So done with this [BEEP]! Beyond hurt!!!

[Keddy]

This is really personal and hard for me to talk about, so keep that in mind while reading... Thank you... Just any support at all would be helpful and highly appreciated. I'm kind of in crisis here.
So I finally heard back from a friend I haven't seen in a while. I thought I had a good enough relationship with this person to mention to him that I was feeling really depressed recently and that I'd self-injured which I hadn't done in a long time. I just wanted someone to vent to, I guess. I mistakenly thought he was a real friend.
He got angry at me. Like, I'm talking LOST HIS FUCKING [BEEP] and BLEW UP AT ME. He called me immature and childish and a fucking idiot, and I swear to God I am fucking crying my eyes out right this very fucking second as I'm writing this.
I explained what my therapist told me, that no one should be angry at me about it, and that I had moved on from the incident and I've been doing much better with handling my depression. I said I knew it was stupid but that sometimes I just blame myself for [BEEP] that isn't my fault and I break down.
He was like, "This is why you have no friends, Keddy, and you're going to die a fucking virgin."
It hurt. It fucking HURT!
And it gets worse. Oh, it does.
He just kept going with it and was like "You're 20 fucking years old, Keddy. And you're still mentally twelve." Well, can I help it that I have some disabilities and disadvantages?! Not everyone is going to grow up to be perfect. I AM NOT FUCKING PERFECT NOR WILL I EVER EVER EVER BE FUCKING PERFECT.
Why would someone get angry at me for hurting myself?! Shouldn't they be a little bit concerned?! And for God's sakes, it was weeks ago! I would've never mentioned it if I knew this would be the aftermath! I HATE HAVING FRIENDS! THIS IS WHY I DON'T TRY! THEY ARE NOT REAL FRIENDS!
So I finally gave in and started to cry and said something like, "Well, at least I didn't try to kill myself this time. I'm grateful I didn't." Because I've done that before and he knows it. I've ended up in the hospital because of it. I was bullied to the point of two suicide attempts in high school.
So this is the worst part.
He said, "Well, trying doesn't hurt. Maybe you'll be more successful this time around. Third time's a charm." Or something equally horrible and cruel.
Are you FUCKING kidding me?! He SUGGESTED THAT I KILL MYSELF?!
I really thought I was past that point in my life and I know I'm stronger than that, but just hearing someone say that... It really makes me think about it.
I won't kill myself though because that's what he wants. That's always what the bullies wanted in high school. They were just waiting for me to drop dead so they could piss on my grave.
Yet I am shocked that anyone could possibly say something like that to me. Or even remotely LIKE the idea of me being dead. It makes me fucking SICK!
I feel so ashamed and miserable right now. I am not going to take matters into my own hands at this point but I wouldn't mind suddenly having an aneurysm and dying in my sleep tonight. Or coming down with an incurable illness. Or having a bad accident and dying instantly.
That is all. Goodnight everyone. Sorry if I said anything stupid but I'm totally heartbroken right now. The thought of someone wanting me dead...?

[life]

im so sorry

[merc]

Your friend was very insensitive before you write him off; he may be dealing with some issues that you aren't aware of and just got angry because it's always about you. He did seem over the top angry at you. I don't know this person or what his motivation was, but if he is a true friend he once he calms down he may apologize.

I'm really sorry for you. Most people do not like others dumping all their emotional baggage on them. I had to learn this the hard way.

[Chantellabella]

Sorry this happened. Friends can be honest, but a true friend will say honest things to you in a kind manner.

[James]

I'm sorry that happened to you...you're friend really should have been more empathetic, more understanding. I kind of know what it's like to be in that situation. When I was a sophomore in hs, I had a best friend I had known for about two years. I came to school one day after I had self-harmed, and he saw the cuts on my arms. I was wearing a long-sleeved shirt, but you could see the ones near my wrist. (when I do it now, I do it where I know it will be covered up). Anyway he grabbed my arm and pulled up my sleeve, and then stared at me, asked me if I did that to myself, and when I said yes, he started laughing at me. He told me that I was sick in the head, that there was something wrong with me, and he got in my face and told me to stay the [BEEP] away from him. I saw him later on that day at his locker and he laughed at me. That afternoon, I found out he had started telling everyone about it. Other kids started making fun of me in the hallways and in my classes. It was really, really bad, I wanted to die. That followed me through the rest of hs. I grew up in a small town, my class had 80 people in it, so the whole fucking town knew about it. Anyway I guess some people just don't know how to react to it. It freaks some people out, and they don't know how to respond. It's easier said than done, but I have to try to find a way to not take it personally. Other people have noticed my scars (even though they're covered up by a t-shirt) and I've gotten some really negative reactions, some really ugly comments. It may take some time but I try to tell myself that it's not personal, people just don't know how to react. It sounds like your friend just didn't know how to react. Just my two cents.

[Chloe]

Really sorry to hear about how your friend reacted it's really not fair on you especially if you invested more trust into your friendship and was reaching out for help, I understand what some people are saying about not writing your friend off because he may have issues but that's still a bug harsh reaction to have And you do right by not giving in to what they want your obviously the better person because your upset and not hurting anyone (and even though it's not ideal if your hurting yourself your not deliberately inflicting pain on others unlike these 'friends' and bullies) As hard as it is forget all the spiteful horrible things your 'friend' said cause I promise you none of it should be said weather it's true (which it won't be) or not.

I know you may not want to talk to a stranger but there will be tons of people on here who won't care if your Venting just as long as your okay and safe

[meeps]

He said, "Well, trying doesn't hurt. Maybe you'll be more successful this time around. Third time's a charm." Or something equally horrible and cruel.
Are you FUCKING kidding me?! He SUGGESTED THAT I KILL MYSELF?!

This is inexcusable. Someone who truly cared about you would never, EVER tell you to kill yourself. I wouldn't contact him again, he's a toxic ignorant shithead, plain and simple. : ( *sends u mind hugs*

[Keddy]

Thank you everyone. I have not continued to have contact with this asshole since then. He's out of my life, where he belongs.
Thanks for your support, guys