...make me want to smash my head through a plate glass window. Seriously, why the hell do I torture myself with those places. First off, I'm not good at selling myself; I can't think of a single positive attribute about myself. I wonder how much of the profiles there are honest, I doubt they are, really. Why is it necessary to lie about yourself to meet people?
The entire world is one giant lie, I swear I'm never going to meet anyone. I'm sick to death of trying to be positive, I just don't believe the little lies I tell myself when trying to be positive. I don't believe that things are going to get better, I think they're going to get worse. I realize this will be a self-fulfilling prophesy, but I just can't believe myself when I say it's going to get better. I don't believe anyone else either, it's just not true, they can't know that it's going to get better. I wish I could believe the lie, but my mind rejects it every time. ARRRRGHHHH!!!!! THIS IS AWFUL!!!! STOP BEING CRAZY!!!!!
did you try SAS. you write pretty well i have noticed. your posts are thoughtful. you could have good conversations through messages. i think you could really connect well with people. just being angry and seeming frustrated and bitter could be your undoing so i would watch out for that. that would be my main concern for you. in the other areas you're doing really good. if you could bring a positive attitude to it then i think your efforts would be rewarded. but yeah AS is too small, so you would have to go SAS. its okay if its long distance at first. neither of you would have too much to lose by moving, or at least one of you should be able to make the move without too much doubts and regrets of what you're leaving behind. so then you could eventually be together, and live happily ever after. if you're looking for a decent dating site go to SAS. i think that would work better than the others anyway. that's my advice.
I'm not going to bother with any online attempts with romance anymore. I never got very far into it, and I'm glad. It's not for me, I don't want any online relationships, I'm trying to get out into the real world and attempting to form online bonds seems counterproductive to me; I'm turning my focus away from the computer and into real life. I'm also pretty horrible at sharing what I'm feeling on a person to person basis, once I start to get to know someone online, I panic and I find it difficult to even type a few sentences.
As for SAS, I was a member there for a short while, but I was still drinking and taking pills then so my anger and frustration got the better of me and I had a pretty serious burnout. It wasn't pretty and I'm banished now. I don't know if I'd fit in there now that I'm not medicating myself, but I'm not going to try to find out.
The living happily ever after idea brings up mixed emotions for me, on one hand I love the idea of something like that, but on the other I realize that it most likely won't happen. It's pretty much all I think about and it's really frustrating and exhausting.