I'm struggling today with what?

[Chantellabella]

I attended a Celebrate Recovery program for 3 years. It's a structured 12 step program where people talk about their struggles with hurts, habits and hangups. The beauty of the program though is that no one is allowed to fix anyone or debate with them. People go around the room and say their name, and then state what they are struggling with. It's sort of like the What's bothering you thread, but this one helps you put into words your everyday struggles. I found that just stating what I was working on, helped me see both my downfalls and successes.

The rules of the group (and this thread) are simple

• Keep your sharing focused on your own thoughts and feelings (in other words, it's a thread about what you are thinking and feeling rather than a thread to blame others for your problems.)
• No cross-talk (that means you can't quote a post nor answer someone)
• No fixing others (see above)
• No inappropriate language (that was Celebrate Recovery's rules but I think the forum has those rules also)
• Stick to the time limit (we don't have to worry about that one)

The reason for the rules is to provide a safe place to be honest with yourself. Often times we share only what we expect will be accepted by others. We might hesitate to talk about what's really a struggle for fear that someone will come along and give their opinion on the subject.

So please everybody stick to the rules. The beauty of this thread is that we may really need someone to hear us but not give advice or rescue us.

[Chantellabella]

My name is Cindy and I'm struggling with some depression. This is a rough time for me..........holidays because it reminds me of being on the streets during the holidays, cold and alone.

I'm also struggling with a lot of anxiety about my children. For some reason, I'm nervous that they will not want to be around me anymore. I know it's unrealistic, but that's how I feel.

The biggest thing I'm struggling with right now is integration. I have Dissociative Identity Disorder and parts are integrating feelings and memories. I feel like I'm in shock. I pretty much just move from point A to point B in a trance lately. The shock hit me when I realized (and my parts realized) that yes, we are one person.

Thanks for listening.

[L]

My name is J. and I am struggling with low self esteem, anxiety and I get stressed very easily. At the moment I am having a hard time in college as I am not a very academic person and at the moment I have three 3,000 words assignments to write up and another two on the way.

For the most part I am a positive person and today I told a friends that I was not unhappy in myself at the present time but that I am stressed and betting myself up a lot. I am finding it hard to find some down time as at the moment I am in college 9am every morning and stay doing course work until about about 9:30 pm Monday to Thursday, Friday I will travel home and hopefully met up with my boyfriend for a bit and on the Weekend I will work a 12h shift on Saturday and a broken 9 hour shift on Sunday ending in travelling back to my place of college to start again. I come on here to post and see how everyone is getting on as it keeps me sane at time of high stress.

Today I am having a very anti productive day and spent most if my time staring at the wall!

Take Care
J.x

[Equinox]

I'm struggling with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. When I was 15 I had Glandular fever and ever since then I have lost most of my energy and my sleep has become fragmented due to an immune response. This physical disorder seems to have had a major impact on my mental health. It's very hard to go out, be social and function when feeling so exhausted much of the time.

[Chantellabella]

I'm Cindy and I'm really struggling with a barrage of thoughts and feelings that keep me up all night. I can't seem to push them away like I used to. It's like a lifetime of traumas piled up together and I can't escape them. I'm exhausted.

I know I have to go through integration to heal from all this, but damn this is rough.

[Anteros]

I've been struggling with pretty bad depression lately. The short days don't help.

[WintersTale]

My name is Josh, and I am struggling with depression and anxiety.

This is tough for me, because it's around the Thanksgiving holiday. But my sister got her kids back from her father, who is an ex-con and has been abusive towards the kids, and she is still fighting a custody battle. This is the first time we've seen them since Easter 2012, and I am struggling with anxiety over them being here and depression that they have to go back to their father. I also am feeling insecure that they don't like me, and worried that they might not want to come live here.

That is the clux of the matter. I worry about them not liking me, and worry about their father doing something. I worry a lot, way, too much. That is why I am up at almost 3 am in the morning on a Sunday.

[Chantellabella]

My name is Cindy and I'm struggling again. Haven't stopped struggling in a few days. I'm sad. Very sad. My therapist says that's good. Maybe I should fire her.

And that's another thing. I tend to use humor when things come up for me like feelings. I guess that's a positive thing. I just don't understand why I don't let myself cry. Instead, I'm snorting cheeseballs. No. Not the drug. It's just a reference for me that means I'm stuffing feelings and they burn like hell.

[Arcadia]

I'm struggling with letting go of a relationship that was causing more harm than good. I've been struggling with letting go of the expectations I had for the friendship. I tend to let myself get carried away and think of all the grand possibilities. However, I should have put in more effort, I let my low self worth sabotage something good.

[Chantellabella]

I'm Cindy and I'm struggling today with a fear of going to therapy. It's so hard to be forced to face emotions and memories. I'm angry. I've not had good sleep in a long time. I feel all over the place with emotion. I want to stay stuck and not face my life. It's just easier. It's safer to ignore it all. The hard part is that I go to therapy on Tuesdays in the morning and then I have to work all day till 9 at night. Usually I have a teen program. So wounds get open, extreme pain happens, then I have to shut it off and be a responsible worker. When I left New Orleans, my psychiatrist told the therapist I got here (the sexual abuser one whom I reported) to not deal with the past. He said I wasn't strong enough to deal with it. I guess that's why I see my alters on the outside. I want them as far away as possible from me. But I also want to integrate because if I block out negative feelings of hurt, sadness, etc then I also block out feelings of joy and happiness. It's just hard. Really hard. I know therapy will help me. It has helped me tremendously. It's just really hard. I hate it.

[Chantellabella]

I'm struggling with depression. It got cold today. I haven't been able to climb out of it yet. Cold weather always triggers sadness.

I'm also struggling with trusting my therapist. Today she asked me if I wanted an appt and said I could come in. I told her yes. She never got back with me. Boy do I feel stupid. Stupid and worthless. I'm struggling with all that and still have confused thoughts. I stayed home from work today because I was up all night with a panic attack and acid reflux. I have only slept about 3 hours in the past 5 days. I'm really struggling with a lot of stuff.

Thanks for listening.

[WineKitty]

Cindy I think you are stronger than you realize for even GOING to therapy. I tried not too long ago and it just didn't work out. I was supposed to try another one but haven't.

Today I am struggling with drive. I have things I need to do. But somehow, sitting here being lazy on the internet and drinking coffee and enjoying the total quiet of my house is more soothing than packing a few boxes I need to mail, going to the post office and walking my dog, and doing the dishes. I need to get off my [BEEP] and do some things. I seem to be just sapped of energy lately.

[sunnyside]

Day two without any sleep with normal daily activities. Not restless, no panic attacks like before, which is good, just tiny bit tired,awake as if i'm on a day and not night, both at day and night. It doesn't affect work performance so far, so it's good.

Got a wedding invitation just two days before the big day. Must give words and attend because I'm my family's only representative within the bigger family circle. Planned it right despite the worries, and some hostilities that would occur with my attendance. Put the right color themed dress even though it's not gonna be the proper uniform as the rest of the family wear. Flawless look and preparations. DID NOT go. Such a failure. This gonna drives me into a recluse much more than ever, which is the least expected of me. Learning to put it aside.

Got 3 short episodes of floating this week. Getting better at focusing mind to feel something physically. Self-massage and a bit of self-reflexology to plant the sense of physical sensation. It calmed the mind a bit and depression is at medium.

Goal: Making myself as my own medicine, and cutting down dependencies.

[don]

This is a difficult time of year for me - this time last year I was having a manic episode and I can't remember exactly where I was. It lasted for over a month. It's very frightening to have so many periods in my life that I can't remember.

[Ironman]

My vacation time is too long. I have been off from work for nearly three weeks - and still had time carry over into 2013 that I didn't use.
The first two weeks are fine, but I always get stir crazy during the third week. It leaves me open to so much.