The Middle
"L.O.L + C.A.R = D.O.A"
"Chill, I'll study when the teacher's handing out the test!"
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American Dad
"We have to find God! You become a hopeless alcoholic and hit rock bottom. I'll search rooms."
"You may notice that my partner Greg isn't here, that's because he was raptured. Apparently God does loves gays, but only if they're tops."
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Giligan's Island
"Everytime we played cops and robbers, I was always the cop. I never got to be the good guy!"
"The cop is the good guy."
"Not in my neighborhood..."