Random Thought of the Day

[Lucid]

Puppies rock

[Nyctophilia]

I had a dream that I was at some kind of concert thing at Kurt Cobain's old school I think the landscape was very loosely based on my primary school but then the building itself was this really old and impressive architecture that looked nothing like it. I wish I could kind of post a screenshot from my brain because it was really cool.

Things were a bit disjointed and chaotic at one point it seemed like I was remembering something from the past and maybe the whole concert and school thing was a memory in the dream? There was a part where some people were throwing firecrackers on the stage but I'm pretty sure that part was a memory in the dream of some other dream (which may or may not have happened, I was loosely aware I was dreaming I guess.)

Then I and two other people snuck into the school and I said something like 'My fear about there not being an after life is that I won't get to see all those awesome bands live whose musicians died.' xD So typical.

Anyway then we snuck into the school and it started off dark and this area was based on another school, but then we ended up in a library area (nothing impressive kind of modern looking really,) which was lit and full of people. Then eventually we ended up at this staircase and there's lots of bits here which I don't remember so aren't connected well.

One of the women I was with was trying to get into this room I think to talk to Spencer Reid but this guy was standing outside and arguing with her about that.

At one point he told someone to grab me and get me and remove me though I wasn't the one he was arguing with.

Then later I ended up at the top of this... Slide or something and I was saying he seemed like a dick or something to that effect to someone else who assumed I was talking about Spencer Reid. Then when I realised she assumed that I was like 'no not him he's cute the one that...' what was her name? Was talking to

Then I tried to remember her name and couldn't I just knew it wasn't Claire and I was like 'I can't say 'the cheerleader' because I think she was wearing a cheerleader costume.

Later there was another dream involving some dogs and other things that's really blurry I ended up in some room with this weird vet or something I think and there were creepy horror vibes. Wish I could remember more like I remember more than I'm describing here but it's all kind of vague imagery.

So then I woke up and ended up missing painting. About a decade ago I started to stick all kinds of things on my bedroom walls (I stopped probably around the mid 2010s.) Like little album artwork, magic the gathering foil (you know the like thing the cards come in,) posters, this post from the video game medievil II, things from magazines, train tickets, Skyrim poster, these cards with cool art on that I got from Glastonbury years ago, some comic strips, concert tickets, a raffle ticket, fortune cookie messages, any sweet wrapper etc with a design I thought was kind of cool... Lots of other things.

Anyway I also stuck some paintings and other things I made but I don't think about that much now. But yeah I was never good at it or at drawing people and things like that (never really understood perspective properly or lighting,) but I like how I can look back at stuff I made in the past and it gives me some insight into my psychology (moreso old writing though,) and painting and other art work is kind of similar like there are recurring themes.

So there's this 'mixed media' (I guess?) thing where I tea stained some old newspaper thing and then... Perhaps it would be better to just show it because there's no way I'm going to be able to describe this one well... Don't really want to post that either lol. Might remove later:



I don't know how old I was when I made this but it would have been before I went to uni (so sometime before I was 18.) But it looks like a pixel art thing I started working on way earlier when I was probably 12-14 (too lazy to dig around on external harddrives to try and find that,) which also had this weird tube thing with bubbles coming out. I dunno what the tube thing is about. Also the fabric with the diamonds I guess is inspired by Alice in Wonderland. I think the whole thing was + plants.

Lol it's just reminding me of this:



WHAT IS SO GREAT ABOUT THE SHAPES?



"I have one question - why?" Her confused disappointment is giving me flashbacks.

In a painting which I don't want to post here I painted this purple woman with a butterfly headband (I was probably around age 18-21?) and she's kind of disintegrating into a bunch of Kandinsky-esque (that was def one inspiration I think,) splodges and dots and stuff (also kind of like Jackson Pollock. Partly Kandinsky and partly him it's less shape-y than Kandinsky and I liked the act of splashing stuff because it's fun lol.) I almost said Kavinsky lol but no that's the musician I mean the painter.



Lol.

But I have another drawing later that also featured a guy who was disintegrating into the background of the drawing at the edges. Kind of unravelling into the environment.

Also I have multiple paintings (some digital,) of women with purple skin lol. I like purple though and green and turquoise-y colours.

Also there are lots of x's. In a lot of my drawings, digital art etc there are x's everywhere. Including in the purple skinned woman painting in the background and some on her skin. I find that interesting too because they've always kind of been a weird thing in my mind but brought this up before. When I was a kid there was this area of my town we walked past and I used to always point out these things on the side of the building that had an x pattern on them for some weird reason lol. I don't know what they were some metal squares with an x on. For some reason the x's caught my attention.

Then later obviously people used x's everywhere online during the 2000s it became popular in usernames. I got into the band IAMX lol, and it became the non-binary marker on passports. Elon is working on ruining that letter now. 😔

I also started to like mess around with ascii symbols and would do stuff like this in signatures/posts etc online with the scissors:

✂-------------

I started to associate x's I think with thread and sewing imagery back then. And you can also see this in the purple woman painting there's a bunch of lines I've drawn on her skin like she's been sewn. I think that was kind of a popular thing at the time aesthetically probably during the 2000s because of Sally from Nightmare Before Christmas and stuff like that. During the emo sort of era. It's not very original tbh.

Also whenever I painted anything I'd use some kitchen roll or something to dry off my brush so I'd get lots of paint splodges on those too. I stuck some on my wall a long time ago lol because they'd end up with a cool sort of almost Tie Dye effect? I think a lot of this stuff and the splodgy disintegration was appealing on some level because it's chaotic and dissociative. Kind of represents my mind.

Anyway it's sad that I have no motivation to do anything now most of the time and I kind of lose enthusiasm for lots of stuff because I suck at it but that's not really the point. Like if I can stop thinking that and just focus on experimentation creative stuff is more fun... (Like with my YouTube channel though I'm struggling with motivating myself there now too recently I was having some issues getting something to work as well.)

I think studying art related subjects in school + uni kind of killed it a bit for me too because I was never good academically. But it's also interesting to have something to look back on like a dream journal or something. Because I'm narcissistic and like analysing my thoughts lol.

Also just found this again I was looking through my imgur account and took a screenshot of this I guess years ago. This is hilarious:



'I'm not convinced you understood the book you wrote' hahahaha.

[Nyctophilia]

Thinking about this quote from this video:



"You know there's a saying called the man of the century. For the 19th century it was probably either Charles Darwin or Queen of England. The 20th century had a lot more political figures while the 21st century so far is driven by online influencers who are able to shape how politics are ultimately performed. In the recent 7 years or so there are only two people who have reached out to men on such a large scale first one Dr Jordan Peterson. [...] and there is Andrew Tate and if you look at the sheer numbers Andrew Tate appears to a lot more people than Jordan Peterson ever could."

Maybe if you consider a single figure that's very influential but even he compared him to Tyler Durden who while prescient was ultimately a 20th century character (kind of a timeless character I think representing an ongoing personality type.) As was Patrick Bateman and similar types. The hyper capitalism thing has just been going on a while too.

I think Gayle Newland is a more interesting and stark symbolic representation of the 21st century so far. I remembered her yesterday because of something someone posted online.

Yes Gayle Newland the English woman (not trans supposedly,) who pretended to be a guy online starting at age 13 eventually developing a character who was half Filipino/half latino around aged 16. She would talk to women who would always end up figuring it out, except one who she was in a relationship with for I think 2 years? As her alter ego Kye Fortune while befriending her at the same time as Gayle Newland.

They eventually met up in real life with her as Kye and they also hung out with her as Gayle and they became friends, but whenever she was with the woman as Kye she asked her to wear a blindfold because she said she was insecure about her appearance after some brain surgery. The woman agreed to this and also to having her hands bound during sex so she couldn't remove her blindfold (there were some inconsistencies in the story here I think.) They had sex 10 times with a strapon without her realising and she also talked to her but 'put on a deep voice.' This is why I say allegedly. It's quite insane and hard to fathom someone agreeing to all of that and falling for it for so long, especially as she'd previously failed to trick multiple other people. I guess she was just really naive. She could have easily been killed by someone being so trusting. So Gayle was sentenced to 8 years in prison.

So this has both the integration of the internet which is very 21st century and also the alter ego thing which is very the never ending obsession with superhero/villains in film for the past 20+ years.

https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/...ewland-retrial

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-englan...yside-40668960

Slightly less interesting but:

She was jailed for an extra six months for defrauding her former employers - an internet advertising agency - of ?9,000 [pounds not 9000 question marks] by creating fake client profiles between March 2014 and September 2015.

The court heard she had held a senior position at the firm, which paid bloggers to post content.

Assuming people agree to it, I assume this will be a movie one day or something very similar because it's weird enough.

Andrew Tate is just a persona too though.

I think the most interesting antisocial people and groups are made up of mostly afab people (yeah I'm biased because I'm afab but still,) just because it's like 'outside' and mostly ignored by the mainstream. Like that weird LoTR slash cult house run by the psychopathic trans guy:



and the Final Fantasy house....

https://www.vice.com/en/article/8gdw...of-cosplay-529

So Syd walked out. It was August 2002, and the summer sun beating down on the blacktop burned his feet. He'd taken a change of clothes, a pocket knife, a sketchbook, a pencil, and all the money he had left five dollars. "I was homeless a few days," he recalled on the website. "I had the freedom to walk where I wanted and sit down where I wanted. There were no smells. There was no fighting. I wasn't sick on the food I ate. No one was waking me up telling me to go outside and look at fairy rings. I swear to you, I would much rather be homeless than live with people like them ever again. The threat of homelessness does not phase me, because I have seen something much worse."

Because most people are genetically female so people aren't generally very concerned, and when they notice perhaps 15-20 years later that certain 'subcultures' (not really but for lack of a better term,) exist and are correlated with LGBT+ people they'll just resort to patronising nonsense about hysteria or whatever.

I'm constantly reminded of this quote:

"The greatest trick the devil ever played was convincing the world that he did not exist."

Andrew Tate is a psychopath (probably moreso a narcissist,) but he's also really boring. He's no Charles Manson. Probably because he's straight. No offence to straight guys. I mean most are more interesting than Andrew Tate anyway. Jordan Peterson is. I'm just talking about problematic people when I say this too. They're not boring because being straight is boring but I think strange people are more likely to have strange sexual interests, and then they're more likely to be bisexual/sexually fluid if not homosexual. The people who complain the most about degenerates also straight and very conservative in other ways. But it's not a perfect correlation. I'm pretty boring and sexually fluid/odd.

Andrew Tate is a very boring controversial figure really. He's annoying and boring. Not like Dali. If he's the best we can do then that's a problem in a sense. He compared himself to Batman once lol but he's probably more like some other batman villain really (one of the more boring ones I don't know much about,) but batman himself has this veneer of edgyness while being less interesting as a character (to me.) Andrew Tate's story is a bit predictable too like he was a pimp/fuckboy and now he's pretending to be a conservative. It's a similar arc to Roosh V. I think really it's just because he's not creative though right? Every personality type has existed over and over again but I'm biased haha.



Just like me fr.



Sheogorath is the daedric prince of the century.

Part of the problem is it's hard to find weird/novel stuff. Especially if you're lackadaisical about it (and avoid leaving the house.) Have to be like a private investigator. I might be missing some stuff because I refuse to be on tiktok.

Saw this the other day on twitter (can't embed annoyingly):

Only she gets to call herself not like other girls

https://twitter.com/_shaunasjorts/st...20910688604198

I love the keyboard wall. Might need to marry her. No I just like the wall.

I don't get it

Autism

Also 90% of the comments are all confused and insulting. I expected it to mostly be positive for some reason haha. I forgot I found this through Contrapoint's twitter page and I'm not on tumblr now.



Unnecessary quoting but people are very predictable:

kookie white girl final boss

^ pretty funny but I don't think it is. I think you can go a lot further.

When people want to be different so bad 💀

this is probably an autistic

Have you never met an autistic woman

Next they'll dye their hair neon colors and say they identify as a horse 🤦🤦

I don't think so I think we can all agree that's very 2010 now. We're in this era of 'autism' now (she actually is diagnosed autistic though):



(So like 2009-2010~ Porcupine Tree/Steven Wilson lol. Well not that track and it's also from a different pov to a lot of his work but conceptually in the sense she decided to make an album about a serial killer victim/The American Nightmare. Musically more like Lana Del Rey and Chelsea Wolfe.)



Also unless she's into MLP or something most horses don't have colourful hair. Tina is going to write a song about this guy:



I love how Louise is just like 'do it' lol. Louise is great.

Everything she showed was increasingly worse than the last thing 😭

There is literally no way this isn't autism 😭

what motivates someone to do this

Keyboards. Just the interior design equivalent of this though tbh (and the same culture/humour):

Women can also have autism.

Okay this gotta be autism

They have one comment mostly.

kinda just seems like a bit for clout

It's posted online so obviously that's part of it.

It wasn't for clout she is like 100% nerodivrse and would probably have this anyway

Imagine going through all that trouble just for a few likes

I just have one question? [Why gif]

This is the kind of person that needs to be studied

millennials shouldn?t be home owners

This one made me lol.

This is girls who don?t shave their armpits

She must be one of those I don?t need a man in my life type of chicks 🤷🏽*♂️

No woman needs a man in their life. Especially not men who judge other women on Twitter for having their own interests.

A woman needs a man just like a man needs a woman. Can?t deny this.

Why must this type of man do this everywhere?

Statue avatars are concerned:

World ends in less than 24 months. This was the final sign.

She should be the main reason behind reopening psych wards

I've never been more in love in my life

And she's wondering why nobody picks her calls after the first date

I thought I was weird.

she's so real for this honestly this is what life is about

Living with your parents and cope is more like it

what a loser

saying this while literally being a twitch 'broadcaster' is crazy

True people hate twitch streamers too.

Do we need a "People of TikTok" website?

Might be the most autistic person on the internet

Not even close.

can someone explain to me what is the reason?

Autism
Plain and simple

???

That's the reason of what you see, a girl with autism

A bit. A good one.

I don't think most people would post it without knowing that most people will overreact and then enjoying that/finding it amusing honestly. I looked at her tiktok and some of it is obviously joking like having clocks on her toilet seat and typewriters on the floor. If she's like this in real life (even the watered down version of this,) and not just online then she's going to have had people continuously tell her she's weird for ages now like over a decade minimum (depending on age,) because that's how it goes. So you reach a point where you're just like 'OK well I guess I'll have fun with it.'

She's neurodivergent and people get all butthurt when us neurodivergent people don't act like manic pixie dream girls

this has to be some kind of disorder

It's beautiful

horses, ocean, i think poseidon has been here

Asperger's

"I'm so quirky guys"

Yikes I want to see the human skull wall

Somebody drank bleach as a kid

Top autism this woman is hilarious

She forgot to show us her basement full of skeletons..

The length girls will go to say they're autistic

She's perfect

Terrifying. 😖

Where does she keep the dead bodies??

this makes me feel physically unwell

I just mostly find it comical.

love creative ppl but this [BEEP] lowkey seems insane 😭🤣🤣

This is all like 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

#foreversingle

Am I having a fucking stroke?

Please be real 🥺

Shits weird but I?m here for it

Serial killer vibes. 'The toenail clipper killer' 🤔

"I'm a collector, I'll collect anything I find. I'll never throw anything away that's mine"

I am in love.

I feel like my takeaway isn't supposed to be concern for her mental health but I really just can't help it

so she actually has all of those items to style her outfits, she'll literally walk around wearing keyboards & shit. It sounds crazy but she?s wildly creative lol

I love keyboards. Also circuitboards etc. I used to plan out clothing items with circuitboards and keyboard keys etc. I didn't make those because you know I'm really fucking lazy.

Realistically i think she's just engagement farming but if she is for real about this that is not creativity. That is insanity

Yea I remember seeing her on tik tok during the beginning of the pandemic when it was just computer keyboards on a wall. Then she got more and more attention and just kept going bigger and bigger and now she has quite a successful following as a tik tok persona

or maybe she just got more confident in her personality as she started to gain a following for being herself

I'm sorry but no. A computer keyboard collection on her wall? Fine. A piano keyboard collection to match? Sure whatever. Worm walls a touch weird but ok. Nail Clipper collection very bizarre but not a big deal. Pile of dirt. People have zen gardens it's like the same thing

Where she lost me is the candy machine with bubbles all individually filled with tiny photos of Jimmy Neutrons Dad. That's not just being yourself. If that's not engagement farming she is legitimately insane

I absolutely love that that was the last straw for him. That's so funny. You can do all these weird things but I draw the line at Jimmy Neutron's dad candy machine.

I like the candy machine idea more than the nail clipper collection. The dirt thing doesn't work for me aesthetically either. I like the photos of nailclippers though with Walter White that's funny.

I found her on YouTube where she has some uploads and one where she makes a living room in the desert but I didn't really like that but I do like deserts.

[Lucid]

AI companions are blow up dolls that tell you what you want to hear.

[Nyctophilia]

Counterpoint to Western society is feminising everyone:

A fascinating description from a trans friend of mine about their experience starting testosterone - shortly after giving birth, for extra fun contrast.
Testosterone sounds amazing, no wonder women are so unhappy. I'm super curious about microdosing it
(Link to full post below)

"take a pill that will fix every single one of my problems? idk...that sounds risky and weird"

- women not taking testosterone because their low T makes them risk averse

Any conservative political channel talking to cis guys:

YOU SHOULD BUY THESE TESTOSTERONE PRODUCTS!

I'm delusionally holding out hope that if I live longer someone will create shape shifting technology or reverse the aging process before I die... Plus I don't really want to go bald. Which may or may not happen. I also like having a more fluid sexuality which I believe testosterone can mess with. Otherwise I assume a lot of the effects vary a lot individually but yeah for many people it's pretty great. I also have some weird attachment to my current body, voice etc which I guess stems from upbringing/personality/ideology. Like I want a lower voice but I also don't want to kill my voice to get a lower voice, same with my body. It's annoying so I just have to live with frustration.

Also if you microdose it you get all the same virilising effects just more slowly..

Also:

I've been saying that for YEARS, micro-dosing test. should be a thing for women. The xenoestrogen zoggy diet, the disgusting fucking school/college stressful lifestyle, the use of filthy birth control, we all have to be honest w/ eachother, women (&men) are insufferable now

EVEN as a feminine woman, YOU NEED to have SOME amount of HEALTHY MASCULINITY in you to FUNCTION PROPERLY & NOT be a BROKEN subhuman who's barely sentient. Humans in today's world function on notoriously deficient optimization. An average normie you see is something you should induce h0m0cidal tendencies in u, from how inferior u think they are, Being passive towards "the norm" is not viable anymore bc the "norm" is not a thing. The common ground that ties humanity has grown branches, because of greater interconnectivity. the norm is extremely dithered

So-

XX chromosome ┃ Military & Firearms, Esotericism, Philosophy, Math, Tropical-Vedic Astrology (Ernst Wilhelm) ┃ TND, TMD ┃ {personal account}

What a strange new side of twitter. Especially the bolded lol.

(their pinned tweet has a video that has a bunch of stuff in which I guess is supposed to be a description of their values but sounds mostly like a personal description of themself. Like 'looks like a lesbian' 'hates anime and anything infantile,' and '"not like the other girls" but seriously' some book I guess they like 'a vivid journey into the vietnam war GUNSHIPS,' 'advanced astrology' not sure what that is but see now you're just back to being like the other girls you went too far and circled back around to very gay)

From that account:

I tweet into a void because I don't believe in journaling in private, but in public. But I don't want people to interact with my journal too much. So I block them. I block all my reply guys. I am in a weird superposition.

Exactly! Well that's why I post [BEEP] here.

I joined twitter on December 2020 because of its ability to foster the far right. And I don't regret it a single bit. The far right can be obnoxious and extremely society destabilizing, corrosive, but it makes me feel way better than femoid coded leftist spaces that honestly

caused a huge chunk of my soul to choke out. Twitter feeds my 3rd house rahu. Very happ.

Don't like the [slur] propaganda in right wing spaces though. I will not tolerate anime aesthetics. I will not tolerate Japanese worship, I will not tolerate Muslim coded irrational woman hating because your life is miserable so you use them as a punching bag, some sincere feedback on how things should improve rather than irrational autistic misogyny. But other than that, in a very just, fair, and balanced way, I am right wing, pro-eugenics etc.

Have you considered just not though? But it's true that everyone is fucking terrible. That's not what they said but that's just because they're less based. They're also misogynistic lol. Reminds me a bit of a trans guy I used to talk to online years ago. Except actually not really lol it's just a vaguely similar but rare cultural bubble. Their personality seems pretty different and they're also into men I think (guy I used to talk to was exclusively into women.) Like a trans Jack Donovan I think. Y̶o̶u̶ ̶g̶u̶y̶s̶ ̶r̶e̶a̶l̶l̶y̶ ̶r̶u̶i̶n̶e̶d̶ ̶a̶u̶t̶o̶a̶n̶d̶r̶o̶p̶h̶i̶l̶i̶a̶ ̶w̶i̶t̶h̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶r̶ ̶t̶e̶r̶r̶i̶b̶l̶e̶ ̶t̶a̶s̶t̶e̶ ̶i̶n̶ ̶m̶e̶n̶.̶



That's not very chill. Definitely a complete psycho haha (it's the emojis especially):

I WILL NOT BE HAVING SEX WITH ROBOTS 😁😁 i like human masculinity. [BEEP] off with your transhumanism agenda. I hate legacy media so fucking much. No I am not dating an AI with BRAIN DEAD REPLIES and having SEX WITH A ROBOT, you STUPID [BEEP]!!!!!!! 😄

Well nobody's forcing you Jeez. '[BEEP] off with your transhumanism agenda' From the account that has been saying women should microdose testosterone for years. LOL.

Anyway... (back to the quote tweets lol)

This is how ADHD people describe their first doses of Adderall - like the world glistens with meaning and potential and happy goodness and motivation.

Be wary.

(Adderall is in fact meth, they're describing being high)

Weirdly, this sounds almost exactly like my initial experience of dexamphetamine for ADHD.

The conspiracy theorists have arrived:

This is why they don't want men on test and trembolone [tagged some account] and co are onto something.

Broke: men as malfunctioning women
Woke: women as malfunctioning men

What else is that account tweeting oh I see:

Women really have no idea the amount of self-discipline it takes to navigate the world responsibly while under the influence of high levels of testosterone that make you horny, monomaniacal, and physically imposing. Giving such a drug to the unprepared is like giving a toddler a Bowie knife

The violent crime rate of trans men etc isn't higher than cis men...

A woman receiving high doses of testosterone in a bid to switch genders treatment that had "nothing short of medically disastrous" libido-boosting effects was sentenced to 25 years' imprisonment today for a catalog of child abuse conducted at the San Francisco and Livermore daycare centers where she worked.

And this is definitely not unbiased and you know for sure that's why? I agree though testosterone is medically disastrous time to chemically castrate all men just in case some of them are pedophiles.



Great.

edit: and no that theory is not how it works lol. Genetic females aren't capable of focussing their sexuality on any object or getting into anything sexually. Why do incels exist then lol? Plus there isn't a single female sexuality in the first place. It's pretty complicated. There are definitely two clear sexualities, then another that seems influenced by early life experiences (whether you have a dad, also effects age of menstruation) and probably also partly genetic. I don't think it can be changed later (at least not until after reproductive years are over.) Then there's technically 1-2 more one (kinsey 3 in one paper I read a while back) might be closer to male bisexuality... Not sure but either way it seems to differ from the kinsey 1-2 group of women in some research who are sociosexualy unrestricted and have higher dark triad personality traits (the 1-2 group seem to often be a fast-life history strategy but male bisexuals also have this type where they're mostly into women but incidentally into men and same personality traits and less restricted, and there's less research on male bisexuality.) The other kinsey 4-5 bisexuals might be a variant on female gynephilia a lot of the time (which is more exclusive than the rest of female sexuality but less so than male sexuality. But that finding might be because 'kinsey 5' women often id as lesbian and so end up in the same groups in research) and stuff like 'gynandromorphophilia.' Which is a variant of gynephilia that some genetic males have as well and some of them decide to identify as bisexual. The reverse interest andromimetophilia which is an interest in trans men and very butch women also exists in androphiles of both sexes but that's been studied less. Some people will have both sexual interests. Those sexualities are defined as paraphilias which seems unnecessary. I mean a lot of homosexual women have that preference without even realising the label exists lol.

And as for pedophilia it's incredibly rare in genetic females. Actual pedophilia that is like prepubescent kids I don't mean the weird teachers who decide to have sex with 14-17 years old students that's more common. Ephebophilia or something like that. Sexologically speaking I'm sure it must be one of the most sexually dimorphic paraphilias. Then it's rare anyway and sometimes people abuse kids and aren't technically pedophiles they're some kind of sadist. So this person abusing kids in daycares is basically an anomaly. 99.9% of trans men who go on testosterone aren't going to turn into pedophiles...

Oh and trans men who transition don't tend to have common sexualities or sexual interests in one sense or another. But not writing an essay about that. Just wouldn't really make sense to compare that to most genetic females for that reason.

I wanted to say "at least as time goes on everything is mostly demolishing retarded essentialist arguments about various things."

But now the sexist stereotyping is just getting even more bizarre and weirder by the second.

perfect example:

throwback to this interview where a FtM person talked about being aroused by a copy machine and a car

Yeah cis men don't have fetishes. Keep going though usually I have to argue the opposite eventually we'll get the balance right or something.

From that interview:

I remember walking up Fifth Avenue, and there was a woman walking in front of me. And she was wearing this little skirt and this little top. And I was looking at her ass. And I kept saying to myself, don't look at it. Don't look at it. And I kept looking at it.

And I walked past her. And this voice in my head kept saying, turn around to look at her breasts. Turn around. Turn around. Turn around. And my feminist, female background kept saying, don't you dare you pig. Don't turn around. And I fought myself for a while block, and then I turned around and checked her out.

Also yeah going to need to control for 'feminist worldview'

This is so gross. 🤮

Lol.

Wow. Apart from the hilarious double-take of the interviewer RE the Xerox machine, it's fascinating to hear how people experience the flood of synthetic, wrong-sex hormones in their body & life.

I'm glad this is triggering so many terfs actually because they're insufferable.

I am male and I don't think like this at all - maybe I am low T?

No you're a healthy adult male. People injecting themselves with massive amounts of exogenous T are basically going through permanent puberty. The female brain was not designed to handle massive amounts of T

Nope. edit: Also the 'female brain' doesn't exist either lol. There are many phenotypes for both sexes.

I think trans mascs can end the cishet gender war by becoming the new enemy #1

I knew we had the potential to do it.

Are are longshot associating testosterone with hardcore abuse to pave the way to make it illegal?

That is what the govt already did and why testosterone is regulated and illegal. Can a cis person buy it from a pharmacy? Nope, because that campaign already happened decades ago.

^ yup.

Lol that was a lot in just several tweets/accounts.

Oh man I'm supposed to be sleeping not staring into the abyss.

Thanks Aella I guess.

[Doseone]

An eternal heaven would be boring as shit. What would you even do after the first thousand years? You can only do and see so much that it would get repetitive.

[Doseone]

The pope has so much power to positively influence the world, but he doesn't do anything. He's just a dogmatist. What is the point of even having a new pope if they just toe the line? The church fucked itself by declaring it's teachings infallible. Catholicism will easily die out in the next 50-100 years.

[Nyctophilia]

I'm delusionally holding out hope that if I live longer someone will create shape shifting technology or reverse the aging process before I die... Plus I don't really want to go bald. Which may or may not happen. I also like having a more fluid sexuality which I believe testosterone can mess with.

Lol I say this but when it comes to people I find attractive there's just been an amazing amount of diversity over the past decade especially lol. It just gets more rigid with age (some trans guy I'm subscribed to on YouTube experienced something similar I think. I think they said they'd become pickier with age.) Basically the same 1-2 types over and over.

This is very unnecessary but:























I watched Sabrina up until either some point in season 3 or 4? I have not watched this show at all though (that's a pattern too):



















Not a complete list but yeah. Mostly the same patterns over and over. Wasn't much different with non famous people either.

But I guess this is just focussing on 'romantic attraction' not everyone I have the capacity to be turned on by... She's pretty hot:



I just remembered this track again over the past year or something.

Mostly I find people attractive in music videos because starting at about age 11 I'd spend hours daily watching music channels. And that aspect of attraction hasn't changed clearly lol..... (And again that's very specific.) Also I imagine the music helps because I think this applies for me (with anyone):

Summary: Exposure to music, specifically complex and highly stimulating music, leads women to rate male faces as more attractive and increases willingness to date the men pictured, a new study reports.

I don't find guys who aren't my type sexually attractive. The internet is sort of biased towards images and videos of women but even conventionally attractive guys don't do anything for me ever just entirely unstimulating.

I guess it's sort of like what Contrapoints said about the Parthenon:

I guess the difference for me is that looking at a beautiful woman is more emotionally captivating to me than looking at a beautiful man; which can be moving in it's own way, but it's more like the way I'm moved by, I don't know, the Parthenon. You know, it's sturdy, symmetrical, has impressive columns. And that's not to say it's totally asexual. I mean, I'd [BEEP] the Parthenon. I'd [BEEP] it so hard.

Except I wouldn't [BEEP] the Parthenon and the emotionally captivating thing still applies more often to men just only specific men.

I don't even really admire men I'm not attracted to aesthetically most of the time. Some people admire men's physiques if they're really muscular and think it's cool or aspirational etc. I know my brother does but I just don't really care. I know it takes a lot of work but it's not inspiring or captivating in any way to me unless I find them attractive. I mean when I do think guys are cool it's probably more because of their energy and also focus on clothes, rings, piercings, other accessories more I think.

And then aesthetically speaking with guys it's often guys I'm attracted to, so I tend to find them attractive as well. Although I'm not really attracted to the guys in Drab Majesty so that's a good example.

So yeah I really just mean 'lose the capacity to be attracted to both sexes from time to time.' Having a stronger sex drive would be more fun though.

[Nyctophilia]

Yeah men's deodorant does work way better lol and it costs less generally for the same amount or more. I use old spice (though it's not a particularly cheap brand.)

Also that emotionally attracted to men and sexually attracted to women thing is how my sexuality actually works - for the most part there are exceptions. As I was just saying in previous post lol. I am sexually attracted to men though too. I don't know what the motivation for that post was but that's actually more or less my sexuality lol.

In fairness to the guy who asked about going down on women he did say emasculating not gay. It would have been really insane to say 'is that gay.'

'do women find it not as masculine'

Maybe I find the idea of watching a guy go down on a woman hot (I mean I imagine this more often than I watch it lol.... I listen to audio stuff and read erotica more often than watching stuff too.) And I find androgynous guys attractive and I like rolereversal, and feminisation as kinks and the idea of getting a guy pregnant and things like that. On the other hand I don't think it's seen as emasculating as giving a guy a [BEEP] and in sapphic relationships the top is usually framed as the one 'giving pleasure' (including that,) possibly because there's an association with stone butch (masculine,) lesbians who prefer not to be touched. Regardless, I really don't give a [BEEP] though.

Hilariously I think maybe this is one of the few things where it's emasculating if you do it, and it's emasculating if you don't hahaha. I've seen people argue both.

Fun fact:
When the Norse invaded Britain, the British women were apparently enthralled with the fact that they washed regularly, did their hair properly and wore perfume.
We know this because of what's been jokingly called "the first Neckbeard post", a piece of text where a British nobleman laments this very fact.

What I don't know is why, until this very day, are there still men who refuse to wash their damn face?

Oh that might be that one random twitter anecdote I remember someone posted ages ago and was trying to remember before lol. Like in my memory they were killing men? Because they didn't like that women found their long hair attractive or something. And apparently nothing has changed in the UK thousands of years later. (No I think most women prefer short hair lol.)

It's kind of weird in the US gay men are basically all into hypermasculinity. (That's the impression I get anyway.) I'm sure a lot in the UK are too but it's also like:





What is happening on this island lol?

Edit: Also the dad who is worried his son is gay at one years old because he likes crayons, makeup, the character with bright orange hair, and the rainbow light coming through the window he's probably just creative...



lol. "It's going to be so much worse."

When I was a baby my dad said I used to shuffle around to music a lot and later invented a word for music before I knew the word music I guess, but I'd apply it to anything that reminded me of music or dancing like this one dress I had (I don't remember this because I was very young just going off what my parents said.) There's video footage I saw later of when I was a toddler hearing some church bells and then I said the word (the word was just 'lala' lol but it feels cringe to type it out,) and started running around excitedly. In another part of the same video I'm singing into some toy microphone thing that might have been mine? I don't know. Then I would try to run into the sea when we went to the beach and he had to keep stopping me from doing that apparently. Later I developed a special interest in music and swimming/water also mermaids for a while. I guess I was very active because before my mum went into labour she said she was trying to stop me running into the road outside the house (very busy road.) A lot of their stories were me just running somewhere that was a bad idea. In the video my brother was mostly lying around sleeping. He would apparently fall asleep everywhere and ate everything like sand etc. He still does eat weird things from time to time.

And the weird sexual banana comment was creepy and should have been dismissed as some intrusive thought not a serious thing...

[Doseone]

@Nyctophilia

I don't even find people attractive anymore. I've seen so many attractive faces/bodies that it became boring. It's like, so what? What more is there to see? I find faults in even the most attractive people now. Beauty is all an illusion to me. There are people I used to think were insanely attractive, and now I don't see what I did then.

[Nyctophilia]

@Doseone

I think maybe that's common with age and social isolation though I've never been very driven to pursue or enjoy sexual stuff irl tbh. I did used to find more people attractive though in the past than I do now. It still happens but just way less frequently and generally less intensely. It's kind of boring though because I enjoy the chemical reaction I guess. Also there was a year or so where my sex drive was way lower as well due to really bad generalised anxiety that I developed, then after those symptoms faded a lot more this year I gradually started to find new people attractive again but still in a really rigid/limited sense.

[Nyctophilia]

Mostly I find people attractive in music videos because starting at about age 11 I'd spend hours daily watching music channels. And that aspect of attraction hasn't changed clearly lol..... (And again that's very specific.) Also I imagine the music helps because I think this applies for me (with anyone):

Summary: Exposure to music, specifically complex and highly stimulating music, leads women to rate male faces as more attractive and increases willingness to date the men pictured, a new study reports.

Yeah actually I think Lana is the best example of this for me. She has music that is sexually attractive like the actual music is hot sometimes lol or otherwise attractive and I guess her voice in general, but I'm not really attracted to her but more attracted to her if I'm listening to her music. Similar with the singer Aurora.









This was the song that did it lol and it probably helps that at one point I was watching some amv with Loki in and this song:



Vaguely trying (failing,) to not to be a 100% tumblr stereotype... (Lana, Paul Dano, Ethel Cain, Loki etc lol. I was into Loki before I was active on tumblr back when people still used livejournal. They stole that from me.)

Like have you ever just been attracted to a voice before? Lol. And then just like look at someone you find visually attractive with the voice? No? I kept listening to this woman who makes audio porn and in most of them they don't even relate to any of my kinks or whatever lol. Like literal audiophile lol.

With Aurora it's less about her voice per se though and more some lyrics I think and I guess her personality vaguely reminds me of another musician I was attracted to as a teenager maybe and this music video is weirdly compelling because of the part where she's in the cave:



This is really good:

I forget how emotions dance when they aren't inside of me
I forget how the sun feels when she isn't around me
And my dreams become sweeter when something is missing
I'm in love with the hunt itself
It makes me feel alive, alive

🥰

Also not really related to attraction but she seems genuinely empathetic in a way that's incredibly rare now and maybe always was. But yeah I went into all this a while ago.

Also it probably helps that some of her music is just amazing:



I wonder if that's what that trans guy Aella linked meant when they said their sexuality had never felt integrated before they went on testosterone because mine seems very all over the place:

Having a higher sex drive is really different from how I imagined it would be. Sexuality has never felt integrated for me before. There are things I enjoy greatly, and there is sexual stimulation and orgasm and so forth, and I've never really been clear on what those two things have to do with each other. So I think that when I imagined having a higher sex drive, I mostly imagined turning up a certain kind of discomfort. The discomfort of physically craving orgasm.

Like there's the visual element, body language + general energy, voice, that kind of emotional/romantic feeling, and then sexual arousal. Sometimes multiple things go together but they're all separate and can be seperate. I also guess I'm contradicting myself here with my other post no but I did say there were exceptions before. I also had a crush on a trans woman before.

They didn't really go into much detail though so I dunno and this is more confusing:

Instead, it's been something that doesn't really come apart from my ability to enjoy art, and learning, and the excitement and satisfaction of engaging with the world as myself. I do crave physical sexual stimulation more strongly and more frequently than before. But so far, it feels like just another part of being more brightly on fire. If this is the kind of sexuality I'm turning up by taking testosterone, I think I'm ok with that.

I'm already sexually and romantically attracted to music lol. 🤷

[Nyctophilia]

Congratulations to influencers for doing what people with social anxiety have been paranoid about for years! /s

That's what I was thinking about CCTV. Whenever I'm out I always feel like I'm being watched until I get out in the middle of nowhere. Perhaps even there sometimes and even though it's delusional it's also just reality because you're always being filmed by CCTV in the UK. The UK is globally one of the countries with the most CCTV cameras.

I think it's difficult if you're filming in public to completely remove people if you end up in a busy area but you should try not to stay in one spot a long time if there are people around (if you're walking around and filming,) try to avoid getting people in the shot if possible, and also not focus or zoom in on people. Ideally also blur faces. Also ask people's permission before uploading. I assume some do like the people who go around asking people questions, and they just don't record themselves asking but then other's definitely don't and a lot of the time that's ambiguous.

I don't know if that pancake woman's intent was to shame the other woman for judging her or whether she just found if funny that she thought she was reacting negatively to her. Like maybe she thought it would come across as self deprecating or something like 'the best part is this woman's expression.' Regardless of her motivation though it's not a good idea to do that especially if you have a large number of followers. Now if anyone recognises her in real life they might bring it up. Or someone could possibly find her social media accounts if she has any because people are weirdly good at doing that these days. This isn't an entirely new issue though people have been turning others into memes to humiliate them for over a decade now. I think 'People of Walmart' has been around for a while too. Yeah 2009 apparently. There were social media sites around then but not as big so it's a website.

When I was younger people would also take photos when I went out and I'd be in some without even knowing they took them and then they'd upload them on Facebook. There was one period where this was happening a bunch because this one woman took lots of photos. When people did this they'd often tag you so you'd find out later.

I didn't care that much because at the time Facebook was mostly a tool to communicate with people you knew irl so most people seeing those images would be people in my extended social circle and then most people commenting would just be people tagged in the photos. Although that one woman did eventually accumulate a large following of facebook friends 1000+ afaik local to the Derby + Nottingham area. I know she posted at one point about being recognised in public by someone who I guess she didn't know well or at all maybe (I'm not sure she processed what was happening before that point.) This was during 2009-2012 so this sort of thing was happening back then too.

It was never getting the kind of insane levels of attention that stuff might get now where some people have hundreds of thousands or millions of followers and views on their posts and it didn't bother me that much at the time but I can see how it would bother most people especially with increased reach.

And even at lower levels of reach you're talking about a situation where most times you go out there will be loads of photos of everything happening online and often you won't be aware and you won't be asked permission most of the time if at all. Around this time also a lot of nightclubs started posting pictures on their social media accounts so if you want to go clubbing you also often have to consent to having your images on their social media as advertisement lol. It's just constant really and I didn't think about that much again but yeah. It's not a social dynamic that anyone would have really been in most of the time I think before 2000, maybe 2005 or so (unless they were famous of course.) Although club photography has always been a thing to some extent.

The most bothersome thing that happened was my ex taking a picture of me in underwear without my permission, refusing to delete it when I asked, and then when I broke up with him he showed it to at least two people we knew. And later while drunk at one point was begging me to get back together with him. Not that I had the slightest interest but ??? Lol. I think not. I don't know if it occurred to him to post it online or not guess I'll never know. He didn't post it on Facebook but I mean on some random website.

If people keep being really obnoxious and creepy about it in public I assume more countries will legislate against public photography and film (that's already the case in some countries,) which would be really bad for artists and people trying to make hobby documentary type content etc. Someone in the comments of that video pointed out that people should have to pay to film in public like Hollywood but the reality is Hollywood has [BEEP] tons of money and most people don't. So it would really kill people's ability to make interesting videos in public because a lot of people are being overly obnoxious. I mean wtf is this:

I work at a haunted house and the amount of kids who come through filming themselves being assholes and screaming at performers is sickening. There's always been hecklers but its just getting worse and worse as this behavior becomes normalized.

A haunted corn maze in my area had to shut down two years in a row because little punks were recording themselves attacking the actors in the maze and beating them half senseless. Just for views and clicks. Makes my blood boil that these little bastards get away with this crap.

WE have had issues with this too. It's why (I am a house lead) I never EVER let my cast walk into or out of our house alone. Too often drunk idiots gang up on them for the fun and clout of it all.

And that's two seperate places? Unless they're talking about the same maze.

Also yeah the examples in that video after the pancake one just get worse. Filming in changing rooms is insane (and of course there are always going to be creepy voyeurs who do that kind of thing unfortunately but in this case they're not hiding what they're doing and posting it online with themselves in the shot even with complete obviousness that this is socially inappropriate and in lots of places illegal.) And the twitter terf who posted someone's photo and was like 'a man pretending to be a woman in Manchester' did they even talk to that person? How do they know their gender identity? How do they know their birth sex? None of this is a normal thing for you to be focussing on while walking down the street. Also of course this one was from the UK this particular kind of obsessive douchebaggery is very common here and from British (and certain Irish people who have spent a lot of time in the UK,) online.

And who cares if that guy is playing chess by himself at a bar lol? Based actually. I used to go to the pub with people and we'd play magic the gathering haha. I used to walk around while reading books too when I was a teenager like an early version of someone staring at a phone lol. I could easily have ended up in numerous of these posts online honestly. In one sense it wouldn't bother me much because I think there's nothing wrong with those things but on the other hand certain people online are so psychotic now that I'm paranoid about anything that includes my face and attracts tons of attention.

Also this 100% would have been me in school if people thought to do things like this back then, because people were constantly asking me why I never speak etc:

My sibling is autistic and people in their school unashamedly just used to photograph them and put them on their snap story with little captions like “they never say hi” or whatever. Firstly, the caption is unfunny, and, secondly, they don’t say hi because you’re rude to them and take pictures of them without consent. I’ve also had people do the same to me. Fucking sucks.

One girl said she wanted to slap me because I never spoke. Another I was hanging out with once was annoyed at me for not starting any conversations and talking to her enough (but my memory of that is vague,) I think what I was doing was trying to stick to 'safe' conversations and then she also got annoyed/bored with that though really thinking about it now I mean she could have tried to find things to talk about too lol. One guy even asked if I was autistic at one point (which I guess was weird because this was before that was really on most people's radar)

I think the book one was the most insane/depressing of the bunch because reading a book while on public transport is a completely normal thing to do for anyone who isn't below the age of about 25 maybe?

Not that this is the most insane thing I've heard about. I mean I read that news story not long ago about the guy who filmed someone being literally murdered for tiktok. It was just the most insane story all round. Like peak dystopia. Firstly there was a guy with his toddler daughter and he asked this other guy to stop vaping because of his daughter but the other guy got pissed off and killed him then this insane tiktok guy came over and started recording them. He said he thought there was just a fight happening and it wasn't someone being killed but that's still an incredibly antisocial thing to do.

Very recently I also read a news story about someone who asked their neighbour to stop shooting their gun because it was keeping their baby awake and similarly he went over and shot a bunch of the people living in that house to death. And that's the thing right you can't ask someone like that to stop doing something. This is why people have instinctive fears about requesting things from others because they evolved to know that many people are unstable especially in certain environments. All fears are rational with the right people/environment.

Neighbors came to a Texas man's fence and asked him to stop firing his gun in his yard because they had a baby next door who was trying to sleep.

In response, police say the man drunkenly went next door and killed five people with an AR-15-style rifle, ABC News reported. He remains at large.

That guy ran off not sure if they've caught him yet. Oh yeah apparently they found him in May.

Also I just remembered this lol:



It's actually more entertaining with him in the video though lol. Tbf some of this stuff is probably going to be staged for views now too ironically. There is something about the way this all occurs that's very 'hey dad I have this idea can you pretend to be some random stranger.'

It's crazy that this film came out in 2011 and there would be so much more material for it now:

[Nyctophilia]

The end of this where she's talking and saying this:

It seems I’m miles above the surface of the earth
I can see across the whole of London and beyond
Ships and thunderstorms at sea and beyond
A trillion stars in a billion galaxies
I gaze out across the millennia it took the lights from these stars to reach the Earth
I close my eyes
And breathe

I came here searching for something
But I don’t remember what that thing is anymore
Did I dream you?
Or are you dreaming me now?
As your waking thoughts gradually take over
As all dreams are ultimately forgotten
And lost...

He had to have been thinking about the tears in rain speech from Blade Runner. There's just so much synth and also rain. Granted it's always raining in London (or snowing fine I thought he had a song about raining in London lol):



But still. Like I was expecting her to say 'tears in rain' after she said lost.

As all dreams are ultimately forgotten
And lost...

Like tears in rain.

Someone else must have noticed this lol.

Though there are definite Vangelis-like moments on the album, it’s in the last minute plus with the rain, as the album closes, that I am reminded of Rutger Hauer's improvised soliloquy from Blade Runner, which takes place in a downpour. His character is making peace with death and with the reality that the incredible things he's seen and the memories that he has will all disappear, like tears in the rain. Again, if this is intentional, tip of the hat to Mr Wilson. Alas, I couldn't attach the video. What dreams may come.

Exactly.

Steven Wilson - Don't Hate Me (Ultimate Version)

This is a mashup of the Porcupine Tree original version of Don't Hate me mixed with the new version that was released by Steven Wilson for the album 4 1/2

I have removed the vocal from Ninet Tayeb as I didn't like it, but I've added the new sax and guitar solo to the original version of the song.

Comments Welcome, I'll grab the popcorn

Get out.

I think Don't Hate Me was Porcupine Tree's most Radiohead-ish track probably.

The live version of Don't Hate Me below actually reminds me a lot of this time of year/Halloween because there was this one year probably back in like 2014 maybe where I was listening to a bunch of Steven Wilson and Porcupine Tree songs including this one while sitting in the dark with a lit pumpkin:



This song reminds me more than most and I think it's because I don't listen to it as often. Though I dunno this track does kinda too and I've listened to it a bunch recently and in general but then it's mostly this live version that does:

[Nyctophilia]

I have to visit my dad today I'm not in the right headspace for that but tbf I rarely am.

This is like an archeological dig site but the philosophers are still alive and talking

Someone posted this on tumblr while dissecting memes lol and yeah, but that's how disturbingly fast culture moves now in general. Though at the same time... All the worst parts are pretty slow moving I think.

Unrelated to above..

Along the way we learn, so, so much about the musician and the band. Who knew that Lee greatly admires ,

Who doesn't? (I used an image instead of typing her name because this forum doesn't allow you to use various characters but it doesn't fit inline with the text lol. It kinds of works though her name is transcending the text :') is defying the law of textual gravity.)

That's funny though it's worded like 'this is shocking new information' she's very talented... A lot of newer musicians mention her as an inspiration lol.

I actually haven't listened to most of her music though I just think this is one of the best songs of the past 30 years:



And I'm not picky with music at all so I can enjoy most things but it's like in an entirely different league basically lol.

Oh also I liked this video for obvious circuit board reasons:

I wish I had a little Bjork who would sit on my shoulder and whisper words of encouragement to me.

That's a fictional trope.

I was reading Jung and came across a passage where he claimed sentimental men with somewhat immature anima (that is identification with their inner feminine) often are attracted women with "fairy-like" qualities or idealistic fantasies of such a woman because they can "project anything on to a creature who is so fascinatingly vague and weave fantasies around her."

The MPDG trope seems like a modern incarnation of this same archetype. Pre-Raphaelite painters of the late 19th century were painting otherworldly, ethereal maidens and indie directors of the 00s were creating characters like Natalie Portman?s in Garden State. Not fully human nor fleshed out as an autonomous person, they represent an internal, romantic ideal of redemption in the mind of a certain type of personality...that is typically the melancholic, overthinking, self-conscious, sentimentalist male. They seem a counterbalance of the man?s perceived flaws while maintaining a connection to traits creative types often value (spontaneity, confidence, quirkiness, etc.)

I get it though I always fantasise about archetypes and I always liked male-ish fairies/elves etc. It's gotten slightly better than when I was 16:



(Well at least my gaydar is a bit better now, in fairness he did say he was bisexual and was vague about it back then.) But not really. Reality is kinda boring to me. Also it's gotten slightly worse. Simultaneously. I don't think being self aware is better either really.

Actually I found him more attractive with long hair:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I22RKmSsIkc

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CppK9ZfE-cI

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P0dVFFOgClY

As we fall back into the impossible dream

He was into Peter Pan back then too. So archetypal. He actually has new music now and I still haven't listened to any of it and I've just not found myself very interested. I guess because he's mostly a figure of my past to me now and also I wasn't that into his last album musically or what little I heard of it anyway because I didn't buy that one.

It's not much better now because I find Aurora sort of attractive... (Not very, but the romanticism is still there.) I became mostly disenchanted with IAMX at this point I guess (mostly just because of some stuff I won't go into.) And most guys I find attractive from a distance are going to end up fitting into that somewhat but there are other archetypes I'm drawn to as well obviously. The important thing is to always view people as fetishistic concepts and never find love :')

I find US musicians interesting because they are generally lacking in that from what I've noticed. They actually do have new gods. Perhaps that's why they can create new folklore like aliens (not that aliens are archetypally new though exactly..) I dunno I haven't put much thought into this. Just most musicians who draw on these aesthetics are British or Nordic ime. Sometimes Canadian but not from the US. I bet there are lots of musicians I'm just missing entirely.

It might be because it's a more aggressive and competitive country I'm not sure (I'm not going to say masculine because I'm sometimes trying to ignore that Jordan Peterson is like the mirror world version of myself. But then that was already obvious that's why he looks like Sheogorath and is Jyggalag lol.) Not that that stopped British people historically.

Is that why they have all the weird underground cults? I dunno. I keep thinking about this quote lol:

https://www.vice.com/en/article/8gdw...of-cosplay-529

So Syd walked out. It was August 2002, and the summer sun beating down on the blacktop burned his feet. He'd taken a change of clothes, a pocket knife, a sketchbook, a pencil, and all the money he had left five dollars. "I was homeless a few days," he recalled on the website. "I had the freedom to walk where I wanted and sit down where I wanted. There were no smells. There was no fighting. I wasn't sick on the food I ate. No one was waking me up telling me to go outside and look at fairy rings. I swear to you, I would much rather be homeless than live with people like them ever again. The threat of homelessness does not phase me, because I have seen something much worse."

The fairy rings part and how he left with a sketchbook and a pocket knife really makes it. It's so surreal and horrific at the same time.

"God, the smell in that place," Syd wrote in an account on his website. "It was like a miasma of filth with sparkle sunshine fairy artificial sugar scent sprayed over it. It made me sick."

Both Syd's initial LJ entry and the 2006 website attracted plenty of curious attention, both in the Final Fantasy fandom and on other corners of the internet.

I still don't know how I never heard about this. I was hugely into Final Fantasy VII around 2006-2007~ also used livejournal.

Well partly the cult prevalence in the US is an attempt to build culture and spirituality but it also might just be everything that is repressed. (The UK especially England feels like a very repressed culture too. I think most are but just different things are repressed.)

It's as he said lol 'you're very good at that here' but not just the religious cults imo any cults:



And there's the repressive element in the Final Fantasy House too because of the association of members with Cross Creek programs if that's true. If you picture the kind of upbringing serial killers generally have it seems similar to that but then on a mass institutionalised scale. Of course the influence of genetics factors in too.

In an interview, multiple graduates, parents and staff members from the school described the program as manipulative, abusive and traumatic.

One graduate claimed he was forcibly kidnapped from his home, handcuffed, beaten, and taken across state lines against his will in order to be transported to the program, or in short legally trafficked.

I haven't read the books but things like the film adaptation of Return to Oz are kind of the ultimate American fantasy story in a sense. Because you have something like a psychiatric facility (or perhaps a military school or conversion therapy camp,) and then people escape into a queer-coded or [BEEP] fantasy. I mean there are multiple endings to Return to Oz some that weren't shown and I think in some it's made clear that it's all in her head. And the 'it's all in his/her head' thing recurs often in works like American Psycho, and Inception.

I was introduced to the concept of 'military schools' through The Sims video game (so when I was 10-11 or something I guess, actually I suppose I might have learnt about it earlier by watching Malcolm in the Middle but The Sims 1 vibes were more sinister.) The early games are a lot darker and The Sims 1 is just very dark in a lot of ways. Some of the sound effects sound like they belong in a horror game.

And they removed military schools in The Sims 2 but in The Sims 1 your kids will be taken away if they get bad grades too often and are then deleted from the game. There are no weekends in that game. If your Sim misses two days of work in a row they're fired they have no time off or the ability to take time off. It's very intense.

And this is a reddit comment and it's still very like wtf is happening there? (this is from a subreddit called amithedevil lol where I guess they repost stuff from amitheasshole but where it's really obvious they're the asshole.)

OOP's parents basically allowed his sister to be kidnapped...pardon, made her go to military school and when she said it's was an awful thing to do, OOP said that she deserved it? Well, I cannot imagine why his sister would resent him and her parents. A total mystery. /s

Is this even legal??? Also WHAT exactly are military schools and is this just a US thing? Bc we sure as hell don't have them where I'm from

Kids have literally died in these places. They aren't "military schools," they're camps where sadistic adults get paid to abuse children. Parents who send their children there should be arrested. The people who own and work at those places should be arrested.

It's absolutely wild. I've listened to a bunch of podcasts about the troubled teen industry and its true American insanity. A bunch of sketchy assholes making millions for abusing teens under the guise of "scared straight". Parents too dumb, desperate, or lazy to realize that subjecting your child to powerlessness, betrayal, and a boatload of trauma doesn't actually make their lives better. And, in true American fashion, there are lobbies that keep this nightmare alive and legal even when any rational observer can see how awful they are.

Paris Hilton, of all people, has actively taken on fighting for governmental action about this. She was sent away as a teen and is working with other victims of these schools to expose the industry for what it is. One podcaster I like just did a several part series on his experience with one and how it sparked years of heavy addiction and basically ruined his life. Just horrifying.

Honestly I thought the regular education system in the UK was bad enough. And I do think this is what it sounds like:





A bit.

Comment on the video:

why is every person watching this just completely insane?

lol.

Also from newspaper review of Geddy Lee's book (I find it funny that I'm reading a photo of a newspaper online. Because it is from a newspaper):

he evolved an onstage state of flow where he unironically describes himself as a "human neural net, a musical cyborg"

I want to read more about that.

Also:

*searches Rush on tumblr*







No... No that's not what I was looking for. Actually the polar opposite almost musically and otherwise haha. Apparently those gifs are from a Troye Sivan music video lol. I remember him from- no wait no I don't. I'm thinking of someone else - Trevi Moran:



I don't remember him from anything lol.

They are/were friends? I don't know their life story lol just googled. I think I thought that because they have very similar sounding names though. Also didn't really Trevi came out as trans.

This hashtag is like when you go to see Rush live at the gay bar because of the mixture of posts hahaha. That's great.



Actually the band hashtag isn't much different sometimes anyway.... (Because of all the teenagers that ship the band members and the other stuff. I guess it's more like the lesbian bar with gay shipping though.)

Yes it's always reasonably gay because it's still Tumblr lol.

I just remembered this it's pretty interesting:



I like the lyrics because they're creepy cute lol.

Get a little closer, let fold
Cut open my sternum and pull
My little ribs around you
Through arms, or maybe under, under you