's no reason to suffer with misery 24/7


This is a pointless post, sorry.

Best of luck to all of you, I hope you make it.

[Keddy]

Hey, I was in the exact same place you were not even two weeks ago. I was about to kill myself and I had a plan and everything.
Well, long story short, my friends and my therapist were able to talk me down, my meds got fixed, and now I'm feeling a little better. I still don't feel great and I still wish I were dead sometimes, but what really keeps me hanging on is knowing that there are still things I have yet to see and do. I also feel horrible when I think about how it would affect my mom.
I'm not here to try and talk anyone out of anything, and I'm not here to sound like a self-help guide or to preach to anybody. Ultimately what anyone decides to do with their life is up to them and them only.
I just wanted to say that even when you think there's no hope at all, sometimes you can find a little somewhere and you just need to hold on to it. Trust me, I could've been dead a long time ago. Easily.
I just hate to hear that other people are suffering and I hope my words can mean something to you. I really hope that you can find help and that there are people out there IRL who can offer that to you.
We are an extremely supportive community here and if you need to talk to anyone, PM me, or anyone else. I really know what it feels like to want to die.
Just hang in there, alright?
Keddy

[Chantellabella]

Keddy is right. It's not forever. It sounds like you're feeling really low and maybe going off whatever you were taking is making it worse. You probably need to contact somebody in your area if you really feel that bad. I've been there and I'm glad I reached out to an emergency room.

[Total Eclipse]

How long have you been in therapy for? How long have you been drug free for? have you spoken to your doctor about the drug problem? (Sometimes there is medication they can give to people who do drugs to cut urges). Withdraws from the drugs could be causes mental side effects.

[nothing]

Well, I've gone the psychiatric med route; the SSRIs give me suicidal ideation. I've been to emergency rooms before, they don't know what they're doing, nor do the psychiatrists, psychologists, LCSWs etc etc etc.

I have another appointment with my useless, money-sucking the rapist (the space was intentional) today, and I'm extremely hungover and angry (frustrated with myself), so let her see me like this. I'm paying the quack, I guess it's time to tell her exactly how I feel about her methods and the state of medical psychology in general. If you couldn't tell, I have a very low opinion of it...

I'm so lonely and miserable, but EVERY time I try to work on my problems, I fail. 'Fail', that sums me up perfectly.

[nothing]

How long have you been in therapy for? How long have you been drug free for? have you spoken to your doctor about the drug problem? (Sometimes there is medication they can give to people who do drugs to cut urges). Withdraws from the drugs could be causes mental side effects.

I was drug free for over a month, but the last few days I've been chewing up benzos and gulping down wine like there's no tomorrow. Hopefully there won't be.

I won't take any meds a doctor prescribes, I don't trust psychiatrists; the one who gave me Paxil told me to keep taking it for two weeks even after I told her it was giving me vivid suicidal fantasies. I don't want to start a medication argument, I hope they really do work for some people, but they destroy me and I won't take part in that sadistic science experiment.

I've always been miserable, drugs or no drugs, it's just lately I've been obsessing about how I'm 34 years old and have never had any type of loving relationship in my life and I know it's too late now. That's probably a discussion for another subforum though.

[Total Eclipse]

I was drug free for over a month, but the last few days I've been chewing up benzos and gulping down wine like there's no tomorrow. Hopefully there won't be.

I won't take any meds a doctor prescribes, I don't trust psychiatrists; the one who gave me Paxil told me to keep taking it for two weeks even after I told her it was giving me vivid suicidal fantasies. I don't want to start a medication argument, I hope they really do work for some people, but they destroy me and I won't take part in that sadistic science experiment.

I've always been miserable, drugs or no drugs, it's just lately I've been obsessing about how I'm 34 years old and have never had any type of loving relationship in my life and I know it's too late now. That's probably a discussion for another subforum though.

Mediation isn't for everyone, and the same medication doesn't work for everyone. When the hospital gave me a morphine pump for way to long and I was withdrawing from it, they gave me medication that made it so I didn't feel is so badly, and made it so I didn't crave it. It took a few months but I finally felt clear of the medication (I can take Moprhine now and not in an obsessive amount). I think you can in some states buy the medication over the counter. suboxone is the name of it I think. Again, I realize you don't want to take medication, and not saying "here take this", just giving you my bit of experience with drugs and being dependent on them.

Do you have any support? Family or friends? I'm sorry to hear about the one therapist not taking you seriously, I've had bad therapists and I have had better ones... having one bad one, shouldn't stop you from trying different forums of them, tho. There is an all herbal route of therapy, too. People with anxiety and depression often feel lonely and like they can't connect with people (you aren't to old!!). Have you thought about going to an anxiety support group? Meet some people with anxiety in real life that you can relate to and feel less alone?

[nothing]

Mediation isn't for everyone, and the same medication doesn't work for everyone. When the hospital gave me a morphine pump for way to long and I was withdrawing from it, they gave me medication that made it so I didn't feel is so badly, and made it so I didn't crave it. It took a few months but I finally felt clear of the medication (I can take Moprhine now and not in an obsessive amount). I think you can in some states buy the medication over the counter. suboxone is the name of it I think. Again, I realize you don't want to take medication, and not saying "here take this", just giving you my bit of experience with drugs and being dependent on them.

Do you have any support? Family or friends? I'm sorry to hear about the one therapist not taking you seriously, I've had bad therapists and I have had better ones... having one bad one, shouldn't stop you from trying different forums of them, tho. There is an all herbal route of therapy, too. People with anxiety and depression often feel lonely and like they can't connect with people (you aren't to old!!). Have you thought about going to an anxiety support group? Meet some people with anxiety in real life that you can relate to and feel less alone?

Suboxone is for opiate/opioid withdrawals, I've never been addicted to those. I have one friend who lives in another state, they're as supportive as they can be, but it doesn't help. I don't communicate with my family, except my mother, but only because I live with her. That's another thing I feel horrible about; being a gigantic burden.

The herbal route didn't work and there are no anxiety support groups in my area of western North Carolina. My appointment with my current quack is in about an hour, so I'll just let her know the exact level of contempt I have for her; it'll probably be our last session...

[merc]

Hi, You live in a very pretty state. I haven't had too much luck with therapists or medication. I went cold turkey off of one and it was truly terrible. My emotions were all over the place, but I did kick the drug and I was happy about that. Unfortunately, my counselor at the time was like. "if you aren't going to follow my advice, I can't help you." "Why on earth did you stop?"

He was of the opinion that if you have so much trouble going off of them that you actually need them.

Why I stopped was that I joined a Mom's group and every single Mom in the group was on some kind of antidepressant and I think its probably like that phen phen stuff in the 1990s where all these woman went for the miracle weight loss drugs and wound up with heart issues. Like a fad or something. I think that being a Mom is a very isolating experience and it's hard to make friends.

He was really angry at me that I stopped taking them and I stopped seeing him. Later, I went to a therapist but I got angry and quit due to billing issues and the fact that they kept shuffling me around finding the best therapist and using up my free visits, which I later discovered that they wouldn't cover the free visits and since I filled out the massive amount of paperwork they required and then ignored and billed to the completely wrong insurance company???? I quit.

I sort of really want to go back because I feel like I need help, but the help they provide isn't too helpful. Some was, like I tend to look at things with wonky vision or thoughts and to try and identify when I start doing that. Just from reading your first post I can tell "wonky thoughts."

When you get back from your appointment, please let us know how it went? I'm sure that I'm not the only one who's curious to find out.

[nothing]

When you get back from your appointment, please let us know how it went? I'm sure that I'm not the only one who's curious to find out.

Well, I went to the appointment and it was just as pointless as I thought it would be. I felt so beaten down and hopeless, I drove right to the liquor store and gulped down a bottle of blueberry moonshine. Now I feel hungover AND miserable, lonely and depressed.

I really don't know how much more I can take, I'm 34 and I've been feeling worse every day since around age 8; it's just too exhausting, I'll always be this way and being unable to form any type of relationship is so miserable, all I can do now is cry and type on this stupid computer. For now, anyway, pretty soon I won't be able to cry, I'll just be staring at a wall feeling that numb nonexistence (if anyone knows what I'm talking about).

I have another appointment on May 5th, maybe I'll get really drunk and take pills before I go so I'll finally be able to tell her everything I need to tell her; when I go, I clam up and don't say much. The thoughts are there in my head, I just simply can not speak them aloud.

Hopeless.

[merc]

Well, i just come right out and say it. The appointment may have been lousy and not helpful but you know drinking probably didn't help anything either. I would say go to your local mini-mart after a terrible doctor ordeal and buy yourself chocolate, but that's my vice.

Don't give up. Keep trying. Before your appointment try to write down the stuff you want to tell them. It really helps to do that