Random Thought of the Day

[Nyctophilia]

I really don't know how 'kink' got in there lol. They don't have people who are paid to make sure NY Times tweets don't do this?



The original Little Mermaid story (not Disney) is really dark/messed up lol. I read that as a kid. Along with the story about the little girl selling matches who starved to death and started hallucinating before the end or something. So many happy stories. Actually I remembered that wrong she froze to death:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Little_Match_Girl

On a freezing New Year's Eve, a poor young girl, shivering and barefoot, tries to sell matches in the street. Afraid to go home because her father would beat her for failing to sell any matches, she huddles in the alley between two houses and lights matches, one by one, to warm herself. However, the girl is ignored by passersby as no one buys from her, leaving her to suffer alone in the cold weather.

In the flame of the matches, she sees a series of comforting visions: the warm iron stove, the lovely roasted goose, the great glorious Christmas tree. Each vision disappears as its match burns out. In the sky she sees a shooting star, which her late grandmother had told her means someone is on their way to Heaven. In the flame of the next match she sees her late grandmother, the only person that ever treated her with love and kindness. To keep the vision of her grandmother alive as long as possible, the girl lights the entire bundle of matches.

When the matches are gone, the girl freezes to death, and her grandmother carries her soul to Heaven. The next morning, passers-by find the girl's body with a smile on her face, and express pity. They do not know about the wonderful visions she had seen or how happy she is with her grandmother in Heaven.[2]

I read a gay merman romance story as a teenager I enjoyed. I don't really remember it well now but I think there was this merman who was locked up in this place maybe as some kind of entertainment for some rich guy and then there was another servant who got into a relationship with him and had to save him? Something vaguely like that? I don't remember enough to find it now probably but kind of want something like that again. It was on adultfanfiction.net I think (I was not but shh. Also inspite of it being a fanfiction site I never read fanfiction there only original fiction lol. I read fanfiction on livejournal and fanfiction.net and FanDomination.Net before that site closed down.) I bet if I found it now I'd find the writing to be terrible and it'd probably be too 'young' or something.

Also read some Loki merman fanfics at one point.

That being said though you just don't get concepts like that in Hollywood now for some reason. Do we really need a liveaction Little Mermaid reboot? And an endless stream of Disney reboots etc? I didn't even watch the Mulan one and that was my favourite Disney cartoon as a kid. I vote gay servant/merman romance film. But I know it's one of those things where it would have been way better in the 80s because that's the best decade for weird dark pretty fantasy films.



I mean LoTR was impressive too. I don't like the aesthetics of Rings of Power at all from what I've seen in images but still haven't watched it. I don't think everything has to be realistic and you completely miss the point of what elves are supposed to represent visually when you do whatever the [BEEP] they did.

I just like Art Nouveau really haha. It's always the common thread.

Need this film honestly:



Hellboy II was aesthetic too. Guillermo Del Toro should direct this film obviously.



Also people have been talking about this Little Mermaid reboot for so long I thought it came out like a year ago lol but apparently it was released earlier this month.

[Heelsbythebridge]

I'm in my early 30s and a lot of people I know around my age have at least 1 dead parent by now. Why am I the one who is stuck with parents who will probably live till they are like 90+?

It's been such a relief to hear news of each death in my family

[Otherside]

@Otherside

There's been a bunch of people doing really dumb or even sociopathic things on tiktok for views and generally acting like they're the main character in a video game or something and very emotionally detached. One person just live recorded someone's murder in Vancouver. Initially he thought they were just fighting supposedly but going over to livestream a fight for content is also messed up. This guy was just being stabbed to death in front of his 2(?) year old daughter by a guy who he'd asked to stop vaping in front of her (which was already insane enough,) and then this guy from tiktok decided to stand around recording it. Supposedly he was smiling but I have not watched it, only heard about it second hand and then read an article.

Main character syndrome is it, tiktok does seem to reward this behaviour. Seem to need to do more and more extreme things to stand out, these days. Some people don't seem to be able to

The guy in question ended up with an asbo and released, had an interview with Piers Morgan where he said there'd be no consequences and he could do what he wants as he's an adult now (and like, ffs, I actually had to agree with Piers Morgan during the whole thing), then gets re-arrested on a train-jacking charge and is now in actual prison on remand because his mother is fed up with him and refuses to have him home.

He's one of these people who's never had any consequences so he's escalated and escalated. Tresspass is a civil matter, I'd wager this new "prank" has broken quite a few serious rail byelaws. Mind you, tiktok is big in prison, so he'll be able to continue there.

[Nyctophilia]

It was fairly dark inside the shop. As they wandered around they noticed rows of comic books, old vhs tapes and dvds alongside shelves full of crystals, candles and occult books. Packs of alien and spacecraft stickers. A display case of dragon and fairy figurines.

On one wall there was a green man plaque and several sun and moon wall hangings. Neon cacti and UFO wall lights lit up. There was a support pillar with fake ivy leaves and colourful fairy lights twined around it but several plastic alien masks had been taped to it as well.

The whole shop appeared to be a blend of nerdy alien fanatic and new age spiritualism.

The shop assistant didn't seem to notice them. They were leaning over the counter intensely reading some book. Long brown hair which had a slight wave to it shrouded half their face. Most of the rest was covered by a round, oversized pair of anachronistic glasses. It seemed like they might have time travelled here with some early VHS tapes.

As they approached the counter they suddenly jolted upright.

Does this even make sense I dunno? This is literally just: 'I had a dream that I feel was interesting in parts but I can't remember now sadly because I was woken up by sudden shouting about the town being on the news which I assumed was bad (tm) but it wasn't, then instantly decided to freewrite about a shop that I think it would be cool to visit with a guyish person who resembles my current symbolic/archetype crush. But that was 80% of all I ever wrote so.

I need something to stumble on and cringe at 10 years from now though. I can't just keep cringing at stuff I wrote mostly from 2007-2013. Oh I'm cringing already haha. Moreso I need to read something that feels almost like it was written by someone else because so much time has passed and tells me something about future me or something. Because I noticed that in my old writing.

It's a bit confusing with the pronouns because I haven't come up with character names and hate coming up with those so haven't bothered while writing this. Also the shop assistant is closer to being a guy but I wanted it to be ambiguous initially and you can't do that with non-neutral pronouns.

Lol I just remembered that post on reddit I found the other day too with the 4chan screenshot:

Why is it always [trans guys] who believe in/pretend the strange, bullshit fake alt things like DID, otherkin, growing angel wings, plural, magic, ouija boards, fairies etc? Don't get me wrong, a metric fuckton of my fellow [trans women?] do it too, but it's like 65% [trans guys] who do this type of fake mystical protagonist shit, if not higher. Why?

[BEEP] you haha. I just like the aesthetics though tbh. My brother is always joking about this (I don't care though it's kinda true.) The other day I was walking with him and this person (didn't see their face,) walked past with really long hair and an umbrella they were just kind of swinging around (honestly at one point I thought they were close to hitting a car,) and had kind of boho-hobo looking clothing, so I commented on their hair or something and my brother was like 'yes it's one of your people' the audacity of this bitch. Then we walked past a house with a stained glass window on the front door that said 'the greys' so I was like 'lol like the aliens they should have like aliens on the stained glass' and he was like 'yeah I noticed that too.' because he's also weird. I went to Glastonbury (the town,) once with my family. He was very entertained and commenting about me being a hippy a lot. But I'm actually not chill enough to be like that lol. Not to mention wrong generation for that specific label.

Also the first response to that question was:

because we are cooler than you

ahahahaha. (No.)

lol just stumbled on someone with a subreddit flair in another thread there that's like 'DM me for free tarot readings' the only person I've ever personally spoken to irl who read tarot cards though was the cis gay guy I mentioned who I used to hang out with actually while we played yugioh at this place where people played yugioh, magic the gathering, warhammer, table top battle games etc, so it's all connected in my head probably because of this. I've also never met anyone ftm or afab non-binary etc irl though.

That lesbian couple I linked a video from yesterday? Whenever. The YouTube channel actually belongs to the butch woman in that video (Sybil) but her partner (Ally might be spelling that wrong) pops up in lots of videos [the more feminine person] and they're genderfluid and they do tarot readings for money too online lol.

This one genderfluid trans guy I follow on YouTube from the UK is very like that in terms of interests/personality too. But I think they actually believe that (it's not just an interest/aesthetic thing,) and they also have a history of drug abuse etc. They've had visions of ghosts etc. Obviously the paper I linked before talks about this with third gender people too and 'spiritual experiences.'

https://www.atpweb.org/jtparchive/trps-33-01-01-016.pdf

Some examples:

By the time I was 4, I knew that I was very different. . . . I was just very conscious of the fact that I came in with a whole host of memories of-I don't know if they are other lives or not, but I just know that at 2 1/2or 3 . . . I just had all of these experiences of seeing other beings and hearing voices and doing other things that at first I didn't know that everyone didn't do. . . . By the time I was 4, I knew that I had a whole reality that I could not talk about with my parents.

^ this actually seems kind of weird/troubling. I wonder how their parents gave them that impression. young kids especially often have 'past life memories' borderline psychotic experiences, imaginary friends etc. It's reasonably common for kids as kids are more imaginative. So I wonder why they felt they couldn't talk about it.

It was the first Jewish service that I had ever been to, and I had a transcendental experience. I mean, I could speak Hebrew, I sang Hebrew songs, the woman next to me didn't believe that I had never sung Hebrew before. I sung one we didn't have the words to. I felt like I met God in that group. . . . [That is] a dramatic one, but it happens a lot.

More comments:

It's just nature. And autism.

So (unironically because 4chan throw that word around constantly,) my brother's best friend is diagnosed autistic. And when we were younger I remember he used to collect crystals and was kind of into that stuff. The last time I saw him in 2018 entirely unprompted (I know I talk about this constantly here but I never talk about these topics irl,) he started to talk about how he'd felt suppressed back in high school because he wanted to express interest in feminine things more. Also a story about how he was forced to write with his right hand growing up (because he's left handed.) I don't remember all the details of the conversation now I think fashion came up at one point. I did write about it somewhere else but can't find a post talking about it now. I think it's pretty common for autistic people to have some issues with gender roles or identity, but that's already been established by research obviously. I actually think interest in fantastical stuff is more common on the 'schizotypy spectrum' though.

And I think this is just a very common coping mechanism. I mean if you listen to Kurt Cobain he talked a lot about how a lot of his friends were girls and he struggled to fit in with guys. He also hated a lot of the sexist elements of masculine culture. He was very progressive for his time like many talking points and things he brought up are stuff that was mostly absent in the culture in the 90s (well at least in the UK there was the whole 'lad culture' thing right?) but are way more popular now like 'teach men not to rape.' etc. Seemed to have a fixation with seahorses and pregnancy later on. His only male friend at one point when he was young was a gay guy his mum forced him to stop hanging out with. And as a child he used to daydream that he was an alien that had been adopted by Humans and would one day figure out his actual reason for being here:



'I knew that there were thousands of other alien babies dropped out and they're all over the place and I've met quite a few of them. It's just something that I always liked to toy with in my mind it was really fun to pretend that you know? There was some special reason for me to be here and I feel really homesick all the time and so did the other aliens [...] eventually one day we'll find out what we're supposed to do.'

This all got built into the lyrics/album art too:



'When I was an alien'

'Never met a wise man
If so, it's a woman'



He had a lot of anger. There's this one comic called Mr Moustache that he created and it's great because the way he drew the characters really conveys his feelings about hegemonic masculinity. Intense hatred and disgust and anger.

"There are thousands of green minds, young gullible 15-year-old boys out there just starting to fall into the grain of what they?ve been told of what a man is supposed to be and there are plenty of tools to use. The most effective tool is entertainment."

So yes Jordan Peterson would have a field day with this if he was someone he'd paid attention to since he committed suicide and abused drugs - opiates as well! - too. I think that started with prescription opioids as many cases do (I've never once seen him bring him up.) But I also don't think he'd really get it. Or would be able to engage it with fully for the same reason he can't engage with trans people or non-binary people. Though he might do a better job than if he was dealing with a trans person he'd get that completely wrong. And no I'm not saying he was trans I know a lot of people say that they headcannon him as a repressed trans woman. I actually think how he thought is closer to trans guys. If anything.

And I was thinking about this the other day because a lot of neurotic people will say things like this and use it as a metaphor. Most who are not psychotic don't really believe it but I was thinking about how neurotic and schizotypal people are possibly locked in a negative feedback loop made worse by the internet where schizotypal people don't understand metaphor as well (because studies show that they don't, they take things literally more often,) and actually believe it for real and form conspiracies about this like all trans people and the elites are aliens. Because I know I've said I feel like an alien etc before or identified with them, but not meant it literally.

I started thinking about this because I stumbled on a YouTube comment on a Jordan Peterson video that was written in a way where I felt the person was schizophrenic (don't have a quote to hand but it was that vaguely word salad kind of thing you know it when you see it. It's not just that what they're saying was weird but that they've loosely lost the grasp of how to write sentences that make sense etc,) and they were ranting about trans women in a transphobic way talking about how they're replacing women and so on, but eventually they concluded with saying that trans women are aliens travelling through time or something weird like that. And I've forgotten now but I think they implied there was some ultimate purpose to this that would eventually be revealed. So they seemed schizophrenic and also engaging in conspiracy theory. However it seems that in general looking into it a bit more conspiracy theorists are in many ways not like schizophrenic people and the nature of their beliefs are different too. (I mean I already knew many figureheads had narcissistic traits from research, but I more meant like the average person who believes that stuff.) Like most people who are schizophrenic will have delusions of persecution that are specific to them as individuals whereas conspiracy theorists tend to believe their beliefs effect everyone as a way to make sense of a chaotic environment.

But in general I think the whole 'they're replacing us' thing is very common with alien conspiracies as well. So I can see why some people have blended the two. Where they view a portion of people as hybrids or just aliens who have blended in with Humans for some reason but ultimately usually for negative reasons because they're trying to take over. They also often talk about homosexual people and trans people as being vampiric (that's where the contagion aspect comes in.) These thought patterns are obviously quite common and deeply ingrained in Human consciousnesses I think. As a way to explain outsiders I suppose.

This comment makes a decent point honestly:

To try and gain power and understanding through indirect means in a world that is primarily dominated by the direct and physical.

Also when I was looking for the other post on reddit that I read recently I stumbled on this while looking. (I always fall down some weird rabbit hole even if I'm just looking for some specific for a moment):

Anons discuss their deranged FtM dom t4t fantasies

[insert screenshot of 4chan fantasies I can't post here.]

Why are so many of you like this?

I'm actually worse.

So i do have a chance with women

Of course bestie, I think your overestimating the amount of self respect most people here have lol

It's hard to find FtMs who're like this. A lot of them have the aesthetic and mannerisms of a pre-war gentlemen but none of the period appropriate sexism or jingoism. They're squeamish about being misogynistic even just as a part of a fantasy. I've dated several that were like that, it's cute but also frustrating.

pre-war gentleman. Fucking dead.

It's just the worst place but also fucking hilarious.

Also this comment chain lmfao:

cis lesbians are huge into masc cis women but not masc tgirls.

don?t ask me why 'cause I?m into men, idk the psychodynamics of it, I just know that it?s a law of the cosmos

Yeah cis women absolutely love it in general, very rarely are they into girly girl types

Since when do cisbians not like femmes??

Since the beginning of time

i have lived as a butch lesbian for half of my life, i know wtf i'm talking about

active on Jordan Peterson, Cringetopia, truscum, and transmedical

Oh you're one of those ppl lol why am I even taking this conversation seriously lol

I don't agree with everything that JBP says but following his advice as a young man has made me very successful with attracting trad women

I think the only trad woman I've found at all attractive is Abby Shapiro but I'm not really attracted to her it's the fact that she's doesn't understand optics (or she does and that's the point,) and so accidentally comes across like some kind of repressed [BEEP] woman (and I have a fetish about that clearly, but it's mostly repressed trans women. But I also watched Matilda as a child and so that broke my brain a bit too.) while simultaneously glasses:



What are you doing?

but nevermind. (I posted about this before but prob deleted most of those posts.)

I think Matilda is to Cottagecore what The Secret History is to Dark Academia. Also have you noticed that Matilda uses magical power/super brains to try to save a hyper feminine person from a hyper masculine person? Yeah. There's another essay. Why is Return to Oz secretly just a film about a girl in a mental asylum who closely misses out on electroshock therapy and then tries to run away with this other girl during a storm who drowns and she starts hallucinating that she's saving a princess and the princess was disguised as and raised as a boy in the books? Also Jack Skellington is randomly there with a pumpkinhead. And it's all really [BEEP] coded. Like no I didn't get any of that as a child from it I just liked it because I was a weird kid and I also liked Beetlejuice back then. I didn't even know about the books, but wtf I've actually forgotten most of the film now lol. But yeah there is that.


[... the debate goes on a while separately from the initial discussion]

Trad women don't [BEEP] ftms btw

I'll change that

Fun. Anyway:

Butch lesbians are also mostly attracted to other butch lesbians.

Also I have been in many lesbian dating apps etc most of them are butch or trying to be butch or the weirdo green haired types, I don't see a lot of "feminine" girls which was what I mostly was attracted to, it was so depressing lmao.

Absolutely not lol. You're getting them confused with a subset of 'AAP' lesbians who present in a masculine way and basically want a gay male relationship but afab. The reverse exists with some trans women and some femboys too. I'm basically some weird amalgamation of the two which I've decided is the worst sexuality to have as it seems to always lead to borderline asexuality via excessive pickiness which is boring (for me.) I haven't come across another person vaguely similar to me who doesn't either id as asexual or greysexual or just sees themselves as doomed because of pickyness etc.

I didn't really try green hair properly besides like a few times I through it partly into the mix with multiple colours, and I regret that now so maybe one day. Before I die you know.

Putting 'weirdo green hair type [not lesbian]' on my gravestone. (I mean you don't get to pick and I probably won't have a gravestone in the first place but you know hypothetically.) Then: 1520 - 20XX just to [BEEP] with people. I'm guessing you're not allowed to do that lol.

There's a lot of conversations about ftm people there that are just this that are part of the greater debate about masculinity in men tbh (the parallel is obvious):

Someone posted a screenshot where someone on twitter was giving advice to guys about women's preferences and saying

the fact that cis straight guys are still so insitent that they have to be muscle hunks to get girls when frankly most women i know want a little elf prince, a depressed middle aged father, or a line cook, is so funny

and there's a whole twitter conversation there in the screenshot so someone else responded 'oh yes I'm going to take advice from a guy who looks like this *posts picture*' and they're ftm I guess but pass as a woman. Bunch of comments and someone says something like 'first step to understand women is to look like them' and the person on the subreddit posted this in response to their screenshot:

It gives me so much second hand cringe how fembrained so many [slang for trans guy] are, like when some [trans guy] tries lecturing cis men about how their approach to being a man is wrong. Their foid socialization shows through so hard and they're not even aware of it, they have been told to be feminine their whole lives and instead of rejecting it and pursuing masculinity they indulge in femininity and think it's the right way. Most men don't even think or care about what women think while [trans guys]' first instinct is to think of how women would feel about it.

I reject the idea they're not aware of it. Very rarely is someone unaware of it they just don't care. They decided dominating manhood and rebuilding it in their image is more important than conforming to the norms of it essentially. It's hard not to do that because you don't want to be weak and that's a way to circumvent that. Temporarily embarrassed masculine men like Ben Shapiro do something similar where they get outraged by men in dresses etc. Chauvinism and policing other's expression is usually a sign of insecurity and/or frustration about something.

female to hon

hon is a non-passing trans woman essentially.

[slang for trans guy] worldwide need to boss up already. Stop fucking twinkhon soyboymoding and START ACTING LIKE A MAN. FEMALE SOCIALISATION HAS TAINTED YOU WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP

The way people write on 4chan and in similar spaces is very interesting/entertaining to me. Like there are specific performative and subcultural things they do like this angry all caps rant thing that's happening here that trails into nothing. I also think the tendency to not capitalise 'i' started on tumblr and is almost a kind of virtual upspeak, symbolic of self erasure and uncertainty, but seems to have spread to be more common now and some of it's probably just lazy typing or something to do with phones.

this thread is fucking wild. like if he just took off the eyeshadow (on the bottom eyelid???????? wtf???) he'd just look like a kinda nerdy, doughy cis guy with nice hair

it's more effort than most cis guys put into their hair to be fair but like. the [BEEP] are yall screaming about "FEMBRAINED GO TO THE JIM" for lmfao

They def don't pass but I don't know if they're on hrt or not. Definitely nerdy.

Bro looks gay as [BEEP] the only women who want him are fujos

And fujos are commonly lesbians

Some fujo has had a crush on me for a year but she's mainly dated [trans guys] and cis men so I dunno. She's probably a repping gayden. I thought most of them were straight women?

That's the ahe kind, the non ahe ones are d****. It's possible she'll [transition] considering she seems to be a chaser.

We're everywhere haha.

Just the way people write in these spaces is insane lol. I'm lazy and not changing most of the slang I just changed the trans guy one because I don't know how they did it but they picked the worst sounding word ever lol.

This is kinda meta useful to cissoid moids tho. Since this motherfucker is so gigafembrained he's right about what women prefer. Incel tip is listen to what women find attractive and emulate. This only works for cissies tho

Exactly. And most of the time the twinky elf boys and dad bods women are into are still muscular and go to the gym, women just don't understand what going to the gym looks like if it?s not an outright hunk of meat gymbro lol

I really wonder if this is true (no really because it's hard to gauge how common certain preferences are in general.) Feminism decided this kind of preference was the norm 'female gaze' at some point but I'm not entirely convinced. Like maybe but also maybe not. Very masculine guys usually have a lot of success too just with a different audience so you know. It's probably a bubble that's very visible online and it works well for feminism (well some parts of it,) because it's destroying men + masculinity. Same reason they adopted Solanas. But this is a convenient (for them,) coincidence. Edit: Speaking of 'fujos' Actually I believe the motivation is generally closer to the one outlined in this paper about Mori Mari here though it's a bit Freudian.

Mori Mari wrote that she always felt that her father was too good for this earth. There was something in his goodness that made him vulnerable, and she felt it her duty to protect him. In 1960 she wrote, "Once a nightmare disturbed me and woke me in a cold sweat; it was about some men approaching my father working at his desk and attacking him from behind."⁴⁴

Yaoi is just one genre that Feminism likes to pick at. And it has a very mixed relationship to it where it often critiques it but sometimes likes to claim it at the same time. So I'd say it sits in an ambiguous position.

Also to be clear they are attempting to guilt people into converting to a cisgender sexuality via feminist political ideology but people don't care about this when it effects trans people and even less when it effects people who don't ID as trans but have this sexuality. So I'm still salty about that:

From Sato's perspective, yaoi was not only an unfair co-optation of gay sexuality by women but also a rejection of female (not to mention "feminist") subjectivity. As a sexual fantasy, it was both politically regressive and self-defeating.

Those in Takamatsu's camp, on the other hand, sought to salvage a space for their own fantasies outside political exigencies. They saw yaoi as a space of refuge from a misogynist culture in which women were made to be always the objects and never the subjects of desire. While they generally recognized that yaoi might constitute a form of violence against gay men, they insisted that to proscribe it as a rejection of womanhood or feminist subjectivity was to militate an equally repressive vision of female sexuality as one that must always culminate in heterosexual sex and sexual fantasies. In essence, then, they were arguing that the gay critique of yaoi was itself a form of heterosexism.

But this did nothing to convince those in the debate who identified most strongly as feminists. The translator and writer Kurihara Chiyo narrated her own conversion from a "fag hag" into a feminist in an article published in her co-edited compendium to gay literature. After her conversion, Kurihara wrote,

The whole reason behind my taking refuge in gay novels became clear and at that instant I realized I was a woman and that was OK. I realized that what I had to do was find a way to live and love as the woman that I am. And from then on the gay novels I loved so much and the interest I had in gays just vanished like a lie exposed to the truth. It literally just burned itself out. I understood that fans of "aesthetic" novels were unable to grasp their own psychology. I realized that once you accept your own femininity you will lose interest in "aesthetic" novels."⁹

That sounds terrible (or hot but in this case just terrible,) never do that. (Also wtf are aesthetic novels lol? Is that what the kids are calling it these days. This paper is actually quite old I think.)

Although she does not specify exactly how she went about it, Kurihara insists in a later article published in Choisir that she achieved this conversion through her own proactive efforts: "I wrote that as soon as I realized my interest in gays was a form of escapism my interest in gay novels burned itself out. But it didn?t just disappear on its own. I incinerated it with the flame-thrower of reason, because I could not permit myself to indulge in something so embarrassing. I cannot accept contradictions in myself."?⁰

Sound familiar haha? DESTROYED BY FACTS AND LOGIC. Something like that lol. Also how dare you use my favourite weapon.

Blanchard et al. (1987a) found one heterosexual case in a consecutive series of 72 female gender dysphorics who presented for assessment at the gender identity clinic of a university teaching hospital. This was a single, university-educated woman in her early 30s who complained that she subjectively felt herself to be male and requested surgical sex reassignment. She was erotically attracted to homosexual males, particularly (in her words) "gentler, nonmacho gay men," in relation to whom she felt herself more masculine. She expressed romantic fantasies of being a man in a homosexual relationship with another male whom she could protect and care for, and there were less obviously erotic fantasies of protecting a homosexual male friend from being assaulted or ridiculed in public.

Tumblr is into these types and tumblr is overly neurodivergent and queer. Shoeonhead is only into dad bods to the point where Sneako was like 'this [BEEP] is gay' she's not into feminine or 'twink guys' though at all (I think she also prefers tomboys and butch women when it comes to women, and once dated a trans guy before he came out in high school but she's deleted videos talking about that now because she changed her mind about a bunch of stuff in the videos.) She actually associated guys who work out a lot with being twinks it seems lol (it seems like she's implying something when she says '6 pack twink.' Specifically using the word twink.)



And she has ADHD and is bisexual and has spent a lot of time when she was younger on 4chan and in male online spaces (it really shows especially in her older videos lol.)

I feel like a lot of these examples and preferences people throw around are mostly preferred by women who are [BEEP] or neurodivergent in some way. I bet all the women that feminine trans guy knows are neurodivergent or [BEEP] too so you never get out of that bubble.

Imo (as I've said before,) neurodivergence in the first place being constructed - in part - to pathologise androgynous neurotypes because why is the overlap so strong there?

Having said that. I've reached the point where essentially I don't pay much attention to any women who aren't bisexual/lesbian/queer/etc, or neurodivergent in some way like anxiety disorders, BPD, ADHD, autism etc. Everyone or close to everyone I follow online, most women I knew at university and just everyone for the majority of my adult life frankly (and not just the women either lots of guys.) Do women who are both neurotypical and straight even exist anymore? LOL they do but yeah.

It's very much this (and she's also bisexual):



At a certain point it's like 'this is basically everyone so?' It feels like that esp online, but no.

"Little elf prince" actually just a chad that's more muscular than the average male but no beard and has long hair. Women like to pretend they have variety in what they're attracted to but it's just different flavors of masculine tall chads

No?

Before I transitioned I was a skinny effeminate guy and I had no problem finding women attracted to me. I spent very little time single because every time a relationship ended, some girl I knew would ask me out within a month or two.

It actually got to the point that I started to feel bad because I wondered if any of my female friends were real friends or if they were just patiently waiting for me to be single again.

I was 110 pounds, had long hair, and wore some not-overly-feminine women's clothing. Pretty much the opposite of a masculine tall Chad.

Yeah, a lot of women are into muscular masculine dudes, but not all of them.

You were basically already a woman, and you attracted closeted d****

Actually only one of them turned out to be a lesbian, the rest were all bi and most are with men now.

What I'm fucking saying though lol.

That?s during your teenage years. Once women turn 20, they crave masculine guys. Realistically the women you dated were most likely lesbians.

I mean they were all bi. Most of them are with men now though. Some of them still with feminine guys.

This was true into my 20s as well, not just teens. It happened until I transitioned.

The people who are into me now are into women, not feminine men. Current partner is a lesbian.

Obviously there's some overlap but now at least they know they want a woman.

And what happened after? 😐

I've spent most of my time after transitioning in one relationship.

But before that I'd say it was even easier. People flirt with/hit on me often. I was on dating apps and got so many matches I couldn't possibly talk to them all, both with gay/bi women and straight/bi men, despite clearly stating in my profile that I'm trans and have a dick.

Definitely did get chasery types. Not all of them but often enough I had to be very wary of it. Learned very fast that it's not just men, there are a looot of bi women who are really into non-op trannies and got weird about it.

Um, I also pass quite well and people think I'm pretty so that probably helps a lot? From what I've seen dating is very different for those less lucky.

Contrapoints said something similar then only started having issues after transitioning (any at all not many issues imo lol.) Much to consider.

Yeah but it's also very hard to find guys who fit the bill they're talking about at least where I'm from because a lot of those features, appearance or personality require some degree of female socialization that guys lack. I don't think they're lying about liking more caring charismatic lanky skinny elf guys but it's not like there's a million walking around.

Thanks for defining the problem. /the end lol.

[Nyctophilia]

I just like Art Nouveau really haha. It's always the common thread.

This track is like if someone made art noveau into a music form combined with like hints of Bladerunner/cyberpunk themes. It sounds like that.



It's just so good. I don't think Steven Wilson wrote most of the lyrics on those early albums despite making most of the music. On later albums he writes most of the lyrics. But they are quite interesting too on several tracks. I like Nine Cats and Linton Samuel Dawson a lot but also this is interesting:

You must listen very carefully to what I have to say.
There isn't much time, because You Know Who
Has consumed all the instruments.

For many eons now I have been trapped on this planet.
He is keeping me here against my will, and sometimes
When I press my ear up very close to the concrete
I can hear his daughters sobbing with laughter.
Either I am blind, or I have been in darkness
Ever since the sun exploded fourteen centuries ago.

A few hours ago, He Who Keeps Me Here visited me saying,
"God, why do the millions worship you instead of I?"
Am I not more powerful, more forgiving and truly compassionate?"

A black liquid was seeping uncontrollably from my mouth
And all I could do was babble incomprehensibly
About a dream I had many moons ago.
In it, a clock ticked constantly, maddening my senses.

That was all, but it lasted for many days
Until each tick seemed like fragments of glass piercing my scales.
He Who Keeps Me Here tells me that one day I will return to earth,
And then I will seek my revenge.

Just found this interview:

https://neuralrustsite.wordpress.com...unday-of-life/

Porcupine Tree's music utilized lyrics written by Alan Duffy, who had posted an ad in a weekly music paper in the early 1980s. At first his lyrics were used for Steven's high-school band Karma, when Steven was just 14 and Duffy was 26. Duffy's lyrics touched on the following topics: a magical island where people can fly, a fish that pops its head above water and witnesses Armageddon, Merlin the magician casting spells for Marilyn Monroe, and that time when a toad gave sixteen kangaroos a lesson in water ballet. His words would be brought back by Steven to be used in material featured on On The Sunday of Life, Yellow Hedgerow Dreamscape, Up The Downstair and Staircase Infinities.

SW: "Actually, all of Alan's lyrics for the Porcupine Tree date from the period 1983-85, long before I started recording Porcupine Tree music. We wrote the songs for an entirely different project that never came to much... I was very young - about 16 years old. Then in the late 80s when I started recording Porcupine Tree music, I had little confidence in my own lyrics so I went back to Alan's and found they fitted very well. In one or two instances ('Jupiter Island' and 'Nine Cats' spring to mind) I even used the original music that I had written for the words many years earlier.

SW: "Alan was very much into the whimsical, surrealist children's literature of Lewis Carroll and Edward Lear... It's one of the bedrocks of psychedelic music. If you listen to 'Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds' or any of Syd Barrett's stuff, those influences are in there. Alan wrote lyrics in that style? I started writing songs with those lyrics because I wasn't really interested in being a lyric writer or a singer. I haven't seen him since the mid-80's, but I assume he still gets the publishing royalties!"

This is great too and a bit like The Cure I think:



Most people's primary complaint with Porcupine Tree and Steven Wilson's various solo projects is that you can always kind of 'guess the influences' rather than it feeling truly original. I don't most of the time though (because there's a lot of older music I just haven't listened to,) but I do always pick up on The Cure lol:



(very obviously inspired by A Forest.)

I don't care though. It's still great. Also I need to watch the film this unofficial music video is from some time it's like some indie early 1990s cyberpunk film that looks really visually interesting but I've never gotten around to it. Oh yeah it's called Hardware I found it by searching 'film british sci-fi robots 1990' Haha that's all I remembered. I had that scavenger character (the character in the above video,) as an avatar for a while.

Trailer:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jnVVyfyFChE

This gif I have no idea what's happening here but it has everything. A blow torch. A doll. Red hair. It's perfect. (This makes more sense if you're in my brain. One thing I'll explain but prob have before is I have a extreme bipolar reaction to fire where I've always loved flamethrowers in video games, Spyro the Dragon where you get to flame things, that dragon suit from the 90s playstation game Medievil, flaming crossbows, these like dragon gloves I invented for one story that shoot fire, any weapons that use fire, but I also have an ongoing phobia of fire especially gas appliances and it took me a while to feel comfortable using matches - well into adulthood and I'm probably not again because I don't use them regularly so would have to readjust. It's quite funny actually. Also sounds like the origin story of a super villain I realise.)



This is from a completely different album but I always really liked this:



I see people constantly talk about how prog rock has predominantly male fans and some kind of masculine image ('Oh my god you are so fucking annoying.' I know. I know. But I still see this conversation a lot lol,) and thinking about that now I find that very odd because to me it sounds very feminine in a way? Musically. Oh loads of his music and the genre in general isn't as well and you know you have songs about cars:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FAvQSkK8Z8U

Song about a train (haha that's really not the point of this song but it makes me laugh)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0UHwkfhwjsk



Not going to post a bunch of examples thematically and sonically a lot isn't like that.

But a lot of this stuff kinda does have an Alice in Wonderland fantasy/mystical kind of vibe. Moreso where it overlaps with psychedelic music. I think that's because I listen(ed) to a lot of baroque pop/chamber pop/art pop though which is an obvious successor to it though. Something like this:

Snow White is stitching up your circuit boards
Synapse slipping through the hidden doors
Snow White's stitching up the circuit board

=D I discovered this song later I believe (oh yeah must have been it came out when I was 18 lol,) but when I was in my mid teens I had a random fixation with circuit boards and the way they looked and putting them everywhere online and comparing them to cities etc. I think at one point I found a small circuit board lying around somewhere and I wanted to turn it into some kind of necklace but never did. So I had a graphic design project for school when I was somewhere between 14-16 which was all about that for a fictional band like fictional album artwork and state sets etc. I also discovered this Bjork video where she's talking about a TV later that reminded me of that lol.

I also had a kind of fixation like this with transmission towers/electricity pylons. That initially dated back to childhood possibly because we were shown all these videos warning kids to not play on them or they'd get electrocuted and die. A few years ago I was also taking a bunch of photos of them etc because I was thinking about that again. I like how they look like giant kind of robot/dystopian/cyberpunk structures. I posted some online and talked about that a bit but someone else misunderstood my fixation and got pretty excited because they obviously couldn't find many people to talk about the topic with. They started asking me about other objects too like fans I think haha. But for me with pylons it wasn't that deep. It's more symbolic and aesthetic they sent me this video about how they are made and I didn't care much.

This isn't sexual at all for me but it reminded me of a documentary I watched about objectophiles. I wonder if they just had that more intense + sexually:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xInWMRzEan8

At least one woman in this documentary was diagnosed autistic (they all seem to have 'traits.')

Back to the music though.



By the 2000s it was predominantly women and androgynous homosexual/bisexual men making the closest thing to that kind of music (I think he was inspired mostly by Kate Bush though):



And you were my husband
My wife, my heroin
Now this is our final December

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CppK9ZfE-cI

But he has a lot of masculine themed music too. Esp on The Bachelor album. But even like 'Tristan' etc.



Pretty underrated actually. No you know very underrated outside of certain circles.

Now you have Aurora:





And yeah the fanbase of these musicians is more often women too. So it's a bit confusing but oh well. I think it's some kind of marketing thing.

I mean it's not rock though. It's moved in a more folktronica/synthpop direction.

And I guess that gets at what Steven Wilson was saying in that interview that rock is boring now and kind of dead and like Foo Fighters (think he brought them up,) and I like a bunch of Foo Fighters songs and rock music in general and honestly a wide range of music, but I get what he means in that rock is no longer the centre of experimentation or imagination in that way.

Also this is great I think:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zSvdLcS62ZM

edit: I keep fucking around with this pen and accidentally chucking it around my room and losing it and then I have to find it again.

[Nyctophilia]

Researching phones is kind of driving me insane. I hate this kind of thing. I think I'm going to have to accept that modern phones are no better at recording concerts/live audio than my old Samsung wb500 camera from the early 2010s.

I always thought the hipster thing was aesthetically really boring personally. I guess that kind of became a thing when I was in my early 20s. There were several definitions too. Obviously the kind of aesthetic/style was a thing where I think facial hair became more popular, man buns and wearing glasses when you don't need them? Drinking starbucks while writing on a laptop or something like that. But also just the use of the word to describe someone who likes finding new music/art/'stuff' then dropping it as it gets popular. I guess I'll watch the video though lol.



The glasses thing was kind of funny because I got my first pair in 2010 (when the hipster thing was probably a big deal,) and I'd been putting it off for a while. In the end I forced myself to go get my eyes checked and buy a pair because I'd reached the point where I was borrowing my friends glasses to see if I could see the lecture screen properly and it did improve my vision and he was like 'you really need to get your eyes checked' lol. But I only wear them while out of the house now because it's only a problem for stuff that's a bit further away. Though everything is less focussed than it could be if it's not fairly close to me. It's like switching to HD mode. Also apparently I shouldn't drive without wearing them but I don't have a car/drive anyway.

Actually that guy was a bit of a hipster though. He was quite pretentious/snobbish. I think at one point he described my style at the time as 'rainbow punk' or something like that. I don't think he was particularly a fan lol but that sounds pretty cool.

As someone from Portland, I’m a little sad you didn’t mention us because I believe we have been dubbed the "Hipster Capital of the World" by most people. No one I know has ever tried to be "hipster", it’s just a lot of the things that are ingrained in our culture were also adopted by the hipster movement.

And they went and made a whole show about it.

Portlandia? I dunno if there are any hipster characters. It's mostly just various different alternatives groups. There's like a feminist cafe and that goth couple. I've seen clips from it lol.

This was funny



'shame on everybody. Involved.'

As a bisexual man the hipster phenomenon was the bane of my middle school existence and almost made me swear off dating entirely

Why specifically relevant that you’re bi?

Going to assume he's not a fan of facial hair. Otherwise I have no idea why that was relevant. But certain people and groups do just tend to do that on videos where they don't think they're the main demographic fan. Metal heads do this all the time when they listen to a genre that isn't metral I always see comments lol.

[Nyctophilia]

Call me what you want bud, doesn't bother me in the slightest.

If wanting to protect my daughters' future and keep England English makes me racist then so be it, I'll wear that badge with pride.

'if wanting to protect my daughters' future'

You are not just just any old racist but a really despicable racist.

Reported

There's no such thing as racism

Citation needed.

the worst takes coming out from the UK accounts are invariably from the Welsh

the Scotts not far behind them

*best my friend is kind of lucky to live in Scotland.

I've noticed this as well. Are Welsh known to be particularly leftist or do Welsh leftists mostly congregate on Twitter?

You bear the Welsh dragon as your avatar it would hang its head in shame to be associated with you!

You'd sacrifice your daughters' on the altar of 'Diversity' watch them raped, beaten & murdered rather than appear 'racist'.

Ye gods what happened in Wales that u r so gelded?

Still sounds like larping.

Someone posted this telling him to wake up (and a bunch of other random stories about Afghan guys and immigrants. They hyper fixate on specific categories of people which vary over time.)



This seems like a super reliable source that definitely doesn't just constantly churn out fear porn for frustrated working class men who are bored now that save the princess stories have all been cancelled in fiction lol.

But yeah the West went to war with their country for years and a lot of men globally are nationalistic and a little retarded (nationalism will do that,) and I know some men have opinions like this about foreign women especially during war (certain cultures more than others the Soviets were insane after WWII and the Japanese were no picnic either etc,) so I imagine some are quite pissed off. Now talk about all the White British people raping and murdering people. No? This is the only type of violent crime that matters of course since you all want to use it to further a white nationalist agenda lol.





When I tried to look up this story this is actually what I found:

Former Swedish LGBT activist convicted of raping and sexually assualting migrants

This is an interesting one. On the one hand white nationalists can't talk about this because a white man is raping immigrants (male ones too,) and that doesn't fit their agenda, on the other hand he's an LGBT activist and we're all evil rapist groomers pedos etc and that's their second favourite thing to whine about. What a conundrum for them.

....Anyway (I think the screenshot story is from some Italian newspaper, not clear it's even related to the UK. Another he linked is from Vienna so it does seem like he's just finding stories across Europe about Afghan people) the people covering this up are obviously retarded too, but the focus should be on their response really rather than hyperfixating on the migrant part.

This is unlikely to become a serious widespread issue imo because (as I've said while larping before):

The percentage of white females among all female serial killers is about 62%.

Unlike male serial killers who are frequently driven by sexual lust, female serial murderers tend to take a much more pragmatic approach to their killings. Female serial killers are much more likely than males to kill for profit or revenge, and, therefore, they are more likely to fall into the category of a hedonist comfort/gain killer than any other type.

The United Kingdom, with 112 female killers, is at position two globally. Beverley Allitt, Mary Cotton, and Joanna Dennehy top the list of female killers in Britain. Of the suspects convicted of murder in the UK, about 10% were female. Female killers in the UK used different methods than that of their male counterparts. Most of the killers had a history of childhood brutalization, sexual abuse, and trauma. About 20% of the female killers carried out the act in the company of a male friend.

This is slightly exaggerated but:

After hearing the accusations, Thurzo ultimately charged Bathory with the deaths of 80 girls. That said, one witness claimed to have seen a book kept by Bathory herself, where she recorded the names of all of her victims 650 in total. This diary, however, appears to have only been a legend.

Oh only 80?

When the trial ended, Bathory's alleged accomplices one of whom had worked as a wet nurse for the countess' children were convicted of witchcraft and burned at the stake. Bathory herself was spared from execution due to her status as a noble. However, she was bricked up and isolated in a room at Csejte Castle, where she remained under house arrest for four years until her death in 1614, according to History Today.

long paragraphs of fucked up [BEEP] she allegedly did.

It makes you feel a little better about the 'white women and dogs thing' comparatively eh? (If you don't know this meme that's for the best.)

Jordan Peterson on British w̶o̶m̶e̶n̶ journalists:

https://youtu.be/q4zZ2ker1iI?t=3024

"Listen one more question. I want to ask about something you mentioned earlier in the interview. One of reasons you became famous. You did these interviews with Cathy Newman you did an interview I think with Helen Lewis from GQ. [...] It's interesting because these are British, I don't know if that's relevant-"

"it's relevant"

"left wing, female journalists who will really grill you and go for you and people found watching those interviews entertaining, interesting and they went hugely viral. I mean I'm talking about tens and tens of millions of people watching this stuff why."

"Still. Oh well it's extremely interesting all of that. And it isn't irrelevant that they're British at all. Because of your... There's a particular viciousness about British journalists that's quite unique and it's not all bad but some of it's bad. Both of those interviews are extremely interesting psychologically, independent of politically."

"The Cathy Newman interview is simpler so I'll tell you what happened that day. [...] I think it's been watched 30 million times the numbers grow and grow and grow because I keep an eye on those interviews. The Helen Lewis interview is now much more widely watched than the Cathy Newman interview and that's because what's going on there is deeper."

"We sat in the green room and Cathy was in there and she was very friendly in a professional sort of way. And that's interesting because not all the journalists who have come after me were friendly and professional to begin with. But she was and credit to her and then we went on air and she just flipped and came after me. [...] She's animus possessed is the technical term and I don't want to get into that but it's possession by an emotion driven argumentative spirit and the desire of the spirit is to obtain victory and dominance essentially."

Lol always with the Jungian shit.

"But she wasn't all that sophisticated in her ability to do that she's very extroverted and somewhat disagreeable and could poke and was willing to do that so that was part of her temperament. But she wasn't armed with very sophisticated arguments and all she could do was come up with absurd things that I might believe and tell me that's what I believed. Now with Helen Lewis she's a more sophisticated thinker, she's deeper, and she's better educated and she was still doing the same thing and maybe even in a more vicious manner because when I came to that interview I could tell as soon as I walked into the room that something was up and she was not friendly to me she was hostile before the interview even started. She had something personal against me and her professionalism couldn't rise above that. With Cathy Newman it was more of a game that she was playing not that I'm justifying it but it was more of a game. Lewis was a lot more serious. I got under her skin or what she thought I thought got under her skin a lot more deeply but she was way more sophisticated but she was still doing the same thing. She was using intellectual arguments to win a dominance battle. And people see that when they're watching the video and that's partly what they're watching even if they don't know it and that's partly why it's attractive and so much of our political discussion has that aspect to it too. It's victory over a perceived enemy and the desire for dominance and there's some gender issues happening there as well that are contaminating the whole situation psychologically."

Pro-rape campaigner Roosh V has cancelled a meeting in Manchester amid safety concerns. The self-styled 'anti-feminist' and pick-up artist was due to hold 40 official gatherings across the world, including eight in cities in the UK.

The backlash has been particularly strong in Scotland with another petition calling for Roosh V from "being allowed to promote his hateful violent views in our cities" receiving over 57,000 signatures.

The self-styled "pick-up" artist took to Twitter yesterday to hit out at Glaswegians who he said had sent him more threats "than anywhere else combined". He also questioned if the city was "some kind of convict resettlement zone".

Based as I said.

He's still trash and a complete hypocrite, but he's no longer openly a fuckboy haha. Andrew Tate had to straight up leave the country.

Joanna Dennehy: Why do female serial killers get mythologised?

It's pretty disgusting and a huge double standard (well most serial killers regardless of gender get weird fetishistic treatment though, especially presently again with the true crime genre,) but if you don't work to build up this kind of mythology you can't use it later and that's the one we seem to be going with now due to 'rationalism' I suppose. People aren't really buying curses and witchcraft so much these days:

Two hundred women surrounded the room, dressed in white, dominating the conversation. Any time the negotiators tried to leave, the women threatened to take off all of their clothes. Enclosed in the room with the women, the men would try to jump out of the windows to escape their talk. But the women persisted, staging a sit in outside of the Presidential Palace. They blocked all the doors and windows and prevented anyone from leaving the peace talks without a resolution.

The women of Liberia became a political force against violence and against their government. Their actions brought about an agreement during the stalled peace talks. As a result, the women were able to achieve peace in Liberia after a 14-year civil war and later helped bring to power the country's first female head of state, Ellen Johnson Sirleaf.[7] When President Ellen Sirleaf first came into office, she made women's rights one of her priorities. Her administration focused on the condition of women in Liberia and their needs.[8]

Some of the changes she made involved: putting more women in office, establishing the Women's Legislative Caucus, a multiparty committee in the House of Representatives that ensures a gender-sensitive approach to the legislature, and creating The Inheritance Act, an act that made rights of inheritance for spouses of statutory and customary marriages. Under President Sirleaf, rape, a prominent weapon of war, was also made punishable with a maximum sentence of life in prison.[8]

Perhaps this is falling into the trap outlined in the horror film Antichrist but nevertheless.

I guess they moved here because they wanted a challenge lol.

Jeez fine I guess we'll work on these wandering 'alphas' too. So much work over here honestly. 😒 It is kind of our favourite thing to do in the West though.

"We've been surrounded by men like that all our lives but we can change them, trim them, shape them like a good gardener. I don't want to do it I have to do it." - Poison Ivy, Batman and Harley Quinn.




'Round here, we stay up very, very, very, very late

and have messed up sleep schedules and then write posts like this.


Just a bit edgy lol.

"... if you insist upon fighting to protect me, or "our" country, let it be understood, soberly and rationally between us, that you are fighting to gratify a sex instinct which I cannot share; to procure benefits which I have not shared and probably will not share; but not to gratify my instincts, or to protect either myself or my country. For,' the outsider will say, 'in fact, as a woman, I have no country. As a woman I want no country. As a woman my country is the whole world." - Virginia Woolf.

[Nyctophilia]

YouTube is like the opposite of twitter where my suggestions just get more and more awesome/amusing haha. Twitter is like 'have you seen these absolutely batshit insane white supremacist tweets every 5 minutes?' And YouTube is like 'rainbow Steven Wilson meme funny clips'

THIS IS THE COMMUNITY IM LOOKING FOR

Oh yeah I forgot about the ipod destruction thing lol. He destroyed a bunch of them in different ways I think? (Might be remembering wrong now though since it's been a while,) and then there's some clip of a fan (I think? Maybe not,) giving him their ipod to destroy lol...

Most of the people that have discovered my music have done so in a very organic way. Usually a friend has introduced them to the music, or it's that personal touch of people telling other people.

Lol no I didn't discover his music through a friend actually my closest friend for years now as I mentioned before doesn't like music much in general and is notoriously picky. He plays the piano and sometimes makes music but barely listens to it lol. I discovered his music through Tumblr around 2013 (though that's slightly unusual for me there are only a couple of artists I've discovered that way. The other band was some Canadian psychedelic/prog rock band Innerpulse that had barely any following dropped an album with one track in particular I still really love, and then left forever. Also some other random music but in those cases it was just people on Tumblr posting their own music often covers of other songs and actually- might have been the case with Innerpulse too.) I think someone had posted a bunch of photos of him or something and then I decided to check out his music. Honestly it was very superficial as he looked vaguely like someone I had a crush on irl a few years before then who had long hair and glasses (at least when I had a crush a couple years later they cut their hair,) and generally he had an aesthetic I find attractive (long hair and glasses.) Nope just straight up fetishisation sorry dude but I do really like a lot of his lol. Can't remember what the first song I listened to was now it was definitely his solo work initially though. Maybe Raider II but I really don't remember. I listened to a bunch of songs from Insurgentes and Grace for Drowning first on YouTube. Also liked some of those music videos a lot stylistically:





Listening to this song for the first time with the headphones I had then was really intense and transcendental (this isn't an official video actually but still fits weirdly well.)



I have introduced people online to his music in that way though lol. My friend I mentioned was not into his music. Also had random strangers in public talk to me about his music a few times when I was wearing a t-shirt or hoody. Doesn't happen with other bands/artists lol. One person actually got their friend to start a conversation with me at a train station inquiring about my t-shirt because he's obviously thought it was a Steven Wilson t-shirt but wasn't 100% sure and also didn't want to ask me himself, and the friend clearly didn't know about him at all so then when I said what the t-shirt was his friend started animatedly talking about him like 'yeah from Porcupine Tree' etc lol. So like a walking advert lol..

(Also completely unrelated but there's some book in the background of that shop behind them called 'In Defence of Witches' haha.

[Otherside]

Hearing that Air New Zealand has decided to weigh passengers before they board a plane. And I'm just

I'm calling it, give it a few years, Ryanair will decide this is a wonderous idea, only they'll actually charge you a penalty fee if you're above weight and don't fit in a box. And you'll get some complaints, but people will still book Ryanair and put up with it because the British Airways tickets a lot more expensive than they thought they'd be.

[Nyctophilia]

OK so the military and police force select somewhat for physically aggressive antisocial males. A bunch still turn to crime and these institutions are full of corruption and everything is terrible but there was an attempt (tm) lol. This is an attempt to give antisocial/aggressive males something to do that society views as prosocial. But society has made all other forms of violence illegal and tells boys not to fight girls. Antisocial/aggressive girls also can't fight 'normal' girls. How do you socialise non-conforming girls? What do you do with the physically aggressive antisocial females?

Wait for them to run off and join ISIS? (ISIS will sometimes let them fight on the frontlines after all.) Wait for them to join the Manson family? Wait for them to write the Scum Manifesto and shoot Andy Warhol? Wait for them to start throwing molotovs at whatever riot happens next? Wait for them to shoot up a school? Wait for them to start a neo Nazi group online while they work in a [BEEP] store? (Seriously can't get over that one. it's so Freudian.) Wait for them to join Antifa? Wait for them to join a gang? That was big in Japan Wait for them to stab their boyfriend and dress him in a black sequin dress and then decide 'that was fun,' kill two more guys, and stab two more after that? Etc.

I guess so. It is theoretically getting worse btw:

Criminologists have known for more than 30 years that young women are rapidly becoming more violent. To illustrate the phenomenon, here's a story from 2006, at which point the trend was already more than a decade old:

The trend is all the more remarkable because, until 2020, the crime rate for every other demographic group had been declining for more than 20 years. Young women were the only demographic group that showed an increase in violent crime. Here?s a story from early 2020:

Criminologists advance several different theories for the increase in violent crime by young females, including the substantial disparity in criminal justice outcomes for women compared to men. Young female perpetrators understand they are much less likely to be prosecuted than similarly-situated male offenders. And, even if prosecuted, are likely to receive substantially lower sentences than similarly-situated male offenders. In other words, young women are becoming more violent, at least in part, because they believe they can get away with it.

That's one theory I think you could theorise a lot of potential explanations. I don't buy the one that argues it's because of loosening gender roles because this trend has mostly been noticed since maybe the mid 80s or 90s? Where as that started in the 60s. So could be more technological. Or, as one person pointed out, just that more past cases have been recognised recently rather than an actual increase but nobody can be bothered to research this topic in depth because it involves people who are genetically female lol and a minority.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2538724/

Over the past two decades, rates of aggressive behavior have increased disproportionately for girls as compared to boys. However research on aggressive and violent behavior has focused primarily on boys and consequently we know relatively little about what places girls at risk, what protects them, and how those who become involved in aggressive behavior navigate a path toward adulthood.

Such an increase in numbers of female departees is a relatively new phenomenon in the study of foreign fighters, which is rather notorious for its male-dominated nature.5 For instance, women foreign fighters who belonged to communist or left wing groups are known to have been involved in the Spanish Civil War, along with those engaged in the Popular Front for the Liberation of Palestine, or the Black Widows who carried out suicide attacks in Chechnya. Yet, the scale of female combatants' presence in conflicts remained relatively low compared to the recent cohorts who joined ISIS.

Their decision to join the Caliphate represents new challenges for both governments and the academia. Indeed, the body of literature on this topic is limited not only due to the inherent difficulty of conducting research on violent extremism and terrorism, but also because of gender biases. Those reinforce scholars tendency to overlook, discredit and set aside women's political violence.

It doesn't just apply to cis women either there are trans guys too who he doesn't think are real because they're genetically female (including one of the recent school shooters,) which means he's also ignoring that their rate of violence has reportedly been found to be equivalent to cisgender males not females in research. Sexual orientation also appears to effect this.

https://link.springer.com/article/10...508-016-0717-3



https://t.co/XUr3jUewHl



I think aggressive gender non-conforming girls who don't become dysphoric attempt to build coalitions of similar females. Sort of like what feminism does (though that won't appeal to everyone,) research showing feminist activists are masculinised when it comes to social dominance but it's much harder to find prosocial ways to do that if you're female.

Solanas in school:

At school she charged a dime a time to write insults for children to use on one another; she once beat up a boy in high school who was bothering a younger girl and also hit a nun.

This is a weird quote because wikipedia says she beat up a girl who was bothering a younger boy but a bunch of other sources say the above quote that she beat up a boy bothering a younger girl and I think I found the original source and it was a boy she beat up. I could see it going either way tbh lol. She was crazy for real.

She was pretty schizophrenic too but I do think she was attempting to form some kind of gang with women as part of her agenda since she felt bored and alienated by the [BEEP] people she surrounded herself with (who were all gay men and straight trans women. Notably she wrote a drag queen character in one of her plays who specifically said she wished she was a lesbian but I'm sure every trans woman she knew at the time was straight. I don't think she was a lesbian though - seems like her sexuality was predictably complicated - I just think she was very gender non-conforming and that was the closest social role she was aware of.) Only it didn't really work out and the one meeting for the SCUM manifesto that happened simply attracted a bunch of men (often masochists,) haha. Japan were much more organised as usual (this is presumably before everyone became a hikikomori/video game fanatic/social media user lol):

When the male gangs refused to accept female members, the sukeban emerged in the '60s and remained a cultural force throughout the '70s. The term sukeban literally translates as "girl-boss." They were a defiant movement, pushing back against expected female behavior and stereotypes, and espousing extreme violence. Originally, the term sukeban only referred to the leader of the gang, but eventually it came to be applied to any member of the gang and by 1972, the public began to call any girl street-gang members sukeban.

The girls were from working class families and were aware that they would probably never rise out of their social situations. The sukeban provided them with the things that most gangs provide: a sense of belonging. It also allowed them to rebel against gender norms and traditional expectations for feminine behavior, and it empowered them -- though violence and petty crime aren't ideal forms of empowerment.

This is important because girls who are from a higher class and/or who are more intelligent can probably become Katie Hopkins. She wanted to join the military as a kid but had epilepsy which prevented her so she eventually became a businesswoman followed by reality TV character (on The Apprentice,) followed by an obnoxious right wing political figure:

She completed her military training at the Royal Military Academy Sandhurst, but suffered an epileptic seizure during the final passing-out ceremony, and as a result was unable to take up her commission.[20] Hopkins said she kept her epilepsy secret while attending Sandhurst, as this would have prevented her from being commissioned.[21] Instead, she joined a business consultancy and moved to Manhattan, New York City, before returning to the UK in 2005.[19] In September 2006 she joined the Met Office as a global brand consultant.[22]

In the 2009 European Parliament Election, Hopkins stood as a candidate for the South West England Constituency as an independent candidate. She polled 8,971 votes or 0.6% of the total votes cast.[191][192]

In September 2015, Hopkins spoke at an event organised by the Electoral Reform Society at the UK Independence Party (UKIP)'s annual conference. After derogatory comments about the appointment of Michelle Mone to the House of Lords, she said: "Frankly, I don't really mind if we seal up the room and gas the lot of them".[193]

UKIP said in 2015 that Hopkins was not a party member and, although she has reportedly applied to join on several occasions, her applications had always been rejected.[194]

Lmfao.

She is the worst though.

When I was a teenager I just joined mafia groups in Habbo Hotel and did some other roleplay stuff that would have been very illegal and fucked up irl that I remembered a few years ago, but not everyone is a huge [BEEP] nerd.

Who are they going to fight Jordan fucking aquaman?



Nah they'll just mostly join the radical leftist groups you love so much. 😏



Tooth (in this video with shoe) the communist making edgy tiktoks is non-binary btw (you can tell by the name Tooth hahahahaha,) I follow them on twitter. But as I said before Jordan doesn't care. Unless they're trans woman who also get banned from the military etc lol.

Why won't they fight him?

https://www.them.us/story/first-tran...espn-interview

Why Won?t Anyone Fight America's First Trans Pro Boxer?

In December 2018, Manuel won his professional debut a 12-minute bout with super-featherweight Hugo Aguilar. That memorable slugfest would prove to be his last for two and a half years and counting. Although USA Boxing has permitted him to compete at the professional level, opponents can still decline to spar with anyone they choose based on personal bias.

As ESPN noted, Manuel has struggled to find potential competitors who are willing to fight him after they learn that he is a trans man. The emergence of COVID-19 ? and the venue closures that came with it ? have also presented logistical challenges, effectively leading to a lost year for many boxers.

We have to be clear here because everyone assumes every trans person in sports is a trans woman (mtf) and don't care or ever talk about anyone else. No he's a trans man (ftm)

In high school there was a teenage trans boy (ftm) in I think Texas forced to compete against the girls. So he obviously won and everyone was mad. Most people assumed this teenager was mtf and some idiot responded on twitter saying he would beat him up if he was fighting his daughter lol. So I guess he could fight him but it seems people on your side are confused about the rules. I'm pretty sure he assumed they were a trans girl (mtf) at first but people corrected him and perhaps he was just that retarded that he still didn't get but I think he'd updated to 'oh OK but he still shouldn't be fighting and I'll still beat him up.' I mean when genetic females are sufficiently masculine most people don't care and see them as a threat to their masculinity like Brandon Teena. Or the various butch lesbians dating men who get killed. Or use strapons hundreds of years ago, so they get burnt at the stake.

For a long time there were no laws specifically forbidding sex between women. There were laws that vaguely mentioned unnatural acts but it was nothing like the very clear sodomy laws that existed towards [BEEP] men. In some cases those sodomy laws would apply just as harshly towards [BEEP] women. But those were usually cases involving... 'Material instruments.' Two nuns were in fact burnt at the stake in the 16th century for using 'material instruments' I don't want to know what DIY medievil [BEEP] that was very, very rare. [...] It really only became like a burned at the stake level problem if there was some kind of threat to male role ie 'material instruments' or crossdressing.

I guess trans guys specifically can fight that one ex-mma guy on twitter lmfao:



No, no I get it though. Your knee jerk instinctive emotional reaction about women being on the frontlines and oh 'we have to have two genders because otherwise babies won't happen' (*ignores all the cultures with third gender roles which didn't have a decreasing birth rate*)



(No there aren't an infinite number of gender identities. Not really. 3-6~ identities and roles probably. So like cis man, cis woman, trans femme, trans masc, agender, bigender/genderfluid. These collapse more in certain contexts. You can combine a bunch into one category depending on context, the labels man, woman, trans and non-binary are often used that way. And very non-conforming people will be seen as being part of a group they don't consider themselves to be part of often. Trans men are often viewed as trans women (yes trans women lol,) or as cis men (gay or straight depending on mannerisms etc,) sometimes as cis women if pre-t. Trans women can be viewed as feminine gay cis men, afab non-binary people (Kat Blaque has had that experience,) cis women, and cis straight men, less often trans men or butch women. Butch lesbian women are often viewed as cis men, if they present in a feminine way but have very masculine body language sometimes people assume they are trans women or 'crossdressing men wearing women's clothing.' but that's less common have to be somewhat physically androgynous too. And you can also expand these categories more. A lot of the cultural stereotypes about non-binary people are presently based on afab people because amab non-binary people are less visible so are assumed to be butch cis women, afab, or trans women a lot of the time. 'Lesbian' and 'gay' are also treated as gender roles in themselves materially speaking so when someone assumes you're gay or a lesbian it's usually not based on your sexual preference though sometimes it is. This has been addressed by [BEEP] theorists, and other LGBT and feminist writers like Monique Wittig. And you can argue about the label names too, but for most purposes there are 3-6 identities and roles in most cultures/environments historically and presently and sometimes people are assumed to be part of a group they don't identify with which leads to issues and social dysphoria. Also most of what you see and attribute to 'thousands of identities' are really just synonyms.)

I'm sure all the women like this will be satisfied with not being barred from pursuing academic pursuits lol (the bone you are throwing.) That's what they're looking for (quotes from SCUM manifesto):

"... those females least embedded in male "culture," the least nice, those crass and simple souls who reduce fucking to fucking, who are too childish for the grown-up world of suburbs, mortgages, mops and baby shit, too selfish to raise kids and husbands, too uncivilized to give a [BEEP] for anyone's opinion of them, too arrogant to respect Daddy, [... Bunch of violent stuff cut out] in short, those who, by the standards of our "culture" are SCUM ... these females are cool and relatively cerebral and skirting asexuality."

Also, SCUM, being cool and selfish, will not subject itself to getting rapped on the head with billy clubs; that's for the nice, "privileged, educated", middle-class ladies with a high regard for the touching faith in the essential goodness of Daddy and policemen.

The f**, who accepts his maleness, that is, his passivity and total sexuality, his femininity, is also best served by women being truly female, as it would then be easier for him to be male, feminine.

If men were wise they would seek to become really female, would do intensive biological research that would lead to men, by means of operations on the brain and nervous system, being able to be transformed in psyche, as well as body, into women.

To be sure he's a "Man", the male must see to it that the female be clearly a "Woman", the opposite of a "Man", that is, the female must act like a f*****. And Daddy's Girl, all of whose female instincts were wrenched out of her when little, easily and obligingly adapts herself to the role.

The effect of fatherhood on males, specifically, is to make them "Men", that is, highly defensive of all impulses to passivity, faggotry, and of desires to be female. Every boy wants to imitate his mother, be her, fuse with her, but Daddy forbids this; he is the mother; he gets to fuse with her. So he tells the boy, sometimes directly, some times indirectly, to not be a sissy, to act like a "Man". The boy, scared shitless of and "respecting" his father, complies, and becomes just like Daddy, that model of "Man"-hood, the all-American ideal?the well-behaved heterosexual dullard.

The effect of fatherhood on females is to make them male-dependent, passive, domestic, animalistic, nice, insecure, approval and security seekers, cowardly, humble, "respectful" of authorities and men, closed, not fully responsive, half dead, trivial, dull, conventional, flattened out and thoroughly contemptible. Daddy?s Girl, always tense and fearful, uncool, unanalytical, lacking objectivity, appraises Daddy, and thereafter, other men, against a background of fear ("respect") and is not only unable to see the empty shell behind the aloof fa?ade, but accepts the male definition of himself as superior, as a female, and of herself, as inferior, as a male, which, thanks to Daddy, she really is.

"The conflict, therefore, is not between females and males, but between SCUM--dominant, secure, self-confident, nasty, violent, selfish, independent, proud, thrill-seeking, freewheeling arrogant females, who consider themselves fit to rule the universe, who have free-wheeled to the limits of this society and are ready to wheel onto something far beyond what it has to offer--and nice, passive, accepting, "cultivated",
polite, dignified, subdued, dependent, scared, mindless, insecure, approval-seeking Daddy's Girls who can't cope with the unknown, who want to continue to wallow in the sewer that is at least familiar

I think a lot of people read this and don't 'get it' because they're mostly focussed on the surface level misandry. And it's OK to do that except that there's a major problem with Western civilisation that the actual deeper reading of this reveals.

You can just raise all females exactly the same, never create any 'third gender' groups in culture, and absolutely nothing will go wrong. Don't account for androgynous people at all. Masculine women (cis and trans,) won't try to destroy your culture because the feminine role doesn't appeal to them at all or they're infertile etc and they have nothing better to do. Feminine men (cis and trans) won't try to destroy your culture because they're alienated from men because they're feminine (Kurt Cobain.) Some people get to fall into both groups at different points in their lives or in an overlapping sense for extra fun times.



What do you really mean when you calling me nice?
You eat the peach, gotta check if it's ripe
I know he want a salad and I know he not my type and
Dust yourself off, girl, keep your chin up
You wanna hold a gun but they made you a pinup
A girl want fun and a girl wanna sin some
I want the teddy bear, now a [BEEP] gonna win one

What's he doing? I don't need a brave knight
We can sword fight, that doesn't mean I'll behave nice
Stick it to him like a stick of dynamite
Cyanide on the side, ooh, I love the limelight
Woah, woah, we're a lousy bunch
To tell the truth, role models weren't around me much
On a bad day, you could say I'm sweeter than ice cream
They told me to be nice and I told 'em to bite me


'We'll just force them back into the feminine role'

Oh. Well you keep trying and I'll sit over here and laugh. He keeps inviting these women on (like Louise Perry,) to try and push conservatism on women too but the people he's trying to reach will never do what he wants them to and the ones who do were already feminine gender conforming women in the first place.

They're all slowly turning against surrogacy (the conservatives and conservative feminists,) or rather they're being louder about it/focussing on it more over other topics. So when they get bored with the trans issue we're going to finally be talking about surrogacy and artificial wombs guys. Watch this space. It's also very easy to tie into the 'trans/LGBT question' because obviously a lot of LGBT people use surrogates, want artificial wombs and womb transplants, and then there's the overlap with transhumanism which worries them.

"We'll stick all you weird degenerate/bioleninists in a camp and kill you all"

Yeah that's the typical go-to. Obviously it will require force. Jordan does seem a little squeamish about the far right though. I'm wondering when he's going to realise he'll have to do that to get rid of the androgynous and neurodivergent people he doesn't want to exist.

[Nyctophilia]

^ Anyway that post wasn't weird enough (and I'm still procrastinating this is why this happens lol. Who will win: various special interests vs continuing to research and finally deciding on and committing to picking a phone so I can move onto the next thing I have to do which I decided I can't start until I pick a phone.) So I was thinking that 70% of famous Canadian guys I'm aware of and have listened to have a somewhat high pitched voice. It's cute though. Jordan Peterson obviously but also:



This is 99% just an excuse to post that song because I just listened to it recently for the first time and like it. (It's also not the best example that would be any song from the 70s lol.)

Benjamin Kowalewicz as well but his voice is actually only high pitched (kinda) while singing though not really while talking in an interview I just looked up:



This song is from the pov of a female prostitute though. But a lot of the album and probably most of their work is like that. The other male vocalist Ian D'Sa has way lower vocals (well he's screaming so yeah.) That style did make me like them more when I was younger I think. I mean I liked pop punk a lot anyway but probably was part of the appeal on top of that.



Take on the whole world, fight with the young girls.

Lol.

I think musicians don't really count because they're more likely to be androgynous and I don't often pay attention to famous people who aren't musicians so really this is just Jordan Peterson + musicians. But I did find this interesting study while googling things:

We found that the context of trust and the sex of the speaker both changed how voice pitch affected perceived trustworthiness. Listeners were more trusting of higher-pitched female voices in economic and mate poaching contexts, but trusted lower-pitched female voices more in general. Listeners were more trusting of higher-pitched male voices in economic and mating-related contexts, and also tended to perceive higher-pitched male voices as more trustworthy in general.

https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2017-11834-001

This shouldn't pose any problems in and of itself, but as a group we have mostly unconsciously ? assigned social characteristics to the pitches of voices. A 2012 study found participants were more likely to vote for political candidates with lower pitched voices which they perceived as more socially-dominant. Researchers in Canada found that people "trusted lower-pitched female voices more in general" (although not in a mate-poaching context), while in 2016, research suggested people find men and women with lower voices to be more authoritative and dominant. These perceptions have led to such things as voice deeping procedures which surgery clinics advertise for people who want to feel "more confident and successful in their personal and professional lives".

https://www.dazeddigital.com/beauty/...-the-workplace

So they vote for candidates politically with voices that they generally view as less trustworthy? At least when it comes to men?

???

Haha.

[Nyctophilia]

Hmm I don't really find most of the himbo archetype of male character's attractive. Mostly because they tend to contrast the persona with hypermasculine physical appearance (Johnny Bravo was another example when I was growing up,) which doesn't really work for me. Young Keanu was kinda cute in the Bill and Ted films but that's because of his appearance and not his lack of intelligence. Actually I find intelligence very attractive. But, I do separately have a bimbofication fetish. I like erotica where women and men are made less intelligent but I also like it more if there's a feminisation component or other kinks I have alongside it. So in a purely sexual context yeah, but in general for relationships etc no if that makes sense. Also it's like the fact that they're losing intelligence I suppose that's more arousing than just being unintelligent.

Also skimming through this video I don't find any of these guys attractive and haven't watched most of these shows. (I've only watched 18 minutes though and then just started panning through for the images lol.) I'm a bit disappointed. I'm just gonna be honest I clicked for guys I could hopefully find hot.

She's apologising over and over in this video for her feelings haha. Yeah. Existing publicly is exhausting.

There's this cishet white biker dude who puts out motercycle content on youtube and has pride flags in the background. He says he puts them up in part to signal to [BEEP] folks that he's a safe person for them because he knows how he comes off as without it, even if it makes him a target for bigots by extension. I think that to actively signal safety to [BEEP] ppl, poc ppl, and women when you fit the visual stereotype of those who Aren't safe for us is admirable.

I think it's a shame he feels that he has to do that. I know people tend to assume that if someone is masculine in various ways or has masculine/male typical interests they'll be automatically be a bigot. I mean Alan Moore seems pretty open minded and he's got a huge beard and everything. There are also lots of bigots who aren't particularly masculine in various ways - Jordan Peterson, Ben Shapiro, Nick Fuentes, femboy nazis (tm)

Likewise with political opinions generally when it comes to left vs right.

Styxhexenhammer666 on YouTube.... OK he usually has facial hair and doesn't wear makeup most of the time but..



He also likes gardening, the occult, and has cat(s)

Huge Trump supporter though. I dunno his opinion on all social issues he is an ex-libertarian I think so probably reasonably open minded on most topics but I'm assuming he's pretty conservative about trans people. Very obnoxious on twitter as well and very aggressive personality (based off the few times I've stumbled on his twitter account over the years, don't actively follow) which is a turn off for me personally. Most people are worse on twitter than they are elsewhere though it was a mistake etc.

3 Harry Potter eras:
1997-2009: Villified by pearl clutching religious traditionalists because it "makes kids worship Satan"
2010-2020: Celebrated as timeless critical success.
2021-present: Villified by pearl clutching religious marxists because it "makes kids hate trans"

Yeah so I get the impression that he's misinformed but also doesn't care about the topic much so just adopted the general status quo opinions without caring about it much. Which is about what I expected.

I have made it in life. There is now suggestive material of me as a trans-chick.

In the forthcoming bio-pic you will be played by Daria.

That's hilarious.

Most of these tweets are hilarious actually. It's mostly the reaction to them as well (this isn't really an example of what I was talking about before but for a while a few years ago prob during the last US election he was just reply guying in a really annoying way to every 'Bernie bro' account):

I think the twitter dogfucker is either a troll, or a right wing account attempting to elicit a response by pretending to be a "trans-canine" etc.

Mainly since I can't find a single archival entry prior to the last couple of days, though the account dates to late 2021.

What the hell is happening

So I was talking about something else in this post but removed it, but I have to keep this part in (the below quote isn't a quote from Styxhexenhammer666 it's from the linked paper,) because oh my god this is the funniest thing (I haven't read it but just this description):

https://www.researchgate.net/publica...Transgenderism

Alice in Wonderland and Transgenderism

Introduction: Lewis Carrol's Alice in Wonderland should be regarded as a serious cautionary tale, shedding light on the confusion created by controversy over the wisdom of urging young people to self-diagnose gender dysphoria, consenting to radical adjustments to healthy bodies asking what is crucial, and what peripheral, to leading stimulating, creative, and meaningful lives.

They have outdone me and in the opposite direction. I'm impressed.

So to get back to this really important point - Styxenhammer is not that attractive to me luckily more just has potential. I don't care for facial hair but even putting that aside his personality outside of the interests I mentioned is really offputting too and overshadows that completely so. It's a really hard time to be into nerds with long hair. 4chan and it's consequences. Actually it kind of always has been lol having known many irl years ago. Lots of ego. Very much a mixed bag.

That's why I'm turning to the 70s. Bring back manly men:



Found this while looking up Alice in Wonderland:

Am I a trans man, nonbinary, or just a very confused girl who doesn't know attraction from jealousy

Little backstory: I thought I was bi, but I later realised that I wasn't really attracted to men. Read the lesbian materdoc, seemed to resonate with it, realised I'm a lesbian. When I thought I was bi, I only liked very feminine/androgynous looking men (an example would be niragi from alice in borderland). I do like being feminine and looking traditionally(?) Feminine (I'm not sure if that's the right way to describe it), but recently I've come to realise that when I see men like that I feel sad or jealous?? Idk what the feeling is exactly but it isn't so good. I can't tell if I'm attracted to them or if I'm jealous of them because I want to look that way. Another thing worth noting is that I've been working on making my voice deeper for quite a while. I'm not sure why but I really want to have a deep voice sometimes.

Ftr that's been criticised quite a bit and I think the author came out as bisexual lol. There were some points in it like:

Only/mostly being into guys who are gender nonconforming or feminine in some way.

Alternatively, the guys I like are always a hyper masculine man's man who embodies everything about manliness.

Lol. So that covers a lot of ground.

You think "i'm not attracted to physical appearance, only personalities" or "i only like feminine men" [...] Then when you can't follow through with this 'attraction' in real life scenarios when you have a chance to have a romantic/sexual relationship with a man you assume that's it's some broken part of you that's stopping you, or some quirk of your personality, or a circumstance of your life

Having a lot of your 'guy' crushes later turn out to be trans women

Being repulsed by the dynamics of most/all real life m/f relationships you've seen and/or regularly feeling like "maybe it works for them but I never want my relationship to be like that"

Having to be drunk or high to have sex with men

Your fantasies about men still somehow turn out to be a little gay. Maybe you're penetrating him, you don't have to look at his face/don't want to look at his face, you want a threesome with another woman, he's very feminine, etc. It might be a "straight fantasy" but you've altered it in a way straight people might not be totally interested in.

??? that's way more a sign of being trans or a top, not a lesbian lol. And they're really stuck on the feminine part. It comes up several times lol. And again lol:

You prefer/are exclusively attracted to "feminine" men, (i.e. men that wear traditionally feminine clothing, have traditionally feminine behaviors or appearances, and like traditionally feminine things) basically you only like men if
they?re "womanly" enough.

Also what the person asking the question described sounds like autoandrophilia. (which is prob why they relate to it see above quotes as well. It often interferes with sexual functioning etc. I met someone else who was def AAP and couldn't enjoy sex with men unless they were high/drunk. There are a lot of quotes in there that are basically like. OK well this is autoandrophilia, this is just not being heteronormative, this is potentially asexuality or intimacy issues, and so on. If it was a diagnoses manual it would be useless lol because you wouldn't be able to do a differential diagnoses really.)

The trans community is so useless lol:

These are all very normal thoughts and while we can give you support and cheer you on, we can't tell you what you are. Figuring yourself out is a part of transitioning! (Even if you do turn out to be cis).

If you have some friends you feel safe with I would recommend changing up your pronouns and name to something more masc/gender neutral. Dress up in clothes that make you feel masc. Go to a coffee shop or takeout place and have them call out a masc/neutral name.

There is not one way to tell if your trans, and it may take a while for you to figure it out. But you're not alone : )

Yeah sure, I suppose, but there's also a name for that + a miniscule amount of research from the 70s/80s. I think at the point they were searching through that document they were fairly lost lol.

Like if you're looking for an answer to 'what is this phenomenon I'm experiencing' I could have given them an answer (autoandrophilia,*) but at the same time couldn't on that subreddit without probably getting yelled at (also this is an old thread now.) It won't help them RE identity or other decisions, but that's a personal matter anyway. I think most people know that they're just looking for permission or as I say an explanation of what they are experiencing psychologically.

I don't really experience much envy/negative feelings in relation to that though myself. I guess sometimes there might be some bittersweet kind of feeling. it's more other sexual competition stuff that causes more envy for me. And I'd say it's mild for me, but not so mild that I didn't end up asking about it years ago (the attraction/wanting to look like/be like thing.) The desire to have a lower voice is probably the most common thing I experience though...


*I guess the few researchers who acknowledged it went with the term autohomoeroticism because most examples they found specifically wanted to be gay men but I think that's mostly irrelevant or non essential. The androgyny thing seems super common though and in cases of autoandrophilia in cis gay men they're more likely to want to be really masculine men often straight men specifically. I don't know why the trend seems to be the opposite with afab people but maybe because a lot are bisexual to varying degrees (also might explain why years ago when I remembered my dreams more often I had several sex dreams that were basically autogynephilic involving female/feminine clothing mostly, but that doesn't really do anything for me when I'm awake.) edit: Oh yeah and there's a tendency for people with autogynpehilia/AGP to be attracted to trans women for some reason and about 50% of guys attracted to trans women also have some degree of AGP, so there's something going on there. There has definitely been diversity for me in the guys in question, but it's often someone presenting androgynously and 90% with long hair.

It doesn't happen with every guy I find attractive either. Or hmm. There's probably always some degree of wanting to be like them or look like them, but sometimes it's not very noticeable over the attraction and other times way more noticeable and the attraction to wanting to look like ratio also varies a lot. Like I was very attracted to IAMX for years and years lol and also for a while wanted to sort of be him and then that kind of faded more and I was mostly just attracted (not listing all the examples but just using two for contrast.) Then on some level I'm probably mildly attracted to the guys in Drab Majesty but not really and if I have to think about it this hard I'd say it doesn't count. I don't have any particularly strong reaction to them or any sexual/romantic fantasies but such a cool aesthetic:



Not practical at all. Even they don't walk around like that outside of performing on stage and in music videos:

OK well, there's an interview where they specifically addressed that but I can't find it now. Kind of just common sense though really. I don't think most people would dress like that on a day to day basis. Sadly.

As much as everyone loves sex, it wanes over time and the body degrades. Music will always be able to transport you to a higher dimension of mind. You get that from sex, but sex can be vapid and emotionless. Sort of routine. Music has it's own ever-present mystical element. Even when I'm 80, or however long I live, I think I'll still be listening to music. I don't think I will be having sex.

So true.

But it's kind of an archetypal interest. Like I deleted this post earlier because I posted photos of myself in it from the past, and then the cringe got to be too much (apparently there is a line.) But I recently stumbled on this old profile I had on a website where I had a avatar of Rozz Williams from Christian Death which is fairly typical of the archetype:



It was weird because the last time I updated that profile page was 2013 yet I only learnt about the existence of Christian Death when I was watching this trailer for a film that came out in 2016 (and obviously loved the bassline of that song):



Also looks like a good movie but never watched it.

So I just thought he looked cool in some image I stumbled on somewhere lol? Either that or the avatar and profile update dates are different and I just forgot about changing my avatar after 2016... But it's not a site I use at all anymore or have done for many years.

Anyway I also went through a phase of wanting to look like Andrew Eldritch. So goths with sunglasses lol.

If only I could be so grossly incandescent.



But there have been other examples that were different again to this general archetype.

Also most homosexual and bisexual people experience this (mostly with people of the samesex,) they just don't understand it under these terms. It's rarer for heterosexuals and I don't know why except I assume since it pushes you to want to transition + can create dysphoria to varying degrees + seems to contribute to less attraction it's counterproductive evolutionarily speaking. There's a lot of stigma about it in people who are attracted to the opposite sex (from their birth sex,) which tends to make the whole thing way more difficult. Also lots of transphobic people weaponise this theory against trans women (autogynpehilia/AGP.) And a lot of cis men with AGP experience it as this terrible thing they want to get rid of. Very ego-dystonic about it and often a lot of shame. Also often somewhat transphobic but that's because most of the people who accept this kind of viewpoint are conservative leaning.

I feel like some people accept the basic concept if you just don't use those labels. Probably because the stereotype is extreme and not applicable to most people. In a sense I wouldn't want to share that info because of how toxic most of those people are in communities that discuss it but being interested in the overall topic myself, and enjoying obtaining knowledge it also feels important. I do think most afab people who learn about it care less though because there's less stigma about AAP than AGP in the first place.

For me the only thing that bothered me for maybe a moment was considering if all of my interests were just like inverted sexuality so I basically didn't exist. Eg chat conversation:

I wonder how much of my interests and stuff are just A*P
I probably don't exist at all

uhh, I don't think that's how it works...

Lol. And feeling like I don't exist has been an ongoing problem for me from time to time anyway because I am quite schizoid/dissociative. I'm quite psychologically diffuse? It's difficult to explain and don't feel like thinking on it more/expanding this post that much. But uh the implications of the theory in some respects really didn't help. Just having a literal existential breakdown. 😂 See this is why I like Final Fantasy VII so much. (No it wasn't back in the day, but in hindsight it just works increasingly more.)

wrt mulan: whynotboth.jpg
I don't think the video game thing is stereotypically AAP

I don't know
I don't know enough AAP's
I guess most people like video games anyway

I think it's uncomfortable because there's a sort of desire for complete psychological independence (and that comes from my schizoid traits I guess.) but it's also probably rooted in people's misogynistic assumptions. Like I've often felt throughout my life that if I really like a piece of music, band, or a game etc but I'm sexually attracted to characters in it, or musicians, it somehow diminishes that and I'm 99% that comes from internalising viewpoints from guys in various fandoms because most things I've been interested in had a lot of male fans and there's often the general viewpoint that these things should be kept separate because it's superficial and 'fangirls are annoying' and 'you only like this because you find x person hot' etc. Which shouldn't necessarily matter even if true, but we live in a sex negative culture. I also grew up in a very repressed environment. Girls wouldn't admit to masturbating when the topic came up one time, few people really ever talked about sex. And I spent a lot of time during my teen years reading mostly gay male erotica and masturbating so obviously I internalised that that was weird. And fanfiction and the few times people irl mentioned fanfiction it was clear that was like really weird so couldn't talk about that. Guys are also often bothered by their own sexuality and want to control it due to their testosterone dominant hormone system. LOL the way I write though. Who says that? Who says any of this? I look at myself in third person a lot. Too much analysing.

So on that note maybe it's better they don't look into that theory 😂 At some point a lot of people seem to react poorly to it at least briefly (for a variety of different reasons.) I don't even necessarily think it's as useful as the knowledge that goes along with it though. I mean it's kind of interesting and useful to note the similarities in sexuality/sexual preferences and stuff like that and there are certain things I hear people wonder about and I'm like 'I know why this is happening.' I also think in spite of what I said it gives an overall sense of stability if you are trans or non-binary (well moreso if you're afab.) Especially if people believe your only motivation is attention seeking or more ridiculous - some mysterious social virus/contagion. It helps to see historical and clinical examples who are similar from the past etc. Also that idea of everything being a social contagion is even worse because at least your sexuality is you right (except when people try to claim no genetic females have a sexuality just an empty box entirely,) and considering what I've wrote here this makes me even angrier about that theory and it's proponents (if that was at all possible lol. I hate that [BEEP] so much,) again they're trying to imply that everything is external where afab people are concerned and doesn't come from the self. So much misogynistic theory and ideas floating around like this. It seems to stem from a desire to control people who are afab too. 'They've gotten the wrong preference so we can just push them back into the box we want them in.'


I still have no idea what phone I'm going to buy and haven't found any more hot guys.

RIP.

[Nyctophilia]

Oh weird I went back to an old reddit account I haven't used since late 2021 and just noticed that I responded to that trans woman who has been stuck going back and forth between transphobes and being trans for the last decade or so. I think she was the first person in the US to be legally recognised as non-binary and she went on hrt at some point, then she detransistioned and became like an extreme transphobe. At some point more recently she came back out as a trans woman and leaked a bunch of emails from them. She really obviously has BPD and is diagnosed. Also deleted the video she posted (some interview with transphobe,) plus that reddit account now.

I guess that must have been just before she 'switched sides' again.

As a result of my inability to change and live in the manner these folks demand, as a male, I resumed gender-affirming medical treatments in 2020. I then began to re-identify as a transgender woman, Lisa Shupe, in 2021. Actions that have drastically improved my physical and mental health.

That doesn't really make sense timeline wise but OK lol. I completely forgot about that comment though lol so why not I guess.

I was like 'stop instantalising afab people' (because they kept doing that on different sites like basically feeding into the common terf narrative of afabs at risk of scary trans women, and I think I've made it clear how annoying I find that by now lol,) and 'I find your self hatred quite sad, and hope you manage to overcome that some day.'

This is also what I was getting at. So depressing:

removed the wig during the interview because I've come to understand it to be an anatomic autogynephilia prop symbolizing femininity that I don't rightfully possess.

This was written by someone else:

https://www.queermajority.com/essays...eterosexuality

Throughout my own process of discovery into these matters, I kept bumping into a hurdle that kept me from succinctly explaining the two known types of transgenderism. I didn't have a word for "attraction to being the other sex," which included both female autoandrophilia and male autogynephilia under a shared rubric. I eventually settled on autoheterosexuality, a term that a colleague of mine had used before. Embarrassingly obvious in hindsight, this autoheterosexual concept allows a clear explanation of the two-type transgender model:

In both sexes, there are two known types of transgenderism. One is associated with homosexuality, and the other with autoheterosexuality: a sexual attraction to being the other sex. Both of these gender-based sexual orientations are similarly common, and both can lead to gender dysphoria or cross-gender identity.

Lol "colleague." (I know who they're talking about so just a funny way of putting it.) I don't personally like the term autoheterosexual because it ignores that a lot of people are bisexual. I don't identify as heterosexual and so would never use that label. I also think viewing it in concrete ways as two types is probably a mistake at this stage. (Though they did say 'known types' I guess.) Otherwise agree with a bunch of the points made:

This bothered me. If I was actually autogynephilic, I wanted to be okay with it, which entailed being able to talk about it without being stigmatized or screamed at. It didn’t seem fair that I had to stay closeted just because some people couldn’t handle the idea that sexual orientation might be part of their wish to transition their gender. Above all, it seemed especially unjust that knowledge of my own sexual orientation had been hidden from me.

When I tried talking about it on social media, I encountered pushback from "progressive" friends seemingly motivated by a desire to help trans women. They asserted that the concept of autogynephilia is harmful to trans women, that it reduced their identity to a fetish, and that talking about it is "dangerous" because it promotes "transphobic violence." They said these scientific studies denied the identities and lived experiences of many trans people, and that transgender studies conducted by cis, white men couldn't be trusted because these scientists didn't belong to the groups they studied. Amid the numerous moralistic arguments of this sort that I encountered, however, none addressed the truth of my orientation.

Those scientists are politically motivated trash and presently pushing misogynistic nonsense, but that doesn't mean every theory they're associated with is complete bunk.

I needed to understand myself and accurately interpret my experiences. I needed to know why I was unhappy being male and why I yearned to be female. I needed a sound framework so that any transition-related decisions I made would help me rather than harm me.

In practice, moreover, I found that critical theory's apparent respect for "my truth" was itself a lie: the people who seemingly operated by its tenets were the same ones who said I shouldn’t talk about autogynephilia. It didn’t matter that I specifically identified as autogynephilic, nor did it matter that I’d spent thousands of hours combing through the sexology literature to ensure that I held accurate beliefs about my own sexual orientation. Instead, what mattered to them was simple guilt by association. The framework of autogynephilia has sometimes been used in narratives that disparage trans women - it is therefore totally unacceptable, no further thinking required.

By switching out the sexual orientation under discussion, it's easy to see why this line of reasoning is flawed. For example, it's well known that the concept of homosexuality has sometimes been used in narratives that disparage gay people. Given this troubled history, does homosexuality not actually exist? Should homosexuality's connection to gender nonconformity and transgenderism be denied? Should people who identify as gay or lesbian be told to shut up about their orientations? Of course not! These types of responses also ultimately serve to stigmatize a sexual orientation under the guise of helping the people who have it.

I don’t doubt that true believers in critical social justice have noble intentions when they try to help trans women by suppressing knowledge about autogynephilia, but this ultimately harms the broader population of autoheterosexuals at an individual level.

Kept in the dark about their condition, people like me are unable to understand why we feel the way we do. As a result, we needlessly suffer from shame and confusion. A culture in which certain forms of knowledge are shunned will negatively impact not only autoheterosexuals but also gender dysphoric people as a whole. Crushed between these "kindly inquisitors" on the hard left and genuine bigots on the religious right, those questioning whether they might be autoheterosexual will have few places to turn.

It's interesting because I mostly agree but it's actually difficult to argue that it's a positive thing on an individual level. Like the culture (possibly) and the way it's presented/talked about makes a lot of people have some kind of a breakdown moreso if they're amab. But also people have a love/hate relationship with categories.

Seems like it bothers afab people less especially if they're cis and have no desire to transition. (I mean I shared this info with someone who was questioning if they were asexual because a bunch of stuff sounded like they were AAP like wanting a dick as a child, needing to be high to enjoy sex at all. They then confirmed all their sexual fantasies involved being a man having sex with a woman even though they didn't find women attractive at all otherwise so they felt it fit them and mostly just found it interesting/informative.) But a lot of people are unfortunately not going to get that from this knowledge. They have like a full on Loki learning he's a frost giant level breakdown instead. 'So I'm the monster that parents tell their children about at night?' Because the last several decades of film/culture etc have drilled that idea into people's heads.

Why does this matter? Medical transition is increasingly available on an "informed consent" basis in which trans people are tasked with being their own gatekeepers. It's great that consenting adults have access to this treatment, but can a trans person be considered "informed" if they don’t even know which type of gender dysphoria they have? How can they ensure they're making the best decision for themselves if the nature of their condition is hidden from them because of respectability politics?

I wish informed consent clinics were a thing here.

Advocates for critical social justice may see this cover-up as justifiable because they think it'll have beneficial political consequences for trans people as a group, but trans people don't transition as a group. Gender transition is a decision made by individuals. This decision-making process is complex and highly personal. And given the stakes, it ought to be informed to the greatest extent possible. It is only by treating everyone as individuals and by handing transgender people an unredacted scientific roadmap to chart their own course through the gender cosmos that we can help them live the happy, meaningful lives they deserve.

[Doseone]

The person that I emailed will probably never respond.

[Nyctophilia]

Also I can't see how most trans and non-binary people would accept the theory if 99% of the people talking about it are:

1. Virulent transphobes.

2. Detransistioners (who are usually not OK (tm))

3. cis people with A*P

This is somewhat depressing (considering the culture we're in,) you have to wonder 'who are you doing this for?':

My dysphoria appears to be settling down to 30 episodes per year. I've been following it for about five years now. It was extremely heavy in the first year I tracked it, with nearly 100 occurrences.

Even if I am dysphoric less frequently, the raw feelings of discomfort and dissociation still occur if I go through an episode. However, as I've become older, my outlook on what to do with these feelings has changed. I try not to react as much now.

Really hoping I'll maintain a good streak through the summer. It's the hardest months where my dysphoria always comes back. Trying to anticipate this but not obsess over controlling my emotions, rip.

Others may not define these terms in this way, therefore I've included desister in my bio to indicate that I did not undergo medical transition and that I no longer identify as trans.

OK well you're not a 'desister' because the label was created in clinical literature to describe children who 'grow out of' gender dysphoria. You are an adult who still struggles with gender dysphoria, but has chosen not to medically transition.

I want to talk about my pseudo-bisexuality.

I knew I had feelings for females and males by ages 7 or 8, and I had started to conceptualize myself mentally as a male early on. Due to this, all of my relationships were experienced through the lens of my male identity.

By 18, I recognized this and that I had been "using women to accentuate my masculinity." I then stopped dating women because I believed this was unfair to them. I still have strong feelings for women, but only in the context of a m/f relationship in which I am the male.

My dysphoria and desire to live as a male again come in waves, and right now is one of them.

I know that I miss being read as a male. I've been trying to do introspection and ask what I miss about this specifically. What are the perceived benefits I am seeking?

I couldn't understand why people were upset when they found out I was actually trans instead of a biological male, but I do now. I feel bad for lying to people about my sex. I think it was entitled of me to twist their reaction to my lie as transphobia, and make it about my pain.

That's definitely their problem. They shouldn't have assumed you weren't trans.

Childhood traits I decided meant something:

I cried in dresses.
I cut my hair twice.
I peed standing up.
I always wore ponytails.
I hung out with boys more.
I broke every princess toy I was gifted.
I always assumed the male role in play.
All of my parties were hot wheels themed.
I wanted to be a dad or brother.
I always wore masculine clothes.
I prayed for god to make me a boy.
I asked to go by a masculine name.
I swam and played with my shirt off.
I loathed giggling, gossiping, and getting ready.

I tried to just accept what I have now than risk the unknown. I gave up some 'benefit' of looking male to hedge against the risk of other illnesses or continued dissatisfaction.

I stopped socially transitioning and identifying as transgender by happenstance. A few major events in my life happened to coincide at the same time, making me wonder if medical transition would provide me with the relief and treatment that I needed for my sex dysphoria.

1. I came to a point in my life where I needed to make important decisions outside of transition (imagine a marriage or career change).
2. A family member underwent an unexpected medical intervention, prompting me to reconsider the health risks of medical transition.
3. I received very little support for any social or medical transition from my family.
4. When I was ready, I went into therapy on my own, and discovered that it helped with other issues such as depression and anxiety. I was curious if it could help with dysphoria.

Major life events, I believe, put things into perspective in ways that other things cannot. I still have sex dysphoria or the desire to be male, but I?ve remained open minded for other ways to manage this distress.

I decided to detransition, because I realized that I would never be male. Transition would be chasing the impossible at a great cost. After realizing this, I began to seek out therapeutic approaches for my gender dysphoria instead of hormones and surgery.

#DetransAwarenessDay

Well you'll never be cisgender either but you're still trying to live that way lol. One day maybe we won't have to live like this.

Last year, I was exploring other explanations for my desire to be male, detailing out motivations. I noted that since childhood I've experienced "intense euphoria from 'anchor' male items; items I believed solidified or identified me as a male, such as a pair of boys work boots."

I began crossdressing/wanted to be male before I identified as trans or even knew the word existed. I might not have called it "trans," but I was definitely attempting to actualize a male persona/identity in order to alleviate my discomfort with being female. I hope this helps.

For whose benefit is this conversion therapy you're attempting?

Well terfs they read stuff like this and think 'this is ideal' lol.

I don't believe in gender identity.

My A*P identity is cooler than yours

















Listen to the n̶̢̡̗̥̦̜̰̻͈̬̺͗͑̌̉̎̿͗̆̏͗̚ơ̷͚͉͖̻̰̮̮̤̯̪̜̞̋̌̀́̏͛̏̄ ̝i̷ ͚̹̔̾̐̏̿̓̊͋͂̕̕͘s̶̨̛͚͖̪͚̟̘̖̩̠͚̆́̾̒̎̌͒͋̉̾̂̉͌e̴̓͒̀ ͉̭͠ ̷͈͇̮̦̺̄̿̔͐̋͜ǫ̵̨͉̪̘̘͙̘̭̰̲͍͎̒͋f̵̢̛̰̜̯̌͋͆̐̂̊͐̈́̇͊ ̨͉̣̟ ̡͎̤͓̗̼ ̷̩͕̎̅͛t̶̨̢̮̞͈̫̓̅̀h̴̢̻̻͇̟̝̥̲̥̖̰̬͒͒͂͐́e̷͊͂̓̿̐̈́̀͂ ͚̜̘͙ ̧͇̬̥͍͇͖ ̵͔̩͚̫̈́̃̃͊v̶͉͂̓̐̋̈́̄͑́́̚͝o̷̡̢̡̠̞͉͇͈̦͔̓́̐̎͗̆ͅḯ̷̍ ͊̈́͗͝ ̧̢̡̨̲̪̤̗̦̘̎ͅd̵͇̺̜̰̤̮͊͒̉̄͒̎̐̏͊̓̇̎͘ ̵͙̻̙̍͐̿͗͝ ̸̼͐͒there's a message in it for you.





They are so good live damn. Now I definitely have to get tickets next time.

Autoandrophilia played a larger part in my motivations to transition than I initially thought. When I read [...] I was able to recall examples of this in my own life that I'd originally associated with gender roles.

I don't know if there's hope for her or not.

I feel like every moth that has been missing in my room for... However long it's been (quite a long time with no moths,) has decided to fly around my room over the last couple of weeks.