Hi all, just wanted to make a post while I have a little courage.
I'm 31, college grad, and on disability for social phobias, severe depression, agoraphobia, and GAD.
My life revolves around panic attacks and avoiding anything and everything that might cause them.
So I rarely go out at all, and the only people I talk to are immediately family and the occasional person online.
Even posting here is nerve-wracking, took me almost 2 weeks to just post this intro.
I had cancer last year, and after surgery and radiation, they tell me I'm cured. The physical emergency is completely over, but the emotional scars are still there. Both my doctors and family seem to think that since the tumor is gone, everything should be just peachy. But the whole experience has done a real number on my mind, and even the safety of my home seems to be shaken. I'm angry all the time now, especially with the medical profession and my family, who were in such denial that they accused me of making it all up. It wasn't until they saw me in the hospital that they finally admitted something might be happening.
But I do try not to dwell on these feelings, they just aren't constructive at all.
I wanted to be a writer or a poet. Even got an English Lit degree, which looks good on a resume but doesn't make me employable :
I was working on a fantasy novel a few years ago, but fear has me in a perpetual writer's block.
I have a clear picture of how I want my life to be, but I have no idea how to get there from here.
There have been a few baby steps recently, ie talking to the college here about taking accounting classes, maybe get a bookkeeping job. So maybe there's hope after all.
Thanks for letting me ramble!!
Hoping to find understanding souls or maybe just a fun place to visit.
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