i've been wanting to get a job for a really long time so i can help my mom out with bills and such,I have really bad social anxiety. When it comes to the job application i'm always hesitant thinking about talking to people or having a costumer be rude and i'll most likely cry (i cry easily if i get yelled at). Do you have a job while dealing with social anxiety? How do you deal with talking to people and everything?
The Awkward Conversationalist
I have social anxiety and I work a full-time job. I am a manager as well.
Social anxiety doesn't get in the way as much as I thought it would with my job. I work at a film studio so a lot of what I do is not very interactive with other people. For the most part I'm editing clips and I do that by myself.
When I'm doing camera work or I'm in a board meeting, I do have to be around other people, and that makes me nervous. I always think I'm going to screw up and do something awkward, and honestly, a lot of times I am pretty awkward.
As a manager, I really only have to deal with people face-to-face when there's a conflict, or someone is in trouble, or someone needs help with something. This is very anxiety-producing. I had to fire someone just the other day and I was scared as hell. But I did it and nothing went wrong.
How I deal with my social anxiety at work is this: I try to avoid being around people who have issues with me. I have one very close friend and I am also close with my boss, so I try to stay around the two of them as much as I can because I feel comfortable around them. I know that if I'm in an embarrassing social situation they will back me up. I also try to separate being professional from having personal relationships. The more I focus on my job, and whether I'm doing my job right and what tasks I have to complete for that day, etc., the less I worry about other people and what they think of me.
Does that make any sense? I hope I explained what I was trying to say correctly. Hope that was helpful.
Keddy
"It is never too late to be what you might have been." - George Eliot
My work has helped me with my anxieties
life---><---me
Diggin' My Potatoes
I'm stuck in what feels like perpetual unemployment. I've only had one job and it only last about a month and a half for reasons both related and unrelated to my anxiety. Needless to say, it's a pretty significant problem.
“Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist.” — George Carlin
"If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little." — George Carlin
It's noble of you to want to help your family out. Perhaps you can apply for jobs that don't require as much customer interaction? And don't be embarrassed, no one deserves to be yelled at or talked to rudely. I've worked in customer service and most people are actually decent and polite- it's maybe 5% that are unpleasant.Fallen and can't get up
I have very bad social anxiety actually, and ironically have been working in customer service since I was 15 (I'm 22 now). I won't lie, the job itself is extremely stressful for someone with SA... It's not just customers you have to interact with, but also your coworkers, supervisors, managers and assistant managers, perhaps the owner(s), and even your own workers if you have supervision duties. The job itself is not hard at all, anyone with two brain cells to rub together can do it. It's really all the human interaction that kills me. BUT! Every place is different. I also worked briefly at a coffee shop where every customer was pleasant, my coworkers were pleasant, the manager was a darling, and the owner(s) appreciated their workers.
Like I said, I haven't dealt with many horrible people... But the ways I've handled complaints/bitchings were:
1. Tell them in a straightforward manner why I cannot grant their request. I try to sound apologetic and tell them I wish I could give them what they want, rather than being stiff. Then I'll maybe suggest an alternative to them if I can think of one.
2. If the above doesn't work, I will tell them I'll talk to my supervisor/manager. This usually satisfies them, even if I come back saying the same thing.
3. If it's not too unreasonable and can be easily absorbed, I'll just give them what they want so they can go away, and time/energy can be spent on other customers (they leave if made to wait too long after all).
A lot of times I just froze and freaked out though. You learn to just roll with it the best you can :/ To be honest, handling coworkers/bosses/underlings is infinitely more difficult. But again, every workplace culture is different.
my job revolves around complaints and some very rude, dissatisfied, condescending people. Of course not all of them are that way. Some simply want a problem fixed and are wonderful at decribing what they would like to have done without resorting to personal attacks. Some days it is extremely hard not to respond with attitude but if I can follow my rule of thimb which is to separate the problem from the problem-er things usually work out fine. Even with irate residents, if I can work with the person to stay in the present and clarify the issue at hand and give them a time frame and my assurance it will be alleviated a lot of times I can feel them start to soften a bit. Like inane says, if the person knows you genuinely care about what they have to say it works out most times. best of luck.
I have SA and cry easily when I get yelled at, too. In my work experience, I've found that when a customer is belligerent, I handle it better than I would predict, probably because I have a professional "face" on. Plus coworkers tend to be pretty supportive about that kind of thing. Like others said, I think it's more difficult when you first start and you're trying to fit in and get to know your coworkers. But it's all something that gets easier with time and practice.
I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. -- Maya Angelou
Habitual Failure
I haven't had a job since 2002 and that was in a stockroom doing shipping and inventory control, but before that I worked in retail and hated every last second of it. The customers were really horrible because those jobs were in southeast Florida and they were mostly demanding tourists. Two of my jobs were working in a photo lab, so I'd offer free prints and free film (yeah, we still used film then) to them just to shut them up. Several old men tried to instigate physical confrontations with me because they felt I was too quiet/unhelpful and they insisted on blaming me for any issues they were having. It never went that far because I would immediately call for a manager to deal with them and walk away. They didn't fire me because I was the only employee who didn't constantly complain and I actually did know what I was doing. Not that the jobs were difficult, but the other employees still managed to mess things up. I would also slip into what I consider a dissociative state at times and completely forget where I was for a while, you'd have to yell at me or tap me on the shoulder to snap me back into reality.
Reading that mess I just posted may yield you the following advice regarding dealing with the subject of talking to people:
a) Know exactly what you need to do to call a manager over to deal with the customer; that's their job, so go ahead and make them do it
b ) If possible, give the customer a gift of some sort, they love to feel they just got rewarded for complaining
c) Cultivate your dissociation abilities, it helps
I also began to heavily abuse alcohol and other drugs, but I certainly wouldn't recommend it. Best of luck, I'm rooting for you.
^Regarding (a), I recommend dealing with it to the best of your ability first. Unless it's absolutely necessary, I will not pull my manager away from more important things to deal with some deranged customer. I remember when I first started working as a 15 or 16yo, I would handle conflicts by myself and my supervisor wouldn't step in, even when I was near tears and trembling... She would wait till it was over, then come and ask if I was okay.
My own workers almost always turned to me whenever something came up, which irritates me. No, it is also part of your job description to try handling it yourself as well. I'm there if you cannot, but you must first try. (Mostly though I feel like they have better people skills than I do anyways, and would do a better job at it lol).
Socially inept Koala
I have social anxiety and two jobs. Though I just started working a near 9 months ago (Im 24) and got jobs out of absolute necessity since I pretty much had too. My first job is early morning stock at Macy's which is the most relaxed chill job on earth. I mostly just put out stock then leave
Working and having a job for the most part is easier than socializing with strangers. For me anyway it is so much easier to talk to people about work related stuff because it is part of my job. It is just when it's not part of the job where I fall apart. You know the people who are able to hang out after work and socialize. At least work makes me have to do some social activity but, I have no friends. I think it is really strange that I have no friends, yet, I don't think that it is uncommon.
I have had to work which means no matter what I feel or how much I've fallen apart that day, I have to get there and keep a smile on my face all day.
If you have the luxury of not working, that can actually be a detriment to healing because it allows you to not push yourself out the door. I know when I had that option briefly as a stay at home mother, it was easy for me to hide all day while my kids were at work. But all that did was keep me stuck and feeling like I "can't" do better.
Since I don't have a choice whether to work or not, I have to overcome whatever I feel everyday to get through the door. My job requires a smile on my face at all times. Yes, it's very hard, but each time I accomplish the task of working through the pain, I get closer to healing.
The Hokey Pokey IS what it's all about
A bunch of anxieties in one small package!
I have a full time job in customer service. I deal with so much stuff a day it's really overwhelming. I think it's just really important to find the right work place. My work place is very accommodating, and I told them outright that I have SAD and at times it might be hard for me to communicate and y'know they were totally ok with it.
It also sometimes helps when you're in a position of power over the person. If they yell at you or are upset then you just have to remember "it's ok, I can tell them to leave, I can call my manager" I have cried when a guest yelled at me but it's ok you're human!
I do feel so exhausted when I come home though, it takes a lot out of me and it makes it hard for me to do any house work I just want to be alone and away from everyone. Having a job has helped with SAD because I am actually out there talking to people and I think that's a great step.
I guess that'd be the best advice I could give. It's really super hard but I mean you won't have to worry about paying your bills.
Are you still in school? What kind of work experience do you have so far?
Depending on what your job history is, you might be able to find positions where you don't have to work with the public but only with your coworkers and your manager. I know people who hate working with customers so they took a desk job working in an office.
How are you with talking on the phone? With the job I just mentioned, it's not with customers but with coworkers and other employees.
Although I don't have social anxieties a lot of my triggers can come through in social situations. I work in a very much male environment which is a huge trigger and yet over the year I've worked their I've been challenged with the work as well as coping with the numerous triggers which are around and I must say it's helped me a lot. I've gotten less likely to react to a lot of things and it's given me an escape from bad days when I need to think about something other than how much I feel like I'm screwing my life up
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