Pointless post #8y7o234

[nothing]

I'm just going to type this, I don't know why.

I'll never meet the woman I'm thinking of, this is pointless. I'm sick of everything, at this point I wish I had the guts to just end it. I'm a complete failure at everything and I hate myself. I'm not sure if I deserve happiness or not but I know I'll never find it. Every time I feel a tiny glimmer of hope I end up sinking 1000 times deeper into despair I'm just sick to death of it all, I wnt this to stop but I don't know how to stop it. I don't know why I'm bothering to write this this is somehow even more pointless than life itself

[QuietCalamity]

You definitely deserve happiness. Please don't end it. You probably make a lot of people happy, you just don't know it.

[Keddy]

I think you're a really nice guy and you're hurting a lot right now. But you shouldn't end your life. Trust me, I've been in that situation a lot lately and every time I think about ending it I realize that there's still hope for me out there somewhere. There's hope for you too.
Your post yesterday that said to me "you deserve to like yourself" made me feel really good, and I'm going to send that same message right back to you. You deserve to like yourself. You're a kind, sensitive person and you're going through a very hard time.
Things will get better. So much easier said than done, I know, but they will.
And all of us are here for you We really like you here.

[nothing]

I'm sorry about my original post, I had just woken up a half hour earlier with a panic attack and was feeling really frustrated.

Thanks for the replies, they were really supportive.

[Total Eclipse]

^ Sorry to hear you had a panic attack How are you feeling now?

[nothing]

^ Sorry to hear you had a panic attack How are you feeling now?

Well, I'm not having a panic attack ATM, but I still feel that I'll never get any better. I'm so frustrated with myself, I realize that if I continue to isolate myself I'll continue to feel lonely and miserable, but I just can't seem to ever get out and try anything new. Whenever I have in the past, it always ended with me screwing it up somehow; I'd either have a panic attack and make a fool out of myself or I'd just sit there not saying anything and making everyone else feel uncomfortable.

I'm pretty sure that I'm going to die miserable and alone. I know the negative thoughts don't help, but I honestly don't see anything to be positive about.

[merc]

Hi, I'm glad that you're feeling better. I have no idea why it is so much easier to isolate oneself than it is to interact with others. I often wind up just sitting at some gathering all by myself saying nothing and creeping people out. Yes, most of the time I'd rather not go. I really have only seen occasional improvement on this social front but generally fall back on bad habits. The screwing it up somehow. I've only had a few panic attacks in my life. Yet, I kind of think "panic" or the hiding/avoiding someone can't be too different. Because I get really nervous and whip out a phone to play with, duck down and become suddenly busy with something to avoid dreaded chit chat with someone who hates me.

My husband is always people don't hate you. Yet, I become hyper sensitive to small quick frowns and it's so damm hard to relax and speak and so much easier to remain silent and stay away form the popular crowd. Do you have any hobbies or interests? It sometimes helps to join a class or club based on an interest where you actually have stuff to say rather than chit chat.

I was kind of feeling down yesterday. I went to my son"s soccer game. Most of the parents sat in the shade of a tree. I sat with my chair in the sun near the half field line all by myself. I did say hello to one parent but was mostly by myself. I could not bring myself to drag my chairs over to where the other parents were, I had my two older girls with me. I for a time did feel some panic, but I remained where I was and gradually forgot about the others. I could have drug my chairs over and attempted and failed to make friends with the other parents. I chose to remain isolated. The problem is I find this so much easier. Those other parents don't like me anyway so why do I beat myself up over wether or not they like me which makes me stuck up. It is a vicious cycle.

[nothing]

Hi, I'm glad that you're feeling better. I have no idea why it is so much easier to isolate oneself than it is to interact with others. I often wind up just sitting at some gathering all by myself saying nothing and creeping people out. Yes, most of the time I'd rather not go. I really have only seen occasional improvement on this social front but generally fall back on bad habits. The screwing it up somehow. I've only had a few panic attacks in my life. Yet, I kind of think "panic" or the hiding/avoiding someone can't be too different. Because I get really nervous and whip out a phone to play with, duck down and become suddenly busy with something to avoid dreaded chit chat with someone who hates me.

My husband is always people don't hate you. Yet, I become hyper sensitive to small quick frowns and it's so damm hard to relax and speak and so much easier to remain silent and stay away form the popular crowd. Do you have any hobbies or interests? It sometimes helps to join a class or club based on an interest where you actually have stuff to say rather than chit chat.

I was kind of feeling down yesterday. I went to my son"s soccer game. Most of the parents sat in the shade of a tree. I sat with my chair in the sun near the half field line all by myself. I did say hello to one parent but was mostly by myself. I could not bring myself to drag my chairs over to where the other parents were, I had my two older girls with me. I for a time did feel some panic, but I remained where I was and gradually forgot about the others. I could have drug my chairs over and attempted and failed to make friends with the other parents. I chose to remain isolated. The problem is I find this so much easier. Those other parents don't like me anyway so why do I beat myself up over wether or not they like me which makes me stuck up. It is a vicious cycle.

It really is a vicious cycle; I want to make friends and form relationships with others, but I get nervous and end up feeling like I'm doing it all wrong, then I go back to isolating myself and wishing I could make friends and form relationships, but the whole time I'm obsessing about how I'll screw it up and feel that I'm doing it all wrong again.

I don't have any hobbies or interests, I recently looked at meetup.com for anything even remotely interesting in my area, but I didn't find anything. It's been like this for the majority of my life now and I don't see it improving, if anything, it's getting worse on a daily basis.