So many things are out of order, I feel like life is chaotic. I haven't spoken to my boyfriend in a few days, he thinks I'm avoiding him, my anxiety is making me avoid talking to him. I feel so sick and stuck..I can't even type everything my mind is racing! Why is anxiety such a life-taker-over?
Why is this crap making me cry? I feel like a failure. I need to explain to my boyfriend why I'm so crazy.
Diggin' My Potatoes
Life is chaotic; I don't necessarily mean yours specifically, just in a general sense, and unfortunately some lives are more so than others...but that's a whole 'nother can of worms.
Is the anxiety that's causing you to avoid talking to him directly related to him, or just general anxiety which is resulting in that being a side-effect? Either way, give yourself a little more time to cool down and try to collect your thoughts. I'm sure if you can think of a way to explain how you feel and why you sometimes behave avoidantly he would understand. If this isn't something you've discussed with him before I know it can feel scary to open up like that, but your anxiety is a part of you and not being open about it and the difficulties it presents will only lead to more frustration and sadness as time goes on—repression isn't particularly healthy.
Welcome to the forum, you'll find a lot of people here who can relate to your struggles.
“Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist.” — George Carlin
"If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little." — George Carlin
Guess he doesn't know about your anxiety. I know how you feel, except my BF knew of my anxiety right from the start long before I even figured it was anxiety issues that I was dealing with for a long time. I used to take 2-3 days to respond to his texts and whatnot, even the simplest messages... because I feared I'm all clingy for responding to him every day. This bothered him, making him think I didn't care much about him and such. So... now, I respond within the same day (I still take hours though, a lot longer than I should), but... ya.
Do you feel as if you're being clingy? Is that why you went a few days without talking to him? Or is it another specific reason? Saying it's due to anxiety is too general imo. I know for me, it's too general... and that it's more so the fact that I fear I'm being clingy.
Diggin' My Potatoes
Yeah, while being afraid of coming off as too clingy is a form of anxiety, if that's the case it would be better to state so specifically instead of just saying "anxiety" in a broad sense. You don't want to overwhelm him with details to process, but it is good to be descriptive of your thoughts and emotions in relation to your anxiety.
“Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist.” — George Carlin
"If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little." — George Carlin
The Awkward Conversationalist
I'm sorry you're feeling this waygotmeinachokehold
Anxiety just sucks.
Is there a way you could talk to your boyfriend and tell him that your anxiety is the problem, and that you're not really trying to avoid him? I'm sure that he would understand. Does he know you struggle with anxiety?
Anxiety truly can be a life-taker-over, you're absolutely right about that. Personally I'd have to say it's taken over my life quite a bit. But fortunately, there are always ways to get help. You mentioned that your mind is racing, have you tried relaxation techniques like deep breathing, talking long walks, or taking hot showers? Those three things usually help my brain, as well as my body, calm down a bit. There are literally hundreds of good relaxation techniques out there.
Having anxiety does not mean that you are a failure or that you are crazy, by any means. It just means that some things are a lot harder for you than they are for other people. All of us on here have anxiety, we all know what it's like to feel that way. It's just important to get help with your anxiety and to learn ways that you can handle it, too.
Welcome, by the way
I hope you can get the support you need on this site. We're all friendly here, and we're all understanding about anxiety. There's always someone to talk to when you need a little extra support.
Keddy
"It is never too late to be what you might have been." - George Eliot
Unfortunately it does affect relationships. What seems to be the best thing is communication, if you let him know why your not talking to him (when you do eventually speak to him) and tell him as much about it as your comfortable it will hopefully make him more understanding. Anxiety can get in the way a lot but it's a maker or breaker of relationships. Hopefully it'll calm down soon so you can speak to him and he's understanding enough
I know how you feel. He needs to know that you haven't been intentionally avoiding him, and that you've been feeling this fear of having contact with the outside world. You can explain that it doesn't make sense to you really either, but it's a feeling you sometimes have to deal with. Usually explaining the symptoms of the problem is better than stating what it's called.
I have a new girlfriend, to whom I've said that "I just need more downtime than you." Which isn't the whole truth at all. When I find myself isolating, I do my best just to make contact. I'll feel better later for having faced my fears. The other day, when mine was telling me how great I was (*cringe*) and I wanted to throw my phone out the window, I decided to hang out with her anyway. As hard as it was to get to that point, I knew it was the right thing to do.
Let us know how it turns out if you're cool with sharing.
Reply With Quote