Feeling really low

[Coffee]

I'm not sure if this belongs here or in Rants, so feel free to move it around.

For the last month or so I've fallen into a deep, deep depression and for the first time three years I can't see a way out. I had my trust betrayed by the one person I have trusted in three years, my cat is dying, the world is completely messed up beyond repair (seriously, our society is screwed) and I feel like I am unworthy and unloveable.

I've been losing mass amounts of weight without even meaning to. I emailed my ex-therapist and told her what was going on and she freaked the hell out and wanted to see me, but I don't have time. I spend 90% of my time with uni work, and the remaining 10% is what I need to keep me relatively sane. But that doesn't seem to be working anymore.

I'm on the verge of just giving up. I'm starting to not care anymore, and I know from experience of my past that this is not a good sign and it will lead me to self-destruction in the form of alcohol and drug abuse and self harm.

I can't stop thinking about how I finally made myself vulnerable and all I got in return was overwhelming amounts of pain and heartbreak, because everything was going so well before. It's like this person saw inside my core and decided they didn't like me anymore. I feel like there is something inherently wrong with me, like I am just broken. There's something wrong with me as a person. I'm not talking about a superficial label or something that can be fixed with meds - this is something that is reaalllyyy wrong. I thought I was in repair. Obviously I was wrong, like I am about everything.

I feel like it's just not worth the fight anymore. I'm running out of steam and I don't know where to turn, but at the same time I don't know what anyone can do to help. So I'm not quite sure what I'm hoping to get out of posting here because it feels like I'm a lost cause and I've just wasted your time if you've read this. Sorry.

tl;dr - everything is falling apart and I'm too tired to pick up the pieces, so please give me some lovin'.

[CaduceusGUILT]

Hi Coffee!

You're definitely not alone in feeling like this - I feel much the same at times, even recently. You are not a lost cause; no one is. When I feel extremely down, I just talk it out to whoever is willing to listen. I'm always willing to listen, so if you ever feel the need to rant just bug me.

[Coffee]

Hi Coffee!

You're definitely not alone in feeling like this - I feel much the same at times, even recently. You are not a lost cause; no one is. When I feel extremely down, I just talk it out to whoever is willing to listen. I'm always willing to listen, so if you ever feel the need to rant just bug me.

Thank you so much for your reply. Yeah, I've found that talking about it does help a little, but it does feel like temporary relief. Sometimes that's enough to get me through the day so I'm thankful for that (like writing it here is going to help me now) but then it just comes back and I get so overwhelmed and I don't know what to do.

How else have you managed to deal with these feelings - if you feel comfortable sharing?

[CityofAngels]

When a bad relationship screws me up like that I always figure there is some lesson about human dynamics I have to figure out before the pain will go away. So I just lie in bed thinking about what went wrong trying to find the key that unlocks everything. It helps me get over things. But I never think of myself as being unlovable I just think I need to understand relationships better. When it works and I finally get that key insight I was looking for its like a wave of good feelings come over me and I cry in a good way. Anyway I intellectualize everything and so this is how I get over this stuff. But betrayal is a very hard thing to overcome, especially how it makes you not want to trust anymore. But I always feel that if I can understand what went wrong I can trust again because I won't make that same mistake again.

Anyway if that doesn't help you here are some brownies I made:

[CaduceusGUILT]

Talking about it usually helps me, as long as the person I share it with is positive and responsive. It's best to surround yourself with supportive people, which I hope this site can help you with.

[Coffee]

Stop beating yourself up, or I'll squeeze you to death I think you might be over working yourself with school. You need to take some time and think of yourself, give your body a rest do what's good for YOU.

Thank you I'm going to work super fast today so I can have some time to myself and do something that I genuinely like doing. Whatever that is haha.

When a bad relationship screws me up like that I always figure there is some lesson about human dynamics I have to figure out before the pain will go away. So I just lie in bed thinking about what went wrong trying to find the key that unlocks everything. It helps me get over things. But I never think of myself as being unlovable I just think I need to understand relationships better. When it works and I finally get that key insight I was looking for its like a wave of good feelings come over me and I cry in a good way. Anyway I intellectualize everything and so this is how I get over this stuff. But betrayal is a very hard thing to overcome, especially how it makes you not want to trust anymore. But I always feel that if I can understand what went wrong I can trust again because I won't make that same mistake again.

Anyway if that doesn't help you here are some brownies I made:

Those brownies are awesome! Thank you so much for your words of wisdom. I think you're right in that I need to just feel these emotions instead of pushing them away, and I need to accept them so that I can try to move forward while thinking about what went wrong. I've replayed it in my head a million times and I can't think of anything specifically... I think the scariest thing is maybe considering that I haven't done anything - maybe it's just me? On a somewhat related note I've just managed to hurt someone a million miles away, unintentionally, with just my words, without even realising what the hell happened. Yep. There's something wrong with me. Ugh.

Talking about it usually helps me, as long as the person I share it with is positive and responsive. It's best to surround yourself with supportive people, which I hope this site can help you with.

thank you!