trouble making an important decision

[merc]

I have to decide whether or not to go back to school to complete a secondary education degree. I've been tempted to do this before, but do to quitting this program several two times before I'm afraid of making another expensive mistake. I'm worried that I won't be able to handle it. I won't be able to control my anxiety and I'll just wind up more broke. I'm not worried about being able to complete the course work just the actually using the stuff I learn.

I have a terrible time sometimes getting up in front of others and being in charge and talking. I have terrible self esteem. On the plus side i feel fine right now and have been doing well. However, I worry about everything. What happens if I implied again? I call it that because I just retreat further into myself I don't really explode outward.

I'm having trouble finding a new job. Unfortunately, they all seem awful right now.

[Chantellabella]

I have to decide whether or not to go back to school to complete a secondary education degree. I've been tempted to do this before, but do to quitting this program several two times before I'm afraid of making another expensive mistake. I'm worried that I won't be able to handle it. I won't be able to control my anxiety and I'll just wind up more broke. I'm not worried about being able to complete the course work just the actually using the stuff I learn.

I have a terrible time sometimes getting up in front of others and being in charge and talking. I have terrible self esteem. On the plus side i feel fine right now and have been doing well. However, I worry about everything. What happens if I implied again? I call it that because I just retreat further into myself I don't really explode outward.

I'm having trouble finding a new job. Unfortunately, they all seem awful right now.

Life decisions like that are hard. I agree. What I've found that helped is to not think of the far future. I avoided the "what if's" like what if I don't pass. What if I don't a job even with the degree. But all that did was stop me from growing.

I went back to school when my kids were small. I graduated with an undergraduate degree in English two days before having my first child. Then 3 children later and 8 years later as a stay at home mother, I realized that an English degree wouldn't get me anywhere. So I had to make a decision to get a Masters to move on.

It would tough. I remember crying over the stove because I had papers due, had to cook dinner and had to help kids with homework. But what kept me persevering was the fact that I would be 33 years old in 3 years. I could either have a Masters or not have a Masters. The years would be the same and I would still get older.

So I chose to make my life hard for 3 years so I could make it easier down the road. I'm glad I did. My kids came to my graduation and were so proud of me. That meant the world to me. It was like childbirth............I forgot the pain.

Then at age 48, I needed to get another Masters for my job. I was working full time and knew I had to do both to keep my house and afford to live. So I went to work all day and stayed up most of the night doing my Masters work online. Thank goodness my degree was available online. I remember being a bit sleep deprived, but at age 50, I got my second Masters. It's paid off tremendously because when I left my job and after the holidays were over, I got 9 job interviews for great positions.

It's hard. Especially with kids. But it will pay off.

But the choice is yours and you only know what you can do. Taking one day at a time helped me. If I had thought any time beyond that I would have chickened out.

I hope I didn't confuse you more.

Hang in there, my friend.

Cindy

[merc]

Thanks for your advise. I've decided to either go to graduate school for English as a second language or obtain teaching certification. I'm a little worried about teaching certification because it's been so long since I've earned my degree perhaps I'm not ready for teaching certification and may need some refresher courses, but I think with in two or three semesters I can have this done.the hard part for me will be being able to control my negative thought patterns, there are always people who seem way smarter, more confident etc. and so forth. For me it's amazing how much i screw up mentally. How do you not be shy and how not to freak out when an extreme bout of self doubt and shyness hits has always been my biggest problem.