Random Thought of the Day

[Nyctophilia]

I'm open to the idea that some of this stuff was a psyop. The US government always infiltrates groups like this and it's way easier to do that online. That being said though I don't care either way - other people's insane overreaction to it is/was boring. I mean you have to be pretty boring to be bothered by something like 'reptile gender'

I actually think xir as a pronoun is pretty cool because of the x lol. X always looks cool. It also works because most legal non-binary markers on passports go with x. They're trying to tempt me to legally change my gender, though when fascists gain control it's an easy way to round people up. Not that the UK is ever going to adopt that because we're backwards anyway.

Talking about the anti religious channels living to debate. Yeah that's part of it but the other part of it is a lot of that group became radicalised after gamergate and that atheism+ discourse by right wing talking points. And I say this as someone who was sympathetic to gamergate a the time. Sargon of Akkad is a perfect example of right wing radicalisation. He started off making gamergate content and now he's some kind of white nationalist.

Lol I randomly remembered Thunderf00t existed yesterday because I found a reddit comment where someone brought him up talking about his voice being annoying. That took me back. He still has the same terrible video thumbnails lol and the same voice/way of talking in videos just about different topics lol. I think he had some weird issues with this other YouTuber called something like Richard the dick Coughlan I think one of his channels was Coughlan666 but he had many that got banned lol who was a very colourful character. Thunderf00t actually made atheist and science videos though and then got involved in gamergate for a while via the 'elevatorgate' thing and made some anti-feminist content. Then I lost track I think he 'left the anti-sjw community' at some point and had a falling out with Sargon.

I actually discovered Coughlan though through the jvlogging community prob years before I discovered Thunderf00t lol. Because I think gimmeabreakman was talking about him and maybe had some videos chatting with him I don't remember now and then another person who was part of the jvlogging community who actually eventually moved to the UK caffinjedi made some videos with him too I think. She seemed to like him I think he was more normal outside of whatever crazy atheist YouTube content was always going on. Lol this is just reminding me of a bunch of channels I haven't watched in forever I think Caffinejedi now lives in LA but was in the UK for several years and married to this German guy but I think they must have broken up (very recently it seems unless there were more than one.) I think YouTube was a lot smaller back then too.

I was in the United Kingdom for a while. Mostly drinking. Took some shrooms at a hooker's house. Ended up naked on the rug. She's a very nice hooker though.

I honestly don't know if this is a joke/exaggeration. It could go either way.





I don't even know these guys below but lol the Britishness of it all. Yes I'm saying this as a British person that's how British this is.



^ The sarcasm levels are off the chart.





And to this day I still have no idea who fakesagan is. I've seen that name thrown around a lot.

FakeSagan is a former atheist YouTuber who has been friends with Brett Keane for almost the entire duration of their YouTube careers. Despite having different religious views, the two have always been respectful of each other. In early 2016, FakeSagan converted to Christianity.

If he was particularly obnoxious that kind of tracks. I have seen this kind of thing many times in many different communities/groups. Also I found a channel that had archived his videos and they linked to some supposed new channel he's created and it just says this:

This account has been terminated due to multiple or severe violations of YouTube's policy prohibiting hate speech.

Think that's the first time I've ever seen that lol.

Back when Free Speech Vids was in the works, TJ, FakeSagan, Galen, Holly, and Ocean (FakeSagan's girlfriend at the time,) did a livestream on blog.tv to raise money for it. After shots of EverClear and other drinks, FakeSagan's and TJ's true colors were revealed. In full-on money [BEEP] mode, TJ berated anyone who donated under $5 , while FakeSagan proceeded to go on drunken ramblings telling people to give them money, even going as far as threatening to shoot himself in the head live on stream if $150 wasn't donated.

He even made out with TJ during it. He then proceeded to threaten everybody at gun point, and even at one point tried to pick a fight with TJ because he coughed during FakeSagan's money whore-infused sob story. He later cut himself and almost fainted. For the rest of the stream, they tried to get an ambulance for him. They were banned from blog.tv while streaming after these incidents occurred. They discussed the debacle on Private Show #1.

Once again:

I honestly don't know if this is a joke/exaggeration. It could go either way.

I didn't keep up with the details of any of this and was never really watching atheist YouTube you just couldn't really avoid it 100%. All I really remember and this much later is coming across some fake video or an image or something with Thunderf00t standing in a waterfall? Something like that? Perhaps I hallucinated that.

So yeah YouTube was always kind of crazy.

This is actually way more entertaining than the dumb stuff that happens now tbh. I think it's the low quality video footage that really makes it though. Like I want a sitcom version of this. It's also a bit less scripted in general.

Also Contrapoints used to be part of that community but I never watched her videos back then. She also got banned lol and admitted to that on her new channel but YouTube apparently doesn't care much? I dunno maybe it wasn't a permanent thing. Coughlan has been permanently banned but also hasn't because I just looked and he's uploaded a video recently.

Azrienoch was actually my favourite really old school channel though that I remember watching (besides stuff like Filmcow.) His channel was still around a few years ago but think it's gone now RIP.

Formerly Azrienoch on YouTube. That account got hacked, lost all the videos, and now I'm reposting any of them I can find.

Not sure if true. My favourite videos that don't seem to have been reuploaded were the tea time ones, also shower time was funny off the top of my head, and there was another video I don't remember fully something about the sun maybe. This one was pretty good too:



That's why I don't delete my videos from my external harddrives though even though they take up a lot of space because that would really annoy me if I lost them. I spent too much time on a lot of them.

[Doseone]

@Nyctophilia
Lol, I remember thunderf00t.

[Nyctophilia]

@Doseone

Yeah it was weird seeing him brought up in 2023, I'd forgotten he existed lol.



---

My friend linked me this channel that seem to make short music clips with random objects. I really love when people use odd/every day/non musical objects for music. I mean I guess they do other stuff musically too and I think he actually liked their longer techno tracks but he linked the pressure washer video and I was looking through other similar stuff they posted (because I liked stuff like that lol):



^ wanted a longer version of this and asked my friend if there was one and he was like 'sadly no' damn it's good but way too short.



This sounds good and is live but doesn't really have same effect:



Also glass =D





Also finally bought a phone. I found an a54 that was lower than the max price I'd settled on paying (?300, and bought it for ?294 we'll see if it turns up OK.. The question mark is a pound sign.) There seem to be older phones with faster processors that are better for gaming and probably other purposes. Maybe even better/equal cameras and sometimes cheaper at this point. A lot of people seemed to think the a52s is still better/a great phone but they don't have as many updates and that's a huge thing for me. I hate buying/researching new phones and want stuff to last as long as possible. That's not really feasible with today's technology/phones as they are designed to be replaced asap so these companies can get more money but to get it to last as long as possible had to buy a newer phone with more updates so went with that..

[Nyctophilia]

My friend has this issue where whatever device he's using to talk on skype keeps inserting random smiley emojis in places. Sometimes several. But occasionally they're at the end of sentences where they seem plausible and I'm sure they're always being inserted for him because he never generally uses emojis but it's hilarious. People seem to have so many issues using phones/tablets etc to type. I'm usually using a desktop.

Edit: Also I'm going back to this detransistioner's video from before again because I had it open in another tab and continued watching a bit more of it but she actually says that if she'd been born male her mum would have looked at her a bit differently/less enthusiastically because she'd always wanted a girl:

and knowing that and sensing that might have been a key component for me as a biological male in this universe to want to be a girl instead. So being bullied for being gay and feeling ashamed of my sexuality would have also contributed to the desire to transition to female. So realistically I would have wanted to be trans in both scenarios anyway. So what are you going to do. You're still gender non-conforming whichever way you are. Even if you're the most feminine trans woman there's still something very manly about you or the other way around.

It's like the JK Rowling argument in reverse lol. (where she talks about how since her dad had always wanted a boy, she thinks she might have transitioned if she was a teenager now.)

Except a large part of why she detransitioned is clearly because she didn't want to live as a feminine man. She couldn't deal with that experience.

And nobody hears this because 'trans people should always be cis'

Like people are arguing this is best but at no point have I heard 'I felt like I wanted to live as a woman and that would make me happy.' It's just 'being a feminine man/read as gay is shit,' 'even if I was born male I would have ended up in this situation because being a feminine man/read as gay is shit.' etc. Then trying to cope with female pronouns/language. 'I've grown to enjoy it because to use he/him renders me meaningless because I'm not a male. I can't touch he/him pronouns because they're not for me.'

They're not for her because she's genetically female lol. As I said that's kind of the end result of transmed ideology.

'WhY hAvE ThEy OnLy StArTeD TrAnSiTioNinG VeRy ReCeNtLY'

lol.

Like myself the only time we'll actually come face to face with that status quo is when we pass and this is where quite a few of these girls will detransition because that male hierarchy is to say the last difficult to deal with.

There's some girls who when they see that hierarchy they think 'oh this is a challenge to validate my inner guy. So I'm going to step up to the plate and tussle with this hierarchy thing and get a little higher than someone like me maybe. And more power to you if you can do it but there's just many of us who can't do it and it's hard. People don't go soft on guys.

Isn't that kind of a problem? People are validating this mentality too lol. 'Oh well if you give up and you end up as a cis woman that's OK.'

I mean I'm not in a position to talk I'm mostly closeted, haven't medically transitioned (although there are other reasons for that,) and I'm bigender anyway which complicated things further. Society and especially men are intolerant and that's probably why most feminine gay/bi etc trans guys never transitioned historically. But like you can at least not lie to yourself? And try to make things harder for other trans people (which she seems to be doing in other videos.)

Like if Rachilde can do it now and again. (There's at least a couple of anecdotes of her insisting she's a man.)





lol.

I dunno like I say it didn't seem like she had a strong identity as a guy to start with maybe. But there's an awful lot of like 'it was hard, so I quit, and so now I'm a woman because I'm genetically female' which makes it seem more like avoidance. No I'm sorry you don't get to do that. Prove you're a woman to me without referencing your genetic sex or lack of masculinity. Convince me.

[Nyctophilia]

They have got to stop doing this. You can't just take some random internet slang from say 4chan and then decide 'this is a far right thing'

Oh my God:





No it's really exhausting though. They pretty much just decided about a decade ago that the entirety of nerd culture, weird male online spaces, and gamers etc were evil and have been gradually building up this narrative ever since.

The actual far right aren't typically going around calling each other 'fren' or other cutesy [BEEP] and there's plenty of them on twitter now if you'd like to take a look. In case you were wondering you are well past the age of optics over there:

Will there be at least a single word that isn't converted to 'far-right use' by the media by 2050 ? Hard to say

No they are working on making everything Marxist, fascist or woke now. You can't say anything or enjoy anything or even exist in a neutral sense lol.

At this point co-opting aesthetics/interests/language etc so they can't do this, has pretty much become a radical act.

Musk's recent posts have included several references to alt-right themes and fascism, experts told Insider. In a recent post, he shared a meme including Pepe the frog and a caption featuring the word "fren" — an apparent misspelling of the word "friend" — a backronym for "far right ethno nationalist."

Imagine writing about this and crap about Elon Musk (who I don't even like btw but this is still retarded,) while ignoring the systemic attempt to remove entire groups of people from public life:

Montana's new law banning drag reading events at public libraries has led to the cancellation of a Native American transgender speaker in a southwestern Montana city on Friday.

The Butte-Silver Bow Public Library canceled its “First Friday” speaker, Adria Jawort, at the recommendation of county attorneys, library director Stef Johnson said in a statement on the library's website.

On Monday, Jawort posted online that she was going to do an LGBTQ and two-spirit history lecture at a library on Friday. "Two-spirit" is a Native American term for people with both male and female spirits.

Jawort described herself as somewhat of a fashionista who dresses professionally for events, but certainly not in drag.

When the bill was debated in the Montana Legislature in February, transgender Rep. Zooey Zephyr, a Democrat, said the legislation would target transgender people.

House Majority Leader Sue Vinton, a Republican, stood up and said, “Mr. Chair, this bill has nothing to do with the transgender community.”

Jawort also spoke against the legislation.

"The irony is I testified against this bill saying it would target trans people that would include, of course, me," Jawort posted on social media Thursday. "They denied it. Now here I am, targeted."

“One of my best defenses against bigotry ... is just educating the public and doing these speeches about the history of two-spirit people,” who have long been recognized by Native American tribes, Jawort said.

Butte-Silver Bow Chief Executive J.P. Gallagher issued a proclamation Thursday marking the beginning of Pride month and encouraged residents to support the visibility, dignity and equality of all people, including LGBTQ+ residents.

[Nyctophilia]

https://www.thepinknews.com/2023/06/...exual-assault/

Elliot Page has opened up about a horrific experience with a famous actor who threatened to "f**k" him to convince him he wasn't gay.

The trans icon and Umbrella Academy star who uses he/him and they/them pronouns revealed the disgusting encounter in a chapter aptly titled aptly titled "Famous A*****e at Party" from their new memoir, Pageboy.

In it, Page recalled a harrowing encounter with an unnamed actor at a birthday party in Los Angeles in 2014 just a couple months after the Inception actor came out as part of the LGBTQ+ community ? before he came out as trans in 2020.

Page said that the actor, who they considered an "acquaintance", approached them at the party before lobbing homophobic hate and threatened to sexually assault the [BEEP] star.

"You aren't gay. That doesn't exist. You are just afraid of men," Page recalled the actor saying. "I'm going to f**k you to make you realise you aren't gay."

When Page saw the actor at the gym a few days later, the unidentified celebrity tried to backtrack on his bigoted statements and threats by saying: "I don't have a problem with gay people, I swear."

"I think you might," Page responded.

Elliot Page said he's had "some version of that happen many times throughout [his] life" and that many [BEEP] and trans people "deal with it incessantly", People reported.

I think men like this are actually gay and projecting. They just need some guy to come along and [BEEP] them.

My knee jerk reaction would be something like 'sure I'll [BEEP] you in the [BEEP]' 'what you said I needed to [BEEP] a guy now you're backtracking?' 😏

It wouldn't work though. I don't want to [BEEP] ugly guys. It's effective because these guys always have a complex about masculinity and would never bottom in a million years, but also cheapens the act.

"You're just afraid of men. I'm going to rape you." - Author Unknown.

Elliot Page also explained that he'd purposely not shared the actor's name, noting that several people at the 2014 party saw and heard what happened that night. He added: "But he will hear about this and know it's him."

Edit: Lol it sounds like the title of a post rock song something like this:



There's a certain subset of retarded guys who do this kind of thing often. And sometimes with any belief they disagree with not just sexuality. Here's one on video telling shoeonhead that maybe he can change her political views by fucking her:

https://youtu.be/yN7E4xN2IVo?t=1348

Sneako obviously talking to a feminist woman:

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/ReXkTB_Xw5U

I think it often comes from instinctively feeling like they are worthless evolutionarily speaking because they don't have a female reproductive system. So the idea of someone not being into the idea of reproducing with men becomes a threat to their own sense of self worth. Just read the creepy Daily Stormer article also about Elliot Page (they're all very normal about him specifically yeah):

Our race could survive if 95% of our men were wiped out. It couldn't survive if 95% of our women were wiped out. There is a reason that when a ship is sinking, women board the rafts first: it's because they have much, much greater reproductive value than a man. So it should be of a very major concern that the Jewish media and education system are attempting to make as many young girls as possible into transgenders.

Not saying this random celebrity guy is a member of the far right btw lol I just think a lot of this stuff comes from a similar place though. The far right are just often more honest about their insecurities/sexual insecurities for whatever reason. Like feeling insecure about black guys and so on.

This is why I always tell you that women must be married off young, against their will if necessary.

It's quite inexplicable that the one thing that Page was famous for was playing a pregnant teenager, and now [he's] taking up a role to try to ensure that teenage girls can never get pregnant.

You know what other film he's well known for? It's a lot more fun.

Female Transgenderism: A Plot to Exterminate the White Race by Neutralizing Our Breeding Vessels

Delightful.

But the lack of a female reproductive system is not why they're worthless to me. They're worthless to me because they're not Adonis.



'Thrice fairer than myself,' thus she began,
'The field's chief flower, sweet above compare,
Stain to all nymphs, more lovely than a man,
More white and red than doves or roses are;
Nature that made thee, with herself at strife,
Saith that the world hath ending with thy life. - Venus and Adonis, Shakespeare.

I maintain that this masculinity finally manifests itself in the form of the boar, (1) which, by killing Adonis, signifies the danger that female sexual desire poses to men. There is, then, a clear disparity between Venus's nurturing qualities as lover and mother and her destructive capabilities as desiring woman. Moreover, Shakespeare's recourse to a boar to depict this final aspect of Venus's character intimates the unrepresentability of female sexuality and thus stresses its incongruousness with 'femininity.'

Why do I need you if I can just fantasise about him?



Their entire self esteem hinges on whether or not genetic females find them attractive especially bizarrely groups of genetic females that aren't so inclined to have penis-in-vagina sex with most/any males (lesbian women, asexual women, trans men etc,) and evidently if you don't want to, they're worthless. So I'm just agreeing with their self evaluation really.

"I'll manifest the worst archetype of hegemonic masculine rapist, and threaten you with conversion therapy, and then you'll want to have sex with me."

No. Here's what you're going to do. You're going to grow out your hair, lose weight, change your skeletal structure (if necessary,) go on hrt so you look more youthful (if necessary,) start playing music to the point where you're reasonably good at it, voice train to get a cute voice, start reading a lot of books so you give off a kind of intellectual vibe, get some glasses, take a bunch of aesthetic photos etc for me, and then after all that I'm still going to reject you because I can never get that image of you as this hegemonic masculine rapist out of my head.



(note how he's been decapitated. We'll come back to this eventually.)

And then as you sit there feeling lost, having destroyed everything about yourself in an attempt to make yourself desirable to me, you'll wish I was a lesbian.

You can rape me but you'll never be desirable.



Edit: Some of these guys say some really goofy [BEEP] at times like 'feminists/sjws etc want to get raped. That's why they reject men/make it harder for men to get sex.' If I'm remembering correctly, I think someone making that argument referenced Andrea Dworkin at one point.

No retard you're projecting your desire to rape. Go to prison/chemically castrate yourself if you can't handle the sex drive.

I don't think she was a lesbian, though she identified as one, she ended up marrying a man who identified as gay after her previous abusive relationship.

I felt like she might have written something that might fit in this post (haven't read Intercourse) so skimmed through it. So eventually I saw she was talking about feminine men but really just homosexual men.

Men are not supposed to have to endure being the victims of this lust; perhaps there is an implicit recognition that the subordination itself, the carnal experience of it, would change them, their so-called nature--create in them the incompleteness, the low self-esteem, so commonplace in women under male dominance.

This (above quote) is about homosexual desire but I sort of feel like it works for how female desire directed at men has been viewed too lol historically. I think it's often wishful thinking/projection though.

Many men don't seem to have any inherent sense of self worth. Leading to a kind of delusional compensatory confidence some of the time 'I'm going to [BEEP] you' and suicide in many other cases.

The song was inspired by McLachlan's reaction to two deranged fans, both of whom had concocted a fantasy in which they were already in a relationship with her.[2] Of the two, the more famous is Uwe Vandrei, an Ottawa, Ontario native who sued McLachlan in 1994, alleging that his love letters to her had been the basis of "Possession". Vandrei had written and sent McLachlan love poems, although there is no direct connection between those poems and the lyrics of "Possession." Vandrei's lawsuit never came to trial as he died by suicide in the autumn of 1994.[3]

In an interview with Rolling Stone three years later, McLachlan said, "And this one person wasn't the only guy ... there were a lot of letters from other people saying the same kind of thing ... Writing the song 'Possession' was very therapeutic."[4] She also stated that, since the release of "Possession," she had stopped getting stalker-type fan letters, for which she was grateful.[4]

If one ignores the idea that Sarah wrote this song from the perspective of a stalker..

.. the song is even more beautiful. I prefer to believe that this song is an obsession song BY a female. You rarely hear those! And it's such a beautiful song. Placing all that trust and faith and hope in one person, so much that "my body aches to breathe your breath, your words keep me alive."

Life is so bitter. But you're that lamp in the dark that leads me.

Lol.



Yeah, you're not rid of me
Yeah, you're not rid of me
I'll make you lick my injuries
I'm gonna twist your head off, see
'Til you say don't you wish you never never met her
Don't you don't you wish you never never met her
Don't you don't you wish you never never met her
Don't you don't you wish you never never met her
Don't you don't you wish you never never met her
Don't you don't you wish you never never met her
Don't you don't you wish you never never met her
Don't you don't you wish you never never met her
Don't you don't you wish you never never met her
Don't you don't you wish you never never met her
Don't you don't you wish you never never met her
Don't you don't you wish you never never met her
(Lick my legs, I'm on fire)
(Lick my legs, of desire)
(Lick my legs, I'm on fire)
(Lick my legs, of desire)

The fin-de-siecle Nineteenth Century woman is weighed down by this heavy sense of guilt and sexual negativity, a position now filled by the homosexual man in the Twentieth Century. Parallels are startlingly obvious. Through the woman's sexuality comes death. Salome in Huysmans' A Rebours is 'a true harlot, obedient to her passionate and cruel female temperament'. Her beauty is terrifying and inescapable, to indulge in the pleasures she offers invites death and suffering. Rachilde's girl 'creature' in the 'Grape-Gatherers' entwines herself around the boy in a 'serpentine fashion' certain to cause his doom.

Yes, it is the irony of prison life that it is a world where everything is homosexual and yet nowhere is the condition of being a feminine male more despised. It is because one is used, one is a woman without the power to be female, one is fucked without a womb...

Proust too described the "feminine male" as one who craved masculinity in other men but was despised by them because of his femininity. In his "Cities of the Plain" in Remembrance of Things Past, Proust said that those who committed the crime of Sodom were men who were women inside; because they were women inside, they wanted, sought, needed, the male member. Ironically (see Mailer above), they are unable to get what they want because they want real men, masculine men, men with the right nature--the so-called deviant himself has an orthodox religious view of that nature, expressed in sexual desire. But any such real man despises the femininity that makes the feminine male want him. Because they cannot have the masculine men they want, the feminine men are forced to buy male prostitutes to enact the sex and the virility they want. They are lonely and in despair; they are

lovers who are almost precluded from the possibility of that love the hope of which gives them the strength to endure so many risks and so much loneliness, since they are enamoured of precisely the type of man who has nothing feminine about him, who is not an invert and consequently cannot love them in return;...11

The "irony" is tragic for Proust. The feminine men are that of beings... whose ideal is manly precisely because their temperament is feminine, and who in ordinary life resemble other men in appearance only;..." 12 For Mailer, the dispossession of the men who want men is another occasion on which to extol the joys of impregnating women:

For whatever else is in the act, lust, cruelty, the desire to dominate, or whole delights of desire, the result can be no more than a transaction-- pleasurable, even all-encompassing, but a transaction-- when no hint remains o f the awe that a life in these circumstances can be conceived. 1

Proust sounds like Quentin Crisp a bit, except the feminine men and 'feminine men' are always the ones working as prostitutes (Crisp too.) Because ultimately some cishet men do seek out feminine men and trans women for casual sex. Mailer (whoever that is,) hasn't yet discovered mpreg. The direction I have taken this post in. It was necessary.

Well you must understand that with everything I say. That I am speaking first of all for myself and as a group. I am a minority of a minority. I'm an effeminate homosexual and for people like me the dream, the hope, the ambition. Is to win and to keep the love of a real man and of course the essence of a real man is that he does not fall in love with people of his own sex. Therefore it's insolvable, it's unanswerable. This doesn't stop homosexuals from hammering away at the problem. They simply become more feverish, they pile the makeup on thicker. They sway more from side to side they camp more outrageously. And of course the more they do this, the more the desired object recedes.

Was there a point here hmm... I've had people express similar sentiments to me before and it's always clearly a grab for social control/domination/to try and put you back in your place but they wouldn't be able to handle my sexuality really if they ever became the target of it imo. I'm a very obsessive person (obviously.) But I'm also very selective irl so it works out.

I didn't really mean for suicide after rejection to become a reoccuring theme in this post but it did so subconsciously/accidentally I suppose. The song I love you I'm going to blow up your school is one I've liked for a long while, but the music video is one I just discovered and it's from a Chinese film called An Elephant Sitting Still apparently:

In Shijiazhuang, gang member Yu Cheng monologues with a woman in his bed about a sitting elephant in a circus in Manzhouli who could be thrashed and beaten but remains still. A man later argues with her; he is Cheng's close friend and she his wife. The friend later kills himself off-screen. Later, Cheng meets his girlfriend, who rejected his sexual advances, and blames for the suicide. He tells her he plans to see the elephant in Manzhouli.

The writer and director also committed suicide shortly after finishing the film apparently.

[Nyctophilia]

https://www.academia.edu/40639247/Tr...a_Breckinridge

The view of decadence as a protomodernist tendency in late nineteenth-century texts is thus supported by the presence in those texts of allegorized trans femininity. Rachilde’s Monsieur Venus (1884) is probably the most explicit example, detailing the systematic feminization of a young male artist, Jacques, at the hands of the decadently perverse heiress Raoule de Venerande. She takes the masculine role in their affair, using him for her own pleasure.When Jacques surpasses the feminized bondage in which he is placed, seeking to bed Raittolbe, an alpha male companion of Raoule’s who finds himself irresistibly attracted to the youth, she engineers a duel between the two, and thus the murder of her lover. In the novel’s notorious closing scene, 'armed with silver pincers, a velvet-covered hammer, and a silver scalpel', she removes Jacques’ teeth, hair, and eyelashes so that a German artisan can incorporate them into a wax model of his body.14 As the title suggests, she has him made into a sort of anatomical Venus, a wax medical model that was common in the nineteenth century. Such models were ordinarily of vivisected women, eerily eroticized with long flowing hair, make-up, and sometimes strings of pearls.15 Accordingly, Raoule regularly visits the sumptuous chamber housing her creation and takes her pleasure of it, via a hidden spring that 'animates the mouth' and 'spreads apart the thighs.' 16

There's a contemporary film about a relationship between two girls - Lost and Delirious that's very similar to this actually. I dunno if I made that connection before or not lol (spoilers)

Except unlike in Rachilde's work the lesbian character duals the guy, and the two female characters break up because one girl's parents are very homophobic. Since everyone constantly insisted Rachilde was a lesbian (it even pops up in the novel and the character is insistent she isn't.) I wonder whether that image/stereotype was around at the time. It's this trope which is obviously unflattering (Why did they want Rachilde to be a lesbian again lol? I think she was bisexual though and I doubt that existed conceptually back then. Politically correct positive representation didn't either lol.)

Tori has sex with her boyfriend, which prompts Paulie to declare a duel with him. After she kicks his leg, during a fencing match, throwing him to the ground, she demands that he give up her queen. When he brushes her off, she stabs him in the leg. Mary rushes to stop her. Paulie then runs off. Mary runs to Victoria's soccer match, which is being watched by the principal and the main teacher. Just after reaching the group, Mary sees Paulie, sobbing from the top of a building. Crying out for her beloved, she jumps to her death.

That's how I think Rachilde's novel should have went. The way it went in the novel (although I skimread it,) felt kind of castrated and voyeuristic and I don't need more of that.

Oh and I haven't watched that film lol. I think it's actually all from the pov of a third character. I just read about it a while ago. Also it's based on a book apparently and it seems the book was a lot more fucked up (as is the trend with films based on books.) And more about gender than sexuality.

inspired by her own childhood experiences at Havergal College in Toronto, Ontario, Canada.

That's ominous lol.



Oh right and the ending of that film.

The running theme continues haha.




Is this re-recorded? This sounds different to the album version/version I've listened to before.

Wait it's a cover? Lol. Sounds so close to the original except for vague differences in the music weird.



They could probably form a tribute band. I was like 'Maybe there was a different version released as a single?' LOL. I actually thought that was Gerard singing too. But then again I once mistook a MCR song I hadn't heard before for a Pink song so. I actually have listened to that entire album many, many, many times too on/off for like 2 decades lol.

Anyway the breakdown in the cover version from 1:37 or whatever is great though.

I feel like the last two posts have way too much serial killer energy lol. Need to stop.

[Nyctophilia]

Lol I love Tina



OK for some reason I read this as bad boy and it was so much better/funnier as 'bad boy.' I'm just going to pretend she said bad boy. I mean it's still kind of funny but that worked better.

There's this one detransistioner in the UK (was previously living as a trans woman I guess,) and he's trying to make it harder for people to transition here when it's already insanely hard and he pursued treatment in his mid 20s and it took until he was 31 before he was able to get surgery.

It says here that he'd delayed and cancelled this operation multiple times:



And people are complaining about this. Make it make sense. That's how hellish things are here.

The mainstream media seems to be trying to spin this into some kind of sympathy thing because the media is deeply transphobic. Take some fucking responsibility for your choices Jesus Christ. This is pathetic.

I mean I don't know what to say. Do you not know yourself well enough by 31 to be able to think about these things? And he went through 5 years of therapy before hand. I don't think you can spin this into an argument that it should be even harder for everyone to transition. Nobody's talking about the regret rate for other surgeries that exist which are higher. It is actually quite low statistically and this person is attempting to foist responsibility - well into adulthood - onto others for decisions about what to do with his own body. It's insulting actually as women are banned from being able to get abortions in many places. Or to choose to become infertile because 'you might change your mind later.' It's infantilising.

Here's an idea though - crazy I know - if you're not 100% sure you don't get surgery that removes your genitals that you know can't be reversed. 31 fucking years old I do not understand. This isn't even ambiguous agewise like at what point are people adults in this culture?

This is probably a fair point:

this is pretty transparently someone getting a bad bottom surgery result and then going fash out of rage, self hatred and intellectual incuriosity, instead of developing a lucid critique of currently existing trans healthcare.

I'm not satisfied myself so guess what? I won't be getting surgery lol.

When I was 31, I dropped out of an Ivy League graduate programme and instead accepted a job managing the shoe department of Sears at the King of Prussia Mall. I am suing everyone who didn't stop me from doing this. Every one of you bitches.

I've been making a lot of bad choices or not making them is probably more apt for years now lol. But that's on me.

In fact earlier I was reading this fanfic and thought 'huh my lifestyle is fairly comparable to a guy whose death was faked to avoid being murdered by people who are after him and his housemates/co-workers/friends and so now he rarely leaves the building he lives in to avoid being murdered. For 20 odd years in fact before the start of the fanfic.'

"We've talked about this. It's my life. It's my death. I don't want to live like this any more -- it's like being stuck in an aquarium with one-way glass. I can only see out, and nothing comes in. And then there's you. You're a different kind of real. You're ... god, I can't say that, it sounds like you're just an anchor. I would still like you, even if I'd never touched you, never seen you. I've liked plenty of people who were never more than text on a screen, because that's what I do. I do text. I know text, and how people use it. The fact that you're an excuse to go outside is just that -- an excuse. It's not the only possible reason I could have, it's just the only one I've found at all compelling.

This is such a perfect line/summary.

This. This enrages me to the point where I'm not even going to say anything and I'm just going to post it here:

The other litigant is a man who is very angry that he cannot control the life of his fully grown adult child. So maybe my dad could sue the state of Kentucky too.

No you know what. Because I was planning on posting this anyway as it fits this post:



"It's no fun to be told that you can't blame your parents anymore"

Except apparently you can because they're going to try and control your entire life anyway. Boomers.

Can you not?

(prob gen X actually if their kid is 21 thinking about it lol but the pattern continues lol.)

We can't do this right now because the Human lifespan is not significantly increasing in fact the average life expectancy has actually lowered in many groups over the past so many years I believe. We're not elves unfortunately. Most guys aren't that hot, and we can't stretch adolescence out for 100 years. Wait for them to cure aging I guess or invest in that research.

I just think in song lyrics now 😂

We are young
Wandering the face of the Earth
Wondering what our dreams might be worth
Learning that we're only immortal
For a limited time



There's a song for almost everything.

anyway obviously "male femininity" is not ipso facto a revolutionary mode of gender expression because disavowal of potential femaleness frequently carries a really profound reactionary impulse (specifically in cis men). good morning!

Completely unrelated but true.

[Nyctophilia]

I think this is the interview the Kurt Cobain short came from:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8nKGj4FJ7Ek

He talks about how the music around the mid 80s that was like a crossover of metal/punk was less melodious and more about creating angry noise which he didn't personally like.

I think someone before made the case that music had been getting less and less melodic over the past few decades. Maybe less complex too. I'm sure at some point someone made a video about that but don't remember the title etc now. It could be this video I just found through reddit which is now unlisted:



I can't really weigh in on that due to a lack of musical knowledge. I also still feel like there was some other video I stumbled on that wasn't this, though this seems familiar to me too, so maybe I just watched multiple videos on a similar topic lol.

I do find it interesting that you'll get genres with reference to that in the genre title lol like melodeath. When people brought up emo they'd often highlight how it was more melodic than punk. Maybe the emphasis on that is related?

And I do like melodeath more I think (Arch Enemy, some tracks by Children of Bodom, Eluveitie - though they're really more folk/Celtic metal,) though I haven't listened to the widest range of metal.

This isn't actually a metal song but was the first song I heard by them and it's pretty good:



A lot of the tracks from their Arcane Dominion album are great:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n-hkjryDCmg

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=16Lwi2QR6ho

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EplEsr5IVj0

Some of my favourite 'metal songs' are actually just rock songs written by metal bands ahahah:



There is an earlier metal version of Omnos too though:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EnPnSXPbZc4

Very nostalgic:





Hurdy-gurdy's are cool. The folk elements make it a lot more appealing to me. Especially when I first started listening to them that drew me to them and that they were singing in a extinct Celtic language (Gaulish,) because I'm not a huge metalhead per se and definitely wasn't when I first discovered their music (when I was 18/19 or so.) I really love this instrument too:



Used in the WoW Northrend transport music I think? And Howling Fjord (well and lots of stuff lol but that's when I first noticed while playing WoW. WoW has one of the best video game soundtracks. When people are like scoffing at the idea of listening to video game music I'm like 'OK but consider' lol.)

He gets it:



Lol I love this clip 'I'm going to murder you'

'I understand. Just one sec'



Went through a phase of listening to DSBM several years ago. Don't remember many of those bands but this one sticks in my mind because I liked several songs from their album Eufori:




This is I imagine not easy listening/something most people would be able to enjoy/get into hahaha. I think this genre is more emo than emo (like the external image people have of emo emo was kind of a diverse non-genre/subculture where most people weren't really unhappy. Most people didn't id as emo, and then because it went mainstream and a lot of fans of bands that got labelled emo like MCR were female the media etc overreacted) Like I say about Jack off Jill as well but very different to Jack off Jill. Unfortunately the vocalist died of a meth overdose way back in 2011. The lead singer, guitarist etc of the band Lifelover also died of an overdose in 2011 and they influenced this genre a lot. Yeah kind of insane. It reminds me of what's happened with the emo-rap genre since several musicians either committed suicide, were shot dead by someone else, or overdosed.

There's a kind of bleak 'energy' and 'vibe' to a lot of this (and the Lifelover track I linked,) that reminds me of the film Lat den ratte komma in (not the US remake I haven't seen it, the original Swedish film.) Like it sounds like a really cold winter night I suppose.

I like Kataonia and some of their music is I guess death-doom. Gothic metal is great which apparently stemmed from death-doom and is more melodic.



Always loved the guitar in this track and My Dying Bride are supposedly death-doom, doom metal and gothic metal:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l4WisCGedcU

I don't believe this there are two fucking moths now lol. Both flying around my chair and hitting into me. These are not the gothic vibes I am trying to generate here.

I've got rid of them both outside now.

[Heelsbythebridge]

I don't know if I can keep doing this for the next 50 years

[Nyctophilia]

No that's cheating. Play the 50,000 notes 😠



Wow what beautiful music.

I'm starting to wonder if this man even knows how to play guitar

It's funny but he kind of ruined it by posting earlier videos playing guitar. What you actually want to do is drag it out for ages playing a few more notes every video and then finally have some unexpected amazing performance which is a combination of all the other videos in a public place or something in one video. Maybe in a field surrounded by highland cows. But that might not be great sound quality so maybe just record the video there and the audio separately. Also because the cows might get freaked out or something like this:

[Nyctophilia]

I think I'm a naturally anxious person probably due to neurological differences + chemistry and this has definitely fluctuated over the years like my generalised anxiety randomly got worse around November 2021 and then I started having panic attacks and really bad anxiety for a year that started getting better around March 2023. And that felt kind of like a side effect of some chemical imbalance. This feeling of dread etc would be there all the time.

Sometimes I feel like things will bother me and then it will just take a long time to sort of recover. Like when I got freaked out by the giant beating heart thing in the body in the millennium dome when I was 9 and I couldn't eat and felt bad for a few weeks but then got over it and went back to normal.

With my social anxiety it's never gone away. It's been there as far back as I can remember. I've noticed in research they separated social anxiety disorder from other anxiety disorders because it functioned differently which has been my experience too.

As I aged I noticed a lot of my anxiety was actually just about other people noticing I was anxious. So really it seems like a fear of oppression/judgement for being weird. And then some of my avoidance is linked to that too but some is also just being increasingly introverted and exhausted by the prospect of socialising. I kind of have to 'switch modes' for socialising too so takes a while to warm up. I could probably become an extrovert if I was in the right environment because I have done before. So that isn't inherent/innate either.

But yeah I imagine when I was young people were probably very judgemental about my social anxiety (no I don't imagine I know they were often.) Which made it worse. I used to be less avoidant too and could also sort of warm up with certain people. But the older you get the weirder it is if you're anxious and display associated body language etc.

I'm wondering how much better things would be/have been if I lived in a society where social anxiety was for some reason praised and seen as ideal lol. It would be an interesting experiment. I can't test that out obviously but I think it would have made an impact. It was always seen as a problem by people around me and people were always asking if I was OK, or asking me why I don't speak, or telling me to speak. One time as a teenager one girl said she wanted to slap me because I wasn't speaking. I'd hang out with people and couldn't think of anything to say and they'd get annoyed with me etc.

I could be really loud and bubbly too depending on the person I was with or my mood etc. Moreso as a child though.

I know at one point (as a teenager again,) I was hanging out with my friend and another girl I wasn't as comfortable with (but I knew her too,) and she got annoyed because she felt left out. She was actually best friends with the other girl but I probably wasn't talking to her as much because of anxiety but then her friend was paying more attention to me too I guess and she got annoyed with both of us because of that. Then my bully heard about that later and I think blamed me for that (she was always trying to find things to make me feel bad/guilty/shit about myself like trying to convince me my mum doesn't love me etc.)

I liked hanging out with my friend at that time because she was more of a tomboy and she wasn't very socially complicated so I could relax around her. I don't know how else to put it man haha but after about age 11 I spent a lot of time with a literal psychopath (I knew her before then too,) and then there were various other girls who often had issues with me/my personality etc at different points in time. Hanging out with girls was easier until about age 9/10 in primary school where things started to get more socially complicated. Also I became more anxious I think around girls later on.

I had two classes in sixth form (well one technically counted as two classes I guess because it was like the equivalent of 2 a-levels and that group were also my form class.) One - fine art - was like 90% girls and the other - software development - there were 2 girls and everyone else was a guy. I felt more comfortable in the software dev class but I was anxious in general so probably wasn't a huge difference. I actually talked more with the girls in the class full of guys too though but I didn't talk much with anyone or form any actual friends during that time (I went to one anime meetup session and I really enjoyed it but then didn't go back again after that because of anxiety haha.) The girls in the software class were South Asian because most people in that class were (only 3 white students,) the art class was the opposite where almost everyone was white. There was one Asian guy and one white guy and everyone else was female and I think almost all white. A lot of the people I hung out with growing up were South Asian. Like my best friend in primary school was, some other girls I would talk to in certain classes and hang out with. I don't know if that's relevant but I think it probably wasn't as relevant as other factors.

I think I was more relaxed in the other class because I'm more comfortable with computers (in the sense of using them but also in the sense of computers are just calming because I'm some kind of robot. That goes back to childhood too I dunno. I always liked computers. I had this v-tech kid computer thing too and I was weirdly fascinated by this card that was poking out of the side which I guess was a storage thing,) so the atmosphere was better, and I was also better at that subject (well absolutely terrible at hexadecimal division - I think it's been so long I don't remember but something like that - we had to do a bunch of maths tests with different number systems and with most of them I passed the first time but I had to re-take one of them so many times, it got to the point where in the end my teacher just had me in the office to do the test alone but other than that lol.) So those girls would ask me for help etc with programming stuff and sometimes other people would as well. A lot of the guys there weren't super serious about the subject and were there to get money (cause they paid some people to be there. I didn't get money.) And so it was just more of a chill vibe. I was actually quite serious though. Whereas I was was always [BEEP] at art but kept pursuing related subjects anyway because I felt like it was important and wanted to be good lol.

This comes from my mum I think because she's a very creative person and fairly good at drawing and such. I don't think I liked the academic experience of that though like it's better pursuing creative stuff outside of structures like that imo. Also I wasn't actually learning techniques or how to draw etc or anything materially useful most of the time from primary school - the end of university. Actually in that sense it was a lot like music in high school. These subjects are really badly taught ime so what is the point? Oh my god I had such a crazy drawing lecturer in my first year of uni but this is really off topic so not going down that rabbit hole.

And the room we had art in in sixth form was really open and very white I think and I'm weirdly effected by environmental ambience. I mentioned this before but like I feel less anxiety in low lit environments and I hate fluorescent lighting also. Like in shopping centres.

So did I pursue a computing related course at uni? No. No I am retarded. Actually sorry I forgot I was 18 which means I was a literal child and should have sued all the adults I ignored who suggested I not study what I did at uni and instead study computer science etc. We doing this now:

When I was 31, I dropped out of an Ivy League graduate programme and instead accepted a job managing the shoe department of Sears at the King of Prussia Mall. I am suing everyone who didn't stop me from doing this. Every one of you bitches.

(My dad tried to talk me out of going to uni but that was mostly because he didn't want me to move away. Even though he was right about me not being good at drawing. The subject had drawing modules but actually it wasn't really the main point/topic. 3D modelling, texturing etc for video games.)

I don't really regret it though and actually I probably would have failed at computer science (or a similar subject,) too sooner or later because as I say, I was always bad at maths (I actually had to re-take GCSE maths in sixth form although I did learn a lot more in the three months of lessons I had before retaking the test in December then I did in high school, because my maths teacher there was really bad. She was also a huge homophobe. So no redeeming qualities basically.) I can't remember what grade I got at the end of the Software dev course now maybe the equivalent of a B or something. Maybe A- equivalent? It had a weird grading system I've forgotten now I just know it was a fairly good grade but it wasn't the best one you could get. Art was like D- or D or something LOL. If I didn't study what I did I would have studied games programming instead though and I was also seriously considering that at the time. Because I was mostly interested in video game development.

But yeah the older I got the weirder I came across I think because I didn't compete with other girls and that was sort of seen as an issue I think (like when a bunch of them gave me a makeover because they felt I had more potential but wasn't utilising it,) I didn't dress normally because I liked alternative styles of clothing, and then there was the social anxiety which people really hated. With the exception of my current friendship which has lasted 12/13 years or so and has been mostly long distance and started as a romantic asexual relationship, I've never really been able to maintain friends for more than four years tops.

I'm kind of mad that I didn't discover Rush until December 2022. I mean technically I did because I remember seeing photos and their band logo all over the place I just never bothered to check them out. So now I can't see them live and they seem like they would have been really amazing live. There aren't a lot of new great rock bands either and rock bands are better live imo. Going to another concert at some point which is likely to be the last for that band. 😢






Lol just remembered the time Grimes said this:

https://www.nme.com/news/music/grime...e-soon-2576684

This is honestly worse than her taste in men. The worst thing she's ever done/said. 😂 (It is kind of clickbait though and I don't think her position is so extreme.)

"I think live music is going to be obsolete soon," she said

"It''s kinda like Instagram or whatever,? she continued. "People are actually just gravitating towards the clean, finished, fake world. Everyone wants to be in a simulation. They don't actually want the real world. Even if they think they do and everyone's like, 'Yeah, cool, live music!' if you actually look at actual numbers of things, everyone's gravitating towards the shimmery perfected Photoshop world."

The Canadian producer - who recently announced that her fifth album 'Miss_Anthropocene' will arrive in February ? suggested that she would be happy with such a sea change because she doesn't enjoy playing live. "As a performer, I hate the potential of failure in front of a giant audience," she told Caroll.

The artist, who now wants to be referred to as c, told Sean Carroll's Mindscape podcast that she believes the landscape will change because people "don't actually want the real world".

It's funny too because I don't - or rather can't hack it - but it's one of the only things I like to do in the real world.

I've heard that for a lot of bands make most of their money touring but also a bunch from merch, and licensing music for games/TV shows. Supposedly U2 make 95% of their money touring and Metallica 71%. But I also think touring/concerts are inhibitively expensive for many smaller artists, especially in certain regions. I know Little Simz cancelled a US tour because she couldn't afford it. It's also just difficult setting up and managing tours especially if you're an indie musician. So for larger artists/bands no, smaller ones probably will tour less but that's sort of always been the way except locally. Touring globally is super expensive.

I dunno how long Crywank are going to be around for/touring they already broke up once but then released a new album during the pandemic and now I don't know what's happening lol. I think maybe Jay will do other musical stuff in the future either way. I put off seeing them live because although I like a bunch of their music and lyricism I didn't feel like I needed to see them desperately and their fanbase is so small I felt like that would be really awkward anxiety wise. I heard they sometimes talk to people after shows as well. I might actually have to talk to people! I probably should overcome that but it's hard. I have spoken briefly with people at concerts before I even met up with someone once to buy tickets from them in person and then later they hugged me lol after the concert, but yeah it's got more awkward. I remember at a Deftones concert in the queue I played Pokemon while sitting and waiting to avoid talking to people because of anxiety and I overheard some people talking about me doing that LOL. But especially now I haven't been to a concert since October 2018 because of covid etc. Waiting for them to get big enough that it doesn't trigger anxiety but still small enough that I can get near the stage/not be too big a concert and definitely not like arena sized or anything like that. Goldilocks lol. (Maybe they have reached that point now though I dunno.) Their last album was good though. And I actually bought it lol.





Think this is one of their more interesting songs lyrically/culturally (not from their last album):



The focus is always on Jay (also alone in this video) it is mostly their project (not sure if this is confusing Jay is non-binary and prefers they/them pronouns,) but there's also a drummer (Dan Watson,) and there was a bassist briefly for a year during one tour + one album and an EP I think.

[Doseone]

If a brain produces consciousness, it's not explained why I'm experiencing that consciousness.

[Nyctophilia]

Think this is one of their more interesting songs lyrically/culturally (not from their last album):



The focus is always on Jay (also alone in this video) it is mostly their project (not sure if this is confusing Jay is non-binary and prefers they/them pronouns,) but there's also a drummer (Dan Watson,) and there was a bassist briefly for a year during one tour + one album and an EP I think.

I've said this before too many times but I like their lyrics because it's very... Millennial. Something Jordan Peterson might rant about for several hours because it reminds him of the part of himself he's worked his whole life to overcome (conjecture.)



People like this always tend to be very into women's rights and feminism etc which I see numerous issues with ideologically but I disagree with most of the people who are critical of feminism too. (edit: well the problem is that most people only see part of the overall picture. Most people are right about some things, just not everything. And they're working to create a society that works only for certain kinds of people.) This personality type is not without its issues obviously too, but I don't think you can fundamentally change your personality. I think a lot of the culture war is operating on the basis that you can (on both sides.) I mean I'll never find this video now but at one point he specifically talked about a patient he had who he felt was very agreeable and so was confused about whether he was gay because of his personality as in I think the patient was looking for an explanation for his personality. (sort of like Kurt Cobain or something.) But JP said he couldn't answer that.

Yeah. I even thought that I was gay. I thought that might be the solution to my problem. Although I never experimented with it, I had a gay friend and then my mother wouldn't allow me to be friends with him anymore because, well, she's homophobic. It was real devastating because finally I'd found a male friend who I actually hugged and was affectionate to and we talked about a lot of things.

Though he also liked it because he felt it was edgy. Multiple things can be true simultaneously you see (something else lost in the present culture or probably every culture. Seems like a Human failing.) Very fixated on this theme (Kurt Cobain drawing about male seahorses):

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/B-IslVbCUAAg6o3.jpg

But it's not like Jordan Peterson seems happy either. 'Do this and' you don't seem happy at all and you still have drug/mental health issues! Neurotic people are always going to be neurotic lol. I mean my life is a mess but I haven't been seriously suicidal (despite being part of a demographic with a 50% attempt rate,) and I've never developed a drug problem.



I'm aware of what he's getting at when he suggests that masculinity and competitiveness is punished (only by certain circles it must be emphasised. Progressives do this others don't necessarily,) but I don't think that push has the influence he thinks it does or it's not like the whole story. Cause it's like a surface level thing. What you'll actually find especially in a sexual context is that masculinity, aggression and even violence is encouraged or at least the aesthetics of violence.

4chan is particularly terrible for this for trans guys cause there are so many hybristophiles I guess hanging out there (and I'm sure it's the same for others, but I'm paying less attention. I'm just discussing the LGBT board and related subreddits that discuss the LGBT board because those I've stumbled on and looked at before because I'm queer.) And then in another context gender critical feminists who categorise trans men and afab non-binary people into types and say that psychopathic ones (like that 4chan post I quoted before they would prob be an example. From the person who was going on about how they wanted to be a walking example of toxic masculinity etc and hated how everyone treated them like they were vulnerable etc. You know some other crazy stuff. Like my posts but no like worse I can't be bothered to find and quote it again. You can find the extreme end of that more on 4chan,) she said people like that were male socialised without seemingly realising the contradictory implications of that as a supposed gender critical feminist... They then ended their post with 'None of these types are true trans btw' OK but very few people care about that except as an ingroup community thing to find support, and since you are not trans nor a healthcare provider it therefore doesn't matter here at all. Because as I've said before trans isn't a gender identity 'male, female' etc are. And what you just said is that 'yeah OK they're sort of male or more male if they exhibit these violent, dominating, aggressive qualities. Despite being genetically female.' (Also that person was really weird and admitted to stalking people and pretending to be trans to get info online. Reminded me of my crazy stalker/parasocial hater who was also a gender critical radical feminist.)

And that's kind of part of why I find that Crywank song interesting. Both the lyrics which are exploring that pressure and the song title which seems to be suggesting the desire to be that or manifesting some more aggressive aspect but feeling guilty.

I think this is more true for minority men with aggression + violence. I know I feel pushed this way and I'm trans/non-binary. I know black men tend to feel that way because they talk about it. I'm sure that trans guy who shot up a school had this somewhere in his head (I imagine there were multiple motivations, but I'd be surprised if it wasn't involved somewhere.) Then there's cognitive dissonance about it because you get both messages and a variety of people have different preferences. And it's really more that any kind of person you could be is going to be torn apart by some subset of society. And now with social media you're going to see and experience that a lot. A lot more than ever before.

But I'm on both sides of this in a sense because I'm a man and my value system necessitates not being like say Andrew Tate because he's a huge asshole (very comical in some ways but also asshole and probably developing paranoid schizophrenia with the Matrix [BEEP] lol but that's another topic,) but then being aware that you have to manifest some amount of aggression to be sexually appealing and also to function in society (I would say everyone has to btw careerwise,) and I don't because I'm a very anxious person and so on. That's damaging self esteem wise. So like I've found a sort of compromise through a kind of 'nerdy creative gamer thing.' I think.

But I'm also attracted to guys and I'm a woman. I have that history and it's part of my identity. I am turned off by a lot of traits (sexually but also in a general sense annoyed,) by people who - I think often have felt personally demonised for their masculinity or some part of themselves. They're also a bit unstable emotionally, and so they're really aggressive and they try to gaslight you about your preferences and to dominate you socially and sexually. You know like the kind of people that lesbians and trans men encounter a lot like Elliot Page was talking about (did I delete that post? I really don't remember. No I didn't lol. Yeah the suicide/serial killery post yes. Lmfao) You know like I've been told online 'one day you'll grow out of this and get pregnant' and I reacted to that violently. I think I talked about that in that post unless I deleted that part cause I edited it a lot. The mods were not amused with my response to say the least. I'm sure they were amused though because being a troll - the response was part of what they were going for in the first place.

I don't like the idea of being the more feminine kind of person in a relationship with a man. This kind of polarity is unappealing to me as are prescriptive norms in general. And I don't want to go into all my preferences because that's as messy as the 'gender stuff (tm)' But I'm not attracted to very masculine men as a rule. And if I think about my ideal male partner it's definitely an archetype (and that's a problem too.) So in a sense I contribute to the push against a lot of masculinity. One guy on a forum felt insecure at one point because of the guys I posted there and expressed attraction to - they told me. I've come across several guys who have concluded erroneously that all women are lesbians or that femininity is objectively more attractive (because they find it more attractive and also want to look that way. They'd developed body image issues related but I think one id'd as a genderfluid guy and the other agender so not a guy in that case. The agender person I remember absolutely hated body hair. The other person was actually attractive imo and androgynous, but wanted to look even more feminine and disliked their nose.) Although I do find some aspects of masculinity appealing. Like androgynous bone structure and the interest in technical stuff.

But also I don't contribute - because where are the guys with super long mermaidish hair in 2023? How much influence could I possibly have? If I grow out my hair really long and become famous will some guys start copying me like some might have - theoretically - with women in the 70s and then I can try and have sex with them? No I'm not hot enough to trick men into being hot. The femboys often have short hair now. And that non-binary person I used to have a crush on irl before they came out when they had long hair cut their hair short ages ago. I will have to convince attractive women to do this. (I mean to grow out their hair so guys copy them.) Thank you for your service at least RE hair length. Laura Les is married to a trans guy too apparently lol. So yes I am kind of trying to turn you into my lesbian girlfriend. That's not politically convenient - don't think about that too hard and ignore it - but I also want you to be my gay boyfriend and maybe other things. Am I insane? Yes. And also the weird nightmare/monster/Matrix you all keep talking about it seems but shhhh. I still think I'm taking it a lot better than him such a diva. I don't know if there's a song with that title there should be 'so I'm the monster parent's tell their children about at night?' So many genres to go with. I think post-rock maybe. Or like glitch/IDM which is apparently what The Glitch Mob's Drink The Sea album is. No that's cool but it's definitely a post-rock song.)



Spooky (I actually discovered this webpage a while ago but I didn't read the entire page lol):

The Monster would thus be a woman, but a woman who would answer Freud's infamous question "What does a woman want?" with the ostensible reply: to be a male, with a female to love. In the failure of that project, the Monster is forced to play the role of the castrating Medusa woman.17 The novel of course never for a moment suggests that the Monster is anything but a male, and both Frankenstein and his creature assume that he is sexually functional as a male (there would otherwise be no need for Frankenstein to destroy the female monster). Yet the Monster never is given the chance to function sexually, and we are never given a glimpse of those parts of the body that would assure us that he is male. Of course we aren't: such is not part of the discourse of the novel (setting aside pornography) at the time. But this necessary cultural reticence, subjected to our retrospective critical pressure, may add a further ambiguity to the problems of definition of monster -- may indeed add another dimension to that question "What is a monster?" A monster may also be that which eludes gender definition. In this sense, Frankenstein would be a more radical version of that considerable body of Romantic and "Decadent" literature -- such as Theophile Gautier's Mademoiselle de Maupin, Henri de Latouche's Fragoletta, Balzac's Sarrasine, Rachilde's Monsieur Venus -- that uses crossdressing and hermaphroditism to create situations of sexual ambiguity that call into question socially defined gender roles and transgress the law of castration that defines sexual difference. The Monster's demand for recognition by his father could then be read not only as desire for the absent mother but as a wish to be a sexual object for the father, in the manner of Freud's Senatsprasident Schreber.18 Because a monster is that which calls into question all our cultural codes, including language itself, we can understand the persistent afterlife of Mary Shelley's creation, which shows us that, quite literally, once you have created a monster, whatever the ambiguities of the order of its existence, you can never get rid of it.

http://knarf.english.upenn.edu/Articles/brooks2.html

I mean you kind of can get rid of us lol. All monsters are Human. (Back in reality land.) I'm not sure what's worse 'you're a monster' or the complete erasure.

(Their reasoning for why they think this is with the novel Frankenstein isn't that solid, but I see this pattern time and time again anyway. Actually I think a lot of gothic heroines/novels are really more a projection of men onto women though but same difference maybe. Most of the villains in horror and elsewhere are played by amab people and often coded as though they are trans women or androgynous cis men. An exception being like the character in the film Hereditary which arguably does the opposite. But it's a lot more abstract/symbolic. Most people who identify with Loki are afab, but Loki is played by a cis male actor in the MCU.)

Also I've seen discussion about rape and how conservatives in particular argue that rape isn't about social domination but it's about sexual desire. I think there probably are a lot of opportunistic rapists who are sexually deprived and they can't handle their sex drive. I do think that's a thing. And also a bunch of paraphilic sadists etc. But I also think the domination thing is definitely a part of it and threatening it too not just literally raping, and even like saying something like 'I'll [BEEP] you and you'll become what I want you to be' at the lower end of this spectrum is policing sexual and gender norms. Transparently So when a lot of feminists who are non-conforming on average say that they think it's about sexual dominance they're often probably drawing from personal experience. And there's research showing that certain women get sexually harassed more based on non-conforming personality traits. Camille Paglia who I think may have brought this up before should know this though cause she is a non-conforming lesbian. These aren't mutually exclusive concepts Paglia.

According to Paglia, "The sexual stalker, who is often an alienated loser consumed with his own failures, is motivated by an atavistic hunting reflex. He is called a predator precisely because he turns his victims into prey."

After establishing that she thinks that rape is intrinsic to men's nature, a nature that can't be changed, Paglia advises women to try to understand "evil" and then stop wearing short skirts because those short skirts activate men's intrinsic primitive violence boners or something. "[Women] assume that bared flesh and sexy clothes are just a fashion statement containing no messages that might be misread and twisted by a psychotic," according to Paglia. "They do not understand the fragility of civilization and the constant nearness of savage nature."

I don't know about cis men cause I'm non-binary which to most people means I'm a woman. This is kind of my take on it:



Louise: 'We've discovered a new type of man!'

Definitely not a brony though lol.

But I think in a very abstract sense a lot of my sexual fantasies are coercive (mind control etc.) And I'm very alienated. It's not just that either I've seen some women and trans men... Like one person I stumbled on on twitter recently (when Contrapoints was kind of tweeting a ton about that one film with the lesbian composer I've forgotten the name already lol.) A lesbian responded to tell her to [BEEP] off basically and that lesbian predators were hot or something because Contrapoints had rather sexistly assumed that a lesbian woman couldn't be predatory in the way she was. So I went to this person's twitter page and they were referring to their sexuality as being predatory specifically and I think they were a lesbian who maybe had id'd as trans as well it was confusing I don't know about that. They said they were attracted to anorexic people I think (or maybe they were responding to someone else who said that, someone pointed out an interest in guys which might have been them. So not strictly lesbian despite identity. It would help if I could remember lol. There was like a tweet and then someone said 'yes that's why I like x trait in guys' and then something about having predator sexuality.) By the time I left I felt like I'd stared into the abyss though. And this is why I don't like true crime btw. My mum watches that stuff constantly. And I talked to a trans guy years ago and he had some interest in anorexic women too with some rather disturbing conclusions he'd come to about it.

I'm not attracted to anorexic people but I do find skinnyness attractive and there have been some other weird things. It just feels like incredibly watered down serial killer sexual interests sometimes. Which isn't a comfortable thought. I'm not going to go into all that. I don't feel like I have much drive towards pushing that irl but then I'm also chemically castrated right? By nature. (And there was another person who went on testosterone I mentioned before and started to get violent sexual urges about women that freaked them out. They then transitioned and blamed it 100% on testosterone... On the other hand I've seen the complete opposite happen too. A lot of trans guys are AGP or have masochistic fantasies. It's almost like people are individuals woah.)

I have a lot of romantic fantasies too. Lots of vanilla interests. I'm not like the other guys. And you know maybe I'm just a huge masochist and submissive because all genetic females are and I've been told that and that's ego-dystonic and now I'm going to prove you fucking wrong and I'm going to threaten to rape you cisgender male troll. My entire existence is just 'I'm not like the other guys/girls.' 'I'm safe, but I'm also dangerous.'

Very schizophrenic.

Never be non-binary kids.

"You're trying to indoctrinate" No, no far from it actually. What I'm saying here is a little bit fucked really isn't it? Well I'm more like this:

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of light, it was the season of darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair."
- Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Genders.

Oh someone was shitposting about how transing Virginia Woolf was too easy and they wanted a challenge like Charles Dickens. I just did it. I've won. Boom.

I actually think most people have to do this dance to some extent now though because you have to integrate various roles in modern society.

Also I actually think that women are more submissive and masochistic than men are sadistic and dominant. I mean that's what research and surveys I've seen sort of suggests in terms of porn interests etc. That could be wrong though. I think I could be wrong about this but I think there was also something that suggested there were more submissive men than dominant women. So submissive people are just generally more common in a sexual context.

I don't want to go into the education system and he does bring that up but that's kind of a huge issue in general and outdated probably for society. It was built for the industrial revolution. It's very one size-fits-all. Tons of issues. A bunch of people are trying to find alternatives to that now. There's this thing that I've seen a bunch of people bring up:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Montessori_education

The Montessori method of education is an type of educational method that involves children's natural interests and activities rather than formal teaching methods. A Montessori classroom places an emphasis on hands-on learning and developing real-world skills.[2] It emphasizes independence and it views children as naturally eager for knowledge and capable of initiating learning in a sufficiently supportive and well-prepared learning environment. It discourages some conventional measures of achievement, such as grades and tests.

It's definitely an upper middle class thing I would say atm. I see it brought up a bunch in certain circles. I think Jessica Kellgren-Fozard brought it up in a video. Some people who were taught that way seem more creative I dunno. Like Dorian Electra. On the other hand after they started out as a right wing libertarian who made videos like this:

cursed dorian < 3 their real themcel era <3

hahaha.

Then went to uni they adopted more left wing beliefs you can see how this was an interim period:



and then came out as non-binary and adopted progressive views about gender like deconstructing masculinity. So every right wingers worst nightmare. Really the poster child in fact of their worst nightmares. They cite this trajectory often.

You can see comments about that online (I'm replacing pronouns):

Yes, they're a socialist feminist now. They got a liberal arts degree at a college in Chicago. Lol

WHAT?!? REALLY?!? What a waste...

yes, they got bashed by Gawker in 2013 and started making intersection feminist videos after that. "They" are a gender fluid trans person now and make videos about toxic masculinity.

They were so very beautiful then.

They're still beautiful now

yes they are still cute but in a aesthetic way

In absolutley no way. And I am sick of pretending and that nowadays you have to tolerate every sick shit. It's utterly disgusting what they have done to their body and their soul.

'And soul' lol. And again you can see 'the thing' below where they highlight attractiveness as a way to socially dominate and police gender boundaries. They commented the same kind of thing a bunch of times with a passive aggressive smiley face:

Still they can believe is a helicopter or a sailor moon, whatever, in real life they are still a woman, and they are very cute :-)

And they are still are a beautiful girl :-)

And they are a girl and you know it too, you knew it before and they can say whatever or fantasies with any proname, alias, aka, etc, they're still is a girl and will die with that. Don't uses gender ideology for debates, always progreszombies loses. Have a nice day , they are a cutie, right? :-D

Haha I actually commented telling them what they were doing in the past just found a comment I left lol.

I get it though Dorian had long hair and glasses (and a block fringe) back then. That's like the most attractive aesthetic for a man. But you know you have to let people do their own thing. People don't exist to be your lesbian boyfriend.



These ideas are nightmares to white parents whose worst fear is a child with dyed hair and who likes earrings - Eminem.

He was so real for that.

I'm actually, again, not big on many of the ideological viewpoints but their music is interesting:



Deconstructing masculinity... Tbf they do that with feminine archetypes too like the pumpkin spice Halloween thing:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aLnVLo6uxqo

There was actually a trans guy who responded to one of their videos saying something positive like 'this helped me to realise I don't have to be masculine' or something like that, and then they came back several months later 'like [BEEP] you you hate men.' Hahaha. I loved this because It's so the present conflict and especially for trans guys or any trans person who identifies as a man at all really.

[Nyctophilia]

"Intelligent dance music"

Lol that has got to be one of the most pretentious genre labels of all time.

I do like stuff that appears to be called that occasionally though.

British electronic music and techno artists, including Aphex Twin, Cylob, and Mike Paradinas (A.K.A. μ-Ziq), have criticised the term IDM. Paradinas has stated that the term IDM was only used in North America. Criticism is dominated by the use of the term "intelligent" in the genre name, and also often calls attention to the fact that artists working under this name often produce music that is not easy to dance to.

What are you talking about? I always dance to Rhubarb:



This is obviously ambient though. But someone posted it on the IDM subreddit.

Again very dancy:



Dark ambient lol.

A lot of stuff under that label sounds different from other stuff.


Apparently they're making an entire expansion pack about horses for The Sims 4. People have been wanting them for a while but this is honestly a terrible money grabbing idea. They really should have been released with the cottage living pack or pets if anything. The Sims 3 pets introduced horses, cats, dogs etc all in one pack. Cottage living was also somewhat limited. A more expansive farming pack would have been cool. The world system in The Sims 4 has always felt really small and lacking in immersion to me. Really hard to suspend disbelief with how all these worlds are connected and how you can go from one to another so easily. Sims will invite you on a date in a vacation world that should be far away in another region what are they a billionaire with a private jet? Also the bugs and animation glitches and the annoying way the conversation system works so Sims don't look at each other and get stuck in large group conversations instead of one on one which often leads to the aforementioned animation glitches like two Sims are supposed to be kissing but the whole thing happens while they're standing on opposite sides of a room not animating because they're stuck in a group conversation!

I mean the worlds are so small in The Sims 4 and I assume the horses will only work in some kind of horse world they're going to build.