Random Thought of the Day

[Nyctophilia]

The end of this where she's talking and saying this:

It seems I’m miles above the surface of the earth
I can see across the whole of London and beyond
Ships and thunderstorms at sea and beyond
A trillion stars in a billion galaxies
I gaze out across the millennia it took the lights from these stars to reach the Earth
I close my eyes
And breathe

I came here searching for something
But I don’t remember what that thing is anymore
Did I dream you?
Or are you dreaming me now?
As your waking thoughts gradually take over
As all dreams are ultimately forgotten
And lost...

He had to have been thinking about the tears in rain speech from Blade Runner. There's just so much synth and also rain. Granted it's always raining in London (or snowing fine I thought he had a song about raining in London lol):



But still. Like I was expecting her to say 'tears in rain' after she said lost.

As all dreams are ultimately forgotten
And lost...

Like tears in rain.

Someone else must have noticed this lol.

Though there are definite Vangelis-like moments on the album, it’s in the last minute plus with the rain, as the album closes, that I am reminded of Rutger Hauer's improvised soliloquy from Blade Runner, which takes place in a downpour. His character is making peace with death and with the reality that the incredible things he's seen and the memories that he has will all disappear, like tears in the rain. Again, if this is intentional, tip of the hat to Mr Wilson. Alas, I couldn't attach the video. What dreams may come.

Exactly.

Steven Wilson - Don't Hate Me (Ultimate Version)

This is a mashup of the Porcupine Tree original version of Don't Hate me mixed with the new version that was released by Steven Wilson for the album 4 1/2

I have removed the vocal from Ninet Tayeb as I didn't like it, but I've added the new sax and guitar solo to the original version of the song.

Comments Welcome, I'll grab the popcorn

Get out.

I think Don't Hate Me was Porcupine Tree's most Radiohead-ish track probably.

The live version of Don't Hate Me below actually reminds me a lot of this time of year/Halloween because there was this one year probably back in like 2014 maybe where I was listening to a bunch of Steven Wilson and Porcupine Tree songs including this one while sitting in the dark with a lit pumpkin:



This song reminds me more than most and I think it's because I don't listen to it as often. Though I dunno this track does kinda too and I've listened to it a bunch recently and in general but then it's mostly this live version that does:

[Nyctophilia]

I have to visit my dad today I'm not in the right headspace for that but tbf I rarely am.

This is like an archeological dig site but the philosophers are still alive and talking

Someone posted this on tumblr while dissecting memes lol and yeah, but that's how disturbingly fast culture moves now in general. Though at the same time... All the worst parts are pretty slow moving I think.

Unrelated to above..

Along the way we learn, so, so much about the musician and the band. Who knew that Lee greatly admires ,

Who doesn't? (I used an image instead of typing her name because this forum doesn't allow you to use various characters but it doesn't fit inline with the text lol. It kinds of works though her name is transcending the text :') is defying the law of textual gravity.)

That's funny though it's worded like 'this is shocking new information' she's very talented... A lot of newer musicians mention her as an inspiration lol.

I actually haven't listened to most of her music though I just think this is one of the best songs of the past 30 years:



And I'm not picky with music at all so I can enjoy most things but it's like in an entirely different league basically lol.

Oh also I liked this video for obvious circuit board reasons:

I wish I had a little Bjork who would sit on my shoulder and whisper words of encouragement to me.

That's a fictional trope.

I was reading Jung and came across a passage where he claimed sentimental men with somewhat immature anima (that is identification with their inner feminine) often are attracted women with "fairy-like" qualities or idealistic fantasies of such a woman because they can "project anything on to a creature who is so fascinatingly vague and weave fantasies around her."

The MPDG trope seems like a modern incarnation of this same archetype. Pre-Raphaelite painters of the late 19th century were painting otherworldly, ethereal maidens and indie directors of the 00s were creating characters like Natalie Portman?s in Garden State. Not fully human nor fleshed out as an autonomous person, they represent an internal, romantic ideal of redemption in the mind of a certain type of personality...that is typically the melancholic, overthinking, self-conscious, sentimentalist male. They seem a counterbalance of the man?s perceived flaws while maintaining a connection to traits creative types often value (spontaneity, confidence, quirkiness, etc.)

I get it though I always fantasise about archetypes and I always liked male-ish fairies/elves etc. It's gotten slightly better than when I was 16:



(Well at least my gaydar is a bit better now, in fairness he did say he was bisexual and was vague about it back then.) But not really. Reality is kinda boring to me. Also it's gotten slightly worse. Simultaneously. I don't think being self aware is better either really.

Actually I found him more attractive with long hair:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I22RKmSsIkc

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CppK9ZfE-cI

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P0dVFFOgClY

As we fall back into the impossible dream

He was into Peter Pan back then too. So archetypal. He actually has new music now and I still haven't listened to any of it and I've just not found myself very interested. I guess because he's mostly a figure of my past to me now and also I wasn't that into his last album musically or what little I heard of it anyway because I didn't buy that one.

It's not much better now because I find Aurora sort of attractive... (Not very, but the romanticism is still there.) I became mostly disenchanted with IAMX at this point I guess (mostly just because of some stuff I won't go into.) And most guys I find attractive from a distance are going to end up fitting into that somewhat but there are other archetypes I'm drawn to as well obviously. The important thing is to always view people as fetishistic concepts and never find love :')

I find US musicians interesting because they are generally lacking in that from what I've noticed. They actually do have new gods. Perhaps that's why they can create new folklore like aliens (not that aliens are archetypally new though exactly..) I dunno I haven't put much thought into this. Just most musicians who draw on these aesthetics are British or Nordic ime. Sometimes Canadian but not from the US. I bet there are lots of musicians I'm just missing entirely.

It might be because it's a more aggressive and competitive country I'm not sure (I'm not going to say masculine because I'm sometimes trying to ignore that Jordan Peterson is like the mirror world version of myself. But then that was already obvious that's why he looks like Sheogorath and is Jyggalag lol.) Not that that stopped British people historically.

Is that why they have all the weird underground cults? I dunno. I keep thinking about this quote lol:

https://www.vice.com/en/article/8gdw...of-cosplay-529

So Syd walked out. It was August 2002, and the summer sun beating down on the blacktop burned his feet. He'd taken a change of clothes, a pocket knife, a sketchbook, a pencil, and all the money he had left five dollars. "I was homeless a few days," he recalled on the website. "I had the freedom to walk where I wanted and sit down where I wanted. There were no smells. There was no fighting. I wasn't sick on the food I ate. No one was waking me up telling me to go outside and look at fairy rings. I swear to you, I would much rather be homeless than live with people like them ever again. The threat of homelessness does not phase me, because I have seen something much worse."

The fairy rings part and how he left with a sketchbook and a pocket knife really makes it. It's so surreal and horrific at the same time.

"God, the smell in that place," Syd wrote in an account on his website. "It was like a miasma of filth with sparkle sunshine fairy artificial sugar scent sprayed over it. It made me sick."

Both Syd's initial LJ entry and the 2006 website attracted plenty of curious attention, both in the Final Fantasy fandom and on other corners of the internet.

I still don't know how I never heard about this. I was hugely into Final Fantasy VII around 2006-2007~ also used livejournal.

Well partly the cult prevalence in the US is an attempt to build culture and spirituality but it also might just be everything that is repressed. (The UK especially England feels like a very repressed culture too. I think most are but just different things are repressed.)

It's as he said lol 'you're very good at that here' but not just the religious cults imo any cults:



And there's the repressive element in the Final Fantasy House too because of the association of members with Cross Creek programs if that's true. If you picture the kind of upbringing serial killers generally have it seems similar to that but then on a mass institutionalised scale. Of course the influence of genetics factors in too.

In an interview, multiple graduates, parents and staff members from the school described the program as manipulative, abusive and traumatic.

One graduate claimed he was forcibly kidnapped from his home, handcuffed, beaten, and taken across state lines against his will in order to be transported to the program, or in short legally trafficked.

I haven't read the books but things like the film adaptation of Return to Oz are kind of the ultimate American fantasy story in a sense. Because you have something like a psychiatric facility (or perhaps a military school or conversion therapy camp,) and then people escape into a queer-coded or [BEEP] fantasy. I mean there are multiple endings to Return to Oz some that weren't shown and I think in some it's made clear that it's all in her head. And the 'it's all in his/her head' thing recurs often in works like American Psycho, and Inception.

I was introduced to the concept of 'military schools' through The Sims video game (so when I was 10-11 or something I guess, actually I suppose I might have learnt about it earlier by watching Malcolm in the Middle but The Sims 1 vibes were more sinister.) The early games are a lot darker and The Sims 1 is just very dark in a lot of ways. Some of the sound effects sound like they belong in a horror game.

And they removed military schools in The Sims 2 but in The Sims 1 your kids will be taken away if they get bad grades too often and are then deleted from the game. There are no weekends in that game. If your Sim misses two days of work in a row they're fired they have no time off or the ability to take time off. It's very intense.

And this is a reddit comment and it's still very like wtf is happening there? (this is from a subreddit called amithedevil lol where I guess they repost stuff from amitheasshole but where it's really obvious they're the asshole.)

OOP's parents basically allowed his sister to be kidnapped...pardon, made her go to military school and when she said it's was an awful thing to do, OOP said that she deserved it? Well, I cannot imagine why his sister would resent him and her parents. A total mystery. /s

Is this even legal??? Also WHAT exactly are military schools and is this just a US thing? Bc we sure as hell don't have them where I'm from

Kids have literally died in these places. They aren't "military schools," they're camps where sadistic adults get paid to abuse children. Parents who send their children there should be arrested. The people who own and work at those places should be arrested.

It's absolutely wild. I've listened to a bunch of podcasts about the troubled teen industry and its true American insanity. A bunch of sketchy assholes making millions for abusing teens under the guise of "scared straight". Parents too dumb, desperate, or lazy to realize that subjecting your child to powerlessness, betrayal, and a boatload of trauma doesn't actually make their lives better. And, in true American fashion, there are lobbies that keep this nightmare alive and legal even when any rational observer can see how awful they are.

Paris Hilton, of all people, has actively taken on fighting for governmental action about this. She was sent away as a teen and is working with other victims of these schools to expose the industry for what it is. One podcaster I like just did a several part series on his experience with one and how it sparked years of heavy addiction and basically ruined his life. Just horrifying.

Honestly I thought the regular education system in the UK was bad enough. And I do think this is what it sounds like:





A bit.

Comment on the video:

why is every person watching this just completely insane?

lol.

Also from newspaper review of Geddy Lee's book (I find it funny that I'm reading a photo of a newspaper online. Because it is from a newspaper):

he evolved an onstage state of flow where he unironically describes himself as a "human neural net, a musical cyborg"

I want to read more about that.

Also:

*searches Rush on tumblr*







No... No that's not what I was looking for. Actually the polar opposite almost musically and otherwise haha. Apparently those gifs are from a Troye Sivan music video lol. I remember him from- no wait no I don't. I'm thinking of someone else - Trevi Moran:



I don't remember him from anything lol.

They are/were friends? I don't know their life story lol just googled. I think I thought that because they have very similar sounding names though. Also didn't really Trevi came out as trans.

This hashtag is like when you go to see Rush live at the gay bar because of the mixture of posts hahaha. That's great.



Actually the band hashtag isn't much different sometimes anyway.... (Because of all the teenagers that ship the band members and the other stuff. I guess it's more like the lesbian bar with gay shipping though.)

Yes it's always reasonably gay because it's still Tumblr lol.

I just remembered this it's pretty interesting:



I like the lyrics because they're creepy cute lol.

Get a little closer, let fold
Cut open my sternum and pull
My little ribs around you
Through arms, or maybe under, under you

[Otherside]

Bedbug infestation in Paris freaking everyone out here, we're a 2 hour train ride away so it's probably going to come here as well.

Haven't been to Paris in years though and as far as I can tell, no signs on the bedding here. (But just thinking of it, itching already, though no bedbug welts.)

On a side note, must be a good time to be a bed bug exterminator, must be earning a lot right now.

[Nyctophilia]

I haven't watched most of this video and prob don't have the attention span to watch all of it but I was very into Rorschach when I was 20ish.

This reminds me of when people on TikTok say "If trans women aren't taking over spaces due to male socialisation, then why do we never hear from trans men?" And it's hilarious because trans men do speak up, cis people just ignore us because we're not as "outrageous" (and therefore easy to pick on).

And also... At least from my experience even outside of cishet people, a lot of [BEEP] people seem to be ashamed of trans masculinity, and a lot of trans men are ashamed of their own voice as well
So our voice ends up isolated from everyone.

There's not as much community in general I think. There's also the fact that progressive spaces and people can be a bit misandric. The invisibility is a noticeable trend globally though so I don't think that's the primary thing it's just an additional issue in Western cultures.

I think in mainstream society people tend not to see afab people as a threat so will generally focus less on anyone afab when fearmongering but that's more a thing outside [BEEP] spaces. It's less mainstream but there is discourse about trans men who go on testosterone (as I posted recently lol.) There's an entire ongoing debate on parts of twitter about how testosterone turns trans men into weird sex predators or triggers them to shoot up schools etc. This is still part of the idea that genetic females are incapable of harm. "Only testosterone could cause this to happen. It's corrupted the purity of the angelic afab brain." Lol.

I think it links back to cis male fixation on female sexuality. If you are trans male or a butch lesbian, then you are not sexualized in the same way. That's my best guess, that it has something to do with what cis hetero men want to fuck. It's like they think that trans women are out to "fool" cis men into being gay, because there's a penis involved (or so they might think). Maybe if they can be attracted to a trans woman then they are gay and they can't be that. Etc.

I'm a hetero cis male, for reference, but I really don't get the fixation for the large majority of cis men. I'm assuming a large majority based on anecdotal evidence. I don't have data to back that up.

That is certainly a significant part of it as well. Trans women are fetishised a lot more.

Transandrophobia is the most "accepted" term for it (I prefer transmisandry but I understand why some dislike it so I?ve given in and started using transandrophobia) and it?s so insidious in the way its wormed its fingers into the [BEEP] community at large.

This is what I was getting at. And honestly it's kind of pathetic. Just say misandry.

I also don't think it's insidious (it's not subtle,) it's a large part of progressive politics online at least unfortunately.

The guy who coined the term transandrophobia was a massive misogynist and regularly misgendered trans women. Not saying that discrimination against trans men shouldn?t have a word but like. this one isnt it.

Oh my God.

But it goes to show someone will always complain anyway lol.

this is also because conversations around transness used to be waaay more centered on transmasc identies (maybe because of transfeminism's proximinity to lesbianism?) and then peolpe realized transmisogyny was an issue even in [BEEP] spaces and people needing simplicity now we just mostly talk about tw and feel like we've made progress.

I don't think this has been true anywhere besides Tumblr historically and globally honestly (but I'm not on tiktok so can't comment on that site.) Trans masc identities tend to be conflated with lesbianism too and there's a lot of overlap which is part of why. But if that doesn't apply you're kind of alone and just in general people have always focussed more on trans women and trans men generally lived as stealth too and just there aren't many obvious examples you can point to and they get re-written as women who had to live as men because patriarchy etc.

Then I clicked on this video:



I wouldn't trust anything written along the lines of what she's quoting at the beginning of this video because a huge amount of like incel to trans women accounts online like 'transmaxxing' type stuff are just made by this same one psychopath guy who I believe invented the term and has tried building a cult around it. I was actually in a discord server with him many years ago. Well I think he was in multiple discord servers I was in. And also banned from some.

Also what they're describing is a ridiculous, unrealistic fantasy. 'The cuddles were even better than the endless orgasms' 'females experience sex with far more joy than men.' Citation needed never even enjoyed kissing irl...

This is obviously the inverse of what Aella posted but I do think people are more negative online about female to male transitions both because progressives view men as the enemy, most of the right is transphobic, and then there's the segment who just find it funny because they think being a man is the worst thing ever just like radfems in reverse.

I want to focus on this for a moment:

And also... At least from my experience even outside of cishet people, a lot of [BEEP] people seem to be ashamed of trans masculinity, and a lot of trans men are ashamed of their own voice as well
So our voice ends up isolated from everyone.

Then contrast that with the comments on this video (and for some reason there are a bunch of trans guys commenting on this video but also a bunch of cis guys probably because it has incel in the title and I did just get suggested it but I'm non-binary):

this is the best video essay i've watched in a while. I can relate to this all so much, even though i am transmasc not transfem, this is the most relatable thing i've seen in a while, i geniuenly cried )

When I was a kid I was a very wierd girl with short hair who got mistaken for a boy sometimes, and I was very into yaoi for a while, I've always had (and still do have) a very intense jealousy of feminine men. It's interesting to see that someone might want to be a girl for that same reasons I want to be a boy.

^ really like a disproportionate number of the comments lol.

as a trans guy its kind of strange watching someone envy girlhood given how awful mine was, even ignoring the dysphoria, but you explained it very well. amazing video, touched me very deeply.

So you chose to live on Dark Souls level difficulty?

this is such a beautiful beautiful video essay. i'm a trans guy and even though our experiences are in some ways completely opposite, in some ways this video felt so completely familiar. the feeling of being a failed version of your assigned gender at birth but the opposite gender being completely out of touch, and the awful psychosexual misery of being obsessed with a group of people who doesn't feel like yours to observe or touch?and then the unspeakable joy of realizing that like. You Can Be A Part of That. that enough wanting means you can just do it, there's no magical sense of transness, that you can just be that. it hits you like a fucking truck. yeah just... wow this video hit really really hard

as an incel seeing trans men literally stabs me in the heart because you guys are dysphoric and want to transition from tutorial island mode to what's essentially hardcore mode (since most trans men happen to be shorter, etc). but if you were to remain a woman you'd also live life on hardcore mode due to the dysphoria. it's a tough pickle to be in bro.

As a trans man I can say being a woman sucks for a whole lotta reasons

Dude no offense but women can barely go out after 6 PM without fearing for their lives. I lived these experiences and it was absolutely terrifying and the more I started presenting as a guy, the less stares I got, the more people were generally just more respectful and nice to me etc. And I say this as a trans gay guy. Can you blame me for assuming that being a straight cis man is easier?

^ this is delusional from my pov but I see this kind of attitude among many progressive women and news articles.

Edit: I just stumbled on this reddit thread written by a trans woman and is another reason why I think the transmaxxing thing is dumb. They basically talked about how since starting hrt they'd experienced more negative moods and suicidal ideation, how their family disowned them and were really cruel, how it's become impossible for them to find work since transitioning in the same field they'd worked in for 10 years when they previously didn't have issues finding work. How they passed better now but early on didn't and they were groped and harassed a lot by men, had homophobic slurs yelled at them, and had women accuse them of being a perverted man. They also mention being diagnosed with ADHD and autism as an adult but their parents were abusive growing up and also insisted that they were normal and just lazy etc which they believe contribute to their current mental health issues.

I feel like the general stigma of being trans hit me right in my weakest nerve. As a consequence I fell into the deepest and longest depression of my whole life after my transition. I'm on disability income. Occasionally I'll get a job at a supermarkt or something but slip right back into depression and lose the job. I feel suicidal for weeks every time I'm confronted with transphobia. I've been to literally 10 different psychologists, 2 psychiatrists, and made no real progress. I'm hypercritical of myself and feel like a very failed trans woman, even though I put in a lot of effort in order to pass and appear as cis as I can be.

Some other responses too:

Wow you and I have had a very VERY similar experience, like the similarities are scary. I felt like you poured my thoughts out into this post. I didn't pass well early on, I pass a lot better and I find my mental state has been at rock bottom for a long time now. I?ve had some very unpleasant public interactions. I lost my whole life when I transitioned, family and friends, house, job, I'm in a ton of debt now and can't even find a job. I collect disability from my army service and I'll tell you what. No one gives a [BEEP] about me, don't care I'm a veteran and I get treated like [BEEP] by everyone. I won't detransition but this is fucking hell

felt, i am terrified of the world. id rather die than detransition, and thankfully my job lets me sit in front of a screen, but i got an early taste of how awful it can be***.*** I had a really awful coming out experience (i, at 17 years old and relatively androgynous but horrifically muscular and not at all passing, was being told by my partner and my mother that i passed perfectly fine. my partner took me shopping and encouraged me to get a bunch of dresses. dresses in hand i went on a cruise ship with 5,000 people on it and by the third day i was hanging out by the rudder because i was consistently thinking about jumping off.)😁

fast forward to now, i'm 19, the muscle is gone because i spent my spring and summer STARVING it off (not proud of it, i am lucky i didn't accidentally kms), but thankfully people are, at worst, a little confused by me. i hear very often i look ftm, which is a little insulting but i guess not the worst thing to be assumed. but i don't know if i will ever emptionally recover from the nightmare that was coming out and being lied to and huggboxed.

and i still don't wear dresses. i've been pavlov dogged into being scared of them.

Well you should always ask strangers online if you want a more objective opinion. Even then they might lie sometimes but probably less often online than in real life. Plus asking your partner is always a bad idea since they have a huge incentive to lie to you and even if they're not lying they're presumably attracted to you so their thought process would just be like. "Oh I find them attractive, and I like the idea of my partner being a woman. So then that's fine." They're not really answering whether you pass it's just whether they find you attractive. And people are really delusional that way. On that note I wouldn't ask Tumblr lol. "Everyone is my wife because that's hot." It's like that one 4chan post that became a meme 'anything that gets my dick hard is a woman' but without the slur because it's tumblr and not 4chan.

Like I showed this femboy on discord a picture of this guy I found very attractive who was an older androgynous guy because he said it's impossible to be older and an androgynous guy (this is why some people transition later on.) And he just expressed disgust and it made him feel worse and then said he looked like a slur for a trans woman.... He was objectively wrong obviously because all my opinions are the correct ones, but you see how that works.

My brother compared me to a grunge musician multiple times recently (also another time just some rock musician in general,) and I don't trust that either lol. Most recently "You washed your hair right? But you still look like a grunge musician." (because when he brought that up before I was like 'oh yeah I need to wash my hair' then he was like 'lol that's not what I meant but your head just immediately went there') then said: "You look like you'd be the drummer in a grunge band who sits in the interview and doesn't say much." Well at least that last part tracks lol. I think he says these things because I started growing out my hair. The other day he also asked me again about my pronouns because he wanted to check. He also prefaced that conversation by saying "this might make you feel uncomfortable but I just wanted to check." Because I did bring up before how I can't discuss personal stuff including that irl. I think he watched/read some stuff online or something. Lol it's like this:



"It feels like you googled how to talk to your bisexual friends."

And I have way too much internalised transphobia, self hate and complete discomfort with existing for people who try to be nice irl unfortunately. I can only exist comfortably online really.

Also I got compliments from my dad's friend now the last two times I visited. The attention is starting to bug me and I want to cut it again but I also decided to start some weird challenge with myself where I maybe try to grow it down to my waste and then cut it since I've never had it that long just to tick off some weird experience box. I don't know why though. It's making me feel really uncomfortable but everything makes me feel uncomfortable a lot of the time.



Lol.

I'm not always in that headspace but yeah. And it just feels like hugboxing anyway. I also felt uncomfortable and dysphoric when visiting my dad today maybe made worse by certain conversations that came up.

Oh I don't think I posted this before lol yeah related:

If you want to be a woman you shouldn't be on 4chan. That is a website for boys

what's a trans opinion that'll get you like this?

becoming a 4channer for transmasc gender affirming care

wait stop don't be that kind of boy nooo

I'm sorry, it's too late.

On an unrelated note, apparently I'm a "pooner" so that?s fun .

noooo

we lost another one..

Lol. Also I hate that term though. They came up with the worst word imaginable. Technically I'm a 'theyfab' though sometimes. Their definition of that varies.

The funniest thing is this reddit post which makes me dysphoric:

Theyfabs make me second hand dysphoric

Recently I've done some introspection and realized that the reason why femme enby afabs make me SUPER UNCOMFORTABLE is because they make me dysphoric. I get worried that that's how people see me. I'm not a they/them and being called one makes me wanna leave earth. I had a period where I was super enbyphobic at theyfabs because I was scared about being grouped with them. Now that I pass a little better I'm not too worried about it. I mean also learning about all the different levels at which people can be trans helped me get over it. I just wish these people knew that they do make others dysphoric when they insist that we're all "the same". What makes me the most dysphoric is when hyper femme theyfabs go "omg I'm trans like you". Sends me into a really bad headspace tbh.

So ironic and thanks for that. Not that I'm 'hyper femme' by any definition but still.

no cis woman knows what a hon or a passoid is . 4chan lingo is infinitely clockier than any facial feature could ever be

I have a strong feeling shoe knows. Also everyone following contrapoints knows what hon means at least as she's used that word in videos.

4chan is this fascinating chaotic place but then you end up feeling terrible like eating fast food or something. Yes that's it 4chan is like ordering some fast food while you're hungry and then you eat too much and regret it while staring into a black hole at the end of the universe. If your life is [BEEP] enough that you need to do this dissociative kind of thing (and it might well be,) and you can't live I'd just suggest listening to metal and prog music instead. Or do that as well as anything else you're doing. This is just the song I ended up listening to while writing post lol:



Listening to Rush cured most of my generalised anxiety. Lol no I think it's a coincidence and I only had like this period of just over a year where it was a lot worse, but still. I also switched to using headphones again.

I visited my dad and so I'm still trying to get back to homeostasis. Occasionally when I visit I'll feel better like in July. But sometimes it's a lot worse emotionally. Reminds me of when I was seeing a therapist where sometimes I'd feel like [BEEP] and other times I'd feel really upbeat that was a more extreme version though. I hate the weird existential dread feeling I get (I honestly don't know how to describe the feeling so I just default to that. I guess it's a bit like everything takes on the quality of a horror film.) It's worse when certain topics come up related to death and health related topics but yeah. But it's not like any discussion triggers these emotional reactions either. You know I really love their music (at times like this because Jay is very good at describing things like this):



Everyone I love is gonna die
And I will die as well
I think about this before I sleep
And have since I was a child

In my life, will I make a difference?
In my death, will I be missed?
Will I be granted some sort of an afterlife
Or will I just cease to exist?

This fear makes me feel so naive
I wish that I could just accept
But I'm chilled by the redundancy of
Thoughts collected, but not kept

Maybe I'm still a stupid little boy
Too weak to understand what will come
I want to find peace of mind
Maybe no mind is the answer to that conundrum

Oh, I want to be a baby again
Oh, I want pure thoughts in my head
Oh, I want to be a baby again
Oh, I want pure thoughts in my head
Oh, I want to be a baby again

Oh, I want to forget
Oh, I want to be a baby again
Oh, I want pure thoughts in my head
Oh, I want to be a baby again
Oh, I want to forget

Everyone I love is gonna die
And I will die as well
I think about this before I sleep
And have since I was a child

Something like that.

That live video was about to go into another song I really like that's probably the best Millenial lyrics so far? (Well it's more that it's a song about something that nobody else has written a song about because it's about contemporary sexual dynamics.) Oh I found one that includes it:



This is an interesting live performance too with the increased tempo:

[Otherside]

Bunch of idiots on the tube today. Is there some sort of major event on today? Or is everyone just heading into London to spend ?7 on chocolate covered strawberrys? Anyways -

- Stand on the right. Stand on the right. Stand on the right. You see how every other person is on the bloody right? So why the hell are you special who gets to Stand on the left. But hey, despite the fact its well signed we're going to Stand on the left and wonder why people are telling us off for standing on the left.

- If you are using Apple pay/Google pay to pay your tube fare, ffs. You don't need the fingerprint it, just touch the damn phone on the yellow thing. Or better yet, use the actual card.

- Let people off before you try and get on, it goes much quicker that way, you're still going to get on.

- Stand on the right, there is literal signs in English saying Stand on the right. And yes Barbara, I know you speak English, you sound like you're from Birmingam, you can read the big yellow sign just fine.

- There is exceptions to this rule, but you don't have a guide dog, so you're not special.

- Why would you eat a curry pasty on the tube? It stinks.

[Nyctophilia]

I was googling something earlier because I was thinking about how I'll probably be single until I die (lol fun,) and that bothers me about 5% of the time. I found this thread and the comments are really predictable but irritating. The thread is probably 80% relatable (and it's several years old. When they posted it I think we were weirdly the same age too. Well still are I guess lol unless they're dead now,) but I've never tried piv because I didn't want to, only had a very limited sex life, and I've fantasied about sex with women I just don't generally get crushes on them and haven't tried dating any. I don't get tons of attention from men either lol especially now I live as a hermit but it was always low end of average I think. I'd also say I'm only mildly feminine especially now. Never wore makeup, don't really wear feminine clothes these days ever, hair is usually long though (longer than usual at the moment.) Also small + slim.

Problem is, all I want, all I crave for, all I always daydream about is to be the part who penetrate. It's not because I want to dominate -- I have sweet, caring, romantic fantasies as much as rougher and wilder. [...] I hate the fact that my mind and my sexuality are stuck on this role, but it's always been like that, since I was 6 and I was fond of my Snoopie and I dreamt to date "him" and be "his man" (heh).

I had a decent number of partners, had lots of sex, tried my best to enjoy PIV, always felt like shit. It's not painful, but I gain no pleasure, just a strong sense of dissatisfaction because that it's not what I need sexually and I hate every moment of it. In the long run, I start to develop angry feelings, since my partners never return the favor.

If it was me, pegging would be the center of my sexual activity with an ideal partner. I would give in reversing the roles, sometimes, because it's fair, but the idea of being on the receiving end is not arousing for me (maybe I'd learn to get aroused by it, in this kind of relationship, who knows?).

I don't think I'll ever find such a person. Assuming that there actually are men who like women and like to be pegged 90% of the times, sexual compatibility is not everything. Among this extra tiny pool, I should find someone who I like as a person... and who likes me back! Sounds almost impossible.

I want to add that I'm not lesbian. I've tried with women and... eww. Worst experiences in my life. Speaking of my look, I'm rather feminine, I'm small and thin, I have super extra long hair and usually I receive tons of attention from men. I don't look like a butch, but I'm male in my head, even if I prefer to stay as I am and not transition.

I've also considered before if I might be more into piv if I knew it was going to be less often or if I was bottoming with a woman esp with a strapon. Like "do I just hate the expectation/gender role?" (And I don't have dysphoria about that exactly.) It's not something I fantasise about or feel strong motivation to pursue though really so I dunno, but I assume it would be better with a woman because I'm into role reversal as a separate thing.

And I also have a couple of other issues with the act too that have nothing to do with enjoyment. Just health anxiety related stuff + pregnancy risk. I don't want to have to go on birth control. I really dislike the idea of being on hormonal birth control and the other options can be potentially painful or cause other complications. Or just reduce the general enjoyment of sex for everyone anyway... Just such a pain. And literally (I'd heard many anecdotes but didn't realise just how common this was statistically):

During the first 24 hours after insertion, nearly 60% of people who have not given birth may experience moderate to severe pain, according to one study. Around 30% reported moderate to severe pain up to 3 days later. One week after insertion, about 20% continued to have moderate to severe pain.

You can see how, having little interest in the act anyway, this is unacceptable lol. Nah I'll think I'll pass on the potentially excruciating and even 'worst pain I've ever felt.'

Anyway the comments:

Judging by this sub there are plenty of men who like pegging either occasionally or basically every time. However aside from that it's worth pointing out that you being penetrated does not equate to:

but the idea of being on the receiving end

You can very much be the one in charge and doing the fucking without actually penetrating. It's ultimately much more of an attitude than a specific act.

God I hate it when people say things like this they completely miss the point...

I thought it was clear. I don't (only) want to be in charge. It's not an attitude. I'd be equally enthusiastic if he pinned me down and rode me or if he acted all bossy ordering me what to do and how he want it.

Maybe I used a wrong expression (I'm not a native English speaker, as you can tell). "Being in the receiving end" seemed to me a plain, neutral way to describe the partner who's penetrated, without any implied submissiveness.

Exactly and imo it was clear. They clarified this in the post. The person quoting didn't even quote something that made sense lol. They just said it's not arousing. People always equate sex acts with dominance/submission.

I agree with [x - not OP] You don't need to be or feel submissive just because you are being penetrated. I, as a man, have had plenty of experiences where the girl was 'doing the driving' and I was along for the ride, without having to switch roles.

OK but that's the opposite of what anyone is talking about and nobody cares about that because it's the norm.

OP also said this in a comment but that might have been posted after the other stuff so other people didn't necessarily read this first:

It may be like that. Every case is different. For me, it's a gender related issue, since I hate to have a [BEEP] and I need to pretend my clit is a penis in order to get off.

I don't really care about having a [BEEP] it's just the one time I looked at in a mirror that really freaked me out (kind of phobic reaction lol.) I have this somewhat with my chest too but I'm better at like suppressing that or dissociating so I almost forget it's there because I have to deal with that more often and just don't spend much time looking at in the mirror again (because that's worse.) The [BEEP] thing is easy to deal with though because it's just a visual thing and I can just not look at it lol. And it's just mine I guess that creates that reaction? So weird lol. Like 'oh god what is it doing there?' That's why that transgender brain study made a lot of sense to me with how the area of the brain tied to body ownership and identity was like atypical for their sex, but I haven't had a brain scan of my own brain so might be a coincidence and maybe I wouldn't even have the same reaction a second time who knows.

From some other thread:

I've never done it, but I would LOVE to try it one day. My current boyfriend is vehemently opposed

I will tell you why. This is the most emasculating thing a man can do. Not that all straight men have a problem with that. But for most men, the women they date love them for being men, and there are a lot of women that will end relationships when they see their man, who they thought was a man, be weak, or emasculated.

And from a guy's perspective, you may say you want to try it, (Or even if the man may already know he enjoys it), they still have the fear that their SO doesn't really want to see them like that. Do you really want to see your SO be weak and submissive? I'd have my doubts.

Edit* I also think women who end relationships, whether consciously or subconsciously, when they see their man in a weak moment are the worst type of humans. AND THERE ARE A LOT OF THEM.

That's another reason why I'm not into the idea of dating a 'masculine' guy. I don't really care about masculinity/femininity in everyday life as long as they're my physical type (cause there's a massive range of personality traits etc I find attractive,) but I find all the rules tedious.

Also it doesn't really seem feminine to me if it's with a masculine guy. Depends on how they're acting really. Feminine guys are hot anyway though so doesn't really matter (but very feminine guys are usually exclusively into men ime.) I do think it's dumb to break up with someone for something that was your own idea though... And I wonder how often this scenario has actually happened. Like if I search now it's just things like this:

i posted on this subreddit yesterday about asking my girlfriend to peg me (thank you everyone for your help, it really did actually help), but after reading through everything and bringing it up the best way i thought i could, she still thought i was weird and stuff and now shes not talking to me and it doesnt look like its going to get any better. I dont want to be in a relationship where i feel judged and unable to express myself and she doesnt want to be anything but a sub :/

So it wasn't her idea. (Also again conflating the two things together in this post as well.)

Why was I no longer attracted to my boyfriend after he asked me to wear a strap-on to please him sexually? We had a great relationship until I discovered he wanted to act out this fantasy.

^ Wasn't her idea.

Pegging in monkeys is used to cement social hierarchy.

Uh... Do monkeys even do that? And how? I mean non-Human apes do use tools occasionally for other purposes.

By pegging him, you became the alpha animal and he became the beta animal.

Please stfu.

Since you don't see him as a good father for your children, you should either let him dominate you to change your perceptions of him and question the evolutionary instincts and make the brain the ruler of your feelings or since many people are quite emotional, break up and find someone who you perceive as dominant

This doesn't even make sense from an evo-psych perspective. When women look for dominant and aggressive traits they're looking for genetic fitness or protection, when they're looking for traits that would 'make a good father' they look for 'cute stuff' that shows they're more patient or nurturing eg: guys who take photos with puppies (probably the most popular example,) guys who cook, guys who are teachers etc.

Found something from an advice column that was about a woman in a relationship where he always wanted to go pegging instead of other stuff, and she was OK with it sometimes but didn't like the amount. Also didn't want to break up with him because they'd been together a long time, but was sexually frustrated basically.

Then I found this which is on some website with an anime graphic and I point this out because I believe it's relevant:

I wanna say this in short and advice for all guys who might want to be pegged or anything like that. A word of advice, dont try it fellas. Can it be fun? Yes. Do you enjoy it, yes personally did. Does it feel intense, good and all those wonderful descriptions? Yes. But, you lose whats important in the relationship, your woman loses respect for you and will never see you the same after it.

Dont let anyone tell you any different, it will certainly change how she sees you, and it will emasculate you. Ok, some will say, well maybe you did something wrong or hurt her feelings or didnt do enough. Well I do believe I have done more than what most guys would, I bought her everything she wanted, I satisfied all her sexual kinky fantasies. Heck for my birthday, I thought she would have a good surprise for me that would make me happy, what did she do? She bought a bigger [BEEP] which she pegged me with because she had a fantasy to peg me on my birthday, and I took it for her.

We had been together for more than 3 years and wanted to get married, she just suddenly decided to end the relationship and leave me, when I talked to her about it. She said in a polite and indirect way, she wanted to be married to a real man, despite it was her that wanted to try pegging me for so long. So in short, bros keep your self respect and your girls respect for you and dont try it, not worth it.

S̶t̶r̶a̶i̶g̶h̶t̶ ̶p̶e̶o̶p̶l̶e̶ ̶a̶r̶e̶ ̶c̶a̶n̶c̶e̶l̶l̶e̶d̶.̶

It reads like one of those purposefully fake designed sex/relationship 'horror' stories tbh with all the details, but maybe it's true and she's the worst person ever and on his birthday as well.

Because of the way sex acts are viewed socially you get guys like Sneako who agree to being cucked because they think it will make them seem more manly even though they're not into it (like 'I did x and that just proves how manly I am for withstanding this,' everything is based on how many manly points they win/lose,) but then they hate the experience. Deeply unpleasant to listen to:



"I hated this and found it traumatic, so everyone should try this."

Also explains a lot about him and what he does online in general:



"Seatbelts make you look gay." It's next level.

Obviously most people view cuck stuff as emasculating though so avoid it for that reason too but there's a group who argue the opposite now too and also do the same with pegging.

But also works in reverse where women decide pegging is cool because of the social image, but then hate their partner being 'emasculated'

I don't think I'd want to bring it up if I was in a relationship with a guy though. That's not going to go well most of the time. That's why I think it's best to somehow get that info before you start dating... But that's not easy. I don't want to meet everyone I date through fetlife or something. I haven't tried using that site but it doesn't seem like a site that's necessarily focussed on relationships.

Also, I might not be into it in real life. Not because it's 'emasculating' (I find that hot anyway...) But because it might be more appealing in fantasy than reality actually doing that myself and also since it's sort of a compromise thing anyway because I don't have a dick. I don't like the idea of piv though, so it would never be something I want to do regularly, which presents issues as well when dating men regardless.

I also think it's kind of stupid that our culture seems to also view receiving an object in the body for the purpose of pleasure as being inherently submissive, weak, and feminizing. If it gets your rocks off to look at it that way, sure. But I've experienced this, many times, and not once have I felt that the act itself was forcing me into a submissive role.

I'm a switch at least in fantasy but I like dominant bottoms. It's hard to find stuff like that though fictionwise etc but very hot. Like something I was listening to recently. He was annoyed that his roommate had started some kind of casual sex relationship with this guy and was like "You were planning on using this on [guy you've been dating] the guy who said he was really masculine and then freaked out when he stepped on some lego? [...] I bet he can't take it as good as I can." Etc. His voice was cute/sort of higher pitched though (and there were other aspects of it that were more feminine like him talking about the listener getting him pregnant which is really rare to find but hot.) He was also jealous of the other guy and I really like jealousy/possessiveness in a fictional context (I dunno about real life, might be annoying,) and that's mostly unrelated to a lot of the stuff I'm into.

I've listened to stuff with masculine guys who end up being bottoms - one audio in particular and it changes the whole dynamic (which is what I was saying before.) That character was masculine and submissive though like the point was he was being seduced by a succubus (fantasy themed, he was a paladin and not allowed to have casual sex or swear etc,) and trying to avoid giving in (this was less appealing actually because the pegging part which wasn't conventional pegging was only a small part of it, and even then not focussed on much just something happening in the background. It also included piv etc but I clicked on it because it had that tag... I still liked that he was submissive though and the mindcontrol + corruption themes.)

There are several different things like the degree of femininity/masculinity, the degree of submission/dominance, the degree of sadism/masochism, the sex act itself. They can overlap, but they're all separate. But I guess many people don't separate them in their mind.

I don't think I'd like the specific combination of masculine + dominant but feminine + dominant or at least less masculine + dominant can be hot. I like sapphic stuff with dominant women or submissive women, and I also kind of like fictional stuff with awkward geeky guys who are dominant as well - maybe they start off submissive. It's because I like role reversal. But some of that is more voyeuristic. Really cliche/trope-y stuff. I also kind of like the reverse where the character is arrogant or something so "has to be punished." Or they're just really focussed on work and oblivious and someone is trying to distract them and they're kind of reluctant initially.

I don't just find anything with arrogant guys appealing though (arrogance is not in short supply online these days haha,) has to be particular cliche archetypes that I think are associated with intelligence and physical weakness. Like 'geeks' or elves etc. And it's a weird thing because obviously I'm into guys who look slimmer and that's an aesthetic preference (even if they were insanely strong somehow I'd still prefer that body type,) but tbh I also find physical weakness hot sometimes for some reason. Like guys getting chucked around and losing fights. Also probably getting scared as well. This became really obvious to me while watching Loki continuously lose fights in MCU films lol. It's not that I'm enjoying their pain either in that case it's just the fact that they're weak. (Actually Loki is pretty strong I think compared to most Humans but never uses his strength and is weaker than most other superheros lol. So relatively speaking I suppose.) I'm sure the fact that he's arrogant in general also adds something.

It is not so popular now this aesthetic in Western media. Like some guy who is slim with long hair and also elves in general. Sucks. (Or I just need to watch more TV shows + films, or get a brain transplant. I dunno.)

But for me even with various power dynamics (which can be appealing as a separate thing,) it's not going to work as well if it doesn't have certain sex acts I think. I try to avoid looking up stuff with male tops these days (never used to,) to avoid feeling bad and because it can't map onto real life well since I lack certain body parts (but yeah it's a pain because it does turn me on more.) There are exceptions though.

I'm definitely into stuff that would make most guys uncomfortable too though. One thing I stumbled on is a concept I find particularly hot and it's very political because it involves like a soldier who was supposed to die being turned into a sex slave for the opposite side by this woman (who is part of the opposite side.) I find I listen to lots of stuff but go back to this a lot atm because it works particularly well. And there are references to propaganda etc "this didn't work on anyone else because you actually wanted this, the other guys believed the other sides pro masculine propaganda too much." and also like "It would have been such a waste, you're much better like this. Now you have a purpose!" Etc. There's also references to the guy not being a real man compared to the other soldiers on his side but tbh that does nothing for me because that's not quite what I find arousing about emasculation. It's some weird combination of "femininity is superior but also you don't want it and you're being corrupted."

As I said it's all very clearly inspired by or influencing current political discourse. I've noticed several other topics that are political discourse now online that are inspired by porn genres or vice versa, but not porn genres I'm personally into (like the obvious envy of black men and their dicks.) I also just like the playful aspect of it like it's fun in a non sexual evil way as well and that's why I'm drawn to political discourse like this too I think. Like larping. I'm not getting involved with it on social media if I can help it because people are taking it very seriously and are really threatened by it, and it's not ethical to help destroy society for your own sadistic/power game. But many people transparently are lol.

So I'm not physically attracted to Curtis Yarvin (although points for having long hair or he did dunno if he still does,) but he does this weird double agent thing politically and a few years ago I saw a lot of people insulting him online when he talked to Tucker Carlson by claiming he was unmasculine "sounded like a cheerleader" etc "his blog is pink!" Then comments like "When he flips his hair <3" from some 4chan type accounts. Also he's a computer programmer. So when I was watching him in this Tucker Carlson interview I sort of imagined a universe where he was - firstly a bit more feminine than he is - and also was tricking conservatives (tbh a lot of his comments about conservatives are pretty insulting and I don't really know why anyone would take advice from him when he's so openly machiavellian and seems to think liberals are some kind of elite that should rule over conservatives and have just gone 'a bit off the rails' lately. Like wtf was that hobbits vs elves vs dark elves post after they overturned Roe vs Wade lol?) So when I found out he was briefly engaged to a progressive (politically,) 'bdsm writer' I was not particularly surprised, though the precise dynamics of their relationship are unknown (though she did later post about that a bit, and their relationship sounded.. messy at least prob unhealthy,) and they broke up.

But (going back to that audio thing with the soldier,) I think that a lot of the stuff happening in that audio is a lot of guy's greatest fear essentially. It's sadistic but the appeal to me is kind of twofold because it's sadistic but also kind of saving him at the same time (though again probably a fate worse than death haha,) which is more emotionally appealing. But it again lacks certain sex acts (though there are descriptions of them with other people in it.) That is probably the easiest way for me ... without certain sex acts (and maybe even with them.) If it has really strong corruption themes. Doesn't have to be gender related, though that's my favourite these days. I've always liked corruption themes (religious ones are good too.)

Also just stuff being taboo I think. So like with a scenario like a geeky guy having sex with some popular girl/cheerleader etc (as I say very cliche,) there are several appealing things one is just that they're complete opposites (and I like that in general like foeyay fanfiction and enemies hooking up.) Another thing is I just have a fetish for glasses and intelligence lol it just fits the whole fetish thing.....

But another potential dynamic is "They're not supposed to be doing that." and it's also revenge against stereotypical masculine men with bad attitudes in a sense. And then you can include corruption themes too. Like she's into conventionally attractive guys, but then he 'tricks' her (maybe mindcontrol,) and maybe all the girls like that and then some conventionally attractive guy just being like "noooo" about it hahaha. Because (in this scenario at least) they're so cocky. Or maybe cucking someone who bullies him. I really like the idea of like any masculine guy who is also an asshole being cucked by their girlfriends either by a woman or some guy who they think is beneath them (even non sexually because they annoy me lol.) That's just a voyeuristic thing for me though mostly. I wouldn't want to do that irl from any of the roles involved.

Actually I lied I do sometimes imagine cucking some imaginary masculine guy usually they have some androgynous male partner and I steal them from them as a kind of feminine supremacy thing. That's a slightly different scenario though. I also don't use that one to [redacted] it's just fun.

Anyway I don't have the energy for modern dating or relationships or anything. Just going round and round in circles with my posts.



But also you can't get good quality therapy anyway and constantly searching for the ideal therapist is something I cba to do in the same way I cba to constantly search for a compatible partner. (The irony yes.) The concept of online dating has always been unappealing to me too where it's a complete stranger and you have to form all your opinions off a photo + if you're lucky some kind of really brief bio. It's sort of like this sometimes but this doesn't 100% apply:

The first few months I was on hormones I actually wondered if I was now asexual, because the libido I had known before was just gone. But I'm very much not asexual; it just took me a while to adjust to an en-do-cri-no-lo-gi-cal-ly female sex drive.

One of the differences for me is that it's not as obvious now whomst I'm attracted to. Just looking at an attractive person, well? Let's put it this way, it sparks my interest, but it doesn't light my fire. It's not the instant inferno that is testosterone-fueled lust. Instead, it's a slow burn that has to be built up.

Some people call this ?demisexual,? which is a term I'm ambivalent about, but I think the concept it describes applies to me. Like, I form little crushes on people based on watching their YouTube videos or whatever, but I don't feel intense sexual attraction to anyone until I get close to them as a friend.

So I have a hard time getting too excited about casual dating, you know? Can't I just find a new best friend, fall insanely in love with her, and then get gay married? I know that's not how this works. I have to play the field.

I can and have formed attraction based just on physical appearance (very strong/delusional limerence even,) but then it creates issues later when you actually try and talk to that person. Talking to them helps I found because then you're not just thinking of them as an ideal but then you also realise things don't necessarily work connection wise.

To illustrate how useless I am. The last time I almost met up with a guy I was attracted to I'd previously told him in a very awkward way that I was attracted to him and had a crush on him (this was someone from the internet.) Then over a year later (I think?) I asked to add him on skype (we hadn't talked much before then most of my attraction was based on appearance.) Then we talked for a while mostly using text but also voice call for a while but throughout this time I felt like he was kind of a bit closed off. We both had social anxiety though and he also mentioned that others he'd talked to had mentioned finding him distant or something like that and that if I thought that it wasn't a personal thing or something.

Anyway after a while he said that whenever he went online and saw I was online he felt kind of happy and then said that at some point he wouldn't mind meeting in person but that he didn't want to put pressure on me. Then I said (which probably wasn't the best way of wording it) 'oh wow that's unexpected but sure, I'd like that' then he said 'don't worry I'm probably going to put it off myself for a bit because I want things to be a bit more stable in my life before I do this sort of thing' and I agreed with that and said my life was also messy. I don't know if he was interested in anything romantic at all or just wanted to hang out and make friends but either way we didn't end up meeting up in the end (I didn't feel that my life was in a sufficiently good place either,) and eventually stopped talking. Also I came out as non-binary online months after this (not to him it didn't come up, but he prob noticed because of websites we used.) So that was in December 2015 I think and we stopped talking on skype completely in December 2018.

Probably some time in 2016 I also became attracted to someone else where any chance of a relationship was even more impossible #justschizoid/avpdthings and I told her multiple times I was attracted to her in a really awkward way (because again why do I even exist?) I realised I did this multiple times over the years too... But part of it was because she expressed that nobody could be attracted to her often so I think that's why I told her (all of the times probably? I never thought anything would happen.) To be fair I know she meant irl and physically and I was just attracted to her based on personality/conversations we had etc (so opposite of previous person, and also not validating for her.)

At least this is probably the last time that's going to happen unless something changes again. I would also need to become more successful at life before trying to date too.

This has nothing to do with this post I just saw this:



LOL.

this feels like daniel bought a roman emperor outfit and wanted to write it off as a business expense

omg.

[Nyctophilia]

Then I clicked on this video:



I wouldn't trust anything written along the lines of what she's quoting at the beginning of this video because a huge amount of like incel to trans women accounts online like 'transmaxxing' type stuff are just made by this same one psychopath guy who I believe invented the term and has tried building a cult around it. I was actually in a discord server with him many years ago. Well I think he was in multiple discord servers I was in. And also banned from some.

I started watching more of this video (still not watching all of it) and there's part where she talks about this kid that was bullying her and beating her up leading to her becoming very agreeable and then he tried to control who she hung out with by threatening to kill her so she stopped talking to her other friends, and when he insulted her she'd just agree with him and laugh.

My experience with the psychopathic girl I hung out with was a little different because I'd never be that affirmative when I was insulted by her etc, and internally I hated her. There were periods where I'd really focus on the anger so I'd feel less weak - and I did feel weak and on at least on occasion some boy basically suggested I was weak because of that dynamic when some other girl tried to drag me into an argument she was having with him - and just think "eventually I can get away when I leave school" (so at least I knew there would be an end.) I listened to a lot of rock music which helped me cope a lot (fuck knows what I'd do now that that genre is basically dead...)



RIP.

Actually that's a great example of something more angsty but I also really liked stuff like Green Day for a while which was like happier and aggressive (the actual sound of most of the music was like that I think,) and I think that was probably the most important genre/music for me for a while:



Similar kind of thing:





I was listening to a lot of it years after it came out cause a lot of it was 90s music and then it was the early 2000s but music channels would have like certain days/hours where they'd play rock music and things like that as well.

But I also wouldn't react much or defend myself most of the time, and obviously the stuff she said/did distorted my self image over time. She was rarely violent (you know as is typical for girls, though there were a few occasions, and she once started hitting this boy who annoyed her as well when we were probably 13/14 or so but he mostly found it amusing and she was kind of pathetic when she hit me as well,) she wasn't really using threats but she was pretty manipulative, and she'd also try to control who I hung out with and what I did.

Like (talked about all this before) but when I briefly went to netball club she told me it was ridiculous that I was playing that because I'm short, and that the other girls were laughing about it behind my back. She tried to convince me for years that my mum didn't love me and that I was in some kind of incestuous relationship with my mum. She generally really hated my mum. She was less aggressive about this friendship I developed mostly outside school with another girl but she subtly tried to [BEEP] with that too. She tried to control what subjects I studied for GCSE though I basically rejected her on most of them except one. Thankfully after 16 when I went to sixth I was able to avoid her a bit more since we had no classes together and, especially by the second year of sixth form. She tried to get back in contact with me I think in 2013 over email, and I got really panicky and just ignored her. Thankfully she hasn't tried again.

Anyway though I talked about all this before but this is why I hate the school system! The least assertive kids always end up hanging out with the antisocial ones (who are often also rejected by more assertive kids,) and this is enforced by law. Nobody helped me (some people tried in my case which is important because she tried to gaslight me so that helps me know that she was abusing me, and if they hadn't I'd probably be even more fucked up, but even then it didn't work,) nobody helps most of these kids and they keep perpetuating this system!!!

Obviously as long as this system is around then I'd like it to be improved like LGBT+ education and more attention to mental health issues etc. Things however seem to be getting worse in that regard not better. And transphobes are like 'I will drag my children out of school!' Do it lol. The school system is a nightmare anyway. Most kids shouldn't really be there. And if you're very bigoted maybe you're an asshole and your kids will be too. The problem is that some families are abusive too! So some kids will be fucked either way.

It cracks me up though "We're going to homeschool our kids bla bla bla about the education system." [BEEP] I don't want your kids at school. If we can find some successful alternative to school (see: prison for kids) it will be the best thing Western and even global culture has done for the last 100+ years.

Also [BEEP] those police officers for not taking the fact she was raped seriously because "it doesn't sound like she fought them off."

Also that conversation with the girl where she got mad at her for not saying much and sounding like a robot. I mentioned this in another post recently but I had almost the same experience once where a girl got annoyed with me but it was less that she didn't know me (and we were never that close,) and more that I wasn't entertaining her with conversation.

Quote from that mangaka she's talking about during the first half of the video:

After all, no matter how much you look like a girl... If you've got the mindset of a man, then you're not a girl. In order words I'm not talking about lust here.

Even if a man becomes a woman, when he sees his new female body. He'll still perceive it through the eyes of male lust, and would then get further and further from being a woman.

That's not what I'd want. I want... To turn into a woman in both body and mind. I want to be born as a girl... Be brought up as a girl... Live my life as a girl... And just be a genuine girl.

Perhaps you should start by realising this is a false dichotomy and there isn't a single male/female mind.

For starters you might not find yourself a particularly strong object of lust, especially with the reduced sex drive from hrt. So that's not guaranteed.

Even if you do there are cis women who are autosexual and talk about that online. I once stumbled on a cis woman on reddit who could only get off by masturbating to her own [BEEP] while looking in the mirror (like the complete opposite of me lol,) and there are others in news articles I've read about who were attracted to themselves.

I'm pretty much bigender and have a female body and I'm not attracted to myself but I've had sex dreams where I was the sexual object (as a woman,) I think the focus was mostly on clothing etc but it was largely stuff I might find arousing if someone else does it/wears it etc in waking life. There were other recurring elements of those dreams that seemed to be symbolic for something else as well like constantly being interrupted before I could find the perfect outfit (well I am incredibly picky I suppose.) I think in the same way I enjoy kissing a lot in some dreams but didn't that much in real life there's lots of stuff people have the capacity for, that's not necessarily 'switched on' all the time.

There are people who have had strokes or some kind of injury where their personality changed later and/or their sexuality. I know one of these guys people said 'he was just repressed before, he was gay all along' but that wasn't his perception and I believe him.

The underlying debate was clear: had a near-death experience provoked a closeted Chris to re-assess his identity while simultaneously being ashamed about his sexuality's true provenance? Or could a roly-poly really instigate a sexuality change? Though Chris now admits: "I know [after a stroke] you're reminded of your mortality and think you have to live every day differently, or as if it was the last. All I can say is that I am the proof [of stroke changing sexual orientation], and I'm not the only one."

He cites another gay man who became straight following a stroke, and pushes against accusations of lies by explaining: "Obviously there are portions of my life I can't remember, but I can remember very vividly being very happy and content with being with girls on every level: relationships, sensual, everything. I distinctly remember that, but now I look at those feelings as if they're distant and they don't belong to me."

"They were saying, 'You don't have to be gay. Look, this man wasn't gay before and now he's gay, therefore it's not from birth and we can correct it,'" he says. "They said I was a liar and gay all along, too. I was absolutely heartbroken. If there was a way of pressing 'delete' on the internet I would have done. Fake Twitter and Facebook accounts were set up in my name and they would go at odds with what I was saying and pick out every small detail. It was awful. I wish I hadn't said anything."

Professional writers joined in with critiques. In Gawker, Rich Juzwiak wrote: "Birch's story seems counterproductive to the equality cause." Keith Watson for The Metro posited: "The odd thing is, if he was really as happy with the 'new' Birch as he claimed ? and he did look it, sweet boyfriend and all ? then why was he so bothered about proving it was the coma [sic] that turned him?" And staff at Anorak wondered: "Might it be that inside every 19 stone rugby player is a homosexual hairdresser waiting to get out..?"

Because it's part of his life history + for scientific reasons? Duh.

So yeah your psychological traits can be more/less common for people with certain body types, but it doesn't really make sense to think of people with certain body types as being aliens who have some kind of 'mind' and so on.

As a man, I can only see the world as a man. There's just no way I can see the world as a woman. So, it's my wish to venture into that half of the world I can't reach.

This is such a black/white viewpoint. Like you're experiencing dysphoria because you didn't have the life + body etc that you want but that's not because there are two categories in the way you're using them. There's so much variation and the categories that we do have don't make sense because we don't judge people based on their chromosomes anyway in a social sense. And there are many cis people who feel similarly because they don't have x, y, z trait that are gender typical or ideal. Some cis people are infertile, some get misgendered constantly etc.

Haha this is a 'trans opinion that will get me like this':



This is a cis guy not on hrt:



If he doesn't talk and goes out like this people (and isn't recognised lol,) people will just assume he's a 'woman' and treat him based on those stereotypes and not just a woman but also a gender conforming heterosexual woman. But he's not seeing the world as a woman because (afaik) he's a guy (and also attracted to women,) so he's seeing the world through the eyes of a guy, attracted to women, who 'looks like a heterosexual woman' (more so when wearing makeup.)

There are different social stereotypes based on sexuality or perceived sexuality, but also tons of other stuff but I've only gone into two things. But I don't think the social experiences of people perceived as being homosexual by others are the same in ways that aren't necessarily even obvious. Like I didn't really think until I was well into my 20s that I experienced homophobic harassment in school. She was also kind of racist and I remember girls complaining about her because of that but that didn't even register to me at the time. Like 'sure a lot of these random insults/insinuations sure do seem to involve lesbianism/gynephilia. But I'm not a lesbian. Oh well.' Lol. 'Oh you're going to sexually harass me to prove I'm a lesbian now?' It was all just an ongoing terribly unpleasant experience in general so.

And you know people often treat/talk to me as though I'm younger than I am because of my anxiety and physically neotenous appearance, get asked if I'm autistic, the perception I might be dangerous, "why do you act like a man," (had long hair dyed unnatural colours before that was a trans stereotype, women's clothes but not feminine but that's common, ???) and so on.

Why did a woman on the train start touching my arm and was rambling to me about how men were assholes started talking about male killers and then said she was going to get her daughter to attack me? OK she was drunk so that explains 70% of that interaction but wtf? So many weird interactions. Probably why I identify as an alien lol.

His (guy in the last video I posted,) girlfriend is a trans woman and someone posted this comment from her instagram account on reddit lol:

Always appreciate afab cis women pretending to narrate from the perspective of a transitioner. You seem to know a lot about this, are you a doctor.

On the internet everyone is trans and Jewish except for trans people who are Jewish and cis. And me I haven't been Jewish yet, but I was Asian temporarily lol (according to some troll.) Lol someone also asked me if I was Welsh once based on accent (I assume,) on YouTube and I don't sound Welsh at all. I am 1/8th Welsh though ethnically (at least 1/8th,) The weirdest assumption though was when someone said something like 'I have a strong feeling you're pregnant.' Um what? And definitely not. Oh and they hadn't seen me so it wasn't based on appearance lol.

The 'Cis' part makes afab rather redundant here lol.

[Nyctophilia]

My YouTube suggestions have been getting really weird recently. Since I clicked on a few music videos I was suggested with insanely low view counts I'm now getting suggested more and more videos which at the time I'm suggested them have only 1-10 views or so. On the one hand this is cool because I've 'tricked' YouTube into suggesting me content that no one has really seen yet, which is potentially novel, and appeals to my inner hipster. On the other hand it's stuff like this:



And now I'm making a playlist called wtf music.

They have a bunch of other tracks too and most of them have sex in the title. The album (?) cover changes subtly in some of them. There's lots of ethereal chanting type stuff with terrible vocals that are incomprehensible to me and possibly not English.







Weirdly some music I stumbled on a while back had decent music with bad vocals as well. It's strange that YouTube is able to suggest multiple stuff with bad vocals and OK music.

Failure and Sex:



This one is just called Sex Boat:



Another track is titled 'I Really Love Her Music' I can't say I do (especially the vocals) lol.

[Nyctophilia]

This sounds a lot like Crystal Castles or yeah as someone suggested Sidewalks and Skeletons. Crim3s. Bit like witch house.



I love this remix:



I like music that sounds like a chainsaw having a mental breakdown lol:















This is like a mirror version lol:



It's doing the opposite thing.

[Nyctophilia]

The weather in the UK makes no sense (even more than usual,) it's October and really hot at least inside. I remember it being hot in September before but never like this in October.

Also this video is really fun to watch:





"I sing songs like [we] can't stop for you but then I sing a couple songs for me and this is Comfortably Numb by Pink Floyd."

That's sad I have no interest in her pop music tbh lol and her voice is clearly more suited for rock music anyway.

I like that she made this song though for the people who were really judgy of her based on a one dimensional view:



A bunch of them are in the comments now still lol.

She was brutalised for having fun and discovering herself in the exact same way a lot of young people do and she's still here with all of us who grew up watching her and loving her music. 30 is never old, it's a different kind of young.

This happens to lots of people now because of the way the internet works. Mostly teen girls and trans people. That's why teen girls have increasingly high rates of mental illness. Boys avoid experimenting or expressing themselves because they'll get beaten up that never really changes so most of them never do. The music is becoming more and more like this in response:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D-0kCCsqzUY

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jiRpFF_SnW4

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m4_9TFeMfJE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=agXQQDasq0U

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-vLFaV0-_GU

You hate me 'cause you hate yourself
You're the maggots in my meat (pee-yew, you smell)
Bubblegum under my feet
Tummy lint in my belly button
I don't let a fucker on the internet (tell me nothing)

Your sad life is never getting better
Butt crack krakens on my pirate treasure
I'm a wet pussy, crybaby, real bed-wetter
But I'll [BEEP] an incel up, wear him like a sweater
Your sad life is never getting better
Cheese string dick, shrivel tits, old cheddar
I'm a wet pussy, crybaby, real bed-wetter
But it's still [BEEP] you and your friends forever

About as literal as it gets lol.

But it will probably just continue to intensify every generation and get worse instead of better.

Also the other side of it is obviously men and women becoming more and more divided. This has been going on a while anyway (because egalitarian countries that are more 'economically advanced' have greater sexual dimorphism in personality etc,) but even then things have gotten worse online over the past decade.

You can see it in voting as well in the US and UK as I said before and that seems to be effected by race in the US at least:

Moreover, the established literature on the longitudinal trend of the gender gap reports that the size of the gender gap increased ever year between 1980 through 2000 and then has varied in magnitude since. If you disaggregate respondents by race you find that this is a pattern only found among whites. In contrast, the gender gap for Blacks and Latinas has been more stable across time and we find no consistent longitudinal pattern for Asian Americans.

It is difficult to find statistics that are separating these things though. I think you have to seperate further by ethnic group too that's useful in the UK. There are massive economic differences within race between different ethnic groups. Like the combination of ethnicity and gender is very relevant for a lot of things not just one or the other.

So you get insane stuff like this:

She also has depression and anxiety. Like 13% of U.S. high school girls surveyed in the government report, she is a suicide attempt survivor. Hospitalization after the 2020 attempt and therapy helped. But Amelia has also faced bullying, toxic friendships, and menacing threats from a boy at school who said she "deserved to be raped."

And obviously Andrew Tate fans as well. Something like 1 in 4 boys in the UK agree with him so that's a quarter of men (if they don't grow out of that,) who aren't going to be able to date most women.

Also this is insane:

Over half of teenage girls are suffering from poor mental health, a major study has found. A survey of almost 13,000 teenagers in Year 11 in England by researchers at UCL and the Sutton Trust found that 54 per cent of 16 and 17 year old girls reported "elevated psychological distress".

The researchers say that the pandemic likely accelerated this decline. Being infected with Covid-19 was also linked to poorer mental health. The study found that young people were more likely to report high psychological distress if they had been infected (47% versus 41% for those who had not had Covid), currently had or had recovered from long Covid, at 55%, or had severe long Covid that affected their ability to carry out daily activities (66% versus 42% with mild long Covid).

It also reveals stark patterns in mental health by gender identity, as those who identify as non-binary are more likely to report poor mental health than those who identify as male or female. Almost 70% of those who identified as non-binary reported high psychological distress, compared to 54% of those who identified as female and 33% for those who identify as male.

A total of 61% of non-binary respondents had self-harmed, compared to 23% of females and 11% of males ? and over a third (35% ) had attempted suicide compared to 11% of females and 5% of males. They were also far more likely to report bullying, with over half (54% ) saying they had experienced bullying at school, compared to 27% of girls and 20% of boys.

That's even more insane. Also down with school etc.

This is America:

[Nyctophilia]

Twitter is just a whole other level of constant alarmism from a certain subset:

Let me remind you "sophisticated" Western people of something you don't understand about "primitive" people in the rest of the world.

They're more honest than you. They don't pretend that strength is bad. They crave it. And it's the only language they understand.

It always made me laugh that in 90s Hollywood movies, American characters would say dumb [BEEP] like "They hate us because of our freedom". No, dumbass, they hate you because you're more powerful than them. And if they had the military ability to do so, they would occupy your...

...lands and subjugate you in a way that would make "American imperialism" look like a humanitarian mission.

It's the great achievement of Western civilisation that we don't operate solely on the basis of might is right.

But never forget that everyone else does.

We need to show them strength now

How?? When are your men are turning women.

No one believes strength is bad, not really. The left in the west pretend they think it is, but in their actions they make it quite clear all they care about is power, and they're very aware strength is how you get it.

Depends on what you define as the left that's a very diverse and useless term, also what you define as strength. But I wouldn't say any are pretending.

Many communists aren't opposed to traditional strength and power at all. There's also an attempt to maximise 'soft power.' Most right wingers and a certain subset of 'anti-woke' people are trying to undermine that because they lust after masculinist Putin-like regimes and violence. I'm OK with them having fight clubs or something like that pragmatically speaking but nothing on a larger scale. I've contemplated the idea of them being permitted to do something off planet but the reality is they've made it clear through rhetoric that such regimes always eradicate femininity so I don't think so.

I don't think the point is to appeal to foreign heterosexual masculinist men either. The point is to appeal to foreign women and [BEEP] people, especially young people, so they revolt against the regimes in their country and overthrow the balance of power.

Or maybe it's not.





It's quite effective:

Gender critical women make a big mistake by making the trans issue about "entitled men invading their spaces". I know habits die hard but more men than women hold GC views.

Focus on TRAs and captured institutions instead of lumping 50% of the population in with the loonies.

But frankly Japan and South Korea is doing a way better job in some respects, so Anglo countries have to step up our game if anything.

First they emasculated men and made them unnecessary, now they are doing the same to women. The trans ideology drive is being used to achieve it, along with dismantling LGBT whilst purposefully creating societal discourse.

What lol? Do they know what the t stands for? This paragraph is just unreadable. I have no idea what they're saying.

It's very funny that I'm now linking this video haha (she's trans and he's a femboy that's why it's funny,) but I guess I'm watching her vlogs with F1nn5ter now. She reminds me of another cute YouTuber I used to watch (a very long time ago,) whose videos I've also weirdly been suggested again lately.



Wait why would a hoody that you can see in a shop irl be 'online only?' I don't go clothes shopping anymore so this is just weird to me lol. Really typical of the current time period though.

Also one of the comments was just this which cracked me up:

More eye glasses-looks please

This is the other YouTuber:



This is one of the several British physical looks lol. There's also the Tilda Swinton/David Bowie/Thom Yorke look. Lots of people look really similar.

I said this completely forgetting she's American (I realised because accent.) Googled her:

Savannah Brown (born 21 July 1996) is an American-British poet and author.

Brown is autistic[20] and identifies as bisexual.[21] In April 2023, she became a British citizen.[22]

That's so weird haha.

Also during part of the video she brings up the higher rate of autism in people with sexual fetishes which is something I've read about before (unsurprisingly lol,) and yeah I've thought that there's a big overlap between the stuff I get fixated with and my various fetishes which kind of tracks with hyperfixation more generally. (I'm not diagnosed with ASD but I do have lots of traits.)

The outro of this reminds me of 2112 by Rush:

He sings "I will have more followers than Jesus Christ" while looking like John Lennon himself😂 what a madlad!

He also sings 'mother I need her' and John Lennon was sexually attracted to his mother. 🤔

The book's other big revelation, this time culled from a 1979 audio confession, is that, when he was a hormonally charged 14-year-old, Lennon harboured incestuous desires for his mother Julia. Her death in a car accident, when John was 17, was to haunt him for the rest of his life. Likewise, it would seem, the heightened moment in his adolescence when he lay down beside her and accidentally touched her breast. 'I was wondering if I should do anything else,' he mused later in a bout of post-therapy soul-baring. 'I always think I should have done it. Presumably she would have allowed it.'

Very Freudian. I never post normal things.

According to Wilson, "Slave Called Shiver" is about feelings of "unreturned love". He said of them, "['Slave Called Shiver']'s a very perverse love song, yeah. I mean, it's an unrequited love song. It's a love song with somebody who's obsessed with someone else, but none of that affection is returned. It's about someone who's very much in love and obsessed with somebody else. That love is not returned and so there's a slightly violent perverse undercurrent."

Or is it about John Lennon?

Tbf the lyric is like him talking to his mum about needing someone else.

Also the look is unrelated though because he pretty much always looked like this through the 90s, and a lot of the 2000s, and I think that look was prob inspired by Geddy Lee if anyone since he was obviously a fan of Rush. But also just really common in general.

[Nyctophilia]

The researchers say that the pandemic likely accelerated this decline. Being infected with Covid-19 was also linked to poorer mental health. The study found that young people were more likely to report high psychological distress if they had been infected (47% versus 41% for those who had not had Covid), currently had or had recovered from long Covid, at 55%, or had severe long Covid that affected their ability to carry out daily activities (66% versus 42% with mild long Covid).

It also reveals stark patterns in mental health by gender identity, as those who identify as non-binary are more likely to report poor mental health than those who identify as male or female. Almost 70% of those who identified as non-binary reported high psychological distress, compared to 54% of those who identified as female and 33% for those who identify as male.

A total of 61% of non-binary respondents had self-harmed, compared to 23% of females and 11% of males ? and over a third (35% ) had attempted suicide compared to 11% of females and 5% of males. They were also far more likely to report bullying, with over half (54% ) saying they had experienced bullying at school, compared to 27% of girls and 20% of boys.

That's even more insane. Also down with school etc.

I read this reddit post recently:

I just found out about UKs "Section 28" and I'm ANGRY
Apologies this is kind of a long rant.

I'm 39, and I've been dealing with depression and anxiety as long as I can remember, I just thought my brain has bad genes or something and didn't work right. It was only during COVID that I let my hair grow out, painted my nails, and slowly learned that I felt more comfortable with an androgynous appearance. It was recently that I learned what dysphoria was, and importantly, how it negatively affects your mental health. I supressed the disassociated feelings I had towards my gentitals since I was a teen, because I didn't understand them and just thought it's some weird unimportant quirk of my brain. I didn't want to deal with it so I didn't.

If I had learned at a younger age about trans people and dysphoria, it would not have taken me anywhere near as long to become happy in my own skin.

And then I find out from a YouTube video that the reason we weren't taught in school about LGBTQ+ people, was a law implemented by the evil witch herself, Maggie Thatcher. Section 28 basically banned the teaching about LGBTQ+ people by local authorities (so including schools) until the year after I left.

It took me until I was 22 in 2006 before I worked out and accepted I was Bisexual, and I'm only just accepting the label non-binary now that I understand it.

I don't want to waste my energy on hating a dead woman, or even the Tories that still spout her crap but I can't do anything about, but it's really hard not to.

We wouldn't have been taught anyway because even in countries where that wasn't the case people weren't really talking about trans people back then. It's only been a discussion in schools anywhere as far as I can tell over the past several years. I was 12 when they got rid of it and the only time anyone discussed LGBT+ people was when I had a maths teacher decide to go on a homophobic rant.

Fumbling around blind is [BEEP] though yeah and then being exposed to 50+ lifetimes worth of hatred and negative comments online throughout my 20s (because that's how the internet works in general now. You're exposed to way more people than you ever would have been at any other point in history.)

Oscar Hoyle, who runs Blossom, a support service for LGBT+ young adults in Surrey, said: "You can't look at a computer without seeing something questioning a fundamental aspect of who you are.

"It puts the young people we work with in the position where they never know who is going to support them and who is going to question who they are.

Section 28 was actually the first "anti-gay propaganda" law in the world, which was later copied by countries around the world.

It was repealed in 2003, but I was in school until 2010 and I still never learned a single word about LGBT+ people.

Wonder if that's true.

I found this:

Some have claimed that the Russian anti-"gay propaganda" law has its basis in Section 28, except being a bit more anal and severe.[24][note 9]

but rationalwiki isn't exactly an unbiased source.

It's not that I don't think the UK is terrible in this regard, it's that my opinion of most other countries is also low lol. And what about Nazi Germany? I suppose they might have been vaguer about certain things in legalisation I dunno. I mean obviously homosexuality was criminalised before then especially male homosexuality but not sure about other things. Nazi Germany had laws about 'degenerate art' and things like that but they were offended by everything. Like fucking cubism lol.

The Sims 4 is an 18+ game in Russia now. (Well not now always I think. Pretty insane.) EA were planning on not releasing the marriage gamepack in Russia as some kind of protest because they would have to change the cover art and some other things which I disagreed with. I'm not doing political stuff with my platform and that's been the single exception so far lol since it was relevant. But also it's important to have the game in Russia firstly so LGBT+ people can play it - they need it more than most people and secondly so that other people will play it and it will do exactly what the Russian government doesn't want it to do. 🙂 (ominous smiling face lol.)

Also Russians are the third largest demographic watching my channel and so it's not just that they play certain games they're also exposed to other povs online. Oh no wait just the third largest demographic this month lol. Polish is actually third overall and Russia fourth. It's consistently like US, UK, Russia and Poland in the top four though lol.

I mean I'm not doing political stuff with my platform except:



Oh my fucking God. This is what I was trying to embed lol (but the non live version):



Anyway I think a lot of people are really angry.

Also Skunk Anansie have some really great tracks:



Thinking about this again as well:



Still one of the most epic speeches I've heard lol.

[Nyctophilia]

Speaking of Margaret Thatcher reincarnated wtf is happening here:



Love how he's just like 'this is trash' lol.

"Those who fail to conform are persecuted. Chased out of their jobs for saying that a man can't be a woman."

She says as they chuck a guy out of their conference for not agreeing lmfao.

"This is not what the Conservative Party is about". Oh my poor friend: how could you be in the Tory party all these years and still not see it for what it is.

They have a mixed record. During certain points in time they were more supportive of homosexuality than the labour party, but only after they noticed a bunch of successful men were homosexual like Alan Turing and members of certain leading figures families etc:

In 1965, Conservative peer Lord Arran proposed the decriminalisation of male homosexual acts (lesbian acts had never been illegal) in the House of Lords. This was followed by Humphry Berkeley in the House of Commons a year later, though Berkeley ascribed his defeat in the 1966 general election to the unpopularity of this action. However, in the newly elected Parliament, Labour MP Leo Abse took up the issue and the Sexual Offences Bill was put before Parliament in order to implement some of the Wolfenden Committee's recommendations after almost ten years of campaigning.[38]

Have to go back a long way. David Cameron's government also legalised samesex marriage. Some guy (maybe it was him lol I don't remember,) was running for mayor of London as a conservative party member while supporting legalisation of weed and self ID for trans people. In general political parties make 0 sense here on social issues.

Suella was booking you a seat on a flight to Rwanda from the Podium as you quietly heckled her

😂

[Doseone]

Being determined to be a (specific) conscious being is so unlikely, it's nearly impossible. Everything for billions of years has to happen exactly as it did. Even more so to be a human being who is aware of this fact. You had to exist in a time where science advances and you have access to scientific knowledge. You also have to come to a belief in the big bang (which isn't guaranteed).

[Nyctophilia]

Lol so I came across this while searching something:



It's amazing how many people didn't realise this. Even that video I found recently because it's still happening haha:



And I have the opposite fetish but also I'm somewhat into that one because I'm into similar archetypes of nerdy bookish characters with glasses.

It just became discourse. I dunno if they adopted the "Stacy" and "Becky" art for that or if they actually invented that and then other people stole that art for the memes later. There's also a subreddit called gatekeepingyuri where people draw meme characters that are designed to provoke some kind of competition as though they are in a romantic relationship (despite the yuri title there are a bunch of guys they've shipped together too,) and so they've put like Stacy and Becky together in a bunch of art work.

This is also funny because it's easy to come up with a concept about similar archetypes as well eg: conventionally attractive woman in college who gets low grades has conventionally attractive female friend who she has a crush on, she gets jealous of all the guys who are attracted to her and who she's dating/having sex with and also needs help with her school work so she turns her into her nerdy lesbian girlfriend. Something like that.

And maybe the conventionally attractive woman is Daphne because that somewhat ruins the archetype because her vibe's off but she's attractive and the other woman is... Not Velma actually Geddy Lee in that one gif with the long hair and glasses.

"But he's a guy?"

I mean not him but someone who looks just like him.



Lol.

In 2017 MGMT released their song "Little Dark Age", a protest song lamenting the election of Trump. As the title suggests, the zeitgeist as the artist saw it was regressing back into a period of ignorance, ultimately taking the past 70 years of Progress with it. As recent as 2021 however, the meme remixes of this song have become increasingly popular. The song is used as a backdrop over footage designed to ignite reactionary pride praise of Christianity and the heroic spirit are commonplace within this. My personal favourites are the ones that glorify the British Empire.

My personal favourites are the ones that glorify Slaanesh. That's not a thing probably.

Their anger is correct but misdirected, which is why we on the right see the song as something to be hijacked. We are not witnessing the death of the author here ? instead, we are the author's murderers. We are Lenin storming the Tsar's palace in 1917. We take what is theirs and subvert it to our own ends.

We are the murderers of the author and this is our strongest weapon.

Subversion is feminine. So that's like winning a battle but losing the war. =D



*evil witch king

=D

This is one of the funniest videos I've ever seen still.

"So the aim is the emasculation of the man."

"Yeah that's the evil queen because we have the evil king right that's the tyrannical patriarchy. Well the evil queen is lurking somewhere."

The female voting gap in favor of Dems only opened up in the 1980s. Women voted more in favor of Eisenhower and Dewey than men did. What's happened to make women break left since? My guess: atomization and fewer long-term, loving relationships with men.

Fewer mothers is the big one. I doubt married women with children are all that left wing...

Women are simply more agreeable and thus easily swayed by media and prevailing wisdom. 80s was around when the elite became fully lib, in previous decades it was still respectable to vote for a 'sensible' conservative like Eisenhower

Probably, but they're more powerfully swayed by the wisdom of their husbands

I'll stop when they do.

Maybe.

Everything is an infant
To a childless woman

While on this tangent actually - his ongoing transparent contempt for childless women is really something. I like how his daughter doesn't agree with all his politics despite having a kid (like she's been divorced.) And while I think it's kind of toxic that all his fans judge his daughter (thinking she's a shallow, materialistic attention [BEEP] etc,) as I said in a post I deleted before, it is amusing me that they all seem to wish she was more like him but she isn't in many ways. I think they want Camille Paglia the trad wife. A female Jordan Peterson would basically be Camille Paglia but she considers herself trans (though she hasn't medically transitioned and uses female pronouns to clarify,) and a lesbian.

People harp on about childless women as if women are sex cattle. To these people, a woman who is infertile is disposable, that's because these "men" are mentally fucked people.

There's always been that which was gross, now they also seem to think that if they can just get women pregnant they'll agree with their politics hahaha. Their politics are pure fetish porn.

They know females have all the control over the question of whether civilisation will continue so they just get more and more desperate digging themselves into a giant hole.





If they were sensible they'd invest in artificial wombs.

Also tbh this makes no sense to me. I've dated guys I wouldn't reproduce with and there are guys I don't find attractive but think have traits that should be reproduced. These things aren't really connected in my mind at all in fact because I don't want to give birth (also maybe it's because I grew up playing The Sims lol,) so even if I find a guy attractive and we're in a relationship, that's not going to happen without a surrogate. Yeah queer, dysphoric etc but it's still obvious that plenty of women have sex with men they have no intention of having kids with because they don't want kids.

Also "You don't think of father nature." True but I do think of brother nature:



And actually some of the conservative women are even worse at this game lol:

My sis is a spinster. She interferes in peoples lives trying to save them. Men who smoke weed all day.

She also hasn't developed much wisdom like the ability to love maturely as in looking out for a persons long term interests. She sees her niece nephew cry for getting grounded and tries to help them get out of it because she has no practice in disciplining her own emotions so that she can actually care for others

Calling your sister a spinster seems quite nasty.

It makes her sound like a man.

Oh wait that account is a troll account pretending to be some left wing woman (breaking character in this tweet.) Makes sense.

Both are probably true-- I guess the point is many people without kids shouldn’t be interfering so much with the future

That’s a rotten thing to say. There are women who cannot have children- does that mean they don’t matter?

Do men without children even exist? Oh right that was most men throughout history lol.

The majority "choose." The experience of not being able to conceive creates its own wisdom.

Oh that's ridiculous.

IDK we are all humans, but we should have no say in human life over all? Besides, many, most parents are not thinking in a logical sane manner most times, there r plenty of f'd up kids out there that turn into f'd up adults. All those man-children had a parent!

I'm really more of an alien. I'm fine with working towards their destruction until they learn to behave better.

It's so cute though. They have no control over reproduction. Winning various battles and losing the war again. indescribably incompetent.

Women love being henpecked by conservative men.

Me everytime:



It's actually really bad lol.

Insulting older women who haven't had kids is a really bad strategy and it's just one of many bad strategies the political right employ. They have so many. Hence Jordan Peterson always lamenting how bad they are at convincing younger people because they don't have 'vision.' But also when you insult and demean older childless women young women look at that and think 'what if that's me one day?' A bunch of them are already like 'I don't want to be led by fear.' Which as Jordan Peterson is always pointing out is actually tyrannical lol. That's his definition of tyranny. The irony.

Any comments @cambridge_uni? Have your commissars even watched the doc? Do you know that 25% of young women will now end up involuntarily childless and miserable because of it by age 40? And how'd canceling me work out for you? Wasn't there a faculty rebellion because of it?

Putting aside the censorship discussion - shouldn't you have kids because you want one and not because some highly neurotic man is threatening you with visions of dystopian futures and general fearmongering, and demanding you do what they want? Perhaps that's not very inspiring.

50% of 30 year old women are childless. Half of those will never have a child. 90% of those will suffer that fate involuntarily.

Wonder where he's getting that 90% statistic from? Like this is based on nothing but his opinion lol.



I'm looking through his recent tweets now lol they're terribly obnoxious. This guy hasn't had an interesting thought in years. It's all just fearmongering, conservative trash, and transphobia.

When men collapse
Women collapse

I think the converse is also true.

Eg, some women want to be treated like men. Got to be careful with that one. Doesn’t always make sense.

Lol.

This is just feminism for conservatives. "It's the men's fault!"

True actually most people seem wired for paternalism and benevolent sexism.

A lot of the responses to this tweet are really random lol:

It depends on where the collapse is happening, for the outside material world that may be somewhat true but for the inner world it is other way around. The kind of mental disorders we are seeing today may be the result of collapse in what we call Faminine in the world.

Actually, I think it's the other way around. I think men follow women when it comes to morals. I see lots of guys pretending to be something they're not just to impress a woman and women raise boys. Or maybe it's a mutual degeneration.

Uh no not always. I have heard women were the majority of people who adopted Christianity initially though. It seems complicated. Women tend to adopt new subcultures early which is why there are so many women in cults but they're not really creating most of the ideas there ... At least historically. I've noticed more female led cults in the past 2 decades thanks to the internet.

From a conservative pov though yeah. Conservative men take forever to adopt anything lol. They're years behind all the time I'm always looking in amusement. "You just noticed this?" And they're always easily alarmed and easily led by fake stories like this:

Conservatives ability to make up an imaginary scenario & then get mad about it as if it was real, is infinite

It's insane because they're freaked out by most things, so they don't have to make stuff up because most things bother them as it is lol.

Women lead when the men aren't strong enough to do so and when they do lead, we get lefty bullshit.

Remember; it only takes 1% to swing an election meaning demographic stereotypes end up making big impacts even if they do not apply to every single member.

"Men lead when the women aren't strong enough to do so and when they do lead, we get right wing bullshit."

Lol.

We're coming for your children
@GavinNewsom

We plan to turn
Your boys
Into men
And girls
Into women

Within the dark
Pathways
Of our micro cult

Oh so we can all stop with the 'groomer' nonsense now then? Cool.