Random Thought of the Day

[Heelsbythebridge]

This is the worst time of my life

And it's not even at the bottom yet

[Doseone]

I don't know why rich people like yachts. Like, wow, you're on the water. What is that supposed to do for you? lol. It's just stupid imo.

[Nyctophilia]

I've been in a really weird headspace for like 5? days now. Moreso than usual. I shouldn't post stuff before going to sleep (I've been awake for probably 24 hours now lol,) and will probably regret this later but oh well.

I ended up back on tumblr again. So surreal. Like what is this poll lol? Racoon? I would have voted for the option that won too tbh obviously (but the poll was closed.)



like just the things people say on this website. Actually I think I came across this in a YouTube upload of someone's twitch stream chat at some point as well:

he is so. gender

Sir? I'm gonna need u to hand over ur gender 🙂

Oh my God I do this all the time it's so weird like my sense of time is stuck somewhere around 2004~:





I listened to this song too many times now. I'm going to just wake up thinking 'Cities full of hatred Fear and lies':



Making a playlist of songs called Jacob's Ladder.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z3gvOV40ccU

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L_SmgtN0ETc
So there's a bunch of stuff like this and I think it's mostly the same few people because there's probably only 20 people posting in these tags lol.

#b4 anyone tries to yell at me abt the flag#i just identify w it more bc the sunset flag wasn't rlly a thing yet when i came out

Lol I assumed they meant 'because he's a straight guy' but no then it clicked they mean because that flag was created by a terf or something. Some history I don't remember but vaguely remember. Think this video goes into it No it was a different flag made by a terf the lipstick lesbian flag was created by someone who posted a lot of racist stuff and disliked butch women OK.

I reverse image searched that to find the original and found a reddit thread why is this the second time I've seen someone say this is it the same person haha?

Since when did Geddy Lee used to look like me mum

I always figure he looked a bit like my grandma

That I kind of get. It's the glasses probably. Invented #grandmacore hahaha.

list of men that look like lesbians so its ok im attracted to them:

young keanu reeves
young geddy lee
old tommy shaw

I could pretend I'm confused but I get what they're getting at stereotypically:



Also can see why this pisses a lot of people off but replace fandom with sexuality label. Since I seem to be here now fandomwise lol....



I mean this is a superniche tiny fandom on tumblr but I see people doing this with other people as well. I guess this is why someone invented 'bi-lesbian' (probably not lol.) I'm attracted to all the guys a certain subset of lesbians like lol...... Is that why YouTube thought I was a lesbian for a while? Probably not. People seem to have got that idea often throughout my life anyway and there's basically no bisexual community anywhere. I'm going to start calling myself a queer-heterosexual-lesbian in honour of that one twitter post and to piss off all my enemies.

These women have invented a sort of heterosexual lesbianism.

It's more annoying than bi-lesbian hahaha. But no.



well maybe. Are they insinuating there's something wrong with sexuality and gender being a spectrum? OK we get it your personal sexuality is rigid Jesus Christ. Also lol 'not changed into'

my sexuality (I mean the song title/lyrics but technically I did seem to 'imprint' on a closeted trans woman I once had a crush on who looked like Steven Wilson sort of so it probably explains about 50% then I got into Steven Wilson a few years later then Porcupine Tree and so on ):

learning about nisu (泥塑) this morning changed my life a little.

[nisu posts are usually gentle and often protective in tone, giving a sense of genuinely treasuring the idol even when hard-core thirsting.] ' my tweets'.

[The highest compliment I can give to a man is to call him 'wife.'] this weibo user is real. only lesbians can understand

And in the ashes of our shared fate, there is just me, you, and our humanity.] ? jesus??yeah?..this is #FEMINISM and #LESBIANISM fr..

Even the only other Western person I found relating to that Nisu thing is using the lesbian label lol. Look I'm lazy you were all (all one of you who noticed it,) supposed to invent a new label like they were doing in China. I can't work with this. I don't want to argue with the LGB community. Also tired of being labelled terms from East Asian subcultures like OK but I live in the UK, pre-date this online community, and I'm not dealing with fujoshi 2.0.

Isn't everyone tired? Evidently not. Oh well I still have queer. I think most people are more into women than I am so it's easier for them to call themselves lesbians. I just miss the old internet before the internet shrunk to a few large sites and the culture war exploded everywhere. And it's a non-stop hate ride.

There has to be a clear distinction. I can understand how straight people are reacting, i am reacting similar. I can't be a hypocryte. Being Gay is the same as Straight and Bisexual, it is nature. The rest, i have no idea what it is.

Demonic possession apparently.

How about everyone on this thread seek JESUS CHRIST. He will help you.

The TQ+ was an add on to push Critical Theory to lead into marxism.

I applaud and support the LGB community.

They don't have a single new argument for any group they go after. It's been the same thing for 100 years.



1. You're all pedo/groomers 2. the thing I don't like is communism.

Eg: this protest from Arkansas in 1959 about 'race mixing'



"Just like the old days~♪"

This is the strangest infighting I've ever seen.

It's funny when someone who just hates everyone comes along.

This is a cool song too:






🤣 (also she's tweeted stuff about being a witch and being burnt etc before. At one point she was pimping a t-shirt or something.)

[Heelsbythebridge]

Are a few good moments a year worth living for? I'm not even saying a few good days - just moments. I feel like I'm taking crazy pills, are other people just happy and enjoying life?

[Heelsbythebridge]

Work has been a horror show today. I am not finding chemistry with my coworkers and I enjoy literally nothing in my new role. It's worse in every regard.

I was still able to do some of my old responsibilities - that I still found some joy and satisfaction in - up until now... my boss told me to stop and she'll take over.

Can something, anything in my life go right? It's been nearly a year of constant torture everyday in every aspect, I already lost the first 2 decades of my life. I can't do this anymore, any of this.

[Heelsbythebridge]

I also feel so shitty because I don't know if I can find or do a different job. I just don't have the will anymore, I feel so utterly exhausted and defeated. Is it just time to make a permanent exit plan? I won't be able to survive without a high enough paying job, but they all freaking SUCK in the private sector!

[Heelsbythebridge]

And as an extra kick in the teeth, I get my period.

[Nyctophilia]

So yeah I was thinking about this track again. I don't know who's decision this was but I thought/heard maybe they used a waterphone or some similar instrument. I don't think so though? I mean I can't confirm that. Might have just used a harp/other strings or something and achieved a similar effect by other means. It definitely sounds like water though which is really cool/suits the song. I was way too excited about that prospect though when I first heard this song years ago though lol. 'THE LYRICS AND THE TITLE ARE ABOUT WATER. AND IT SOUNDS LIKE WATER SOUNDS OH MY GOD.' Actually I think the song is partly about Virginia Woolf's suicide.

But that reminded me about water based instruments.

Waterphones are so cool because you can get this really creepy/ethereal/alien sound





Just the best.

So glass is really cool too. Glass and metal. The first time I heard someone make music using water was I think when I was in France but I might have been in London I don't really remember lol but they were using glasses full of water and I thought that was so cool.







Yeah it's kind of weird that I basically have a life long special interest that's just 'water' but yeah lol. 🤣

[Nyctophilia]

It's funny because I'm not keeping up with this at all lol. (I mean I saw the cheerleader pics though lol those really blew up.) I was a big fan of their first 2 albums and to a lesser extent their third as a teenager. (I didn't buy their fourth album Danger Days but have listened to a few tracks from it.) I still occasionally listen to their music for nostalgia reasons on/off. Always wanted to see them live but never got the opportunity (they were supporting Green Day on their tour in 2005 and I did go to one of Green Day's concerts on that tour but they didn't come to the UK because they were only supporting them on the American leg of the tour,) then they reunited during covid of all times and I didn't feel comfortable going to a large concert at that time due to covid but also the location they played at in the UK was awkward to get to for me and at a large stadium and I generally prefer concerts where I can get closer to the stage ideally. I'm hoping I might one day get the opportunity to see them at a smaller venue but I don't think I will. Some large bands will play medium sized venues at times like Deftones and A Perfect Circle but I feel like they won't.

I checked out this song too when it was released but haven't checked out anything else (actually I don't think they've released anything else?):



I quite liked it. Probably nostalgia mostly though. It sort of combines some of the better elements of their first 3 albums I think but some production issues. Parts of it also remind me a bit of Coheed and Cambria Welcome Home. Sure I've said this before. Which I guess is why looking now it's being described as progressive-emo lol. (Also the intro and some other bits and pieces.)



edit: The bat outfit is a look tbh.

Lol the 9/11 > 50 shades of Grey meme.

Oh my God the flamethrower <3 I fucking love flamethrowers.

Lol rats and lizards on the tour? Very tumblr trans masc stereotypes. I guess with the cats that kind of completes the set because of the whole trans catgirl thing.

Lol remembering listening to this track through headphones when one earbud stopped working and the intro would just be intense drumming.

[Nyctophilia]

nah you say that and then it's something very nuanced and thoughtful

Kind of shocking when someone responds to something I tweeted like this and on that account, because the app is just overwhelmingly toxic if you're engaging in discourse at all. Also something I loathe is the excessive focus on signalling which I'm not interested in doing for the most part and total lack of nuance.

My timeline has been trash recently I mean more than usual like I keep getting AI doomerism and stupid discourse accounts I don't follow on my timeline with really annoying viewpoints like 'pronouns in bio = block' I don't have my pronouns in bio but that basically shows they're unwilling to discuss anything and they're not significant enough for me to know who they even are so why is their [BEEP] on my timeline anyway? They were also hiding responses to their tweets so again what's the point? Getting a lot of white nationalist stuff that people are commenting on on my timeline too.

Admittedly one comment chain below a anti race-mixing tweet was pretty funny:

This is my final straw. The chances of me having white babies has now been reduced to absolute zero

I tweeted "damn " which sounded like I was anti-interracial but what I really meant was for it to be a funny haha cause like this would mean you and I couldn't -- you know what nvm I should dig myself into this hole

I can't impregnate you anyway pooki, but I'll still try 🙏

If it doesn't work I think we'll just have to keep trying until it does

I fully agree

WAIT THE MPREG CONVERSATION IS UNDER A POST ABOUT RACE MIXING 😭 IM TOO HIGH FOR THIS

The last tweet almost makes up for everything. But in general why are they everywhere now?

I kid you not when I taught ESL there were these two brothers (from a strict trad family) who were forbidden from going near an underpass close to the school because of the "gay k-pop kids" who played music from a boombox and danced.

OK this too.

Oh my God someone linked that cybergoth dance video as a gif in response to that. I'm fucking dying. Iconic. That was actually a legit dance style though lol (industrial dancing.) They're not just dancing randomly lol.







Kpop music is more radio friendly/pg-13 ironically lol. Like aggrotech and dark ebm type stuff often sounds demonic and sooner or later you're going to run into Hellraiser samples lol:



^ that wasn't the track I wanted to link but that was made private.

Then before you know it they're listening to Cradle of Filth because Doug Bradley is on a bunch of their tracks and some have Hellraiser samples.



And then worst of all your child will be cursed to type 'I'm a metalhead but I like this track' comments on pop rock songs eternally.

[Heelsbythebridge]

It's going to be ok, dammit.

[Nyctophilia]

How is that homophobic? These guys are just seeing tweets with bisexual/pansexual etc in and saying it's homophobic at this point. Homosexuals aren't in straight passing relationships... Well maybe if it's butch/femme and the butch woman passes as a guy but otherwise no. And we all know the guys who date femme guys even exclusively don't id as gay...

edit: I think we've reached the point where they see a certain art style or a person who appears to be tribally affiliated with a certain group or just see the words bisexual, pansexual etc and say 'that's homophobic,' as a kneejerk reaction. And in fact there are non-binary people and trans people who say things like 'you're gay now' to their partner and these people usually freak out about that but think this message is homophobic haha?

Waitwaitwait... if my current partner defined my sexuality and I don't currently have a partner, does their logic mean I don't currently have a sexuality?

Lol that's the funniest thing. Even people who never date/have sex are straight especially women... Because it's hegemonic. And the reason there's a focus on women in particular is because women usually have fluid sexualities so you have to socially police them more before 23% of young Black women identify as bisexual.

"But a woman is a changeling, always shifting shape
Just when you think you have it figured out
Something new begins to take
What strange claws are these scratching at my skin?
I never knew my killer would be coming from within"

You can just police men with violence and insisting they're not real men. But cis women don't care about that as much, least of all cis women who might id as bisexual. They're writing songs about how they're actually kings. So you have to consistently insist that all women are straight instead and that [BEEP] women are ugly and crazy because cis women don't want to be those things.

And yet...:



How are they so slow? The entirety of society is built around straight cisgender people to the point where, you don't even notice that you're not leaving kids alone. You only notice when things change slightly to not prioritise you all the time. Recently a woman on tiktok held a mock wedding with her students where she fake-married her fiance in front of them. Straight culture. And not a single conservative or 'we're protecting the kids' person reacted to this. Imagine the backlash if they were gay or he was in a dress or someone was in drag (since that style seems to trigger conservatives.) When I was a kid kids would roleplay having weddings and another girl insisted I find a boyfriend which made me uncomfortable. I was never into any of that because I wasn't attracted to anyone until I was about 11/12. I was very slow at developing romantically/sexually most other kids were having crushes etc and roleplaying stuff from a young age (probably 7/8 at least,) but I'm neurodivergent so it probably makes sense. Best I can say is I can trace some weird fetishes I developed to my childhood at the time. It was more like a fascination than sexual though. (Various stuff with transformation and mind control themes.) I also got obsessed with some characters but it didn't really feel romantic/sexual at all just kind of obsession. Like Beetlejuice, Poison Ivy, Qui-Gon Jinn. I liked Tomb Raider too but wasn't really that obsessed. Anyway I definitely didn't want a boyfriend as a kid.

And this doesn't bother me that much. You know it's more 'oh well.' But the hypocrisy is pissing me off. As a teen my dad while drunk said that he wouldn't disown me or my brother if we were gay but warned us not to be encouraged/pressured/tricked by homosexual people into being gay. I think he had some experience where he felt almost convinced to be gay or something like that. Putting aside his baggage the reality is it's almost the complete opposite where people are constantly requiring you to prove your 'gayness' or 'transness' and constantly questioning your identity and insisting you're straight.

The only people who have ever thought I might be gay were two straight people. (no one thought trans/non-binary because that wasn't something most people knew thought about back then.) One was annoyed I didn't express interest in him so felt I was a lesbian along with another girl on our course ('why are all the women on this course lesbians?' *gives two examples lol neither of whom were* there were probably only 10 or less women on the course out of over 100 people at the time but almost everyone dropped out by the final year leaving maybe 30 people LOL. I didn't even though I wasn't good at it because I'm insane. And even my sixth form teacher before I went there was like 'you're not studying computer science? WTF is this?' The head of the degree subject was pretty much warning people from the beginning like most of you won't make it.) And the other was a girl who initially blamed me for everyone supposedly thinking we were gay and together when we were 11 and had to share a room which was obviously a bad thing. Then later on as a teen because I was weird/anxious etc and didn't express sexual interest in others normally insisted that I was perving on girls in the female changing rooms, and tried to sexually harass me at one point to prove I'm a lesbian. She was also kind of psychopathic and tried to blame me for her self harming a bit after that after a bunch of other people reported her to the teacher for bullying me.

Oh and I had a homophobic maths teacher who spent a lesson talking about how gay people were unnatural but she had a bit of a bias where she admitted she felt lesbians were less unnatural than gay men (but still unnatural,) because girls are touchy feely. I had no other teachers discuss this topic at all.

I don't really see anyone talk about this kind of thing (like even activists don't really go into their past most of the time, it's all just really weak repetitive slogans like 'trans women are women' think Contrapoints brought this up in a video once) and it's quite frustrating. Only exception I can think of off the top of my head is Dan Howell.

This is such a great song:



I love the ending of the video too 'how many have to die so that you can feel loved?'

I'm more a metal head, but this woman is just amazing.

I?ve heard a lot of metal heads said this.

Many such cases on most music videos. Ftr I can see why someone into metal would like her music because her vocals are quite powerful and it's thematically fantastical. There are similar musical roots moreso for classic metal. It's like art pop/rock chamber pop, baroque pop etc. Art rock draws from prog and psychedelic rock, and the other stuff is kind of symphonic which a minority of metal also is. Drums are sometimes powerful too for the genre. Christopher Hayden used to be the drummer he left in 2017 not sure who is now. Loren Humphrey apparently.

"I don't want your money, I don't want your crown, see I've come to burn your kingdom down."





Did I post this before can't remember lol very cool:



This recording is better audiowise:

[Nyctophilia]

My friend sent me this really weird video and it's led me down a weird niche video rabbit hole:

World leaders as Hogwarts students in an 80s sitcom

Are they just pulling prompts out of a hat lol?

[Nyctophilia]

Watching this vlog from an Ex-Sims YouTuber where they talk about how they're getting divorced and their husband cheated on them a bunch of times. Very emotional video. I think they've developed an alcohol problem. They've spoken a bunch about how they have BPD so I think this sort of thing is probably pretty common for people with that disorder. Supposedly people with BPD often end up dating narcissists or people with NPD and also people with avoidant attachment styles which he definitely has (like he left, they got back together after a month or something, and then he broke up with her again over text saying he'd cheated a bunch before,) and also has AvPD apparently. People with BPD usually have an anxious attachment pattern afaik as well. AvPD well it's in the name of the disorder lol 'avoidant personality disorder.'

I also know in reverse that I'm very avoidant in general that's 98% of my life lol.

It's often normal for avoidant people to dissociate. It's a strategy to down regulate activation in the nervous system and to create space in the connection when it feels like too much.

As an avoidant there is a deep involvement with your inner landscape. If an avoidant is deep in their inner processes and they are interrupted, their response may seem blunt and cold. This is because the interruption feels abrupt and that is reflected in how their response feels to others.

Avoidant people do desire connection, they just need space to make transitions from their internal worlds and the external world. Avoidant people also need time and space to decompress from the stress they feel from being around others. Moving from intense internal focus to a more relational focus is challenging, but with understanding and mindfulness, the transition can become more fluid.

Lol yup. That's why I stopped listening to music in public although I'm not sure it really helped that much and now I avoid being in public. 😂 There's a lot of stuff I don't relate to as well though in online descriptions. Some descriptions are clearly trying to paint this kind of high functioning Christian Grey/Patrick Bateman stereotype. (I mean that's a loose definition of high functioning but you know what I mean. Like they have issues interpersonally and in their head but their lives are somewhat superficially successful instead of just a complete trainwreck.) I also don't think I've been in control of most of my relationships.

But specifically in a romantic context I've also attracted people who became very in love with and obsessed with me quickly where I wasn't on the same page emotionally. One guy really went off the deep end and they'd only known me a couple of months. It's also kind of easy for me to lose attraction and feel trapped not just romantically in general. I avoid lots of things because I don't want to feel trapped/controlled and usually obsess over feeling controlled. Since I'm anxious the coping mechanism I use for that is avoidance.

It's quite counterproductive that people with conflicting attachment styles often end up in relationships. But then most secure people would be put of by avoidant/dismissive behaviour and body language.

Avoidant is usually split into two (dismissive and anxious) as well sort of like schizoid and AvPD but I feel like a lot of people have traits of both and fluctuate but yeah.

[Nyctophilia]

More insane white nationalist/anti-LGBT [BEEP] (the sexual neurosis tends to be part of the package) has ended up on my timeline....

They're against only one because they're satanic and support the INVERSION of what is good and beautiful. They hate natural healthy male female sexuality and they promote perversion.
We don't have to oppose natural healthy male female sexuality to oppose the INVERSION of it.

They're pushing for it on both end5, BBC worship for females, cuckolding for the males.

Honestly who is promoting this? Who is the 'they'? as a [BEEP] non-binary person who uses they/them pronouns with a sexual interest in feminisation and straight > gayish male mindcontrol stories. (One of they/them so to speak.) I still personally hate cuckold stuff* and porn that stereotypes black men as being some kind of hyper masculine stereotype. I don't even like for the guy to lose attraction to women, having sex with someone with a strapon where there's a later comparison with 'real dicks' where it's implied it's better (not a masochist) anything where a woman is implying she doesn't want the guy anymore because he's too feminine and now she's going to find a 'real man' eg back to the not liking cuckold stuff. There are black men and black people in general who dislike the racial stereotyping too. It is created for straight white guys with a fetish. As with most fetishes it's based on taboo.





It's almost like people have diverse opinions and preferences.

*Oh I've played around with the idea of women cucking guys or guys dressing up as women to cuck guys before. (There's a really old book like that actually which I didn't read but heard about I mean like a century or more ago I don't remember the title.) I find that fun. I made some Sims to do something similar with two female Sims. So that is one scenario I find fun actually. InVeRsSIoN as you say. What's inverted about a black guy cucking a white guy? The status quo agrees with that form of sexual hierarchy already.

I just don't think they really understand Satan.

or you just like bbc and there's no conspiracy.

Oh boy here we go.

You said it yourself

"I'm not denying it probably feels good
bbc is objectively bigger

Just because black men are bigger than our men doesn't mean I'm going to try *anything*. I'm loyal to my people.

LOL. why are they all like this though? It's not even 'white men are hotter' which you'd expect from them given their politics. They've reduced guys to their dicks. It's like this:

https://lawsuit.org/general-law/repu...r-pornography/

With more than 4.7 Million transgender porn related Google searches each month (per Ahrefs.com), do Republicans represent those searching most? The answer seems to be a clear YES.

Another thing I'm seeing is clear fetish accounts interacting with far right political accounts so they're just stuck in this kind of horror movie feedback loop.

And yeah I find the stereotype unattractive honestly. It's like the opposite direction of what turns me on... In fact I even read bimbofication/feminisation stories with women as well.

Some guys are just gay and trying to appeal to men. Some people are trans/non-binary. It's a very low percentage that are exclusively attracted to men and hasn't changed much throughout history.

There's a lot of guys who do this sort of thing probably to [BEEP] around often, but also it works as fanservice and some guys are very aware of that. Not just recently but it's gotten a bit more obvious over time:





I can't find the video now and I know she deleted some but Kat Blaque talked about how she'd go to parties where guys would hit on her and flirt with her but only when cis women were around lol. To get their attention. Also guys who make out with guys at parties. And they'd id as bisexual/pansexual etc to signal certain political views to women.

They're in a bubble so they haven't realised the supply and demand.

Another variant of this is the far right article where they talk about how the media is trying to influence white guys to sleep with trans women.

Also like the Abby Shapiro part of this video:



edit: and also yeah it's kind of funny because he's British and it's all Americans talking about the downfall of America haha. You fought a war over this I believe.

She frames it as society trying to force her to find Harry Styles in a dress attractive.

'They're trying to force me to have sex with them/be attracted to them... I think' is the underlying issue in so much of politics now.

Anyway Abby Shapiro should be more worried about Tumblr...:



Comment from fake Abby Shapiro account:

We can be happy together strange even if we are different I know we can be so happy living a modest life in America together

I love that the gays don't hate Classically Abby they just wish she was a lesbian lmao

I hope she never discovers this stuff honestly lol.