Physically and emotionally gassed. Anxious, depressed, a little paranoid and exhausted. Hiding under the covers seems like a fantastic idea right now.
Physically and emotionally gassed. Anxious, depressed, a little paranoid and exhausted. Hiding under the covers seems like a fantastic idea right now.
Chasing up the landlord to try and get the repairs done. At least I guess he seems willing to call in a repairman. Now it's just a case of getting the repairman in.
Really hate the amount of anxiety I get from having to call, email or text with "can I have an update?"
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I'M GONNA FIGHT 'EM ALL
A SEVEN NATION ARMY COULDN'T HOLD ME BACK.......
I'm alright, it's not at all from our PMs. I have this tendency to over-extend myself, get emotionally/mentally tired and then collapse in a pile of crap.
When it happens, I think of this old blog: https://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.c...-be-adult.html
While it doesn't address the circumstance exactly, it is a good representation of the cycle I go through.... and it's funny.
Aside from that, there are real life issues that are just pissing me off, but it's more a slow-burn irritation than a flashfire. The flashfire type is easier to cope with than a slowburn. With a flashfire you have a tantrum and a cry (and possibly an apology) and it's done with. The slowburn.... that's kind of thing that leads to disintegration in various ways, where it sneaks up on you.... You see your greasy hair in the mirror and think stuff like -
"Wait.... when DID I last shower?"
"I last went outside when? Nah, you've got to be kidding"
"When did THAT start growing there?"
I am okay, I'm just realising that I need to conserve a little energy right now. Thanks for asking.
What isn't bothering me? I am just so upset with myself on a daily basis. Yesterday I had an amazing start to the day. I exercised in the morning like I haven't been for a while (since the pandemic started I've been pretty bad about working out and have gained some fat) and felt great. Then on my way into work, I initiated a social interaction with someone. And while I was annoyed with myself for not being more charismatic, I felt really optimistic that I did that because it's a big step for me.
But since then, I've been back to my old ways. No talking to anyone, spend more time daydreaming than working on my goals... man, I don't even know what my regrets are anymore... do I have the strength to change my habits tonight? To make progress, and get back to my OLD old ways?
I don't know... at least if not, I can daydream about having lots of friends and being happy.
Someone tried being friendly with me for ulterior motives pushing questions out of me I didn't feel comfortable with and didn't make me feel safe.
Hey, @Sainnot don't beat yourself up, we all have days we need breaks Your exercise was just the first step. Make small goals per day. That seems to have been a huge goal for you to tackle yesterday and maybe that was all that you could handle and that's quite ok. I'm proud of you!
What would you do with a neighbour who ignored you for about 10 years and now wants to be your new best friend? I told the mother to tell her to go feck off. She booted all her own sons out of the house. So is now in there alone. Sending Easter cards with a little gift. Telling my mother she will go to the hospital with her today for a follow up appointment. My mother refused the offer. This is a woman who ruined any friendships she ever made over the years. Never cared what went on in her own house because she was never there. Talking wild parties nearly every weekend and rave music every day of the week. The height of the music. At times the music might even come on at 1am. Lord knows we were at war with her and her sons for years. We never held back at all. Suddenly she is acting like nothing ever happened. Like she is a Saint of a person who wants to be there for you. She can feck off and go drive others crazy with her depressive moods. meaning all she ever talks is bloody doom and gloom. Like her sons left her alone in the house. When it was her who kicked them out. At best I simply smile and say hello and leave it at that.
The Lovable Irish Rogue
Just ONE day without a random spike in anxiety would be fantastic, thanks universe....