Random Thought of the Day

[Doseone]

Consciousness might be the best possible thing that there is. People are so preoccupied with seeking happiness through objects, that they don't realize they themselves are amazing. You're aware of yourself. That's insane. People will say "ooh" and "ahh" at fireworks, but they themselves are the most amazing thing and they don't realize it. lol.

[Nyctophilia]

I don't know why this didn't occur to me before, and I also find it pretty funny that this only just occurred to me while reading this Pride and Prejudice fanfic (this is why I can't read btw because I'll just tune out at a certain point - varies depending on how engrossing the work is to me - and start thinking about something tangential or even entirely unrelated,) but of course the new romantics were inspired by the romantic movement haha.

I wanted more Far From The Madding Crowd fanfics because I still really like the basic concept/dynamic, but there are only 43 on ao3 (and about half of them hook up Bathsheba with William Boldwood which I dislike,) compared to thousands for Pride and Prejudice so I started reading the latter. This fanfic I've been reading isn't on ao3 though.

"Of course, for a moment I forgot we were in London."

"I shall consider that the highest compliment."

"You should. I'm a country girl at heart."

"I think such a description is far too commonplace. You are more accurately a wood nymph, condescending to live among mere mortals."

She turned to him in surprise, though eyes still alight with the pleasures of nature only added credence to his theory. "Mr. Darcy, I had not thought you swept up in the Romantic movement! You appear to be a secret poet, though if you keep exaggerating my qualities, you are bound to end up disappointed eventually."

I've seen a few fanfics go down this route with Elizabeth. Comparing her to some kind of 'nature goddess' etc. (Oh and I haven't read the original book obviously so I don't know if that's a theme in the original work.)

I've said this like 5+ times but I have a strange aesthetic but also erotic fixation with nature, fairies, etc. I imagine partly (this won't make this less weird,) because my mum is a huge gardener/plant fan who also worked in a garden centre when she was younger before becoming a special needs teacher. But also because so much English fiction is just about gardens and plants. So my favourite book as a kid was 'The Secret Garden' lol.

Not that I paid much attention to the New Romantics and I don't care for much of their music. It's fine but I'm not hugely into it. At least the stuff listed on wikipedia. Like Duran Duran they were before my time so I didn't dislike them or listen to them really, and I think their music (the small amount I've heard,) is OK but I think if I'd been a teenager at the time I just have this feeling where I would have disliked them for probably stupid reasons lol. I just know instinctively. I do like Depeche Mode a lot though and also this is amazing. Just one of the best things ever. I was fully obsessed with this at one point:



The connection is also most obvious/literal here. Less so here (I guess there are trees lol?) but this song is from 1986 which is a bit later:



How was I introduced to Depeche Mode though? The 10 thousand covers of Enjoy the Silence and later this song was re-recorded for The Sims 2 so it's in Simlish lol because there are stereos with music in game (think they were one of the first really famous bands to do that by The Sims 3 tons of people were doing this):



xD

As for the actual romantic movement hmm... I'm not that familiar with that but I like John Everett Millais's Ophelia painting a lot (he was one of the founders of the pre-Raphaelite brotherhood I guess):



And this painting - The Lady of Shalott by John William Waterhouse but I think this was painted after that movement technically:

It is one of his most famous works, which adopted much of the style of the Pre-Raphaelite Brotherhood, though Waterhouse was painting several decades after the Brotherhood split up during his early childhood.

So like the Steven Wilson of romanticism. (Well that's more like 2ish decades later but yeah lol.)

I'm not an art historian lol. I got a D in A level art.

Making music like this from 1989-1993~



Prog rock with angsty 90s vibes.

and still in 2007:



It's very similar to No Quarter by Led Zeppelin:



Stupid Dream era (1999) reminds me of Radiohead (now I'm going off topic. You can often hear his influences which some people dislike but I think is pretty cool. It's like a game lol. I actually miss most of them.)



This actually references one of their albums in the lyrics:



You keep me waiting
You keep me alone in a room full of friends
You keep me hating
You keep me listening to the Bends

Actually this isn't entirely off topic because Richard Barbieri who joined Porcupine Tree in 1993 used to be in Japan (not the country, the band):

The albums continued to expand their audience as the band refined its new sound, however, the combination of their newer sound and the band's stylised visual appearance led to them unintentionally becoming associated with the early-1980s New Romantic scene. The band had always worn make-up since their inception in the mid-1970s at the tail end of the glam rock era, several years before the New Romantic movement had begun.

There was an attempt to connect things here lmao.

Japan wasn't his best work because his best work (without even listening to 99% of their music) is definitely this:



Because it's one of the best songs ever.

Back on topic I think that's why one of my favourite 'fashion trends' lately is those sword earrings. I still need to get some. Very much jumping on that bandwagon when I can be bothered/decide on some to buy. I'm always thinking about armour etc though. I kind of want to get like some chainmail or something but I imagine that's heavy? (Although maybe that's good because I do need methods of working out that I can just integrate into my day.) So maybe something fake that appears a lot like chainmail... I'm leaning into the hermit thing by becoming increasingly eccentric for this town. When I'm inevitably killed because someone takes that as a challenge I want there to be a news story like 'and they were wearing armour or something.' (Very narcissistic thought.) That way the story is less bad and more entertaining. 'It didn't do her any good.' Of course they wouldn't use they pronouns because they probably wouldn't know to unless my brother informs them, and they get pronouns wrong half the time even when they do.

I think (and I might be biased) if you have complete contempt for the past it's difficult to create something new. Because a lot of the time when creating something it involves some kind of category fusion and it's the easiest and least controversial category fusion you can use (generally.) Maybe this is also partly the issue with architecture but I still think a big part of is how it's avoiding naturalistic forms. Like I said in my other ridiculous post:

https://anxietyspace.com/forums/show...l=1#post467212

But definitely there's an attempt to kind of create something new that's separate from everything in the past. That's why conservatives hate it most of all. Same with modern art.

I don't entirely blame people for the direction things have gone in though, because I know it's a result of the excessive tribal politicisation where old forms are constantly co-opted by the intellectual right wing and fascists. You don't have to constantly concede symbolic territory to them though.



Also everything became sort of ironic still combining stuff though. I like the reinvention of 'gothic':







^ is this an actual video game? I don't know lol.



But if you recycle too much and within people's living memory you get kind of stuck like 'hauntology' so you have to go further back. Not just rebooting the 70s, 80s, 90s and even y2k every 5 years.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hauntology

She's complaining about this:

https://www.independent.co.uk/voices...-b2124700.html

Our history is being filtered by fake 90s nostalgia

A new trend has been taking up our scrolling time. The 1980s reigns supreme thanks to the popularity of Stranger Things, sending Kate Bush and Metallica to the top of the charts. The resurrection of their popularity is partially due to thousands of TikTok videos made by members of Gen Z, celebrating a slightly off version of the Eighties, Nineties and Noughties. When I watch them I feel like I have entered an uncanny valley of sorts. Whilst the ingredients are all there, this is not how it actually was. The internet has created its own version of nostalgia that isn?t actually real: pseudo-nostalgia.

It's not necessarily a bad thing the bolded part is good actually. But it can get repetitive. Especially with such a narrow window of time. It's like that tumblr image I stumbled on:



I thought that was something that only I did but I guess a lot of people are stuck. Might have something to do with the fact that I probably only started paying attention to time as such when I started using the internet regularly though. Which was when I was 11 in 2002.

(On a completely unrelated note I went back onto tumblr to find that image and then noticed that someone had reblogged/liked a bunch of gifs I posted. They're a trans guy. Why is everyone into this guy a trans guy or lesbian lol? Or non-binary in my case. Well because it's tumblr but even then.)

I just read this post in the tune of Meredith Brooks song [BEEP] lol:

hes bi hes straight hes married hes divorced hes single hes in a polycule hes a genius hes the stupidest [BEEP] ever hes a very complex character hes just some guy hes trans hes cis. i didnt say a name but he popped up in your head, didnt he?

I have these wireless headphones and they just started crackling and I was like 'where is that coming from are they broken?' Then realised it was coming from this soundcloud link I just opened which autoplayed loool. Well that was a cool experience.

[Nyctophilia]

Just saying exactly what I think lol:

My YouTube suggestions are kind of wack right now. I guess because I watch Jordan Peterson videos now and then but it's only been very recently that I've noticed a certain trend. I don't want to be suggested videos by unoriginal reactionary and conservative thinkers. I don't mind watching/listening to videos from time to time from people like The Dark Enlightenment/neo-reactionaries etc if they have something interesting to say even if I strongly disagree with all their opinions/values but:

'I'm a lesbian and I hate the LGBT community. They're too sexual. I'm a conservative so I hate sexual expression and it makes me uncomfortable. Here's a 5 minute video of me saying nothing original. GIVE ME HEAD PATS WHILE I PRETEND I'M THE ONLY PERSON IN THE WORLD WHO THINKS LIKE ME.'

is obnoxious, low brow, done to death, and lacking in intelligence, and worst of all masquerading as 'original thinking.' And I don't care for it.

Nevermind I just looked and she has another video Sneako is reacting to calling her 'the female sneako.'

I rest my case. Her music is.... Not to my taste lol. I'm way too old to enjoy gen z's 'I sound half dead constantly' thing but I've been over that before. There are degrees to how much it works/doesn't.

edit: You know I just assumed that was her music but it might just be a clip created by someone else she inserted into this video as a reaction lol. I don't know why that possibility didn't occur to me. No it is yeah it's some rapper called 070 shake lool. I am so old. Well that 070 musician is 26 and I'm 32 but that might as well be several decades I guess.

SNEAKO has made a really big impact on my life, so it felt awesome to hear what he had to say about the video. W hubert and W cas.

Your channel actually reminds me a lot of SNEAKO's videos when he had like 10k subs. I loved his videos and they were straight-up bangers. I just got recommended your channel and it's entertaining as heck! Please keep up the good content, and if your channel blows up, please maintain the quality of your videos, as I've seen so many great channels lose their quality as they've chased the algorithm more.

Who knows if this is even sarcasm at this stage? Doesn't seem to be though.

And you have the nerve to complain about the LGBT community and pride parades?

She has another video where she has long wavy hair and glasses so I'll just pretend YouTube suggested me her other video where she doesn't look like that because of that. But she's not my type she's too masc and sneako-ified. Also too young I guess. Not just literally because age gap relationships are soon to be illegal oh no, but you know the generational conflict that is a part of this too lol.

creativity is dead and I killed him myself

So true queen. Her other videos got like 1-24k views (so a similar range to my own actually lol most of mine will get several thousand to 30k upper end,) until she uploaded that one criticising the LGBT community. It got 200k in a week. Because that gets you views. Also her least interesting video. And I bet she leans into it now and becomes a reactionary.

I'm not looking for content catered towards 'LGB drop the t' sex negative dumb dumbs who are constantly fearful of the children learning [BEEP] people exist. I'm looking for this:









You see the difference? And not just that they're both trans women hahaha. Oh that must hurt some people.

The comments are even more sad one person said 'I am gender fluid' trying to agree with her, and then there are responses with people arguing that that doesn't exist. Look don't be a retard. They're not your friends. Stop trying to suck up to these people. This backlash was manufactured by conservatives years ago they were quite open about it to divide and conquer. And they will, absolutely, come for you next.

This movement for me is like saying: "we are different, you have to accept us".
How about we just say that WE ARE NO DIFFERENT, WE ARE ALL THE SAME HUMANS OMG

We're all Human but we're all different. The sooner people accept that the better. There's no good pretending that someone who is atypical from the norm is the same as everyone else because nobody is going to buy that and you have to repress yourself. Nobody treats you like you're normal even if they don't know why you're different they exclude and bully you accordingly - especially if you're genetically male - the 'we're all the same' nonsense is well nonsense.

You know who makes interesting content and probably has politics I don't agree with at all? I dunno there's one video I was looking for and can't find.







Still can't. But this is insane you see and he deletes his youtube channels periodically and makes new channels. You could say nothing with more style.

Oh yeah I will hold you to your own standards. Hyper individualism everyone gets treated by the standards they say they want to be treated by. You wanted to complain well now you're a degenerate. Enjoy.

You know why it irks me I think it's this 'One of the good ones' hypocrisy pussying around beliefs shit. Where they know they dislike some things based on gut instinct but haven't thought further about the way everything connects and where it's going. Like you're sat there lecturing other people like they're not going to chuck you off a roof for 'acting black' and being a lesbian. But you know whatever.



You want someone who actually challenges you too like (I don't know this song doesn't really say what I want it to lol who cares it's a good song):



"Dead as dead can be"
My doctor tells me
But I just can't believe him
Ever the optimistic one
I'm sure of your ability
To become my perfect enemy

The music does sound dead lol. (Her music I mean, not A Perfect Circle's. Edit: yeah it's not even her music lol it's some rapper called 070 Shake. They all have the same half dead vibe and I can't tell most people apart anymore.)

You disappoint me
Maybe you're better off this way

was originally created as Vacant under the Tapeworm project with Nine Inch Nails and others I think.



This version is actually better imo.

It pisses me of that Trent won't release the Tapeworm tracks. This rendition is great and I can hear the NIN in every word of this track. At least we have this..

Yeah not sure why. It is good. There are some early hours (edit: Lol early hours? Versions,) of Hourglass live too (another A Perfect Circle track) that I also prefer. Happens a lot lol but then the quality is lower. Like the opening of this is so good:



Compare to the finished version (I like that too but it would be cool to have both in high quality):



So yeah the only person in the mainstream is Jordan Peterson I guess. Because his ideas are like reverse me. (not just because he disagrees with me but because of the schizotypal/archetypal way he thinks. I think cjthex made a similar point in one video about him lol but for them it was more because a lot of their views were also rooted in Christianity):



Man also sounds like a video game villain at least lol:

Just think the Oblivion crisis started just because he got kicked off twitter.

Still cracks me up.

Be more entertaining than him.

edit: Seriously though it's just comment after comment like this:

Part One 'homophobia':

I'm gay and I completely agree. This extreme behaviour is setting us back.

The gay behavior is also setting y'all back from the rest of us who never approved of it in the first place, but y'all kept coming out of the closet anyway.

U have to understand Heterosexual is the DEFAULT
Just bcuz ur mentally disabled doesn't mean we have to follow

Stop being immoral and degenerate, I get that you were abused as a kid, but you have a responsibility as a citizen and an adult to not infect society with poisonous irrational ideas

Most gays are giant children to begin with. They have no grounding in reality and think the world works off pixie dust and unicorn jizz.

Good! Be ashamed of homosexuality. It?s not who you were made to be. Your life can change in an instant of you repent and turn to the God who created you to be a mighty woman of God, no longer to be in love with other women

Your enemies know. Of course it's not that simple. I doubt she's ashamed of herself. She feels comfortable/safe and now wants to point at people one rung below her on the hierarchy to distract attention from herself. Just apes being apes.

Guy with gigachad avatar:

Sexual degeneracy should have never been tolerated, we let you get married, then we started using your stupid pronouns, and unsurprisingly now you're trying to get the kids, looking back this was inevitable, there's a solution to all of this and it's the opposite of tolerance

You don't have to work extra hard to make hypermasculinity unattractive. There's a reason people who can't get sex (incels) adopt him as their avatar.

Part Two 'trans people are bad and need to be removed':

There really needs to be a divorce between the LGB folks and the rest of the acronym, because you really no longer have much in common?.and the aggressive tactics being used now will (and already are) causing blowback on the entire LGBTQ+++ (whatever) diverse community.

Thats the thing is these guys with beards wearing dresses. That dont wven try

What if you want to have a beard and wear a dress though?

they are trying to organize flesh offerings from lgbtq trans in the model of the old church.. if you are not going to chase the princess you will chase the carrot of your on flesh... there getting sick and damn tired of people pairing off and finding happiness without going through the bull crap trials of the system.

I have no idea what this guy is even trying to say in spite of understanding most people's bullshit because I'm just that online.

Part Three 'well unfortunately it's against nature so this was inevitable that your concerns would come up':

Well unfortunately this is what happens when you push something that's against nature itself. People who don't belong will always be hellbent and now look where we are. I dont dislike you personally, but your lifestyle and those who support it have reaped what you sowed.

Part Four (non-binary people are the least accepted group within the LGBT+ community by society right now though it's close with bisexuals, so [BEEP] knows what they thought they were doing lol):

I am gender fluid struggling with disphoria issues and I totally agree with you.

"I am gender fluid " no you are not. No such thing.

I am a desister. I really hope that you wait at least till you're 25. I got really confused by all the gender cult, and even though I had already come out as gay, the truth is I still hadn't fully accepted that myself. So whenever I felt dysphoria (which I did), I thought "well, maybe I am a woman". But all that came from a place of rejecting myself.

I don't know why you'd want to transition, but there are no reasons for it. Your body is perfect the way it is. You're not gonna solve any problems by putting a band-aid on a wound that's emotional or psychological. Try to get to the root cause of why you feel discomfort in your body. Do parts work, for example. That may help you a lot to discover what the reason is.

The leopards are eating their faces so to speak.

Part Five - The only issue that matters is police violence with special guest from low openness people refer to the stuff they don't like as a virus THEY CAN'T STOP LOL:

We need a 'not proud' month to counter this virus. All gays, lesbians, bisexuals and trannies need to stand against this because this will push average, tolerant people over the edge and the consequences for all LGBT people will be horrific.

I remember during the original 'gay rights' marches. You had to be brave to stand up against REAL homophobia, REAL hate and REAL discrimination. You had to be extremely brave because the police were brutal and the public turned a blind eye to police violence.

Today, once again, we need REAL courage to stand up to hate once again, but this time it's coming from the LBGT organizations themselves. The abused become the abusers -- psychology 101.

And what is it they want people to come out against? Pedophilia? I'm not OK with child molestation. I'd also prefer not to 'virtue signal.' Aren't you the same people who generally complain about that lol? Why should people spend all their time assuring you they're safe? And no I don't think kids being informed that gay and trans people exist is the same as grooming and raping kids. You fucking morons. So I guess we'll have to disagree there. I'm curious to see if it helps stop homophobic bullying but I'm quite cynical so I mostly think the education system is a lost cause.

Part Six - the same opinions everyone has always had:

Nobody respects that "community." If we're being honest. Its infested with child molesters and lunatics.

Part Seven - I may not agree with your 'lifestyle' and I don't want to see anyone like you on TV. You should just quietly figure this out on your own:

I agree with you I may not agree with your lifestyle but you definitely have my respect for spitting facts. I think another thing some of these people (not All) perhaps even most of these people at these parades and events may not even be actually gay they just want attention. Good for you as being someone in that community who speaks up and says that the sexualization and the push for all this stuff is wrong and I agree with you, I think if someone is actually gay they're gonna figure it out for themselves without some cartoon character coming out or being canonized as being whatever, let ppl figure it out for themselves. We know and acknowledge that it exists but we don't need it rubbed in our faces.

Of course it's often more complicated to figure out sexuality if you're bisexual or a woman who doesn't have testosterone but they know that. They'd prefer women who are less clear cut but still atypical to repress their sexuality and join a convent. Related part of this video from 22:30 - 26:20:



OK well it's 'age restricted' so the title is: The Century of the Self - Part 3: "There is a Policeman Inside All Our Heads; He Must Be Destroyed." by Adam Curtis.

Part Eight - yet another person is confused about the fact that America is the most capitalist country to have ever existed and calling everything you don't like communism is retarded:

Growing up my mom friend son turned gay before gay was mainstream. I respected him as a human and I understood as a 8 year old kid he liked men and it was ok

Unpopular real opinion: but nowadays whenever I hear LBQT I think of pedo and that stigma is sticking hard the longer LBQT targets children and act like it?s a communist country that we should bend our knees to them. I respect LBQ but anything other than that is pedos.

You also don't 'turn gay' some people are bisexual/sexually fluid that's in born too. Can't tell if typo or if he just hates gay men as well as trans people. That's slightly unusual but not very since historically gay men have always gotten more shit.

Part Nine - fantasies about violence (there were a few comments like this probably from the same couple of people):

They're gonna get beaten in the streets. People hardly accept trans people. Directly involve their kids and a few of you are gonna go down with bullet holes in you and the police will ignore it because well "shouldn't of been fucking with kids"

Stop expressing yourself in public or you will be shot by someone who will do what I'm too much of a [BEEP] to even do myself.

Part Ten - At least the person responding isn't sexist?

And do you see how it's mostly DUDES hat have perverted this movement? These guys just want attention, they aren't probably even gay to begin with.

Stop reaching. Most of you rainbow colored hair freaks are women, your men are just way more vocal and outloud, but the women are just as bad as seen from the teachers, I mean groomers, trying to push sex talk and gender fluidity to 2nd graders.

They stole your girl huh? I've said before obviously Ashnikko's public image is obnoxious but it exists to respond to these people.







I also like how that second person automatically assumed they were part of the LGBT community 'your men' lol. Do we have collective ownership now? I know monogamy and the tangentially related racial tribalism thing are common kinks but I think we must refrain.

Part Eleven - I considered the Christian morality of it all, and then of course one such person stumbled along:

Except you, all the others in this comment thread have their sexuality as their whole identity. Sexual stuff needs to happen behind closed door anyway.

I don't subscribe to Christian morality so I don't care if someone's 'entire personality' is their sexuality. We're animals and a huge part of people's existence is sexuality. Oh look and there's another one:

nah its like the girl from the exorcist you have a DEMON inside you

Why is nobody noticing the irony? I know I know it's a fucking coping mechanism. 'We're fine.' etc. Still annoying.

And, as a gay person, I've known my whole life that I was different. And for many years, I've been told that I was worse because of that. Straight people don't grow up being told that their sexuality is wrong, and I don't see any reason to pretend that they do, that we have equal experiences.

Aight. I have to push back a bit. What the hell do you mean by tolerated??? I must be missing the point because we have barely shifted to being ALLOWED to exist but then you have Florida and all these at her places trying to essentially eradicate trans people from the public eye. It's not tolerance.

Tolerated in the idea that you don't exist is what she means. Go be a freak, but not outloud.

Exactly...

These pick me grifts are so obvious

They really ought to put in more effort lol. Like I said Jordan Peterson at least has some other content/ideas.

how are you gonna complain that the lgbt community is too sexualised and then proceed to boil your entire sexuality down to "i like tits and ass"

Lol right only she is allowed to be a 'degenerate'

So your argument is that because theres fetish community inside the lgbt that invalidate all of there other arguments? and they should just stop crying and get over it? You know gays and lesbians aren?t the ones being attacked online. It?s mainly trans people. It?s kinda weird you didn?t mention the over 530 anti gay bills PASSED just this year alone. 🤣 you call that tolerance??

I mean the only time I mentioned I was gay to someone they screamed ew you're fucking gay? And didn't want to hear anything I had to say after that.

When I was growing up in the 90s and 2000s all the adults around me who brought up gay people were homophobic. Nobody else brought up gay people. They might have been accepting but what do you think that does to someone? Also there was section 28 until I was 12:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Section_28

They've tarnished it's meaning and that's why people dislike it, and I hate to say it as a straight dude, cuz I want to support them, but just like the feminist movement, it's hard to support a group that strongly despises you and actually wants you dead, literally. Even when you want to be supportive, you just can't support something that hates you.

So you get it then. Because it goes both ways.

This is marginally more balanced and not entirely lacking in historical awareness:

Just saying this, pride started out as riots between the Leathermen and Black Trans People. This is Pride, not asking for acceptance, but instead not willing to hide or back down. But I do think some people take things way too far when it comes to acceptance. There is a difference between creating a safe space for younger folks to be who they are and forcing acceptance. But do remember it was the Fetishists and Trans People who pushed and pulled for anyone LGBT+ it was never meant to be a family friendly event.

'I don't want my kids at pride' THEN WHY ARE YOU BRINGING THEM?

Also I've never been to a pride parade in my life I find them incredibly easy to ignore!

I'm bisexual and a biology student and I feel the same way. I?ve been to plenty pride parades, and I?ll never forget my first in Minneapolis, 2016. I was 15 at the time and I was given a rainbow pamphlet to the ?church of satan? by someone at a booth who then explained to me that satanism is a secular practice for liberalating people from religious persecution. Later on I was given flavored condoms, saw public BDSM, etc. similar instances would happen the other times I went to pride parades in Miami, Florida shortly after moving there. There were also many times where a non-binary or trans person would ask me if I thought their ?existence was valid? (common argument for them) and I?d say something in the line of ?I?m fine with using your pronouns but I'd want clarification and detail if I were a medical physician or a military recruiter? this answer was never good enough.

You know what I did during pride month besides vent online on a half dead anxiety forum? I went to a Porcupine Tree concert. I'd say 70% of the people there were straight men 50-60% middle aged. Always more middle aged probably straight men at Porcupine Tree or Steven Wilson concerts than any other type of concert I go to. At one point my dad texted me to say 'he still thinks of me as his little girl.' This bothered me but I just tried to suppress those feelings. I'm not out to him, or most people in my life, and my social circle is incredibly limited.

It's not an ideal existence. (Though I do enjoy the irony and juxtaposition of me vs the classic archetype of a prog rock fan. Much like the teenage girls you despise so much I guess we're just ruining everything. For you.) So I won't be shitting on the people who are capable of being loud and aggressive irl. And again he definitely gets it:



I go back and forth between thinking Americans are just the worst and I should ignore them (I mean I'm clearly connecting more to English people as a recurring theme here, well Canadians too I guess lol. I forgot cjthex is Canadian,) and then thinking about how terrible a small handful of people - Posie Parker, Glinner etc are here. (Edit: Glinner is actually Irish but he's so enmeshed in UK culture + over here all the time it doesn't matter. It's like Elon Musk with the US.) Can't quite win. This is just discussing the media/internet obviously. Individual people online aren't always so annoying if they're removed from social media and I have to live as a hermit and never be open with anyone irl anyway.

Though I do enjoy the irony and juxtaposition of me vs the classic archetype of a prog rock fan.

I also enjoy that over the past several hours of editing this post it has come to include a song referencing Plato's Republic (Hourglass,) and a singer who writes music responding to fuckboys and 'incels' (internet assholes.) A song from a concept album about a teen girl who was killed by a serial killer. Contrapoints playing a harpsichord. But the important thing to remember is we're all doomed.



Or not. Schrodinger's optimist.

I appreciate the effort the MCU went to to try and address/overcome the LGBT+ vs cis het men relationship. Via Thor and Loki. (Oh it was way too transparent.) It's not really working well in reality haha but there was an attempt. Also we still always have to be villains. The bisexuals, non-binary people and trans people mostly. MCU Loki is 2 for one (non-binary and bisexual.)

Poison Ivy, Harley Quinn, Loki and Cat Woman are all bisexual. But bisexuality is totally accepted in the culture. Most male villains are flamboyant and androgynous because that's clearly accepted too. Deadpool is pansexual and technically a hero I guess. He's barely clinging to 'hero'

Gosh there's a whole wikipedia article about the messy history of Batman though lol:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Homose...tman_franchise

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seduction_of_the_Innocent

In the 1954 Seduction of the Innocent, psychiatrist Fredric Wertham claimed, "the Batman type of story may stimulate children to homosexual fantasies, of the nature of which they may be unconscious" and "only someone ignorant of the fundamentals of psychiatry and of the psychopathology of sex can fail to realize a subtle atmosphere of homoeroticism which pervades the adventures of the mature 'Batman' and his young friend Robin".[3] This book was issued in the context of the "lavender scare" where authorities regarded homosexuality as a security risk.[4] Wertham's work is now often criticized, with one review of his work by Carol L. Tilley stating that he "manipulated, overstated, compromised and fabricated evidence".[5]

Beginning in 1948, Wertham wrote and spoke widely, arguing about the detrimental effects that comics reading had on young people. Consequently, Seduction of the Innocent serves as a culminating expression of his sentiments about comics and presents augmented examples and arguments, rather than wholly new material.[4] Wertham's concerns were not limited to comics' impact on boys: He also expressed a concern for the effect of impossibly proportioned female characters on girl readers. Writer A. David Lewis claims that Wertham's anxiety over the perceived homosexual subtext of Batman and Robin was aimed at the depiction of family within this context, rather than focused on the moral character of homosexuality itself.[5] Will Brooker also writes in Batman Unmasked: Analyzing a Cultural Icon that Wertham's notorious reading of Batman and Robin as a homosexual couple was not of his own invention, but was suggested to him by homosexual males whom he interviewed.[6]

Poison Ivy did have a huge impact on my sexuality I just want to say. But that was mostly that one live action film that I can't re-watch now because it's too cheesy. So he's not entirely incorrect. But my sexuality is based actually. So in the words of a bisexual musician:



And it's a bizarrely neurotic thing to contemplate. I can't imagine my first thought upon seeing a sexualised cartoon character being 'but what if some female child sees this and turns gay?' Oh that is peculiar when you think about it lmfao. Anyway most of the characters I created based on Poison Ivy were genetically male or intersex and they weren't Human either they were part plant/elf etc. But that's mostly what you wanted right? Person with [BEEP] + person with a penis. (edit: Well I should say in all of those fantasies they were hooking up with a cis guy in my imagination lol, but I have a [BEEP] is what I mean.) I suppose that's also where my red hair fixation started though and there was that thing in The Sims 4 where I had that one red haired sim who was evil and she seduced another red haired female Sim who was good and had an affair with her while married to this evil rich guy. I didn't get around to it but I'd planned on making another scenario where one red haired woman who can get people pregnant cucks some rich guy. I suppose that's less ideal for you than the male plant people.

You probably should have been more worried about Return to Oz that film left some kind of bizarre aesthetic impression with the whole green thing which ultimately culminated in this (though I didn't realise at first until contemplating.)



And then I noticed:



Like fate. Or maybe a lot of people have just noticed green is an attractive and common colour in the universe. But that's less neurotic/schizotypal so we can't have thoughts like that in these blursed internet lands. Everything must be a communist conspiracy.

Oh maybe that's what that strange YouTube commenter meant?

they are trying to organize flesh offerings from lgbtq trans in the model of the old church.. if you are not going to chase the princess you will chase the carrot of your on flesh... there getting sick and damn tired of people pairing off and finding happiness without going through the bull crap trials of the system.

No I'm chasing princesses too. Why not both? I mean that's what my brain always said lol. (Oh sorry no I'm not chasing them I'm creating them in Photoshop etc.)

Anyway never have the comments on a YouTube video derailed/contradicted the video itself more lol.

[Nyctophilia]

When I wonder if I was wording things too strongly but they ultimately confirm my beliefs about them anyway. It really is just lazy writing at least in my own case. I don't care about the word what I care about is the phenomenon. Discomfort, hate. And I'm honestly surprised they were this honest. Because the dislike of effeminate men always seems to be rooted in an evolutionary instinct tied to tribal warfare:

I am in my late 40s and openly bisexual and I hide it because I don't want to be associated with what the community is. There is no way for anyone to see me as the man I am when the term bisexual man instantly rings forth an image of a small effeminate man as the community pushes. I am a solid, rugged and masculine and the community has made me hide who I am because of exactly what you have stated. Thank you for your time on this.

I find this attitude a bit tedious since it usually comes from a place of hating effeminate men.

I think this another thing that the community has ruined. Overusing the word hate. I don't hate them but I also am not attracted to them. Effeminate males are one of those things that does make me feel uncomfortable because I believe that as a men we need to defend ourselves and it is putting yourself in at a major disadvantage.

To someone else they said this which confirmed my suspicions to an even greater degree:

it's not that. I'm in my late 40s and I have seen more [BEEP] and gay people than most. I do not like how people, for some reason, feel they need to act so weak, feminine and "queer" just because of who they want to sleep with. Of course not all are like this but to the general population if a man is gay or bi then they are normally viewed and this. I feel the community has done this to itself.

If I had a pound for everyone of these guys I've met. I get that if you feel pressured to be feminine and you're not that would be annoying but 9/10 that doesn't seem to be where the feelings are stemming from.

Joyce F. Benenson (who I brought up before,) theorised about this too.

The desire to have peers who are potential allies in a group targeting the enemy may increase understanding of one of the more difficult parts of males' social behavior--their instinctive aversion to feminine boys, and by extension to homosexuality.

What is it about a boy who behaves like a girl that males don’t like? A boy who behaves like a girl does not like play fighting, targeting enemies, or one-on-one competition. He might even enjoy domestic activities

Most boys do not like feminine boys and tease them or try hard to change them into "real" boys. Around the world, boys expend much more effort and time than girls in assessing the extent to which a boy is a "real boy" [155]. Just like being manly seems to mean being ready to join a fighting force, being a real boy does too. Early in life, long before boys understand what homosexuality or transgender categories are, boys seem to share a picture of what it takes to be a boy. No such thing as a "tomgirl" exists; feminine boys are sissies or fake boys. What makes this so striking is the contrast with girls, who do not have a "real girl" or a womanly scale.

Boys with GID experience many more difficulties getting along with their peers. They receive more teasing and are less liked than girls with GID, and this holds true across a number of societies including both Canada and the Netherlands [156], which are highly tolerant of transgendered individuals and homosexuality in adults.

The definition of a boy is much narrower than that of a girl. The characteristic that towers above the others in defining a male is that of enemy fighter. A man who cannot fight is by definition not a man. According to military historians, a man’s prime fear when entering the military is that he will not be able to fight and will be revealed as not truly a man [6] . While there are gradations in boyishness and manliness, the prototypical male cannot be mistaken, and boys understand this before they turn 5. While pretty girls may embody the ideal girl, other girls are real girls too. A girl is accepted as a girl regardless of her feelings about being a girl, her play partners, or her sex-role behaviors; even a boy can be a girl if he wants to be. To be a boy requires fitting through a much narrower filter.

This is generally true but if you're too masculine (threatening,) and genetically male then some women will push you out of the girl category. You can't be more masculine physically/behaviourally than a soft-butch/androgynous lesbian woman. That's approximately the line before the gatekeepers (tm lol) come to that decision. This applies to trans and cis men and women. It's very much an inverse too so the more violent and toxic you are the more you're seen as 'male socialised.' Like female serial killers being referred to as man-woman etc.

I should say they'll still be uncomfortable with you especially if they're heterosexual and they'll try to change you to be more feminine than you are (basically at the low end of masculinity they think of you as a retarded woman lol 'if we just give you a makeover then you'll be more attractive than this other girl' it's sort of like how cats are said to view Humans - as retarded cats. Well I remember that was one theory someone had come up with.) Oh and you're an evil traitor/misogynist etc. They just won't view you as entirely male which is the point where they get really angry - no... Hmm I think it's more complicated than that. It varies between anger and complete indifference/excommunication. You have to be loosely ingroup for someone like a rad fem or gender critical woman (they're the gatekeepers,) to get so angry with you about being a traitor. Something like this maybe:



It really isn't binary and can even vary by person lol. One person will have one view of you, another person will have another view. Also I think gatekeeping is relatively masculine behaviour in the first place. That's why there are more cis guys involved in policing the boundary of womanhood lmfao and you can see them like that Saudi Arabian guy on twitter I came across recently:

Undoubtedly, men in the Western world seem to be waging war against women. They are seemingly attempting to strip women of their distinct identities, affecting aspects ranging from clothing and gender perceptions to restroom rights, sports participation, and family roles. The unsettling part is that this erosion appears to start extending beyond superficial issues; they started targeting reproductive rights and may soon target their body parts. Surprisingly, it's OFTEN women themselves who are leading the protests and advocating for this insanity. It's astonishing to see how content this 'woman' appears, despite potentially losing her last distinguishing features. Unbelievable!

I use this example because it's the most recent but trust me I've come across similar sentiments from various people in the West wondering why more women just don't give a shit.

[BEEP] I don't care. I've never wanted to carry or give birth to a baby, artificial wombs and/or guys or anyone who want to do that are ideal frankly. 'Oh no they're increasing the number of wombs' (it's quite vulgar/objectifying but that is the debate,) this is not a problem for me lol. It also balances out people like me.

Especially with this specific example it's just ridiculous that people might not get why a bunch of women might actually prefer artificial wombs lol. I can think of one pretty big reason. Even conservatives are conflicted 'well if we have artificial wombs people won't have to abort babies anymore. If it was only used in that context I'd be fine with it but I know it won't be oh the horror.'

We have to remove war. Not because it's enormously destructive to Human life - it results in the death and rape of millions. Not because it's enormously destructive to Human creation - obviously bombs etc cause widespread damage that requires rebuilding. We must remove war because it perpetuates the suppression of creative thinking and androgyny on a mass scale by putting people into a fight mindset - 'I must be 'masculine' to defend myself.'

But androgynous guys are hot. And my sexual preferences are more important than everything else.

I want them to sing about Trees (even if this song is likely a metaphor for viewpoints I may disagree with):



No I want them to literally sing to me about trees. Without metaphor.



I'm not attracted to any members of The Cure this post is just about trees now. I always say if I could be reincarnated I'd want to be a tree except for the part where they can't move don't like that. But they're so self sufficient (photosynthesis,) tall (I've tried being short in this life so time for something new,) and unaffected by petty Human concerns.

Of course this isn't what he has in mind. He's talking about hyper feminine homosexual men who are closer to resembling straight women, or someone like Dylan Mulvaney who falls outside of both categories in temperament. But, I don't see the reason to hate them either and this is just tragic:



Look what you did to him.

We also have to remove hypergamy so I can get some more Far from The Madding Crowd fanfics, or similar works.

And... Whatever needs to be removed so I can get Slaanesh/Isha fanfics. I think this is mostly because femslash is rare (although it's not quite femslash and it's not like androgyny is rare in fanfic/fanart,) and uh too idiosyncratic I guess lol. And it's a fandom dominated by men who don't read/write fanfiction.

If nothing else someone has to have noticed:

While Isha, the goddess of fertility and the harvest, was defeated alongside her divine brethren, she was not destroyed outright and absorbed by Slaanesh like the rest of the Aeldari pantheon.

What fell purpose Slaanesh had in keeping Isha alive, none amongst the Aeldari now know, but the Prince of Pleasure was ultimately denied its spoils: for some reason Nurgle, the Plague Lord, waged war against Slaanesh to "rescue" the Aeldari goddess.

I could write my own stuff yes. That would make way more sense. I've daydreamed vaguely similar concepts before even learning of this. (Androgynous hypersexual incubus demon vs war/violence demon. Which is more Khorne vs Slaanesh than Nurgle vs Slaanesh. Close enough.) Unfortunately I am not so talented and have ginormous motivation/attention issues. I also like the sensation of being in someone else's mind. I can't write and enjoy my own work in the same way. I'd have to leave it several years till it reaches the point where I don't remember it well and then I can read it and have it feel like someone else wrote it. But that's a very slow process. Maybe when I'm immortal I'll take this approach.

I'm shitposting but the war thing is also true. Shoot Tyler Durden.

He gets it:

[Doseone]

Everyone is in a cult.

--

@Nyctophilia

Lars von Trier pays tribute to that Ophelia painting in Melancholia. It's one of my favorite movie scenes.

[Nyctophilia]

@Doseone

That video is 'blocked in my country' on copyright grounds apparently lol. Hate it when that happens. But yeah I know of that film. I meant to watch all the 'depression trilogy' films a while ago but didn't.

Edit: Also yeah everyone is probably in a cult. Well it seems to me religions are just cults that get popular and most culture is influenced by religion in some way. Alan Moore has been quoted as saying 'all culture must have arisen from cult' I guess if you have a loose enough definition of cult that would be true but I'd have to think on it more. Some people only define cults as having doomsday elements or some more specific definitions but it's murky. The gatekeeping/defensive element isn't unique to cults (or groups that get referred to as cults,) as any group excommunicates or punishes people who don't follow whatever the rules of the group happen to be. People just don't notice if a group becomes hegemonic and it's not all people within the group who engage in this practice either though I'm sure it's more frequent in smaller groups.

The most unique element is probably having a specific appointed leader. Not every group has that. But then having to have a leader is not a necessary requirement for a group to be considered a cult, it's just the typical form of what is defined as a cult.

Maybe the issue is there's a lack of land it's all under control already by nation states. But Humans still instinctively create new cultures for people who don't fit in but then have no land to move to. There is more 'room' online though so you get numerous subcultures (that's a polite word for a cult lol, 'cults we don't mind for now') but that creates an issue if you try and move things into meatspace and obviously it creates an issue even if you don't hence the state of social media lol.

[Doseone]

@Doseone

That video is 'blocked in my country' on copyright grounds apparently lol. Hate it when that happens. But yeah I know of that film. I meant to watch all the 'depression trilogy' films a while ago but didn't.

I've seen all of his movies. I even had to buy a foreign version DVD of The Idiots and Medea because I couldn't find them to watch anywhere else. I love him.

[Doseone]

@Doseone Edit: Also yeah everyone is probably in a cult. Well it seems to me religions are just cults that get popular and most culture is influenced by religion in some way. Alan Moore has been quoted as saying 'all culture must have arisen from cult' I guess if you have a loose enough definition of cult that would be true but I'd have to think on it more. Some people only define cults as having doomsday elements or some more specific definitions but it's murky. The gatekeeping/defensive element isn't unique to cults (or groups that get referred to as cults,) as any group excommunicates or punishes people who don't follow whatever the rules of the group happen to be. People just don't notice if a group becomes hegemonic and it's not all people within the group who engage in this practice either though I'm sure it's more frequent in smaller groups.

The most unique element is probably having a specific appointed leader. Not every group has that. But then having to have a leader is not a necessary requirement for a group to be considered a cult, it's just the typical form of what is defined as a cult.

Maybe the issue is there's a lack of land it's all under control already by nation states. But Humans still instinctively create new cultures for people who don't fit in but then have no land to move to. There is more 'room' online though so you get numerous subcultures (that's a polite word for a cult lol, 'cults we don't mind for now') but that creates an issue if you try and move things into meatspace and obviously it creates an issue even if you don't hence the state of social media lol.

I agree with this, especially the part about religions being cults. My point was more about how people mostly just blindly follow traditions (even me lol). We're just robots with beliefs that are conditioned by environment (specifically the information we're exposed to). Tradition is the cult leader.

[Nyctophilia]

I don't like how paypal will send you offers via a link in an email. Like I just got 10 pounds to spend because of my first payment on google play. After researching I found this was a legit promotion thing but it's incredibly dodgy. And a few years ago I remember they did something similar again where I got ten pounds. I don't know why they don't just email you and tell you to login separately and check in your account and go from there. Like why do you have to click a link in the email? Also the notes saying that phishing emails usually don't use your full name in the email wasn't helpful either considering my full name is in my email address anyway.

[Doseone]

Sonic Youth is a band that I could never get into. I've never liked a song that I've heard from them. I know they're considered an influential band, but yeah, I don't get it.

[Nyctophilia]

Sonic Youth is a band that I could never get into. I've never liked a song that I've heard from them. I know they're considered an influential band, but yeah, I don't get it.

I haven't listened to most of their music but I did really like this song:

[Heelsbythebridge]

Is it unrealistic to anyone else that abusers are depicted as 50+ year old men? Especially to their sons who are young men in their late teens and 20s... a 17yo - especially one who plays football - should be able to physically overpower an old man.

/trinity killer in Dexter.

I think it's just psychological... hell, me as a small woman should be able to beat up an old man

[Doseone]

I haven't listened to most of their music but I did really like this song:

I didn't like it. lol.

[Doseone]

Unpopular opinion: Marriage is a stupid concept.

[Nyctophilia]

It's weird how I can just be attracted to people's voices. I do mean just voice too. Sometimes I can be attracted to people and their voices (that's common because I like voices lol,) but I can also just be attracted to their voice. Like there's this woman and I have no idea what she looks like and if I did I probably wouldn't be attracted to her or as attracted I'm not sure. I mean I don't tend to be attracted to women as much (that's complicated though. I'm aroused by women just not emotionally attracted usually. I think lady Gaga has a similar thing.) I have this vague kind of blurry outline of a woman that's not very distinct in my mind when I listen.

And this is tmi but she makes audio porn. I recently went back to that since I now have a new phone I can listen to stuff on but I just went immediately back to her audios because I like her voice and I'm too lazy to look for new stuff now (same with most mediums.) She also has a bunch of new stuff uploaded after the past few years. I wonder if I'd still be into her though if it wasn't for that context and what she's doing with her voice though. But it is a more appealing voice than others I listened to which is why I prefer her voice lol. A lot of it isn't even stuff I'm into in general and probably wouldn't listen to if it wasn't her lol tbh. She also has stuff from various points of view genderwise which is nice. I like some of her f/f stuff a lot too.

Another reason I like it is I have more of an emotional connection. Usually with stuff that's visual etc I'm just like aroused and it's lacking in emotional quality. And I suppose that's fine in certain contexts/moods. Really hard to try and be vague here lol... But I guess I also don't like most things in some sense because it makes me feel empty so I try to find ways to integrate the emotional feelings with being aroused. I mean it's the same with certain written stuff it can be completely lacking in the emotional sense (and that works better sexually in some ways but then I want to combine the two.) I find certain guys really attractive but my brain often separates romantic attraction from sexual which is annoying. I don't think that's the right way of putting it though it's not that it removes the sexual component per se it's just difficult to uh... Find ways to do certain activities with that alone.

One thing that often comes up is I have a lot of shame/disgust with myself. That varies but yeah it's sort of there and an issue.

I was also looking at gifs of Geddy Lee though at the same time while listening (well three gifs in particular,) which is so..... What's the word. It's all disconnected. Fragmented maybe.

It's like this video lol at 1:39 into the video:



'build your perfect person.' Only it's not like I was connecting the pieces exactly either and I wasn't really picturing him per se. I just sort of wanted to look at gifs of him lol? Like multitasking. I don't know though I think he was sort of merged with her loosely at the same time as not being merged. So weird.

It's like that video I watched recently where Jordan Peterson was interviewing that detransistioner and during part of the interview she talked about her sexual preferences and how she wanted a relationship with a guy but she was always viewing 'stuff' with women. To quote:

Jordan Peterson: "Was their something in your fantasies about... What was that? Was that about you being a boy? You said you were still attracted to women. So what... We brought this up we might as well clarify it. What was the nature of the interaction with sexuality. I mean it's obviously relevant." (at this point he has this expression like he didn't really want to talk about it but has accepted that he kind of has to lol.)

Detransisioner: "It was fantasies about like being a man, about being male and having like masculine attributes to my body and also a lot of it did also involve having a female partner which I never really explored in real life because I didn't have any emotional attraction to women. I didn't want to have like relationships with another woman so I never really cared to act it out."

[..]

Detransistioner: "Obviously because I was taking androgens I also started experiencing a very strong increase in my libido and it was very difficult to keep up with and it started to become a problem for me without me even realising it. I did unfortunately develop an addiction to porn. And I also just had a very unhealthy relationship with my body and sexuality and I still do to this day."

Jordan Peterson: "So on the porn front was that female images or male? Sorry to delve into this but-"

Detransistioner: "Mostly female yeah. Mostly female."

Jordan Peterson: "OK so it was mostly female, but you had no interest in establishing a relationship with females and on the dating front you still wanted to - at least in principle you still wanted to be with boys. Jesus that's quite a confusing mess to walk through. Yeah no kidding. You must have really been going in 5 directions at once during that period boy."

Yeah well that's nothing lol. My brain has developed all kind of weird adaptations for this conundrum. And still I couldn't enjoy sexual stuff with guys irl.

Jordan Peterson: "There's no clear pathway forward through that. How in the world did you orient yourself?"

😂 Thanks for the optimism.

Detransistioner: "You know I really couldn't because I didn't really have any dating opportunities and I just couldn't really explore that kind of thing. This did become a bit of a source of distress for me in high school. You know I was frustrated, I had urges I couldn't really fulfil and on top of that I was watching all my other peers get into romantic and sexual relationships and had that kind of development while I was just at least I felt I was just completely behind."

It doesn't help much ime. As I've said. I mean the more people you try things with probably the better but due to my mental health issues/lifestyle etc dating and relationships became impossible anyway for me over time. And I never had crushes on women irl unless you count that weird ambiguous thing in school with that one girl. But it wasn't working with guys anyway.

Also she said at one point she had autoandrophilia and he just immediately tried to talk her down from that position like 'well it's really non sexual' and he pointed out how she'd said earlier that she wanted certain masculine attributes and then launched into his weird theory of how autogynephilia (which he used as a comparison,) is just pushing people to 'expand their personality to be more feminine and integrate those traits into their personality' or something but then instead of doing that they act out being a woman and it becomes sexualised (he's brought this up a few times I noticed.) He'll bring it up when he's less emotional when he gets really angry he's basically like 'they're just perverts with a fetish' (about certain trans women.)

And this is such a puritan worldview/lens. It's irritating to me because there's this constant need in Anglosphere cultures to desexualise things because sexuality is seen as bad. So it's almost like he's trying to reassure her 'no well it's not really sexual at it's core.' Then, if you want to insult someone, you just call them a fetishist (reduce them to sexuality and an abnormal one on top of that.) I'm sure this is part of why I'm uncomfortable with purely sexual stuff in my own sexuality even because it's impossible to escape this worldview.

It's like 'porn addiction' people just use that for when they have some weird sexual interest or whatever and because they're distressed with their own sexuality. But unless you're like watching porn constantly and have withdrawal when you don't, I don't think that's really the same thing. I get really apathetic about it and get a lower sex drive when my mental health is worse or just a certain period of life (cause it varies.) When I was struggling more with generalised anxiety and panic attacks in 2022 I just basically lost interest for most of that time.

Also there's an argument to be made that behavioural addiction isn't really an addiction in the first place like it's not the right word. Addiction is a chemical thing where you go on certain drugs and you actually get really sick when you try to quit. Not just a bad habit because your life is in general [BEEP] and the life being shit, or other mental health issues, is the underlying problem. In search of a coping mechanism.

I mean you could argue I have a music addiction and that would fit a lot more than porn for me lol. But few people would make that case because music isn't seen as controversial or bad culturally. Uh I don't think Jordan - music is a transcendental religious experience - Peterson will be making that case anytime soon lol. I wanted to find the other clip where he talks about this but I can't.

Edit: And some people view sex as a transcendental experience. I don't personally for a myriad of reasons - some of course cultural - But I think that seems pretty great (Jordan Peterson would disagree.) Actually I just remembered I was reading an interview with Drab Majesty where they talked about that a while ago. And one of them made the point that they believed they'd still be enjoying music at 80 but not sex.

If you had to choose between music and sex, what would you choose?

Deb Demure:

I'd probably choose sex. Because this human interaction does not have that level of a human bond. Do you mean play music or listen to music?

Both.

Deb Demure:
What no music at all? Oh, I'd choose music.

Mona D:
As much as everyone loves sex, it wanes over time and the body degrades. Music will always be able to transport you to a higher dimension of mind. You get that from sex, but sex can be vapid and emotionless. Sort of routine. Music has it's own ever-present mystical element. Even when I'm 80, or however long I live, I think I?ll still be listening to music. I don't think I will be having sex.

I find the contrast interesting though right? The way Jordan Peterson talks about music and sex are both very similar like they're a way of orienting yourself and getting meaning and identity even - he alludes to that when he talks about music subcultures like it becomes part of their cultural identity. He also seems to view both as being somewhat religious experiences. But he thinks that it's wrong if you do that with sexuality or gender because it's some kind of Pagan/Satanic goddess thing (lmao the sentences I'm writing.):





13:44 is the beginning to the relevant part I think. He doesn't like people creating their own god but music is no? Is it because the Christian God is incompatible with sexuality? Probably.

I think the weakness of Freud is that he pronounced one motivational system superordinate - sex. And you could say with some real truth that Freud replaced the God of his ancestors Yahweh. Freud was Jewish. He replaced the God of his ancestors with sexuality and put that at the pinnacle of the Human psychological hierarchy.

And Jung who was a student of Freud's although also a student of Nietzsche's - and perhaps more deeply a student of Nietzsche's - objected to that. He did not believe that it was appropriate to make the presumption that sex ruled overall.

So we're going to talk about sex some today cause that's all over the place. Desire, estrangement from and fascination with sex today have to do with Freud?

It has to do with what Freud observed and Freud was correct in that sex is a dominating force. Nietzsche said every drive attempts to philosophise in it's spirit. Brilliant aphorism. He was really something. And when the world collapses into materialist atheism let's say it's highly likely that sex will arise as the dominant goddess? Likely goddess. It's likely on the feminine side more accurately if you think about it historically. Now did Freud bring that about? Partly because Freud made the case that there was no metaphysical reality there were biological realities and that the prime biological reality was that of sex and so he laid some of the groundwork for those metaphysical claims. But to speak in Freud's defense. Even though he believed that sex is a dominating force it isn't clear that he believed it should be.

Oh I see you're gripped so firmly by your sexuality that your sexuality now proclaims that it's you and you believe that. And you think that's you you don't think that you're worshipping a polytheistic Pagan goddess or that she's got you in her grip. You think that's you because you have an intrinsic theory of yourself and your theory of yourself is that whatever you want hedonistically in this moment rules. Everyone including you and that's right. And that everyone who opposes that is nothing by a demon essentially.

Eh why not both?

And the people who identify themselves on sexual grounds do that all the time. 'My paramount feature is who I'm sexually attracted to.' Really? That's your paramount feature is it? That's your definition of your intrinsic self? To call you primitive is an insult to primitive people.

This is again where you see the weakness in Nietzsche's argument. Well here's the values we've created. Well that's not a very good replacement for God. Our replacement for God is narcissistic radicals get to do whatever the hell they want whenever they want all the time and if you oppose it then it's prison for you.

I don't think that's a fair assessment.

But that's very interesting actually. And look at the way his body language kind of changes too. He's so defensive when he considers this Pagan goddess and if I were to psychoanalyse him I'd probably point out this dream he mentioned once:

"I dreamed I saw my maternal grandmother sitting by the bank of a swimming pool, that was also a river. In real life, she had been a victim of Alzheimer's disease, and had regressed, before her death, to a semi-conscious state. In the dream, as well, she had lost her capacity for self-control. Her genital region was exposed, dimly; it had the appearance of a thick mat of hair. She was stroking herself, absent-mindedly. She walked over to me, with a handful of pubic hair, compacted into something resembling a large artist's paint-brush. She pushed this at my face. I raised my arm, several times, to deflect her hand; finally, unwilling to hurt her, or interfere with her any farther, I let her have her way. She stroked my face with the brush, gently, and said, like a child, "isn't it soft?" I looked at her ruined face and said, "yes, Grandma, it?s soft."


And you get so much [BEEP] for focussing on sexuality. Like it shouldn't even come up. And I think it's because of that constant repression and demonisation - which has definitely been part of my cultural upbringing I've never been in an environment where people comfortably discussed sex or sexuality in real life - that I've ended up at this point now ironically.

You also see a lot of criticism on the progression over time of youth subcultures focussing more on sexuality than music. Though I'd argue that atypical gender and sexuality habits have always been a common part of these movements and groups. Like emo was associated with bisexuality and also atypical gender roles to some extent - that's been documented in research. Anecdotally too I mean Dan Howell discussed that in his coming out video. it was similar with the goth subculture as well. People complain that there used to be more music associated with youth subcultures and that 'the dyed hair crowd used to be [insert music based subculture of your choice here] when I was young.'

I mean I'm not against the idea that there should be more and decent quality music. I swing both ways haha.

And I feel like this is what IAMX is trying to explore more over his last couple of albums/videos he's making a lot of people really uncomfortable by being very messy and explicit with sexual imagery. And it's always been a big part of the music actually although you weirdly get people ignorant of that fact or denying it. A bunch of the lyrics and videos were always very sexual with references to BDSM and there are interviews with him talking about sex being a big influence on his work etc. I think it's become more aggressive and chaotic and that's the part that makes people uncomfortable and to some extent it does me too because of the model I have of the music project and of him. Because it ruins my fantasy of this kind of gentle, introspective, androgynous and ultimately somewhat submissive person but this is unfair and limiting right to him to put him in such a box. Although I think it's also because he keeps joking about starting a cult that makes me a bit lol...

And another thing is I think in his messaging etc he's specifically acknowledging the objectification and fetishisation element of his fanbase towards him which has always been a huge thing. And that makes people uncomfortable too. You're not allowed to be a voyeur right so it's very clever in that sense.

And he's alternated between this hyper sexual more aggressive imagery and a kind of romanticised mystical fantasy manic pixie dream boy thing (and a combination of the two as well,) that Patrick Wolf also does or did and that drew me to IAMX initially. This track for example was the first song I heard and it reminded me of Patrick Wolf's music:



Also Sneaker Pimps is a bit like that too (the music project he worked with before going solo.) But at this point I'm looking for an excuse to post music lol also I love how ill fitting this cover + album title appears with the theme/style of music. The contrast is just amazing:



So many good songs though. And this is really great (and different/better) live (especially the end one of the best live songs I've experienced,) but can't find decent recording:



And a lot of people end up being pigeon holed and policed because of that and I've seen that with other artists too of course. I mean Aurora obviously and the song/video people were complaining about wasn't even that sexual in her case lol. So this revealed to me she can get away with way less.

But all these things are quite interesting at this current point in time. Because artists are supposed to poke around at things that make people uncomfortable. I'm just posting a music video this isn't necessarily the best example there's one that feels a bit too graphic to post here lol from a couple of years ago. And also like just certain discussions with him and others that aren't music videos. This still got a lot of complaints in comments I noticed when it was released:



I think some people also complain about the quality of the music having gone down hill but since they can't help mention all the sexuality stuff at the same time this seems like kind of a cover and justification for their discomfort with the sexual expression of the video at least in part. Some of the comments were quite pretentious there was one like 'IAMX used to be music for musicians most people can't tell this is worse now but those with superior knowledge can tell' LOL. But I'd have to think more on it I wasn't immediately drawn in by any songs I briefly listened to that have been uploaded from the new album (the one in the music video is pretty good though,) but there was actually a part of a song uploaded in one video before it was released that I really liked and so I was kind of excited for that but for whatever reason it doesn't seem to be on the album. And I haven't bought the album but I am planning on seeing them live again at some point (and I sometimes get more interested in the music after hearing it live with some bands.) I have very mixed feelings about that. I hope it will be good though. They have been pretty good live in the past.

Lol I got way off topic again but I think it really sucks for us, because I'm sure there's something going on underneath it all that is similar to bisexuality but it's just not separated out the way it is for most people. When I looked into research on trans guys I found that most who were transitioning in the 80s and early 90s who weren't exclusively into women had a sexuality where they were mostly into feminine guys, trans women and intersex people... Which seems kind of telling. And then there also seem to be a lot of people who are mostly into and date other trans guys - specifically trans guys. (And this applies to both sexes these sexualities. And for whatever reason 50% of men attracted to trans women are also autogynephilic in one paper.) You're viewed as broken and people have an opinion about like what the ideal outcome for your sexuality is and try to force you to be that and it's so moralised. It's really difficult to live with that.

And on that note. I saw someone tweet about this yesterday:



This group aren't just transphobic, they're also really biphobic despite the name. This is also fairly old now from 2020 but I've seen people associated with this group say things like this a bunch of times and also seems to be a sentiment many others share.

Bisexual people should probably just have their own spaces as well but this group don't seem to realise that people are bisexual all the time and it has sociological and psychological impacts. If you're not a normative heterosexual person you deal with the stigma and emotional issues that come with that as well. And as I've said before - and this probably varies depending on where you live too - bisexual people are more likely to deal with domestic violence, rape, substance abuse issues, mental illness, poverty etc than heterosexual or homosexual people and have certain other traits. There are neurological and other differences between bisexual people and heterosexual and homosexual people on average. It's like there's this attempt to reduce the entirety of Human sex/gender difference down to 'who you are currently fucking' it's insane! Who decided that was a good model for organising everything? Sexologists certainly didn't.

https://www.nbcnews.com/feature/nbc-...eport-n1073501

When researchers separated the L, G, B and T, however, they found cisgender (or non-transgender) gay men and lesbians reported similar levels of poverty to their heterosexual counterparts, while bisexual women and transgender people (of all sexual orientations) had a poverty rate of almost 30 percent.

https://www.researchgate.net/publica...le_bisexuality

variation in prenatal sex hormones can lead to variegated nonheterosexual female phenotypes that show different composite characteristics of masculine butch and feminine femme types, as well as composite characteristics of exclusive homosexuality and non-exclusive same-sex and opposite sex attractions. Therefore, these different types of nonheterosexual women should be taken into account in research on female sexual orientation to avoid conflating different types of nonheterosexual subjects, which can make the results less clear (Luoto et al., 2019a).

Butch lesbians become aware of their sexual orientation only a few years later than heterosexual girls, at an average age of 14.6. Femme lesbians, however, become aware of their nonheterosexual orientation at the age of 22 on average (Levitt & Horne, 2002). Bisexual women tend to be less likely than lesbians to reveal their sexual orientation to family members (Pistella et al., 2016), and there seems to be less information about the average age when bisexual women do so. There is also a generational difference in the coming out process, with younger generations coming out at an earlier age than older generations (Grov, Bimbi, Nan?n, & Parsons, 2006).

It's not a homogenous group in the first place.

It is important to note that all women and men are exposed to estrogen and testosterone during their development?only the doses differ. Thus, heterosexual women, bisexuals, femmes, butch lesbians, and F-M transsexuals do not form a single continuum; rather, neurodevelopmental mechanisms of sexual differentiation lead to a two-dimensional space (Luoto et al., 2019b) where prenatal testosterone and estrogen exposure vary (Fig. 1). The two-dimensionality of the neurodevelopmental pathways leading to variation in female sexual orientation and gender identity can partially account for the finding that not all bisexual women or lesbians identify themselves clearly as butch/femme, though many do (Luoto et al., 2019a).

Most butch lesbians see themselves as exclusively homosexual and about half of femmes identify as bisexual (reviewed in Luoto et al., 2019a). Bisexual women can therefore show characteristics typical of butches, femmes, or anything in between. Butch/femme roles or equivalents exist cross-culturally and they have persisted despite feminists' attempts to homogenize lesbians, suggesting that they are important to many nonheterosexual women?s lived realities (Luoto et al., 2019a).

Oh no. The shade.

Yes they're talking about a very specific group of feminists and so on obviously (I don't normally bother to clarify because I'm so tired with so much stuff.) This was brought up in Leslie Feinberg's writing.

https://academicworks.cuny.edu/cgi/v...ontext=gc_etds

In studies conducted in the United States and other countries, bisexual adults were found to report higher levels of emotional distress and poorer physical and mental health outcomes than their gay, lesbian, and heterosexual peers (e.g. Cochran & Mays, 2007; Koh & Ross, 2006; Jorm et al., 2002). Adult bisexuals manifest higher rates of eating disorder, anxiety, depression and negative affect, suicide attempts and ideation, as well as unique social disadvantages including ?biphobia,? decreased social well-being and lack of community support (e.g. Cochran & Mays, 2000; Dodge & Sandfort 2007; Kertzner, Meyer, Frost, & Stirratt, 2009; Jorm, Korten, Rodgers, Jacomb & Christensen, 2002). Interestingly, studies also demonstrate substantial variability of distress levels within populations of bisexual adults (Ochs, 1996; Koh & Ross, 2006). To date, however, very little research has examined variability in bisexuals? psychological health outcomes and there is little information to explain the confirmed variation in psychological outcomes among bisexual women (Koh & Ross, 2006; Worthington & Reynolds, 2009). Understanding why certain bisexual adults have relatively positive psychological outcomes whereas others have particularly negative outcomes could help clinicians and researchers better understand risk factors, protective factors, and optimal treatment interventions for this population.

I found this website talking about this study and they didn't link the study and I couldn't find it while googling which is really frustrating:

But nevertheless, the brains of bisexual people (who are attracted to men and women, although not necessarily with the same frequency or intensity) do not show a mixture of the activation patterns of the other two, as one might think. According to a recent investigation whose results have been published in the journal Nature, bisexuality is associated with own neurobiological characteristics that are qualitatively different from those of homosexuals and heterosexuals.

I assume they don't just mean these 2018 Nature papers on male and female bisexuality because I don't remember the finding they're discussing coming up but maybe I just missed that and it was worded in some way that didn't stand out to me:

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5766543/

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5286516/

As expected, this area responded by showing preference for images in which the opposite sex appeared, in heterosexuals, and in people of the same sex, in the case of homosexual people. In the case of bisexuals, however, this area of ​​the brain (and secondarily, some others) behaved as if the differentiation between the category "man" and "woman" was not important ; In some way, the border between these two concepts was blurred, in the same way that the color of the eyes of others can be given little importance.

Of course, the reactions of pure bisexuality, understood as one in which there is no clear preference for men or women, were rare. Judging by the images obtained through the brain scanners, usually activation of the brain regions of bisexuals they showed a tendency to find more attractive one of the two sexes .

I'd like to see them do more research on the bolded part neurologically especially in the trans/trans-adj group I'm talking about. Especially because mentally I just kind of ignore people's gender if they're reasonably androgynous looking and interchangeably view them as men and women often but as a kind of fantasy. I don't do that to people I know/talk to, I mean it's an idealised romantic/sexual fantasy, but I don't think most people are capable of doing that. I see some people do it on tumblr etc mostly with famous musicians I suppose. Like the two people that took the photo of a random sexualised woman using a laptop and their first thought for some reason was 'OK let's draw Geddy Lee like this.' and it's weird right because I went onto tumblr to find more images of him (as it is generally the place to go for photos/gifs of musicians,) and then found several people doing the exact same kind of things that I do with guys where they headcannon them as women or well a lot of people on tumblr were imagining him as a lesbian specifically as well. Not just him obviously I also did this with some other musician I was attracted to for years, and Loki but Loki is canonically genderfluid as well. It's not every guy I'm attracted to of course, not even every androgynous guy I've ever been attracted to but just a bunch.

I was doing this before the paper on Chinese nisu subculture came out too (also using faceapp.) And one thing I absolutely hate is how people just claim that every part of female sexuality is a 'trend' like no at the very least I was doing it before them. And I technically started doing this in my own head! With Poison Ivy (I made her more male + androgynous.) That was when I was a teenager.

So yes if someone could research that it would be cool, but instead we're going to get 7837893759 papers on what transphobic parents think about their adolescent genetic female children suddenly coming out as trans or non-binary and how it's a trend and social contagion. That research is really going to really help them in the long term! /s

Can we just skip to the part where everything's better and I can chill? That's a joke I'm probably not capable of chilling I'm very neurotic and obsessive lol. It's the most annoying personality type I know. I've pissed off so many people.

This seems more useful:

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8363999/

"There Is Nothing to Do About It": Nonbinary Individuals' Experience of Gender Dysphoria

My ideal body is one assigned male at birth i.e., flat chest, penis. I was born AFAB. I always wear baggy shirts/jackets to hide my breasts when possible. I have also had breakdowns over the fact that it is most likely medically impossible for me to obtain a normally functioning penis. (Asian/Asian American agender person, 18 )

Wearing very feminine clothes is uncomfortable because I feel like I'm pretending to be someone I'm not and that I'm accentuating things I would rather hide. But wearing very masculine clothes can also be uncomfortable because I become self-conscious about the fact that I don't look like a man despite making these efforts. (White nonbinary person, 29)

When asked to describe their experience, 16 of the 205 (7.8% ) participants noted that they did not experience gender dysphoria by explicitly stating either that they have no dysphoria or that they have no issue with their body.

That's less than 10% of the sample despite the fact that most people assume non-binary people don't experience dysphoria.

Thematic analysis revealed the unique way gender dysphoria is experienced by nonbinary individuals. When describing their gender dysphoria, the majority of our participants did so by referencing androgyny or fluidity. Sometimes this was articulated as desiring an androgynous body or gender presentation to better reflect their nonbinary identities. To attain the desired androgyny, participants described specific feminine and masculine traits that they either wanted to keep or desired to obtain. This conceptualization stands in contrast to the classic clinical conceptualization of gender dysphoria as based on rejecting one set of (binary) features in favor of the "opposite." These findings also help explain why nonbinary individuals are the least likely among transindividuals to feel that traditional measures of gender dysphoria reflect their experience.11

The majority of our participants described a sense of profound hopelessness surrounding their dysphoria, and expressed that there is no apparent solution to their distress. For many, hormone treatment or other gender affirmative treatments that are traditionally seen as providing necessary and lifesaving treatment for those with gender dysphoria14 were not seen as viable options for our nonbinary participants. These treatments that work to move bodily presentation from masculine to feminine or from feminine to masculine were conceptualized more as a trade-off than as workable solution. Our nonbinary participants expressed that while these options may address some aspects of their gender dysphoria, they would necessarily give rise to other troubling aspects of distress.

Conclusion: Results of this study suggest that nonbinary trans individuals experience gender dysphoria in unique ways. These findings highlight the need to develop clinical assessments of gender dysphoria that reflect nonbinary experience, and to outline explicit medical protocols for interventions tailored to achieve a desired outcome of physical androgyny.

The title of the paper is also depressingly accurate haha. I'd basically have to shapeshift I think. In lieu of that if I could change my voice without social discrimination and without other side effects of masculinisation I might consider that.

As for the LGB alliance though it's really frustrating but ultimately they're most likely just some astroturfed conservative group cause I mean:

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/F0dtzdsW...png&name=small

To those people saying it is "homophobic" not to be in favour of gay marriage have a look at the statistics. It seems it's rather a small minority who have made their wedding vows. #LGBIssues #CanWeDropItNowPlease #NotABigDeal #PluralityOfViewIsAllowed

They try to be vaguely subtle but don't do a brilliant job. I think they may have deleted that tweet later (I know they've deleted some.) Obviously certain radical people are generally against marriage as an institution and lots of people don't want to get married - that's fine, but specifically singling out samesex marriage is homophobic.



I do think they probably are against conversion therapy for homosexual and bisexual people, they'd just be willing to allow it to happen if it means trans conversion therapy for transgender and non-binary people is allowed and these things are lumped together (they're not always the UK banned conversion therapy for sexual orientation but not gender identity though I think that's supposed to be changing this year.) A bunch of transphobes are willing to throw any other group under the bus in their quest to eliminate trans people and to team up with anyone. This has been going on for a long time though (transatlantically and the US fundamentalists fund groups and individuals here infuriatingly):



^ this entire video can be summarised with quoting this part:

"She's an older woman she's maybe in her 60s and I'm like you've got to know that this is wrong and she said - this is a direct quote - I'm kind of machiavellian about this."

"And I looked at her and said this opposition to this title VII lawsuit has the potential to overturn Price Waterhouse [v. Hopkins] which would be very bad for women do you not understand that?"

"And she was like 'I'll take my chances'"


This is absurd lol (there's a thread of screenshots from dumb stuff they've said that I'm currently looking through and I think this is the most insane claim because it's just so easy to dispute):

The LGB Alliance are not big fans of [BEEP] history, so they simply make up their own instead.

This is far and away one of the funniest things they've ever come out with while pretending to support "LGB people".

On their first action (September 9, 1992), the Lesbian Avengers targeted right-wing attempts to suppress a multicultural "Children of the Rainbow" curriculum for elementary schoolchildren. Ostensibly under attack for including lesbians and gay men in its lessons about diversity,[16] some activists like Ana Maria Simo charged that opponents, besides being homophobic, also had a racist agenda in battling the multicultural curriculum.[17]

Meeting in Queens School District 24 where the opposition to the "Rainbow Curriculum" was strongest, they paraded through the neighborhood with an all-lesbian marching band to a local elementary school where they gave out lavender balloons to children and their parents saying "Ask About Lesbian Lives". They also wore tee-shirts reading, "I was a lesbian child".[17]

They also demonstrated without permits,[17] refusing to ask for permission to express themselves. Organizer Kelly Cogswell later elaborated on this principle during the 1994 International [BEEP] March, "We ask for a permit; they can say no."[18]

Above all, their choice of action reflected their commitment to challenging homophobic stereotypes. In this case, some members objected to going anywhere near children since lesbians and gay men had so often been portrayed as child molesters. Other members thought that was precisely why their presence was essential. And that was the eventual consensus of the group.[17]

Also ironic because of this (talking about Kate Harris):

But Harris said that LGB Alliance aimed to "show children that being LGB is a happy thing, not to help LGB children because I don't believe LGB children exist"

A lot of kids know as children, and they definitely often know before aged 18. I hung out with a gay guy in secondary school and this was during an era which was still very homophobic in the UK (the 2000s.) I think he came out probably in year 8 or 9 so he would have been around 12-14. Obviously it's different with younger kids but there are still usually signs and many people report knowing from like age 5-7ish. Varies depending on sexuality too. Takes bisexuals longer:

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5042327/

Bisexual people experienced sexual identity and disclosure milestones later than gay and lesbian people.

For example, bisexual people have been found to have higher odds of suicidal ideation and attempts than gay men and lesbians (Saewyc et al. 2008 ). In our study, we found that bisexual experienced a greater time between the age of first awareness of same-sex attraction and the age of first self-identification than gay and lesbian respondents. Studies are needed to characterize the processes through which individuals move among the coming out milestones. For example, if a greater time between milestones is indicative of internal conflict, researchers may benefit from examining sexual identity milestones by identity subgroup to partially explain the increased odds of suicidal ideation and attempts.

Some people also take a long time to figure things out and they're not necessarily better adjusted. I mean... Do I seem well adjusted lol? Exactly.

Anyway new Drab Majesty song omg: