Caleb
Usually i`m not too big on forgiveness, myself, nor do I really excpect it from others. But if that does somehow happens its great. As for forgiving abusers, though, I don`t think I could do that. Even if that person has truly changed, it doesn't make up for what they have done. Cliches and good intentions are great and all, and i`m sure that giving that person my "approval" or forgiveness would grant me the illusion that I was the bigger man. But, all and all, I don`t like to lie. An ex abuser or whatnot is not someone I would like to befriend, as they were probably not really my friend to begin with. If they wanna change and develop as a person that's great for them. But I aint their shrink. That`s about that.
So do I believe a taunter can change? of course. Yes. But only if they put their entire being into it.
Though in most cases, change is something that can takes years, and how we are at our core (some of our repetitive nature) will always play a part in everything we do.
For example. You and your brother. Despite your best intentions, he can`t forgive you. If the circumstances are bad enough, the how and why has all but become irrelevant.
In his eyes, you abandoned him. Insulted him. Betrayed his trust. All he sees in the one person he wanted to believe in, go away time and time again. Probably when he thought that he needed you the most.
The reality of the situation of course is somewhat different. Nothing in life is ever really black and white, and you probably did what you had to do to survive. Which is understandable. But in his eyes, everything you say is probably something that he considers as an insult. I know that I should tell you something in the line of "don`t give up on him!", but, to be honest, i`m not an optimist. I don`t think that whats happening between you is ever really going to change. True, as the years go by, things may appear to settle. After all, the busier we are, the less time we have to dwell on things. But some things will stay with us forever. And I believe that there is in fact a part in him that knows that you didn't mean to hurt him, and that you were young. He probably knows that his pain is now irrational, and that him thinking about you as if you were more then just a sister, was a mistake. I`m sure he knows that. After all, he`s not a little boy anymore. He`s a grown man. But... maybe there`s a part in him that needs to be upset with you. Maybe that`s the only way for him to remember you as his big sister. Maybe he`s afraid to realize that, without resenting you, he may have to face an even more terrifying truth about himself. Maybe he`s afraid that, even if he could put all this bad blood behind him, it wont change the fact that doesn't know you anymore. I dunno anything real about this situation apart from what your willing to share here, but I do know that you cant be upset with someone for years, without liking or loving something about them. Maybe he afraid to realize that blood truly is thicker then water. Maybe a part in him needs something symbolic, maybe he needs a villain.
So to answer your final question. People are people, and no two are alike. Depends on the person. Not everyone can change, and sometimes even a positive change can develop into a different type of destructive behavior. You never know, until you know. Even a changed person doesn't really get "born again", he simply adjusts his attitude. But as for faith. That I believe is something which can truly change at any given day. I hope you enjoyed my rely and can forgive my somewhat direct input on your situation. You guys are way older then me, and i`m sure that you are much wiser then I am. You know whats best for you, better then anyone here.