Need some advice

[joyful_cara557]

I'm having a problem and I haven't been to this site in a while since I joined, but I'm hoping someone can help me with this. It's hard to explain, so I'd like to use a quote from a character on a favorite tv show of mine.

"There have been monsters under my bed for so long, that now when they're not there anymore, I feel like I have to create them."

That's basically how I feel with my anxiety. I have these periods of time where I'm not feeling nervous, but because I've been dealing with having panic attacks for so long, it feels strange not to have one. So then I begin to worry about something in order to create one. I feel like if I stop worrying, that something will happen to me and I won't be prepared to fight it or deal with it. I need some help here, because I really want to get to a place where I have anxiety about things but not so much that it takes over my life and stops me from doing the things I love.

[QuietCalamity]

I actually think it makes sense to be afraid of a life without anxiety, when *not* being anxious is so unfamiliar. A lot of things can happen when you don't worry about things. You could connect with more people, fall in love, or fall from a cliff because your fancy-free [BEEP] climbed over the guard rail.

I wonder if maybe there is something subconscious that makes you feel like you need anxiety as a shield. Do you trust yourself to make good decisions without agonizing over each one? Or maybe do you not trust the world enough to stop being hyper vigilant?

Maybe it's just a matter of finding a middle ground between not feeling any anxiety and feeling extreme amounts. I'm guessing (based on my own anxiety) that you are more anxious than you think you are most of the time. It might just be harder to notice because it's not extreme as you are used to?

Sorry, that was really rambley. Hope it helped?

[joyful_cara557]

I think it's that I don't trust the world, like you said. I'm afraid something bad will happen to me, like dying for instance, if I stop worrying all the time about every little thing. I guess if I worry about every little thing, somehow it might save me? Because sometimes people dismiss something a little abnormal and it ends up costing them dearly. I think I just don't want to be one of those people. But my anxiety is at a point where I worry about ridiculous things that probably won't happen. Like having an aneurysm while I'm driving a car or having a heart attack in my sleep. Or even getting attacked by a strange person, I don't know. I still want to have that fight or flight instinct, just not all the time, not when it's not necessary. But I don't know how to control it and differentiate.