Random Thought of the Day

[Nyctophilia]

Twitter is just a whole other level of constant alarmism from a certain subset:

Let me remind you "sophisticated" Western people of something you don't understand about "primitive" people in the rest of the world.

They're more honest than you. They don't pretend that strength is bad. They crave it. And it's the only language they understand.

It always made me laugh that in 90s Hollywood movies, American characters would say dumb [BEEP] like "They hate us because of our freedom". No, dumbass, they hate you because you're more powerful than them. And if they had the military ability to do so, they would occupy your...

...lands and subjugate you in a way that would make "American imperialism" look like a humanitarian mission.

It's the great achievement of Western civilisation that we don't operate solely on the basis of might is right.

But never forget that everyone else does.

We need to show them strength now

How?? When are your men are turning women.

No one believes strength is bad, not really. The left in the west pretend they think it is, but in their actions they make it quite clear all they care about is power, and they're very aware strength is how you get it.

Depends on what you define as the left that's a very diverse and useless term, also what you define as strength. But I wouldn't say any are pretending.

Many communists aren't opposed to traditional strength and power at all. There's also an attempt to maximise 'soft power.' Most right wingers and a certain subset of 'anti-woke' people are trying to undermine that because they lust after masculinist Putin-like regimes and violence. I'm OK with them having fight clubs or something like that pragmatically speaking but nothing on a larger scale. I've contemplated the idea of them being permitted to do something off planet but the reality is they've made it clear through rhetoric that such regimes always eradicate femininity so I don't think so.

I don't think the point is to appeal to foreign heterosexual masculinist men either. The point is to appeal to foreign women and [BEEP] people, especially young people, so they revolt against the regimes in their country and overthrow the balance of power.

Or maybe it's not.





It's quite effective:

Gender critical women make a big mistake by making the trans issue about "entitled men invading their spaces". I know habits die hard but more men than women hold GC views.

Focus on TRAs and captured institutions instead of lumping 50% of the population in with the loonies.

But frankly Japan and South Korea is doing a way better job in some respects, so Anglo countries have to step up our game if anything.

First they emasculated men and made them unnecessary, now they are doing the same to women. The trans ideology drive is being used to achieve it, along with dismantling LGBT whilst purposefully creating societal discourse.

What lol? Do they know what the t stands for? This paragraph is just unreadable. I have no idea what they're saying.

It's very funny that I'm now linking this video haha (she's trans and he's a femboy that's why it's funny,) but I guess I'm watching her vlogs with F1nn5ter now. She reminds me of another cute YouTuber I used to watch (a very long time ago,) whose videos I've also weirdly been suggested again lately.



Wait why would a hoody that you can see in a shop irl be 'online only?' I don't go clothes shopping anymore so this is just weird to me lol. Really typical of the current time period though.

Also one of the comments was just this which cracked me up:

More eye glasses-looks please

This is the other YouTuber:



This is one of the several British physical looks lol. There's also the Tilda Swinton/David Bowie/Thom Yorke look. Lots of people look really similar.

I said this completely forgetting she's American (I realised because accent.) Googled her:

Savannah Brown (born 21 July 1996) is an American-British poet and author.

Brown is autistic[20] and identifies as bisexual.[21] In April 2023, she became a British citizen.[22]

That's so weird haha.

Also during part of the video she brings up the higher rate of autism in people with sexual fetishes which is something I've read about before (unsurprisingly lol,) and yeah I've thought that there's a big overlap between the stuff I get fixated with and my various fetishes which kind of tracks with hyperfixation more generally. (I'm not diagnosed with ASD but I do have lots of traits.)

The outro of this reminds me of 2112 by Rush:

He sings "I will have more followers than Jesus Christ" while looking like John Lennon himself😂 what a madlad!

He also sings 'mother I need her' and John Lennon was sexually attracted to his mother. 🤔

The book's other big revelation, this time culled from a 1979 audio confession, is that, when he was a hormonally charged 14-year-old, Lennon harboured incestuous desires for his mother Julia. Her death in a car accident, when John was 17, was to haunt him for the rest of his life. Likewise, it would seem, the heightened moment in his adolescence when he lay down beside her and accidentally touched her breast. 'I was wondering if I should do anything else,' he mused later in a bout of post-therapy soul-baring. 'I always think I should have done it. Presumably she would have allowed it.'

Very Freudian. I never post normal things.

According to Wilson, "Slave Called Shiver" is about feelings of "unreturned love". He said of them, "['Slave Called Shiver']'s a very perverse love song, yeah. I mean, it's an unrequited love song. It's a love song with somebody who's obsessed with someone else, but none of that affection is returned. It's about someone who's very much in love and obsessed with somebody else. That love is not returned and so there's a slightly violent perverse undercurrent."

Or is it about John Lennon?

Tbf the lyric is like him talking to his mum about needing someone else.

Also the look is unrelated though because he pretty much always looked like this through the 90s, and a lot of the 2000s, and I think that look was prob inspired by Geddy Lee if anyone since he was obviously a fan of Rush. But also just really common in general.

[Nyctophilia]

The researchers say that the pandemic likely accelerated this decline. Being infected with Covid-19 was also linked to poorer mental health. The study found that young people were more likely to report high psychological distress if they had been infected (47% versus 41% for those who had not had Covid), currently had or had recovered from long Covid, at 55%, or had severe long Covid that affected their ability to carry out daily activities (66% versus 42% with mild long Covid).

It also reveals stark patterns in mental health by gender identity, as those who identify as non-binary are more likely to report poor mental health than those who identify as male or female. Almost 70% of those who identified as non-binary reported high psychological distress, compared to 54% of those who identified as female and 33% for those who identify as male.

A total of 61% of non-binary respondents had self-harmed, compared to 23% of females and 11% of males ? and over a third (35% ) had attempted suicide compared to 11% of females and 5% of males. They were also far more likely to report bullying, with over half (54% ) saying they had experienced bullying at school, compared to 27% of girls and 20% of boys.

That's even more insane. Also down with school etc.

I read this reddit post recently:

I just found out about UKs "Section 28" and I'm ANGRY
Apologies this is kind of a long rant.

I'm 39, and I've been dealing with depression and anxiety as long as I can remember, I just thought my brain has bad genes or something and didn't work right. It was only during COVID that I let my hair grow out, painted my nails, and slowly learned that I felt more comfortable with an androgynous appearance. It was recently that I learned what dysphoria was, and importantly, how it negatively affects your mental health. I supressed the disassociated feelings I had towards my gentitals since I was a teen, because I didn't understand them and just thought it's some weird unimportant quirk of my brain. I didn't want to deal with it so I didn't.

If I had learned at a younger age about trans people and dysphoria, it would not have taken me anywhere near as long to become happy in my own skin.

And then I find out from a YouTube video that the reason we weren't taught in school about LGBTQ+ people, was a law implemented by the evil witch herself, Maggie Thatcher. Section 28 basically banned the teaching about LGBTQ+ people by local authorities (so including schools) until the year after I left.

It took me until I was 22 in 2006 before I worked out and accepted I was Bisexual, and I'm only just accepting the label non-binary now that I understand it.

I don't want to waste my energy on hating a dead woman, or even the Tories that still spout her crap but I can't do anything about, but it's really hard not to.

We wouldn't have been taught anyway because even in countries where that wasn't the case people weren't really talking about trans people back then. It's only been a discussion in schools anywhere as far as I can tell over the past several years. I was 12 when they got rid of it and the only time anyone discussed LGBT+ people was when I had a maths teacher decide to go on a homophobic rant.

Fumbling around blind is [BEEP] though yeah and then being exposed to 50+ lifetimes worth of hatred and negative comments online throughout my 20s (because that's how the internet works in general now. You're exposed to way more people than you ever would have been at any other point in history.)

Oscar Hoyle, who runs Blossom, a support service for LGBT+ young adults in Surrey, said: "You can't look at a computer without seeing something questioning a fundamental aspect of who you are.

"It puts the young people we work with in the position where they never know who is going to support them and who is going to question who they are.

Section 28 was actually the first "anti-gay propaganda" law in the world, which was later copied by countries around the world.

It was repealed in 2003, but I was in school until 2010 and I still never learned a single word about LGBT+ people.

Wonder if that's true.

I found this:

Some have claimed that the Russian anti-"gay propaganda" law has its basis in Section 28, except being a bit more anal and severe.[24][note 9]

but rationalwiki isn't exactly an unbiased source.

It's not that I don't think the UK is terrible in this regard, it's that my opinion of most other countries is also low lol. And what about Nazi Germany? I suppose they might have been vaguer about certain things in legalisation I dunno. I mean obviously homosexuality was criminalised before then especially male homosexuality but not sure about other things. Nazi Germany had laws about 'degenerate art' and things like that but they were offended by everything. Like fucking cubism lol.

The Sims 4 is an 18+ game in Russia now. (Well not now always I think. Pretty insane.) EA were planning on not releasing the marriage gamepack in Russia as some kind of protest because they would have to change the cover art and some other things which I disagreed with. I'm not doing political stuff with my platform and that's been the single exception so far lol since it was relevant. But also it's important to have the game in Russia firstly so LGBT+ people can play it - they need it more than most people and secondly so that other people will play it and it will do exactly what the Russian government doesn't want it to do. 🙂 (ominous smiling face lol.)

Also Russians are the third largest demographic watching my channel and so it's not just that they play certain games they're also exposed to other povs online. Oh no wait just the third largest demographic this month lol. Polish is actually third overall and Russia fourth. It's consistently like US, UK, Russia and Poland in the top four though lol.

I mean I'm not doing political stuff with my platform except:



Oh my fucking God. This is what I was trying to embed lol (but the non live version):



Anyway I think a lot of people are really angry.

Also Skunk Anansie have some really great tracks:



Thinking about this again as well:



Still one of the most epic speeches I've heard lol.

[Nyctophilia]

Speaking of Margaret Thatcher reincarnated wtf is happening here:



Love how he's just like 'this is trash' lol.

"Those who fail to conform are persecuted. Chased out of their jobs for saying that a man can't be a woman."

She says as they chuck a guy out of their conference for not agreeing lmfao.

"This is not what the Conservative Party is about". Oh my poor friend: how could you be in the Tory party all these years and still not see it for what it is.

They have a mixed record. During certain points in time they were more supportive of homosexuality than the labour party, but only after they noticed a bunch of successful men were homosexual like Alan Turing and members of certain leading figures families etc:

In 1965, Conservative peer Lord Arran proposed the decriminalisation of male homosexual acts (lesbian acts had never been illegal) in the House of Lords. This was followed by Humphry Berkeley in the House of Commons a year later, though Berkeley ascribed his defeat in the 1966 general election to the unpopularity of this action. However, in the newly elected Parliament, Labour MP Leo Abse took up the issue and the Sexual Offences Bill was put before Parliament in order to implement some of the Wolfenden Committee's recommendations after almost ten years of campaigning.[38]

Have to go back a long way. David Cameron's government also legalised samesex marriage. Some guy (maybe it was him lol I don't remember,) was running for mayor of London as a conservative party member while supporting legalisation of weed and self ID for trans people. In general political parties make 0 sense here on social issues.

Suella was booking you a seat on a flight to Rwanda from the Podium as you quietly heckled her

😂

[Doseone]

Being determined to be a (specific) conscious being is so unlikely, it's nearly impossible. Everything for billions of years has to happen exactly as it did. Even more so to be a human being who is aware of this fact. You had to exist in a time where science advances and you have access to scientific knowledge. You also have to come to a belief in the big bang (which isn't guaranteed).

[Nyctophilia]

Lol so I came across this while searching something:



It's amazing how many people didn't realise this. Even that video I found recently because it's still happening haha:



And I have the opposite fetish but also I'm somewhat into that one because I'm into similar archetypes of nerdy bookish characters with glasses.

It just became discourse. I dunno if they adopted the "Stacy" and "Becky" art for that or if they actually invented that and then other people stole that art for the memes later. There's also a subreddit called gatekeepingyuri where people draw meme characters that are designed to provoke some kind of competition as though they are in a romantic relationship (despite the yuri title there are a bunch of guys they've shipped together too,) and so they've put like Stacy and Becky together in a bunch of art work.

This is also funny because it's easy to come up with a concept about similar archetypes as well eg: conventionally attractive woman in college who gets low grades has conventionally attractive female friend who she has a crush on, she gets jealous of all the guys who are attracted to her and who she's dating/having sex with and also needs help with her school work so she turns her into her nerdy lesbian girlfriend. Something like that.

And maybe the conventionally attractive woman is Daphne because that somewhat ruins the archetype because her vibe's off but she's attractive and the other woman is... Not Velma actually Geddy Lee in that one gif with the long hair and glasses.

"But he's a guy?"

I mean not him but someone who looks just like him.



Lol.

In 2017 MGMT released their song "Little Dark Age", a protest song lamenting the election of Trump. As the title suggests, the zeitgeist as the artist saw it was regressing back into a period of ignorance, ultimately taking the past 70 years of Progress with it. As recent as 2021 however, the meme remixes of this song have become increasingly popular. The song is used as a backdrop over footage designed to ignite reactionary pride praise of Christianity and the heroic spirit are commonplace within this. My personal favourites are the ones that glorify the British Empire.

My personal favourites are the ones that glorify Slaanesh. That's not a thing probably.

Their anger is correct but misdirected, which is why we on the right see the song as something to be hijacked. We are not witnessing the death of the author here ? instead, we are the author's murderers. We are Lenin storming the Tsar's palace in 1917. We take what is theirs and subvert it to our own ends.

We are the murderers of the author and this is our strongest weapon.

Subversion is feminine. So that's like winning a battle but losing the war. =D



*evil witch king

=D

This is one of the funniest videos I've ever seen still.

"So the aim is the emasculation of the man."

"Yeah that's the evil queen because we have the evil king right that's the tyrannical patriarchy. Well the evil queen is lurking somewhere."

The female voting gap in favor of Dems only opened up in the 1980s. Women voted more in favor of Eisenhower and Dewey than men did. What's happened to make women break left since? My guess: atomization and fewer long-term, loving relationships with men.

Fewer mothers is the big one. I doubt married women with children are all that left wing...

Women are simply more agreeable and thus easily swayed by media and prevailing wisdom. 80s was around when the elite became fully lib, in previous decades it was still respectable to vote for a 'sensible' conservative like Eisenhower

Probably, but they're more powerfully swayed by the wisdom of their husbands

I'll stop when they do.

Maybe.

Everything is an infant
To a childless woman

While on this tangent actually - his ongoing transparent contempt for childless women is really something. I like how his daughter doesn't agree with all his politics despite having a kid (like she's been divorced.) And while I think it's kind of toxic that all his fans judge his daughter (thinking she's a shallow, materialistic attention [BEEP] etc,) as I said in a post I deleted before, it is amusing me that they all seem to wish she was more like him but she isn't in many ways. I think they want Camille Paglia the trad wife. A female Jordan Peterson would basically be Camille Paglia but she considers herself trans (though she hasn't medically transitioned and uses female pronouns to clarify,) and a lesbian.

People harp on about childless women as if women are sex cattle. To these people, a woman who is infertile is disposable, that's because these "men" are mentally fucked people.

There's always been that which was gross, now they also seem to think that if they can just get women pregnant they'll agree with their politics hahaha. Their politics are pure fetish porn.

They know females have all the control over the question of whether civilisation will continue so they just get more and more desperate digging themselves into a giant hole.





If they were sensible they'd invest in artificial wombs.

Also tbh this makes no sense to me. I've dated guys I wouldn't reproduce with and there are guys I don't find attractive but think have traits that should be reproduced. These things aren't really connected in my mind at all in fact because I don't want to give birth (also maybe it's because I grew up playing The Sims lol,) so even if I find a guy attractive and we're in a relationship, that's not going to happen without a surrogate. Yeah queer, dysphoric etc but it's still obvious that plenty of women have sex with men they have no intention of having kids with because they don't want kids.

Also "You don't think of father nature." True but I do think of brother nature:



And actually some of the conservative women are even worse at this game lol:

My sis is a spinster. She interferes in peoples lives trying to save them. Men who smoke weed all day.

She also hasn't developed much wisdom like the ability to love maturely as in looking out for a persons long term interests. She sees her niece nephew cry for getting grounded and tries to help them get out of it because she has no practice in disciplining her own emotions so that she can actually care for others

Calling your sister a spinster seems quite nasty.

It makes her sound like a man.

Oh wait that account is a troll account pretending to be some left wing woman (breaking character in this tweet.) Makes sense.

Both are probably true-- I guess the point is many people without kids shouldn’t be interfering so much with the future

That’s a rotten thing to say. There are women who cannot have children- does that mean they don’t matter?

Do men without children even exist? Oh right that was most men throughout history lol.

The majority "choose." The experience of not being able to conceive creates its own wisdom.

Oh that's ridiculous.

IDK we are all humans, but we should have no say in human life over all? Besides, many, most parents are not thinking in a logical sane manner most times, there r plenty of f'd up kids out there that turn into f'd up adults. All those man-children had a parent!

I'm really more of an alien. I'm fine with working towards their destruction until they learn to behave better.

It's so cute though. They have no control over reproduction. Winning various battles and losing the war again. indescribably incompetent.

Women love being henpecked by conservative men.

Me everytime:



It's actually really bad lol.

Insulting older women who haven't had kids is a really bad strategy and it's just one of many bad strategies the political right employ. They have so many. Hence Jordan Peterson always lamenting how bad they are at convincing younger people because they don't have 'vision.' But also when you insult and demean older childless women young women look at that and think 'what if that's me one day?' A bunch of them are already like 'I don't want to be led by fear.' Which as Jordan Peterson is always pointing out is actually tyrannical lol. That's his definition of tyranny. The irony.

Any comments @cambridge_uni? Have your commissars even watched the doc? Do you know that 25% of young women will now end up involuntarily childless and miserable because of it by age 40? And how'd canceling me work out for you? Wasn't there a faculty rebellion because of it?

Putting aside the censorship discussion - shouldn't you have kids because you want one and not because some highly neurotic man is threatening you with visions of dystopian futures and general fearmongering, and demanding you do what they want? Perhaps that's not very inspiring.

50% of 30 year old women are childless. Half of those will never have a child. 90% of those will suffer that fate involuntarily.

Wonder where he's getting that 90% statistic from? Like this is based on nothing but his opinion lol.



I'm looking through his recent tweets now lol they're terribly obnoxious. This guy hasn't had an interesting thought in years. It's all just fearmongering, conservative trash, and transphobia.

When men collapse
Women collapse

I think the converse is also true.

Eg, some women want to be treated like men. Got to be careful with that one. Doesn’t always make sense.

Lol.

This is just feminism for conservatives. "It's the men's fault!"

True actually most people seem wired for paternalism and benevolent sexism.

A lot of the responses to this tweet are really random lol:

It depends on where the collapse is happening, for the outside material world that may be somewhat true but for the inner world it is other way around. The kind of mental disorders we are seeing today may be the result of collapse in what we call Faminine in the world.

Actually, I think it's the other way around. I think men follow women when it comes to morals. I see lots of guys pretending to be something they're not just to impress a woman and women raise boys. Or maybe it's a mutual degeneration.

Uh no not always. I have heard women were the majority of people who adopted Christianity initially though. It seems complicated. Women tend to adopt new subcultures early which is why there are so many women in cults but they're not really creating most of the ideas there ... At least historically. I've noticed more female led cults in the past 2 decades thanks to the internet.

From a conservative pov though yeah. Conservative men take forever to adopt anything lol. They're years behind all the time I'm always looking in amusement. "You just noticed this?" And they're always easily alarmed and easily led by fake stories like this:

Conservatives ability to make up an imaginary scenario & then get mad about it as if it was real, is infinite

It's insane because they're freaked out by most things, so they don't have to make stuff up because most things bother them as it is lol.

Women lead when the men aren't strong enough to do so and when they do lead, we get lefty bullshit.

Remember; it only takes 1% to swing an election meaning demographic stereotypes end up making big impacts even if they do not apply to every single member.

"Men lead when the women aren't strong enough to do so and when they do lead, we get right wing bullshit."

Lol.

We're coming for your children
@GavinNewsom

We plan to turn
Your boys
Into men
And girls
Into women

Within the dark
Pathways
Of our micro cult

Oh so we can all stop with the 'groomer' nonsense now then? Cool.

[Nyctophilia]

Apparently a carpark at the airport is on fire huh.

BREAKING: All flights have been suspended at #Luton Airport London as massive #fire has erupted in the terminal car parking.

Major pet peeve lol. It's not in London man.

[Otherside]

Apparently a carpark at the airport is on fire huh.



Major pet peeve lol. It's not in London man.

Opening in 10 years time, London Bradford Airport.

In all seriousness, it's so awkward to get to from London, only London Southend beats it in that regard.

[Nyctophilia]

Opening in 10 years time, London Bradford Airport.

In all seriousness, it's so awkward to get to from London, only London Southend beats it in that regard.

Lol London has expanded a lot over time so I guess it might continue to. Would be interesting to see how the boundaries change over hundreds of years (if people lived that long lol.)

[Nyctophilia]

People are complaining about Contrapoints not discussing the current fighting in Israel:

why are you always so silent on Palestinian issues .

Absolutely, why is she hiding behind the wall of silence like girl SPEAK

It's actually incredibly dumb to expect someone to weigh in on this who doesn't live in the region and presumably doesn't know anyone who does or even anyone who has had any personal dealings with any of these groups throughout their life history. You're being exposed to propaganda and often misinformation that you have no way of verifying. This has always been true but now it's even worse because of how social media works. People are going to do this anyway because of how people work but demanding commentary is stupid for that reason especially if someone doesn't have any personal connection or knowledge of what's happening.

Like if I hear about Russian soldiers raping Ukrainian women this isn't hard for me to believe because I had a family member who lived through the Russian army's previous shenanigans (I don't really think a lot of North Eastern and central Europeans have a high opinion of Russia as a state. Like Polish people especially have the lowest opinion on Russians in the world according to a 2022 poll,) and so I know they have historically been a particularly brutal army (though her ultimate take was that there are good and bad people in every group including that army and I think some helped her out at one point,) I also have 0 respect generally for Putin or similar men. But even then can't verify that 100% but most people don't even have that level of connection to what's happening in most of the world.

There's nothing you can do about it either besides eradicating the concept of the nation state (or at least nations shouldn't have armies - universally obviously,) and greatly restricting/discentivising physical violence in general. Like using socialisation and selective breeding programs. Or less authoritarian - genetic engineering but you encourage people to see violence as disgusting so you figure out what genes are associated with the propensity and then work on eradicating that from the gene pool over time. Like if you're actually serious about ending violence.

Nothing else is really going to cut it.

Poison Ivy gets it:



She doesn't necessarily have the right approach but she's got the spirit.

I love how Harley would sometimes side with Batman because she was never truly evil

Lol oh god. Most of them aren't exactly evil because superhero comics are the reemergence of polytheistic belief systems and that's especially true for the Batman universe. Eg: The Joker doesn't really symbolise evil you could say he's the personification of chaos but that's not quite it it's more like he pokes at people to try and get them to admit they're animals. Also he's the most symbolic batman villain because he has no real backstory he's basically a symbol.

You could also say that The Joker is a trickster figure but I think Harley is more of one than him because most tricksters are morally ambiguous and The Joker never helps Batman. It's hard to say because of how the universe is structured like MCU Loki is a way more obvious trickster but he's very loosely based on the Norse trickster God anyway so that prob helps. Joker chases after Batman because he represents order. He's probably the most obsessed with batman of any of the villains actually. Like Poison Ivy's agenda isn't 'destroy batman' it's 'protect nature from mankind' but like The Joker's is literally predominantly 'make batman crack' lol.

Harley is kind of a hybristophile basically but Joker is completely unwilling to put Harley in front of his agenda (and that's what most hybristophiles want they want all that attention on themselves that's why they often go after prisoners who are locked up in prison) - as everyone points out to her The Riddler, Batman himself lol.... Where as Poison Ivy often isn't so it's a healthier relationship ultimately (I mean it's not saying much though a relationship with a sandwich would be healthier than The Joker lol):

Poison Ivy, surrounded by grass and trees, decides to fist-fight Harley Quinn. They really are best friends.

Lol it's true she wasn't trying hard.

Also lol:



This is funny because she was always supposed to be. That's her secondary thing besides the general misanthropy. I'm sure a lot of women relate to Ivy just like they relate to Loki. That's not ideological and I strongly doubt intentional by the writers in the past (though at this point they must be aware of this,) it's more about personality etc. A lot of women throughout history have had issues with men boiling it down to like 'feminist ideology' is a bit naive actually and delusionally optimistic perhaps. Like you think that wouldn't happen if feminism didn't exist?

Actually you know what a lot of her comments are more like heteropessimism:



Which is just the default state of how a lot of heterosexual people seem to communicate with each other... And have done so for some time. Though obviously Poison Ivy is bisexual.

Also that Candace Owens tweet about Harry Styles in a dress still cracks me up. "There is no society that can survive without strong men. The East knows this"

DO THEY?







Yeah I kind of wanted that jacket the lead singer is wearing at one point lol.



^ I actually really want to see that band live but they never tour outside of Japan I don't think (and def not in Europe.)

The lead singer wears skirts a lot so does the guitarist sometimes. Also the guitarist is always wearing that Iron Maiden shirt lol.



Kind of need to see this band live at some point too:





Uh switch the second option with Alucard (either Alucard.) Or the first option with uh... Howl from Howl's Moving Castle maybe or Kuranosuke Koibuchi (sticking to anime theme.) I started searching long haired characters with glasses lol. I did actually watch some Vampire Knight anime as a teenager but not sure what series and don't remember it now really lol:



She's clearly the anti-weeb lol. It's just missed her entirely.

South Korean metal band:



By the East she means China and how many cool Chinese bands can you name? Exactly.

This track is actually pretty bad lol imo but it's obviously meant to be kind of a joke and if you suppress expression you just get basically nothing:



G-Dragon used to crossdress a bunch:



Also lots of hair dye.





I was actually searching for ever to try and find this music video the blond guy is really androgynous looking:



I don't pay attention to contemporary kpop so this is all super old lol. Also refusing to post BTS lol.

Boybands crack me up universally because they're constructed to have like a guy to appeal to most flavours of women and so you always get that one androgynous guy with the long hair etc (actually sadly the West (tm) has a general aversion to long hair so you rarely see that these days anywhere,) and then the other ones who are also there lol no but BigBang was especially successful back in the day cause they had like cute edgy andro guy and then guy with low voice who was sophisticated, sensitive muscular guy, edgy muscular guy and then the other guy who was like more masculine but young and slim. So ended up ticking most boxes.

I could have just linked one music video but no lol...

But yeah there's like 1 billion+ people in China and I've stumbled on two Chinese music tracks in a decade or so. One was that anti immigrant rap lol.

Also yes Rorschach very emotionally damaged character who is quite misogynistic and he's technically a hero lol. Rorschach and Poison Ivy are two of my favourite characters in comic books lol. Because I think everyone sucks. No that's not quite it lol, I have/had various reasons for that. Also love Deadpool and Loki. Also like Scarlet Witch, Vision, Legion, Dr Strange, Spiderman etc. Paul Dano with long hair, femcel phenotype faceapp Paul Dano Riddler, vending machines, chocolate cake, lemon flavoured/scented things, airplane instruction videos from the 80s. /meme

Why isn't this a real show?

To date, the best interpretation of these two characters I've ever seen. It's a downright tragedy that this hasn't exploded.

It does have a million views but yeah:





Even though Alan Moore would absolutely hate it lol. He hates all film adaptations of his work and also disowned his older works now I think because he thinks the simplistic infantile appeal of comic universes is a precursor to fascism. Which is true (and it's also often the fast food equivalent of film,) but I still like them/fanon.

[Nyctophilia]

Was reading the comments and apparently one of the members of Bigbang (Seungri) is in jail lol. Also this one guy who got rejected from that group during auditions Jang Hyunseung is kind of cute but his music is so boring. Except the song Trouble Maker with Hyuna which I did actually listen to years ago and didn't really think much about him lol.

Like uh he looks cute here:







I don't like a lot of his personas.

No + bad music:



boring music:



This is better from ages ago the song I was talking about:



I mean it's hard to be more attractive then Hyuna tbf lol.

[Nyctophilia]

many people are asking "what does Youtuber Shoe0nhead think of the Israel Palestine conflict?" the question on everyone’s mind. and folks let me tell you as someone with years of experience in war (gamergate) i

I think this is my favourite twitter response to the people demanding responses lol.

Honestly expecting something like this from Briana Wu, minus the sarcasm.

She blocked me a decade ago but that was on some other account that I don't use now lol. I called her a hypocrite and she didn't like that.

[Doseone]

I feel so weak.

[Nyctophilia]

One day I want to have my own piano, a house to play this in, and a wife to dance to it

remove the wife and replace with different girlfriends. Wife is a losing situation on all fronts my friend.

Um are you really going to do 'this sort of thing' here? Surreal.

I like this one better though:



I got distracted while looking for music for my YouTube video lol. This isn't what I'm looking for though.

[Nyctophilia]

Somehow Americans on twitter are making the Israeli-Palestinian conflict about themselves...

Colonizer is not the n-word for white people. It?s actually way worse.

It's not just old-fashioned bigotry.

The entire purpose of the word is to cast guilt on an entire race of people, thus justifying actual violence.

It?s only a matter of time before that word will be used to justify attacks against the West and white people.

Just stumbling on tweets related to this discourse all over the place.

Mike Cernovich:

Dear pro life Christians:

When babies die in the womb in Gaza, does that count as an abortion, or is it something else?

It's getting really fucking dumb. And then we have Americans discussing the average IQ in Gaza and others arguing that they are a 'useless people'

Over 30% of marriages in Gaza are between 1st cousins.

The average IQ is 67.9

For context, Forrest Gump?s IQ is 75.

Seeing as how he's a fictional character who doesn't exist not very useful.

So now we're at the "they're subhuman" stage of the genocide propaganda?

That's not what I meant by this.

what did you mean?

Low IQ and generational cousin marriage is associated with mental health, behavior issues like anger, and aggression. The inbreeding is, in part, fueling the problem.

I agree that they are angry because of how they are treated by Israel, but I think this level of intelligence exacerbates the problem by catalyzing events like what happened this weekend.

They are more susceptible to extremism because of the low average IQ.

It's absolutely related to their behavior.

Now explain the aggressive violent actions of all the supposedly 'high IQ' countries throughout history...

Check the demographics on that IQ study sampling. Ages 8-18.

IQ stays relatively the same throughout your life and the average age in Gaza is 18

No it doesn't! My IQ supposedly increased by 25 points between the age of 11 and 28. I think tests must vary a lot too. I'd have to take more tests and irl and get consistent results to really trust the result. The first test I took in school was technically an equivalent to an IQ test (and 100 was still average.) I think they try to obfuscate what certain tests are due to the controversial nature of IQ but they were also using it to decide which students would get into the 'gifted and talented' program at my school. I think 94 is closer to accurate than 119 for me based on my life experiences + academic ability and I feel mentally slow often.

But regardless this has been noted in general anyway:

https://www.theguardian.com/science/...es-adolescence

IQ scores can change dramatically in teenage years in parallel with changes to the brain, according to a study that suggests caution in using the 11+ exam for grammar school entrance to predict academic ability.

IQ is thought to be stable across a person's life. Childhood scores are often used to predict education outcome and job prospects as an adult. But the study suggests scores are surprisingly variable.

Robert Sternberg from Oklahoma State University, who studies intelligence but was not in the research team, said: "A testing industry has developed around the notion that IQ is relatively fixed and pretty well set in the early years of life. This study shows in a compelling way that meaningful changes can occur throughout the teenage years."

This is completely false. IQs go off age groups and a lot of people will have incredibly high IQs as a child then have it drop as they age into a new group. I was 138 as a kid, now I'm 121.

Yeah:

Sue Ramsden from University College London recruited 33 pupils aged 12 to 16, from high achievers at 11+ to struggling students referred for assessments. She tested their IQ in 2004, and again three to four years later, and also analysed their brains using magnetic resonance imaging. The average of all scores stayed the same across the years, but individual IQ scores rose or fell by as many as 21 points, a substantial difference ? enough to take a person of "average" intelligence to "gifted" status, or vice versa. "On average it all washes out, but there are fluctuations from individual to individual," said Prof Cathy Price, who led the study.

edit: And someone else posted about someone they knew who had an IQ of 88 who had graduated from university with a chemistry degree and was really good at fixing various electronic things. That's not something someone with an IQ of 88 should be able to do according to 'the rules'

He then got into an argument with a suspended account so I can't see what they were saying to him but his responses were like:

None of what you said is what I said.

Serious question. Are your parents cousins?

I don't believe having a low IQ is a dehumanizing characteristic. I'm just opposed to cousin marriage.

Are your parents cousins?

I understand. I just want you to be honest about it.

I won't judge you.

Are your parents cousins?

It seems a lot like your parents are cousins and you don't want to admit it.

He then posted this poll:



Very productive use of your 200k+ follower platform. I really hate this contingent of slimy elitists.

Really fucked up:

Last year an FBI agent showed up at my house and told me I was under arrest and to come with him.
Except it wasn't the FBI, it was a stalker impersonating the FBI and trying to kidnap me.

I believed him. Out of routine practice (from having other stalkers and watching true crime) I said I wanted to call the police to verify his identity. After this he fled.
When they searched his house later they found a garrote, hunting knife, duct tape, and rope.

They found the garrote and knife included on a shopping list along with the fake badge and jacket, which I read as an indication the weapons were for me.
He bought the garrote shortly after locating my address.
Imo he was probably intending to murder me.

Don't know the motivation for sure, but he had the names and addresses of other sex workers in his house too, so seems like the most likely explanation was anti-sex worker hate. He finally got sentenced. Despite accepting a plea deal for 5 years, the judge gave him 18 months.

So despite believing him, I asked him to verify his identity as a formality. I was planning to take the phone number he gave me and google to see if it was in fact for the FBI, but that?s as far as I?d gotten.

When I came back to the door, he was gone - most likely spooked by my intent to call the police.

My first thought was that it was a prank. Of course, there was some more sinister stuff online. There were threads on forums dedicated to doxing me, posting my own address and addresses of my family members. I'd seen people posting my address, encouraging others to show up and kill me. (People really hate sex workers.)

But I thought actual murder attempts were probably unlikely. My insane stalkers seemed generally incompetent, and base rates of targeted homicide from strangers is pretty low, right?

But in the following months of the (real) FBI investigation, and after a search warrant, I learned:

He'd been silently tracking me for years

This wasn't the first time he'd flown to Texas to visit my house; he had come some months ago to stake out the place.

At which point he'd stolen some jewelry belonging to my sister

When they searched his house they found a garrote, fake license plates, a hunting knife, duct tape, and rope. He?'d ordered the garrote it a week after he discovered my new address.

He'd also made a shopping list where "garrote/clay cutter" and '"knife" was included with things like "FBI badge", ?FBI jacket?, which indicated the weapons were intended for me

They found names and personal information of two other sex workers in his house

Based on these facts, I currently think the most likely explanation for his actions is that he was intending to get me into his car and then strangle me to death.

Because he was also collecting info on other sex workers, my guess is that the motivation for him doing this was that I was a sex worker.

After it happened I delayed in going to the police because I?m a sex worker, and Texas has historically been pretty arrest-y towards people like me.

There are a bunch of these websites and forums. One of them lost their hosting recently after they dox'd and were stalking this one trans twitch streamer who moved to Ireland to get away from stalkers and then they tracked her down there because of some hotel bedsheets. They also use swatting to harass people which they did with that streamer so that can happen too.

Insane story involving swatting:

On April 27, 2020, Mark Herring, a sixty-year-old man from Bethpage, Tennessee, died of a heart attack after police responded to false reports of a woman being killed at Herring's house. The swatting was organized in an attempt to force the man to give up his Twitter handle "@tennessee". Shane Sonderman was sentenced to five years in prison for the swatting, and ordered to pay a $250,000 USD fine. A minor in the United Kingdom was also involved, but he cannot be extradited or identified due to being underage.[46][47]

But of course there are plenty of sites like that still around.

yep. I did eventually call the police but wasted precious time cause I had to go to talk to a lawyer first to ask how much I should be worried about the police arresting me instead

Also that guy got 18 months in prison.

It isn't a porn thing, there's also some women that stalkers seem to be attracted to. The anti-porn justification unlikely the motivation.

People really hate sex workers but they also go after neurodivergent people, eccentric people (she comes across a bit atypical also often posting controversial tweets,) often LGBT+ people.. Anyone mentioned in the list Contrapoints created in this video + more:



Can also attract the attention of people like that by pissing them off in some way directly. Which is why you have to be careful making true crime videos like this guy was doing although it was a very interesting video:



(And yeah again I was confused because the guy who was stalking him was barely mentioned in this I think. He's not one of the main guys he talks about.)

Lol actually I wonder if that David Pokora audio thing inspired that Navy Seals copypasta now:

What the [BEEP] did you just fucking say about me, you little [BEEP]? Ill have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and Ive been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and Im the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the [BEEP] out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that [BEEP] to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. Youre fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and thats just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable [BEEP] off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little clever comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldnt, you didnt, and now youre paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will [BEEP] fury all over you and you will drown in it. Youre fucking dead, kiddo.

Probably not but kinda similar energy.

If I had a stalker get my information through DMCA and something happened I would sue Youtube for damages.

This has to be grounds for a major lawsuit just for letting this happen. Its proof hackers are taking advantage of their twisted rules.

And it's great to know that YouTube is so incompetent with preventing this shit.

[Nyctophilia]

Ugh I woke up at 11pm again after only 4-5 hours of sleep, then started spiralling about various stuff lol. So I guess I'm just going to wake up and write this post now...

It just really sucks being non-binary or non-conforming more generally I guess. I was just thinking about how society is so heteronormative and this has always annoyed me obviously but now that I'm in my 30s there are additional forms of heteronormativity that hit me even more.

For example I don't want to be pregnant or give birth. Under ideal circumstances I probably would have wanted kids but I'm non-binary so I don't exactly have the urge to be a dad or mum because these are incredibly gendered roles and neither really fit but I'm afab and don't really want to medically transition (I mean that's complicated but I've gone into that before and even if I did medically transition, I don't think it would change how I feel about this.) I feel like an alien for so many reasons but this one especially because it's like I'm reproductively incompatible with the Human species. And so starting in 2016 a lot of like my random writing started to take on this quality where I'd invent fictional alien and magical races and spend a lot of time fleshing out their reproductive roles (but really this started even before then as a teenager, and some of the stuff I read even back as a teenager as well.)

On top of this I have all the usual millennial/gen z issues where most of us are mentally ill. This is also a non-binary problem really at least for young gen Z people I mean with millennials it's more like this:

The researchers say that the pandemic likely accelerated this decline. Being infected with Covid-19 was also linked to poorer mental health. The study found that young people were more likely to report high psychological distress if they had been infected (47% versus 41% for those who had not had Covid), currently had or had recovered from long Covid, at 55%, or had severe long Covid that affected their ability to carry out daily activities (66% versus 42% with mild long Covid).

It also reveals stark patterns in mental health by gender identity, as those who identify as non-binary are more likely to report poor mental health than those who identify as male or female. Almost 70% of those who identified as non-binary reported high psychological distress, compared to 54% of those who identified as female and 33% for those who identify as male.

A total of 61% of non-binary respondents had self-harmed, compared to 23% of females and 11% of males ? and over a third (35% ) had attempted suicide compared to 11% of females and 5% of males. They were also far more likely to report bullying, with over half (54% ) saying they had experienced bullying at school, compared to 27% of girls and 20% of boys.

I don't relate much to younger non-binary people they grew up in a very different culture for one and they're in a very different stage of life so the things they think and talk about and even often their relationship to identity is different to me most of the time.

There aren't a lot of experiences that people describe that are relatable or similar to me when it comes to this topic too. There are so many stories about trans men and afab non-binary people getting pregnant or 'it's OK to get pregnant as a man' that's great but I don't want to... And I guess other people just don't have kids biologically I don't know. There's far less discussion on alternatives.

In the UK surrogacy is really difficult legally because the birth mother is always the legal parent so you have no security if you're not the person giving birth (that's just a statement I'm not interested in debating that or whatever,) and it's just in general difficult because there's a shortage of surrogates in the UK and then there's also a huge ethical discussion on it globally like with sex-work. If you find a surrogate in another country there are complications there too. Also the process is potentially quite awkward you're involving a stranger most of the time.

Artificial wombs don't exist yet and there's a lot of people trying to prevent research into that because they think it's unethical to Adult Human Females (tm.) And it's so ironic because I'm part of the group that has these reproductive organs and it would help me. And honestly [BEEP] them for prioritising afab people anyway (they're so chauvinistic,) but they act like it wouldn't benefit anyone would is afab.

I've considered what kind of relationship dynamic I would need to have kids or in general because I am somewhat attracted to cis women which would obviously make this easier potentially but most of the people I'm attracted to are men or amab like multiple non-binary people and trans women which is not the 'politically correct' preference to have but that is the general tendency. I haven't been attracted to any women irl either. One ambiguous thing as a teenager aside. So I wonder 'would I want to be in a monogamous long term relationship with a cis woman?' But then even my relationships with men irl didn't work out at all especially sexually because my sexuality is just really complicated and I seem to have a lot of schizoid/AvPD/autistic traits as well. So that's a mess.

I think if I was romantically attracted to a cis woman she'd typically be androgynous (?) I really don't know. But then probably not into the idea of carrying a child either.

So my ideal monogamous relationship scenario would probably be with like a non-binary person who is amab (?) but it's science-fiction and they can get pregnant. I don't know if the amab part matters though I guess I just mean someone with a aesthetic/vibe/preferences and I think it would be more common. I dunno this is really clunky and the kind of thing that would get me cancelled if I posted it on twitter (flashback to that one dating profile that ended up on twitter where someone was looking for an 'amab non-binary cutie' and the 23824324 responses that ranged from violence to general disgust.) Really I'm just obviously thinking about the last person who I found physically attractive and cast in the play(s) inside my head, and so I imagine he's a woman sometimes but also a guy. Sometimes she's a lesbian, sometimes not. Sometimes he's a witch. Second person I've done this with. But in reality he's a cis guy and witches don't exist. But it is science fiction I guess.

Or some kind of poly relationship with a cis woman and someone else and we have multiple kids and they want to have kids with me. Cause I mean that's part of the fantasy/ideal right. Not paying a stranger (which isn't even legal in the UK actually lol, but it's still awkward. Like it's a charity thing lol. It's not instinctively appealing/ideal.) Then the other person in the relationship is amab and they're OK getting someone pregnant (using ivf or naturally,) then we have multiple kids with both of our eggs.

But in the former scenario that's impossible and in the poly scenario you can't have 3 legal parents in the UK because as in most of the world monogamy is prioritised. Then on top of that you know you have to consider the ideal relationship dynamic for kids which people always say is monogamous. I don't imagine there's much research at all on this topic so you're kind of navigating that blind with no support/help/research.

And I did grow up in a pretty uncomfortable dynamic with my dad, mum and my dad's friend that I don't like to talk about (I don't like to talk about my family much besides certain things,) but that would ideally be nothing like my ideal relationship because the communication between my parents was really poor, and between my parents and me and my brother. Just everyone involved and never defining the nature of their relationship and my mum was never OK with any of it. And really I'd need to talk to a therapist about that stuff because especially in recent years because of certain things that happened it started to bother me a lot more at times although I didn't feel as bad about it growing up that's mostly because I suppressed a lot of feelings somewhat (and also just tolerated stuff a bit more than I think.) Like a lot of it did bother me and I just didn't process that and we could never talk about it because again the nature of various people's relationships was just kind of not even discussed. It led to numerous issues over the years.

And so I don't have any role models both because my parents certainly aren't in most ways (especially my dad imo,) and because there's just a lack of older non-binary or non-conforming people I can relate to. Like the closest person is probably Camille Paglia who I don't agree with on most things and we're still pretty different sexually she's obviously more into women but she implied she was sort of into guys and also she spent a lot of time researching androgyny because she felt like a mutant, which is obviously relatable to me even though I haven't bothered to read her book on that and I'd probably disagree lol. She didn't have kids biologically and that wouldn't have really been an option but she adopted her ex-partner's kids. After that relationship broke down she just kind of stalks celebrities she finds attractive online apparently which is also relatable to me and I guess most people nowadays.

She's not non-binary and kind of identified at different points as bisexual and a lesbian and also as trans now but hasn't medically transitioned and most older people don't use the label non-binary and also she wouldn't for political reasons I think, but I'd guess she's kind of in a similar place psychologically. I don't think she'd care but it's a bit frustrating to me when people do this sometimes:

Why read Jordan Peterson when Camille Paglia is right there? Tired of male misogynists being promoted over more qualified female misogynists

Because I think on some level Paglia identifies as a woman I mean in real time she does right sometimes, but then also says stuff like this:

Though she has not transitioned, Paglia identifies as transgender.[62] She reports having gender dysphoria since childhood, and says that "never once in my life have I felt female".[63] She says that she was "donning flamboyant male costumes from early childhood on".[62]

If you took that literally then no.

But also I don't think Contrapoints 'gets it.' She came out as genderfluid at one point, and then decided she was a woman after medically transitioning and then spoke about how her life was turned upside at that point and before then people treated her as a man in a dress and so I think that inspired her own feelings about herself. And I see this from trans women a lot and I think it's very different for a lot of afab people for whatever reason. Like a completely different relationship with identity on average. I've come across amab non-binary people who have experiences that are closer to mine but it's less common for whatever reason. And also I think people dismiss that Paglia is trans because she's transphobic. Which I kind of get and maybe I'm just projecting but I think she actually has struggled with this topic over her lifetime.

Also lol:

some presently suspended account that I guess said something about Jordan Peterson being dad-like or something

I'd rather Camille Paglia be my daddy

There are other older non-binary people like Judith Butler who I don't really relate to exactly and I think it's because they feel more like someone who is more masculine and exclusively gynephilic I think and just has that kind of like... Very butch lesbian history which technically Paglia does as well but she was always more ambiguous and into male androgyny so... It's weird but there's some categorical difference in my brain. I don't know I don't think it even makes sense actually or that technically Paglia and me are even in the same category. I also think I'm more feminine than she is, but it feels closer I guess. (Also I guess I have edgelord-adj personality traits which Judith Butler doesn't have lol... I'm kind of thinking they're a very 'normal person' 😂 and that's why I don't relate. Also I don't really know much about Judith Butler in general tbh lol. I've watched a few videos. They're not an interesting public speaker and also their writing etc seems inaccessible even when they speaking about their ideas.)

She can be quite sexist and so I'd read quotes by her I didn't connect with at all and that annoyed me (and that were also kind of wrong especially now lol there are definitely a few female jack the rippers for example.) I think I started to view her a bit differently because of this interview lol:



Because infantalisation bothers her as well.

So I've also contemplated adoption but I wouldn't be allowed to adopt lol I'm sure because my life is a mess (and I always preferred the idea of biological kids because I guess narcissism.) So I shouldn't really have kids and that goes back to the mental health issues and general millennial bs which as I say still applies because it's a generational/cultural thing right. So I have that which is bad enough for everyone my age and then also everything else I just described. Plus non-binary and trans people have higher rates of mental health issues.

My self concept is very infantilised and that's also how a lot of other people have seen me throughout my life as being younger than I am, and I hate how young I feel and I dislike fictional characters who are psychologically neotenous like in anime for that reason. This is actually a bigger psychological issue for me then gender I think. It did make me laugh when I found that psycho trans-ish person on twitter with the 'xx chromosomes' in their bio because they very much had the same thing going on there I think. You know that person:

XX chromosome ┃ Military & Firearms, Esotericism, Philosophy, Math, Tropical-Vedic Astrology (Ernst Wilhelm) ┃ TND, TMD ┃ {personal account}

(their pinned tweet has a video that has a bunch of stuff in which I guess is supposed to be a description of their values but sounds mostly like a personal description of themself. Like 'looks like a lesbian' 'hates anime and anything infantile,' and '"not like the other girls" but seriously' some book I guess they like 'a vivid journey into the vietnam war GUNSHIPS,' 'advanced astrology' not sure what that is but see now you're just back to being like the other girls you went too far and circled back around to very gay)

They were like some weird right wing psycho account lol so that's great. I don't hate anime at all I used to watch/enjoy a bunch but I specifically have a complicated relationship with neoteny and being grossed out by it because of my issues with that. From a quite a young age too I was bullied in that way like when I was 10 by the girl who predominantly fucked with me and also for being short and I'm sure that effected my self concept about both those things to some degree. Though I was bullied for a lot of stuff and most of it didn't really bother me or didn't continue to over time (I mean at one point I was compared to Samara from The Ring but at this point I just find that funny.) Those two elements height and neoteny/immaturity kind of stuck. I guess because my ego ideal became about being as self sufficient as possible too and I'm not so that bothers me.

But I always liked creepy characters from a young age, like Beetlejuice from the cartoon and kind of a goth kid obviously. That's always been part of my identity even back when I was a lot girlier and liked pink and dolls etc I was still drawn to stuff like that in childhood and that just became more prominent with age. Although it annoyed me that other teenagers would question why I was dressed alternatively and say that I was a Satan worshipper and stuff like that and I was even mildly uncomfortable with implications that I was evil etc even when people were joking. I eventually reached a point where I stopped caring and just started to find it amusing - and also some degree of sadism and I think because these were the two roles other people gave me. It's like I could either be 'cute' or evil. But I've already written tons of essays about that lol.

And for some reason horror films often explore gender and sexuality. So there are often themes like most explicitly in Hereditary where there's this demon (actually named after a fictional demon Paimon from some old grimoire that is described as androgynous I think,) possessing the body of a young girl and it's not the right body so she had to die and a bunch of people interpreted that as some kind of transmasculine metaphor.

Anxiety over femininity has long proved robust fuel for horror stories. It powers The Exorcist, in which a male demon possesses a young girl's body and turns her into a cussing, contorting, self-mutilating Garbage Pail Kid. In Rosemary's Baby, a woman becomes pregnant, but not with the human child she wants; she's a host for the son of the devil, and sensing this, she fights back by cutting her hair from a matronly bob to a severe, boyish pixie -- a look her complicit husband loudly hates. These films insert Satanic power into puberty and pregnancy, respectively, transmuting periods of hormonal change into stories of demonic infiltration. They employ, in reverse, a formula used by Silence of the Lambs and Psycho: One gender swirled up into another creates a monster.

I think when Jordan Peterson says things like this it's very funny:





Because I wasn't really given a choice. Though I always had friends or a friend, or some social group growing up that wasn't the issue and things became more difficult for me after about age 11. Most people won't tell you what they think about you but even the few people who have it's been a very weird mixture of things. I don't think anyone would be able to make a coherent, sane identity out of what I was given from others. And I have my own preferences too and I'm not going to disregard them either if someone else's perception doesn't fit well at all.

Also I remember back in 2016 (I'm looking up the post lol) someone had posted how they 'couldn't even drill a hole in the wall' so I posted this because that was current for me at the time:

I was trying to screw a door knob on recently for my mum, was my first time using a drill, and it didn't go great, let's put it that way. It kind of works though, so we've left it for now.

And this other poster responded to me with something like 'that's not very manly/you can't even do this/you're not a real man.' Something to that effect. And I think his post has been deleted now lol so I don't remember his exact wording but that was the gist. I was openly non-binary at that point and that confused some people (not just him,) who assumed I was trying to be a binary man. He derailed the entire thread actually because other people were like 'your bullying is really disruptive' etc and he was generally annoying at times but I wasn't as bothered by him compared to the various many, many trolls on that site (of which he was one or at least engaged in that behaviour a bit.) He was very obviously familiar with 4chan looking now (cause of some of the language he used,) right wing guy, spent a lot of time posting reactionary stuff about immigration and stuff in the UK and also sometimes about trans and non-binary people so we used to get into tons of debates and arguments back then. The mods weren't really amused.

But no I think about that from time to time because the kind of... Rigid heterosexual cis male box doesn't appeal to me at all I'm not really trying to fit into that either as someone with a different life experience. I mean I relate to cis men and cis women at times but categorically I don't even think most cis men who have the life I have want to be cis men. That's why they find trans men so ridiculous so it's like 🤷 lol. But I don't like the idea of being that restricted.

And there's a lot of deeply sexist [BEEP] that's embedded in the culture for both men and women you know. My mum's mostly fine (there have been a couple of moments in my lifetime like when she asked me if I was going to shave my legs before going out somewhere years ago she hasn't since then,) but my dad has moments like the other day where he's paternalistic in certain ways and that honestly bugs me more than I dunno judgement about physical stuff which is irritating on principle but it's superficial. He's actually pointed out to me before when he's done stuff like worry about me going to certain places alone that 'it's not a gender thing and he worries about my brother too' then started talking about how his mum used to worry about him. So at least he can pick up that might bother me but then the other day he was talking about some other stuff in a very gendered paternalistic way (I cba describing the entire conversation.) And I try to remind myself that firstly I'm not out to him. I don't think he'd understand because he has no frame of reference, but also he does that because it's for him and a generation + social bubble thing I guess. He's a boomer so he's kind of a mixed bag between traditional and liberal viewpoints. But yeah it's a role he wants to perform to feel comfortable in his masculinity or whatever it's nothing to do with me. I'm not failing because he's pushing that role onto me in that moment, and I ultimately have control over my life.

My brother has moments like that too I think he said something a while ago about how he wants to carry bags etc he feels useless if people are carrying stuff and he's not. And I've met other guys as well who are younger and nonplussed by stuff like when you want to pay on dates or... Walk next to a road lol... That road thing was completely singular to that guy funniest example I've come across. And I like moving spiders.

I'm not OK but at least I haven't reached this level lol:

I've been saying that for YEARS, micro-dosing test. should be a thing for women. The xenoestrogen zoggy diet, the disgusting fucking school/college stressful lifestyle, the use of filthy birth control, we all have to be honest w/ eachother, women (&men) are insufferable now

EVEN as a feminine woman, YOU NEED to have SOME amount of HEALTHY MASCULINITY in you to FUNCTION PROPERLY & NOT be a BROKEN subhuman who's barely sentient. Humans in today's world function on notoriously deficient optimization. An average normie you see is something you should induce h0m0cidal tendencies in u, from how inferior u think they are, Being passive towards "the norm" is not viable anymore bc the "norm" is not a thing. The common ground that ties humanity has grown branches, because of greater interconnectivity. the norm is extremely dithered

When you hate your oppression so you just project that and your dysphoria/second hand dysphoria/contempt onto everyone lol.

"No every woman should be on testosterone. No one should ever be so unmasculine."

There are gay men who go down this sort of route too like Jack Donovan. I think sometimes they're just masculine and because they're attracted to masculinity they see 0 appeal in femininity but there's also some people who have a life history like this (like Jack):

Donovan was born in 1974 and grew up in a blue-collar household in rural Pennsylvania.[6]: 243  He moved to New York in the 1990s to study fine art. During this period, he says that he attended and worked as a dancer at gay clubs, marched in gay pride parades, and associated with drag queens.[5][7] He later dropped out of college and became a manual laborer.[5] Donovan has also lived in California and Portland, Oregon. He has worked as a club dancer, truck driver, and tattoo artist.[6]: 243 

Donovan is a former Satanist,[8]: 173  and became an ordained priest of the Church of Satan in 2007.[7] He left the church in 2009.[6]: 243 

Donovan has been described as gay,[4] though he does not use the label for himself and has criticized gay culture as effeminate.[8]: 173  He has described himself as an "androphile", a term he uses to describe romance and sex between masculine men.[8]: 113  In his 2006 book Androphilia: A Manifesto, he wrote, "I am not gay because the word gay connotes so much more than same-sex desire... The word gay describes a whole cultural and political movement that promotes anti-male feminism, victim mentality, and leftist politics."[5] He removed the book from print in 2017, and has said he has "transcended both that identity and that sexuality".[9]

Lol. That last sentence cracks me up.

And cis gay men are particularly vulnerable to this because they tend to be feminine in childhood but then the idea that that's bad is constantly reinforced for cis men - afab people can obviously internalise this viewpoint too if they're somewhat trans or [BEEP] especially but obviously it's more common for cis men. So their intense self hatred and inability to integrate femininity comfortably into their personality leads to this mentality. The straight guys too the ones who talk a lot about this they're often kind of unmasculine in certain ways like Ben Shapiro and Jordan Peterson or they had a kind of fucked up childhood relationship to gender like Andrew Tate. That came across in the stuff he decided to talk about on twitter regarding his hair. His dad was narcissistic and would also yell at his mum for indirectly encouraging him to care about superficial things like haircuts 'that's not masculine.' But I talked about his weird symbolic haircut story before lol.

It's very difficult to live... Lol. In this world.

I re-read Kurt Cobain's suicide note a couple of weeks ago (or maybe it's the first time I really read all of it not sure. I didn't really remember any of it besides that 'it's better to burn out than fade away' quote that people like to quote a lot) It's interesting. I'm not quoting the whole thing. Also Boddah was apparently his childhood imaginary friend:

"To Boddah Speaking from the tongue of an experienced simpleton who obviously would rather be an emasculated, infantile complain-ee. "

Also I stumbled on some subreddit post with photos of him and cats and someone posted this quote:

"I became obsessed with turtles. I bought six of them and put them in a bathtub. They show no emotion, they're so inanimate. It's the complete opposite of what dogs are, I can't stand dogs, they're too willing to please. I like cats. Animals that require attention. Turtles have this [BEEP] you attitude, 'I'm stuck in this tank, I'm miserable and I'm not going to perform for you.'" - Kurt Cobain.

This is almost how I feel about cats but I don't think I've seen anyone articulate that before. That's why it's funny when people talk about how 'cats are surrogate babies' no... Not imo. They're cute but you feel less guilty because ultimately they're like a housemate and just do what they want. A lot of people dislike cats because they don't love you like dogs - unconditionally. There's less of a power relationship. I mean cats think they have ownership over you but they don't really or vice versa. If they get a better deal they'll leave and I think that's important. Though I don't dislike dogs but what we did to them is a bit fucked up.

I also think that makes stories like this more interesting with cats:



Like the cat literally chose them right down to not being theirs and just following them home one day lol.

I think it's interesting how people's relationship with cats and dogs (yes this is apparently a thing I just ramble about now too,) can sometimes say something about their psychological preferences about other things in life. I've been contemplating this in recent years that people who are more comfortable with hierarchical relationships are more likely to specifically prefer dogs, often dislike cats (though I think there's another tangentially related reason for this where cats are associated as a feminine thing too,) and even dislike that they can't get unconditional love from their partners and think along the lines sometimes of 'why can't women be more like dogs?' (Anecdotally I've noticed certain patterns in political discourse over time.) Hm. Oh so it's not just me:

Research from Alba and colleagues (2015) found that dog owners tend to be more preferred on social-dominance scales and competitiveness than cat lovers. One theory is that dog lovers prefer dogs because they align with social-dominance preferences as they can be trained and tend to respect hierarchy.

https://www.researchgate.net/publica...Related_Traits

Many people identify themselves as being either a "cat person" or a "dog person" based on their preference for these domestic animals. The purpose of this study was to test the common belief that there are personality differences between these types. Previous research has found differences between these cat people and dog people on all Big Five personality traits, but studies comparing them on other personality characteristics have yielded mixed findings. Conjecturing that people prefer pets that complement their own personalities, we predicted that dog people should score higher than cat people on traits relating to dominance (i.e., social dominance orientation [SDO], interpersonal dominance, competitiveness, and narcissism). Two samples (ns = 506 and 503) were recruited online and completed these measures, as well as a question regarding their pet preferences. Findings for SDO and competitiveness were consistent with predictions in both studies, but no differences were found on interpersonal dominance or narcissism. The association of being a dog person with SDO and competitiveness persisted when gender differences in pet preference and personality were statistically controlled. We concluded that individuals who are high on these traits tend to prefer submissive pets such as dogs, whose temperament complements their preference for dominance.

I wouldn't imagine there would be much difference in narcissism yeah lol. I'm also quite narcissistic. But yeah not really surprised about the SDO thing.

Social dominance orientation (SDO), one's degree of preference for inequality among social groups, is introduced. On the basis of social dominance theory, it is shown that (a) men are more social dominance-oriented than women, (b) high-SDO people seek hierarchy-enhancing professional roles and low-SDO people seek hierarchy-attenuating roles, (c) SDO was related to beliefs in a large number of social and political ideologies that support group-based hierarchy (e.g., meritocracy and racism) and to support for policies that have implications for intergroup relations (e.g., war, civil rights, and social programs), including new policies. SDO was distinguished from interpersonal dominance, conservatism, and authoritarianism. SDO was negatively correlated with empathy, tolerance, communality, and altruism. The ramifications of SDO in social context are discussed.

I think I'm kind of a mixed bag myself though.