Mom!!!!!!!!?!!?! Where are you ??????????????

[Sagan]

You promised me that when you pass you will come and visit me, and let me know you are there however possible. I keep talking to you. I havent seen or heard from you. Not in my dreams or waking. Maybe you are alive. Born again into another being. I'm so so lost without you!

[Chantellabella]

You promised me that when you pass you will come and visit me, and let me know you are there however possible. I keep talking to you. I havent seen or heard from you. Not in my dreams or waking. Maybe you are alive. Born again into another being. I'm so so lost without you!

She's in heaven. I know that doesn't help.

[Sagan]

She's in heaven. I know that doesn't help.

It does help Cindy. Getting reassurances. I know she is in a better place. No more suffering, no more pokes and doctors every week, no more catheter issues. She was a very strong woman. She held on for as long as she could. For her kids. She never complained to me. Never expressed hopelessness or despair. She did to my Uncle though who she was living with. But never to me or my sister. I'm just so lost without her. She was the one I could always turn to when in crisis or just feeling down. I was never judged, or criticized. She loved unconditionally and was such a kind and generous soul. A great loss to all of us. But she is in a better place now. Free of doctors and being a pin cushion, tests and everything. She is free now. I should take peace in knowing this. But I keep getting the memories of that last day in my mind, her last breath. I watched her die. I made that decision. It haunts me so much. I know in my heart what I did was the right thing to do. But I am still full of regret and what if's.

I appreciate you Cindy for helping me through this and being there to listen. It's going to be a long road ahead. But I made my mom that promise that if anything were to happen to her, I would go on to better myself and not do anything to hurt myself.

[Chantellabella]

It does help Cindy. Getting reassurances. I know she is in a better place. No more suffering, no more pokes and doctors every week, no more catheter issues. She was a very strong woman. She held on for as long as she could. For her kids. She never complained to me. Never expressed hopelessness or despair. She did to my Uncle though who she was living with. But never to me or my sister. I'm just so lost without her. She was the one I could always turn to when in crisis or just feeling down. I was never judged, or criticized. She loved unconditionally and was such a kind and generous soul. A great loss to all of us. But she is in a better place now. Free of doctors and being a pin cushion, tests and everything. She is free now. I should take peace in knowing this. But I keep getting the memories of that last day in my mind, her last breath. I watched her die. I made that decision. It haunts me so much. I know in my heart what I did was the right thing to do. But I am still full of regret and what if's.

I appreciate you Cindy for helping me through this and being there to listen. It's going to be a long road ahead. But I made my mom that promise that if anything were to happen to her, I would go on to better myself and not do anything to hurt myself.

And I'm sure that promise gave her peace also. You're a smart and compassionate young man, Josh. And I know you'll make your mother very proud.

[Sagan]

Thank you Cindy

[Total Eclipse]

(((Josh)))

[Misssy]

death is weird, all those cliches that people say it is true

things like I wished I had made more small talk about anything and I wish that I had listened stuff like that a ... stuff like that, I want to call my brother and talk to him for like three hours but I cant

I used to be able to talk to my brother but the last years it was really hard he just wasnt there mentally it was like he didnt give a [BEEP] about anything and he was shut down... if I had known that I wouldn't ever see him again... I would have been like hey we have to go somewhere and talk... come on we have to just freaking talk about anything

[Sagan]

This is so hard. I never imagined. Dear god. I'm sorry I don't have anything else to say im balling now...weeping. excuse me............FUCK!!

[Chantellabella]

This is so hard. I never imagined. Dear god. I'm sorry I don't have anything else to say im balling now...weeping. excuse me............FUCK!!

Grief comes in waves. I'm still crying over my cat. And now I have the rest of them sick. I keep praying that they'll make it. I'm desperately giving 6 cats 2 medicines twice a day because I'm not sure I'll be able to handle losing my entire furry family at one time.

But yes, grief just washes over you at times...............when something reminds you of your mom. Or holidays. Or just having someone to talk with.

The emotions will wash over you, but they do subside again. Just know that you'll never forget your mother. You'll always miss her though.

And take comfort that you will see her again. I'm looking forward to holding Gumbeaux's paw again when I get to heaven.

Hang in there, my friend.

[Ironman]

It took me over six weeks to cry over my dad - looking at pictures.
I was in so much shock over his sudden passing that I was literally on autopilot, busy with trying to get things in order financially, physically, mentally, and looking after my brother who was in depression pretty bad.
I felt like he was on a business trip and would still be home.

.....the night before he died, we had Chinese food (one of his favorites). He was overjoyed that, being from South Bend, Indiana, that the Bears and the Colts would be in the Super Bowl that year. He wouldn't make it to see the game.

The eight year anniversary is in January.

The grief never goes away, but you do get used to the fact that they are in a better place and that you will have memories.

[Chantellabella]

It took me over six weeks to cry over my dad - looking at pictures.
I was in so much shock over his sudden passing that I was literally on autopilot, busy with trying to get things in order financially, physically, mentally, and looking after my brother who was in depression pretty bad.
I felt like he was on a business trip and would still be home.

.....the night before he died, we had Chinese food (one of his favorites). He was overjoyed that, being from South Bend, Indiana, that the Bears and the Colts would be in the Super Bowl that year. He wouldn't make it to see the game.

The eight year anniversary is in January.

The grief never goes away, but you do get used to the fact that they are in a better place and that you will have memories.