I wish I could find an anti psychotic medication that doesn't cause weight gain!
I wish I could find an anti psychotic medication that doesn't cause weight gain!
Deep suffering!!! Only so much sum1 can take then its al over then they gone!!
My work requires us to have face to face meetings, and conference calls from time to time. I actually do better usually face-to-face, for reasons I can't figure out. Maybe it's because you can't read body language and facial expressions over the phone, and when it comes to communication (because of my anxiety) I need all the help, all the cues I can get lol. Anyways my last face-to-face went really well, that was last week. My last conference call was this morning. Thank God all we had to do was listen, cos I was anxious as hell this morning. My anxiety is so f-ing strange, I can't even figure it out. Guess if I could, I'd have gotten over it by now.
I drank a beer and now I'm getting horrible palps.
I can't go back to sleep, I hate being a short sleeper.
I wish this extreme paranoia would go away
It's so frustrating not having anyone who really shares my interest. There are things I wish I could discuss with someone and bounce ideas around with, explore things in depth, but there's no one. I'm always on my own when it comes to this.
Neuroscience, neurophilosophy, autism, psychiatry, psychology, health, fitness, digital painting, and films (in genres that I'm interested in). I tend to analyse things to a degree that others find tedious though. Like lately I've been watching tonnes of interviews on YouTube and picking apart the body language; looking for signs of awkwardness, watching the dynamics (because I'm trying to understand my SA better).
I am so, so tired of dealing with all this stuff...the anxiety especially. Depression I can mostly deal with, though that's no day at the beach either. Depression is going to follow me around for the rest of my life. I've pretty much resigned myself to the fact that I'm never going to get over it, I'm going to carry it around forever, like luggage. There is no magic pill oc, and you can't talk your way (in therapy) out of depression. There is no "cure".
Anxiety really just pisses me off sometimes. It's frustrating.
I took my kids and my niece and nephew to the Astros v Royals game yesterday, and I was the only adult there and we did fine. It was a lot of fun and I was fairly relaxed. I didn't have to get onto anybody....the kids know I'm pretty laid back and will put up with a fair amount of teenage bs but they also know not to push it. So it went really well. And we've got another game today....this time it's me, my kids, cousins, and my parents. So I'm not as outnumbered lol. I just don't feel like dealing with the crowds today. Fifty thousand other fans. I'll be fine once I get there, I always am. I just hate, hate, hate dealing with the anxiety. Sometimes I think I would give up a limb not to have it anymore. Or trade it in for a serious physical disability. Seriously. I f-ing hate it that much. I absolutely despise the anxious part of me, the part of me that just wants to lock myself in my apartment and never come out again. I hate that part of me so, so much.
I hate the evening time. It's when I struggle the most. More difficult to distract myself.
life---> <---me