So this is what happened yesterday (I've been so damned busy this week):
As I had predicted it, we didn't end up having time to do the role playing. She asked me how I've been and I answered that awful, since the most of the last weeks I've been pretty much only shifting between overwhelming stress about school or overwhelming episodes of depression. She pointed out that more than depression sounded like melancholic episodes product of my cognitive distortions. I agree with her but in any case she told me that whenever I'm feeling like that, instead of just sit here letting the misery eat me up, I must distract myself with whatever activity, preferably by going outside. Seems pretty damn obvious but when I'm in that state I barely can think.
Exploring those cognitive distortions she asked me to tell her my qualities... and I got mute. I don't consider myself the worst thing around, but neither I see anything remarkable about me, just average; and I feel quite uncomfortable complimenting myself. Although when I achieve some things I'm capable of be proud of myself. It's hard for me to distinguish the line between modesty and self loathing. Trying to get over that I told her that I'm a good listener, responsible, and willing to help others. Then we discussed that if many different people keeps telling me that I am intelligent, that if I'm one of the very few who hasn't failed a course in my class and I'm doing great in what many people consider a very difficult career, I must accept that I'm an intelligent person, so I have to say "I am intelligent" instead of "people say I'm intelligent". She made the distinction that I'm intellectually intelligent, but I have a lot to do on my emotional intelligence (the way I see it I'm freaking retarded when it comes to that one). After telling her as well my defects (I emphasized my impatience), she also said that I need to improve my introspection, because if I only focus on the bad things, and of course that's wrong.
Then I told her how uncomfortable I had felt in the previous exercise at the end when I was the most flirty, and how I had felt very lame, fake, and manipulative. She got my point and explained me that I missed the part when she said that at that point we were pretending that we already knew each other for a while, as she agrees with me that going and complimenting someone you just knew as if you knew them deeply is plain lame and won't work for a thing. She made clear once again at when I just get to know someone I only have to be friendly and look out for common interests and experiences. Here she gave me my first assignment, which is to to read a chapter of a book about introspection and based on that make a more detailed analysis of myself. Along with that she also told me to look for a motivational quote or make one myself and repeat it to me 40 times each day for a week, and then use another quote. That way it's supposed to start breaking the negativity rooted in my mind.
Once again she asked me if there's any girl around who could be interested in me. After all the fuss made by some people I do see her insistence about the subject kinda dodgy, but I just said no and forgot to say that unless the girl would tell it directly to me, I simply won't realize. And then it got ugly... for me. She gave me a final assignment. She asked me if then there's any girl at my university who had called my attention, I told her that there are a couple, so her answer was that during at least a week, every day I have to approach two girls and greet them with a hi, a good morning or whatever, in the same way you greet a neighbour passing by (just to clarify they'd be all the time the same two girls). I knew an assignment like this will eventually come, and it absolutely terrifies me. A very important part of the process we're making is that I need to stop living in function of others and stop worrying so much about what would they think of me, and do things for myself, because I want to, without limiting myself so much by making assumptions about others. This seems even more evident because that's exactly why this assignment scares me so much.
I simply can't stop worrying about what would these girls think if a complete stranger (who they may or not have seen around, but I think that's irrelevant) approaches them and out of the blue greets them for no apparent reason. All I can think about is that they will find it very strange, assume an attitude of "wtf is up with this guy" and conclude that I'm trying to hit on them on a very clumsy and lame way. I'm aware of how I am jumping into conclusions here, but I'm incapable of imagining them reacting positively or indifferently to a complete stranger doing that (the psych warned me about the obvious possibility that neither of them could answer, but I do have to at least try). I get very nervous by just thinking about it, and the prospect of not trying and face the psychologist after that makes me quite nervous as well. As you can see, I can't think of the reasons of why I should do the assignment but why other would want me to do it or not. I have three weeks to do this, so I think I will check first the book thing to see if it gives me any insight to clam myself. Finally, she told me "and remember that we still have pending the second role playing, you're not gonna save yourself from it".